Angel29 Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 I have a friend who was pursued by a guy which she was not interested in him at first and kept rejecting him. In the end they started dating and he regretted it saying they were not suited and he wanted to travel and work abroad. She ended up being quite manipulative, had a panic attack and said she begged and pleaded with him to stay. He gave in and quit his dreams and stayed with her. They eventually got married and had a child. I find that she is not a sincere friend, I never hear of her having any difficulties. She only tells you all of the good things going on. Myself and other friends (some who I have known for less time) that I have had are always positive most of the time but will share our difficulties as we have nothing to hide and friends can help you with support. I feel like I don't know her. She only gets in touch with our friendship group when she wants to tell us something good about her child. I have no problems with her child who is lovely but I feel she just trapped this guy as she was desperate to have a child. I'm not used to meeting someone so self absorbed and expecting a child to make them happy. How can I not give in to this attention seeking? I find that the women in our friendship group cave in a compliment her child's news yet the guys will read the message and not respond. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 I suppose you could respond with something like, So what else have you been doing lately and see if she has anything else to talk about, but with a new baby probably not. So you could just tune out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 Why does it bother you so much that she only shares good things? Some people don't want to discuss their difficulties and that's OK. It's her life and his life. They made their decisions and that's no-one else's business. If they want to mess up their life let them get on with it. If you don't want to be friends with her anymore then don't talk to her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Johnhihix Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 Are you okay? Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 On 1/26/2020 at 8:45 AM, Angel29 said: I have a friend who was pursued by a guy which she was not interested in him at first and kept rejecting him. In the end they started dating and he regretted it saying they were not suited and he wanted to travel and work abroad. She ended up being quite manipulative, had a panic attack and said she begged and pleaded with him to stay. He gave in and quit his dreams and stayed with her. They eventually got married and had a child. This seems to indicate you were friends before she got married or that your friend told you about this part of her life or you got this information second hand? I'm trying to determine how long you have been friends. Do you know her husband well and is what you know about her marriage true from his viewpoint? I think when we commit to other people a portion of our hopes and dreams is necessarily transformed from "my dreams" to "our dreams." We all have to give something up and as long as it's voluntary, then that's OK. You seem to think this guy is trapped by her pleading and manipulative behavior. Is this only observation on your part or do you have this knowledge firsthand from her husband? I can't say I've given much thought to the marital relationship between my friends except to note what I found acceptable interaction and unacceptable interaction if it were my SO. Other then that, I believe in freewill. People have a right to choose who they want to be with and I have many times discovered that people will complain about that which they value the most. As for your friends annoying behavior of wanting to be in the spotlight, human beings respond well to training as my dog has found out. Reward those behaviors that you like by giving her the attention she is seeking and withdraw that attention when she is trying to one--up you. Over time she will either modify her behavior or drop you as a friend. Either way its a win for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel29 Posted January 30, 2020 Author Share Posted January 30, 2020 Thanks all for your input. I have known this woman for 8 years and unfortunately she told me personally when she met her husband how she was manipulating him. I am going to let them get on with it. I have my own goals and true friends who are authentic that I should focus on and not people who are insecure and manipulate just to 'get ahead' and outdo people and be better. It is not good to surround myself with insecure narcissists. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Angel29 Posted March 4, 2020 Author Share Posted March 4, 2020 So I have contacted this woman as I thought I would give it another try to be friends. I found out she saw another friend in our friendship group recently. She has ignored my message but has been on WhatsApp numerous times. Am I best to just move on? I know she is busy but if she has time for others it just shows where her priorities lie. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted March 4, 2020 Share Posted March 4, 2020 Cut her off. She's not worth this Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 4, 2020 Share Posted March 4, 2020 She was annoying you anyway, so just move on. People with babies want to be around other moms and it's about all they have time for. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 4, 2020 Share Posted March 4, 2020 Friendship is like a fart. If you've got to push it, it's probably poo. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 3 hours ago, basil67 said: Friendship is like a fart. If you've got to push it, it's probably poo. I just almost choked on my cup of tea. Thanks for that Basil. Link to post Share on other sites
Rockdad Posted March 5, 2020 Share Posted March 5, 2020 That is deep! Link to post Share on other sites
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