DKT3 Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 If OP had said, I watch porn and get turned on to have sex with my wife or after I come home from a strip club the tone of this thread would be very different. Not to mention pornstar and strippers are less attainable than a coworker. Bottom line is, OP feels threatened and uncomfortable with what his wife said, he has a right to his feelings, just because some dont agree that doesn't make his feelings invalid. Is he handling it in the most productive manner, no not really. But its unfair for anyone to make it seem his concerns are not valid. As I said, I very strongly doubt those who are dismissive of his feelings would view it the same if it was them hearing that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 (edited) You seem to have an attitude that other guys are better than you because they're in better shape or have more muscles. "I need to get in Chris Hemsworth shape", "I'm nothing compared to this guy". And you've exposed your wife to this. Maybe she's even started agreeing with you. If you don't even have faith in yourself, why should she? I would suggest finding a way to increase your self confidence without relying on how much weight you can bench press. Edited February 1, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator A little much 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 On 1/26/2020 at 2:10 PM, MajesticHybrid said: She just came out and told me how turned on she was when she saw him. But she said this made her want to be with me. --- So I just said how I needed to workout today. She said okay. Then I said I have to get in Chris Hemsworth shape. She rolled her eyes and went into her explanation of how seeing hot guys made her “want to wrap my legs around you” In all honesty, it sounds to me like a (somewhat poorly-done) attempt on her part to try to reassure you that she wants sex with you and only you. MC could help both of you improve your communication. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MajesticHybrid Posted February 1, 2020 Author Share Posted February 1, 2020 (edited) Wow, this thread exploded! Lol So the update, the wife talked me into having sex with her but I couldn’t really get into it. I just kept thinking about this other guy and how she was just doing with me what she wished she could do with him. If that makes any sense? It brings up something I mentioned in an earlier post. If we’re all just turned on by other people. What’s the point of being with just one person? I mean isn’t that just frustrating after while? Having sex with her just feels pointless now. It’s like having your appetite sparked by seeing/smelling some pizza and then saying “mmmm I want a cheeseburger” What?! That makes no sense. I can’t wrap my head around it. I don’t understand it. And you can’t trust something you don’t understand. A number of people on here have tried to explain it but it just doesn’t add up to me... You’re PHYSICALLY excited by someone but go to have sex with someone that you’re EMOTIONALLY attached to? Why aren’t you turned on by your SO in the first place? It doesn’t add up. Edited February 1, 2020 by MajesticHybrid Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 5 minutes ago, MajesticHybrid said: You’re PHYSICALLY excited by someone but go to have sex with someone that you’re EMOTIONALLY attached to? Why aren’t you turned on by your SO in the first place? Has your wife explicitly said or showed to you that she isn't turned on by you? And have you literally never been aroused by ANYTHING other than your wife after you got together? Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 Firstly, I need to say your wife isn't the brightest bulb in the store... I think at this point you really need to talk to her about what is going on inside you. About how inconsequential her statement made you feel. You need to tell her that it isn't like lusting after an unattainable idealized icon, which is what a movie star is. They are safe because they don't really exist except on camera. They are in costume, have probably got all buff for the role they are playing and have had hours of make up applied by professionals to look the way they do. Seriously, most people wouldn't even recognize most of them if they crossed their paths on the street when they are between roles, have an extra 30 pounds tacked onto their frame, and have no makeup on to cover up the zits and scars... this guy is real, and working right next to her all day long. She smells him, jokes with him, and is lusting after him from only a foot away... it is not the same thing. Turn it around on her. How would she feel if you go on and on about a woman you work with? How her ass is like the full moon, and her tits are huge and how you want to get lost in them... everything about this real woman is just bigger and better than what she (your wife) has and little MajesticHybrid is standing at attention in your pants and is literally drilling a hole through your jeans to get out when she is around... but since I can't have her, I wanna pluck you, dear wife, when I get home so I can release all that sexual energy... ask her would she be happy being a stand in for Miss Perfect? See what she says and go on from there. Either she will understand your pain and you can work on your marriage and maybe save it, or she may tell you she wants an open marriage where you and she can bang other people... in which case divorce her and find someone who has your values. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 are you going to sit here and tell me that you don't have any attraction for any other woman ever since you've been with your woman? You don't see a woman on the street you think is hot and you don't watch porn? I just think you are being completely unrealistic. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MajesticHybrid Posted February 1, 2020 Author Share Posted February 1, 2020 (edited) I feel like everyone is missing my point. If we’re always going to be want other people, what is the point of sexually monogamous relationships? I don’t see the point to us having sex anymore. You’re turned on by someone else? Have sex with them or get a vibrator. Just my opinion. I know it’s best for raising children and to prevent spread of disease but I don’t feel like spending my life having sex with a woman who has to talk herself into sleeping with me because it’s expected or it’s society’s status quo and not what she really wants. I’d rather be celibate honestly. It’s just going to crush my self esteem in all honesty. Edited February 1, 2020 by MajesticHybrid Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 (edited) I get it completely.... Heck there are probably women commenting on this thread(telling you that you are nuts). that secretly wish their husbands or bf;s had bigger dicks than they do...And maybe their husbands' etc wished their partners had tighter asses, flat belly's and larger more firm breasts..And that if those guys told them that, these women would be crushed into a depression 100 fold worse than you are ... That's not the issue... Its that she shared this with you and told you how she felt...and what you are experiencing isn't unusual.... This thread reminds me of the women that when asked about their sexual past, share ALL the gory details...even to the extent of telling the guys all the things that were amazing that perhaps their bf's couidn't measure up to....Why they do it is puzzling.....Some things are better left unsaid.. TFY Edited February 1, 2020 by thefooloftheyear Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 2 hours ago, MajesticHybrid said: I feel like everyone is missing my point. Everyone? Did you read all the replies? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 (edited) I agree that it was a poor move on her part and she shouldn't have said it, but that's not what the OP is saying. He's affronted that she even FEELS arousal that isn't solely associated with him. OP, again I ask you, have you literally never been turned on by anything other than your wife in the entire time you've been together? If your answer is genuinely no, then I can respect how you feel. Otherwise, you're just being a gigantic hypocrite. Edited February 1, 2020 by Elswyth 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, MajesticHybrid said: If we’re always going to be want other people, what is the point of sexually monogamous relationships? I don’t see the point to us having sex anymore. You’re turned on by someone else? Have sex with them or get a vibrator. Just my opinion. I know it’s best for raising children and to prevent spread of disease but I don’t feel like spending my life having sex with a woman who has to talk herself into sleeping with me because it’s expected or it’s society’s status quo and not what she really wants. I’d rather be celibate honestly. It’s just going to crush my self esteem in all honesty. Guess you were right Elaine. It's surprising to me, because it's not the kind of thing I'd react so strongly to. But everyone's different... Edited February 1, 2020 by mark clemson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 (edited) News flash: Love and marriage isn't only about sex. Somehow I think you'd feel a lot better about this if you understood that women don't love you for sex. They love you for other things and sex is just one of the things. I feel like for you to be so single-minded about this, sex must be the only value you see to a relationship. Time for counseling for you. Edited February 1, 2020 by preraph 1 Link to post Share on other sites
4fin Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 "If we’re always going to be want other people, what is the point of sexually monogamous relationships? I don’t see the point to us having sex anymore. You’re turned on by someone else? Have sex with them or get a vibrator. Just my opinion." When my wife and I got married thankfully neither one of us went blind. Monogamy does not mean not finding other people sexually attractive. What's the point of monogamy then? It is a logical choice that simplifies things in my opinion. Personally I never slept around a lot. I just preferred a long term relationship. I had friends that slept around a lot with far more women than I ever did but I guarantee you I had a lot more sex than they did. They were constantly looking for something else thinking the grass was always greener. It may or may not be. I picked my wife because in my opinion all we have in life is time and with that being the case one of the main keys to a good life is enjoying the passage of time. She checked that box along with a host of others. It was a good fit and thus far I have zero regrets despite the fact that every day she may go out in the world and see someone she finds more attractive than me. I am fine with that. I go about my day and see beautiful women all over the place but that is the only thing I definitively know about them. I guess I could try to make something happen with another woman but I don't see the point. I have who I want and I want who I have. "I know it’s best for raising children and to prevent spread of disease but I don’t feel like spending my life having sex with a woman who has to talk herself into sleeping with me because it’s expected or it’s society’s status quo and not what she really wants. I’d rather be celibate honestly. It’s just going to crush my self esteem in all honesty." Just because my wife and I may see someone more attractive than either of us does not even remotely require that we come home having to talk ourselves into wanting to have sex with each other. I sucked at geometry in a big way but one thing I enjoyed about it was the thought process I took elsewhere in life. The if this is true then this must also be true is what I'm referring to. If my wife saw someone more attractive than me then she is going to have to talk herself into sleeping with me is simply not true. Is it possible she would have an affair one day? I guess so but I'm not going to live my life thinking just because she's human and it's possible I should walk around like the ground is thin ice. I'll just live until I fall through if that day ever comes and make sure if anyone falls through the ice it is not her because that is all I can control. As for your wife accepting society's status quo I don't think she is. In fact she sounds like the opposite. Just because she got married did not preclude her from finding Liam Hemsworth hot or her coworker for that matter. I'm not trying to be judgmental but you seem more constrained by society's status quo than your wife. If I had to project how I thought my wife felt about when and how she had sex with me not fitting in my box vs choosing celibacy I would be celibate as we speak. My beliefs are somewhat flexible especially when an unchallenged belief would lead me to choose to be celibate. It is much easier to make an adjustment in your own beliefs than to inflict your belief on someone else who may or may not share that belief. If you think you are going to ever find a person who for the rest of your life will only find you sexually attractive it may be time to change your belief system, jump around with different partners or go celibate. I'm just not going to get worked up about it especially since I do it EVERY day. Some of societies beliefs like soul mate are just pure bull s***. The idea that one person on the entire planet is made for another is laughable. We may be an odd couple but we watch tv shows like So You Think You Can Dance where every contestant is young, in perfect shape and to some degree or another is beautiful. We could sit there and act like they're not or we can have fun with it. We do the latter. She tries to figure out which of women I think is better looking and I do the same with her. Does it crack the foundations of our marriage? No. In fact it more than likely strengthens it. I get a person feels the way they feel but if the way you fell leads you to a lonely life free of sex then maybe it's time to look at things differently. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 On 1/28/2020 at 4:38 PM, DKT3 said: This is a bit naive. Unless he calls her at work and says "hey are you thinking about your hot co-worker" then her comments is at minimum misleading. Truthfully, very few of us can honestly say they dont or haven't fantasized about someone while being in a relationship with someone else, few lack the empathy to broadcast them to their partner, especially when its someone attainable. And I agreed with that. "I respect your standpoint and agree she shouldnt have said anything as he is hurt and I would have personally used a different example, (not someone I work with,)......" She shouldn't have told the truth. We have covered that. Lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 Hey, he himself finds Chris Hemsworth hot because he's who brought him up saying he wanted to look like him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 On 1/26/2020 at 12:29 AM, MajesticHybrid said: I brought up how much she liked Chris Hemsworth. He’s one of her celebrity crushes. One of many. And she she rolled her eyes and said she only thinks about that stuff mostly when I bring it up. I don't think rationally explaining monogamy or attraction to Majestic is going to do much good in this case. Finding out what other men his wife is attracted to has been a hobby of his, for some strange reason. To the point he's compiled a whole list of celebrities. And even though she has these other attractions he never had problems having sex with her before. It's now the fact that she's working with one that's the problem. It's a weird dynamic, but when men are dominated, beaten or intimidated by other men often they defer sexual interest in women in that particular social circle. To the winner go the spoils. Probably programming from our cave man days. If Magestic had more self confidence he might be able to overcome his intimidation, even though the guy is bigger than him. But he doesn't. So here we are. Maybe his wife might be able to coax him back into bed on a regular basis, but if he doesn't find a way to increase his self confidence, stop being so concerned with who else she finds attractive, she just may end up in bed with the rock. Because having to constantly prop up a man like he's a condemned building that's about to topple over is never sexy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 10 hours ago, MajesticHybrid said: It brings up something I mentioned in an earlier post. If we’re all just turned on by other people. What’s the point of being with just one person? I mean isn’t that just frustrating after while? Having sex with her just feels pointless now. It’s like having your appetite sparked by seeing/smelling some pizza and then saying “mmmm I want a cheeseburger” What?! That makes no sense. I can’t wrap my head around it. I don’t understand it. And you can’t trust something you don’t understand. This does happen exactly like that. Yesterday at the end of the day, I stopped in somewhere with a burger joint next door, and the smell of juicy, delicious, fatty burgers was wafting in. This did not make me want a burger. It made me want a similarly juicy, delicious, fatty meal - a fried chicken sandwich, which I went and happily enjoyed. Similarly, because I love my man and am devoted to him for many reasons beyond the hot sex, if I see a juicy hot guy, this does not make me want to jump that hot guy - it makes me want to go home and jump MY hot guy. A similar flavor with a similar satisfying result, but MY MAN. Yes, your wife was stupid to tell you her every little thought about this other guy - but I'm sharing my thought process. 4 hours ago, preraph said: News flash: Love and marriage isn't only about sex. Somehow I think you'd feel a lot better about this if you understood that women don't love you for sex. They love you for other things and sex is just one of the things. I feel like for you to be so single-minded about this, sex must be the only value you see to a relationship. Time for counseling for you. EXACTLY. I feel like men can be very tunnel vision about: oh, you could get a taller/bigger/bigger dick/richer/whatever-er man. Yeah, we probably could. But the hard part is finding the maximum of all the wonderful qualities you want rolled into one man. For love, very few women are going to be satisfied with 10/10 dick/muscles/height but 2/10 intelligence/personality/caring demeanor. Most people are lucky if they get 7/10 on all aspects. Even Tom Brady and Giselle Bündchen do not get 10/10 on all aspects. Sure, they've both got the hot body, status, and whatever, but they may be narcissistic, inconsiderate, bad cook, bad housekeeper, not the most thoughtful, etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 Your wife being attracted too and turned on by other men is a matter of nature, its simply an uncontrollable reaction, if you cant except that then relationships are not for you. I believe her error was connecting that attraction to your sex life. I believe that is what you're having trouble with. I'm not sure that your wife is saying the only way I can have sex with you is through him, I somehow believe that is what you heard. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 His ego is dependent on her validation, and that's a job no one can do. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 Ego has nothing to do with it, his wife f--ked up, no one should be trying to make that about him. How he handles her mistake is what's important at this point. As of now he is handling it about as poorly as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, DKT3 said: Your wife being attracted too and turned on by other men is a matter of nature, its simply an uncontrollable reaction, And him wanting to "dominate/eliminate/compete with" other males from female(s) in his sexual circle is also an uncontrollable "matter of nature".....And the reaction that some of you all are criticizing him for making is pre determined and justified by these facts, no matter how hard the social constructionists want to discount it.....How bout that ?? True for the most simplest of creatures, right up to the primates that make up our closest biological relatives... The only difference here is that as a human, he cant realistically kill/maim/fight with this other guy....He has to allow that built in anger and frustration to just stew and in his case, he is using passive aggressive behavior to deal with it...I cant say that's right or wrong, that's the way he has chosen to deal with it.... This is not to say that some men don't let this happen and have no reaction...Just like there are males in nature that just accept that they are never considered "first choice' by any female when it comes to breeding, they have this feature ingrained into them, so they cant understand the fuss.. The other possibility for apathy is that they just don't care or desire the woman...Unlike in nature where a male would just move on to another desirable female....IN humans, often that is exactly what happens... I do think this is something that can be overcome....I don't think its a complete dealbreaker for an otherwise healthy relationship. btw.. As elaine properly stated earlier...."people who mess with sexual attraction, do so at their own peril".... TFY Edited February 2, 2020 by thefooloftheyear Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 We have evolved past acting purely on instinctual behavior. The feelings that instinct produce are just feelings, how we process and act on those feelings are what separate us from other animals. But that's for another topic. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 1 minute ago, DKT3 said: We have evolved past acting purely on instinctual behavior. The feelings that instinct produce are just feelings, how we process and act on those feelings are what separate us from other animals. But that's for another topic. Of course....that's why he didn't club the guy to death... But you cant justify her behavior by using the "nature" logic and at the same time, discount his "nature" response.... Makes absolutely no sense at all.. TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 13 hours ago, MajesticHybrid said: I feel like everyone is missing my point. If we’re always going to be want other people, what is the point of sexually monogamous relationships? I don’t see the point to us having sex anymore. You’re turned on by someone else? Have sex with them or get a vibrator. Just my opinion. I know it’s best for raising children and to prevent spread of disease but I don’t feel like spending my life having sex with a woman who has to talk herself into sleeping with me because it’s expected or it’s society’s status quo and not what she really wants. I’d rather be celibate honestly. It’s just going to crush my self esteem in all honesty. This isn't going to end well... Link to post Share on other sites
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