Living with someone after 25 years of living alone

[greymatter]

I didn’t realize from reading other posts about the two of you that she isn’t working. I’m not criticizing you but I’m surprised how much you do for her including all of the help she is getting from you with job hunting. If she is needing that much help putting herself out there, does that mean she is relatively unskilled, or are her skills outdated? There are many jobs that she could probably get even so, if she were actively pursuing on her own. Employers like Costco treat their employees well and provide good benefits. 

Does she have health insurance? What happens if she has an accident or if she becomes seriously ill? Are you responsible for everything financially then?
 

I’m 54 and have changed jobs twice since 2015 to increase my income. It’s very possible at our age. I am educated and have a lot of work experience. And have a pretty niche profession that on the one hand guarantees work and on the other hand makes it hard to get away from what I currently do. But I have a very nice income flowing in and am covered with health benefits, matched 401K, unlimited PTO, etc. and am actively saving for retirement.  I hope I am never let go because I understand it’s difficult to compete in the job market. That being said, if I did lose my job, no one would need to help me job hunt. I’m very capable of doing that on my own and my partner would not need to help me. I wouldn’t want him to. She sounds very dependent on you. 

If she starts collecting social security at 62, her benefits will be much less than if she works and waits until age 70. She should delay it for as long as possible. 

Maybe you are okay with all of this dependency. I wouldn’t be, so am viewing it through my own lens of what I would expect in a partner, especially in the context of neither of you actually wanting to live together. If you disappeared tomorrow, she would have to figure all of this out on her own.

[Happy Lemming]

4 minutes ago, greymatter said:

are her skills outdated?

Does she have health insurance?

She sounds very dependent on you. 

If she starts collecting social security at 62, her benefits will be much less than if she works and waits until age 70.

Maybe you are okay with all of this dependency. I wouldn’t be, so am viewing it through my own lens of what I would expect in a partner, especially in the context of neither of you actually wanting to live together. If you disappeared tomorrow, she would have to figure all of this out on her own.

Yes...

Her skills are outdated. And she needs a desk job, she can't stand for 8 hours a day (vascular issue)

She has health insurance through a state program, here. Once she moves in, she will sign a lease, I will be the landlord, she will be a tenant. If she has an accident or becomes ill, I have no financial responsibility for those bills/charges that are not covered by her insurance.

Yes, she is aware that that her benefits are going to be less if she had waited until 70, she didn't really have a choice and started collecting at 62.  This was all her choice and I didn't advise her on this decision. She didn't ask my opinion.

Her parents never taught her to be independent.  Her mothers advice, marry a rich guy.  Many years ago, her brother did try to help her start an IRA and some retirement investing, it was a horrible failure.

If I died tomorrow, she'll be just fine.  She is named in my will and gets the vast majority of my estate.  There are some small donations to local charities in my will, but everything else is hers.  She will not be homeless nor will she starve.

I'm not OK with her dependency, but it is what it is.