JTSW Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 In this case, i think you are definitely overreacting. There doesn't seem to be anything between her and this bouncer. It's just friendly recognition, nothing more. You need to get a grip on this one. But the first post, there is a little cause for concern there and that has made you completely paranoid about every guy that looks her way. You don't trust her, so why are you with her? Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 You need more information. I don't understand what is holding you back from getting it. Give one of your friends some money to take his wife or GF dancing at the club your wife goes to on her GNOs and have them watch her. Buy some voice activated recorders (VAR) and place one her car and one where she usually talks to her GFs. If she finds out and is upset enough to leave you over an invasion or her privacy it doesn't matter because that's where you are headed anyway. Your own insecurity and suspicions are creating that future event along with her actions which may or may not be innocent. The intel you gather may make it possible for you to trust her again and save the relationship or you can sit around, do nothing and watch it fail. If you find out your suspicions are not justified, then quit treading water and lock her down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ItsTheDay Posted January 28, 2020 Author Share Posted January 28, 2020 Well, I left her. I packed up what I needed and left her. And for all those who say I'm overreacting and I have trust issues and I don't trust her, well yeah but in this case I know I'm not overreacting. I did have trust issues with her but I worked on them, and I trusted her 100% because she ensured THIS type of behavior would not happen and she knows it is/was wrong. We were together for almost 7 years, she started going to this bar maybe 12-18 months ago as her GNO place. I actually talked to my mother about this last night and finally told her we been going to couples therapy. Told her about all the things I had to change for her, which I have done. Being more of the "man" around the house and handle the "man" things without her asking/telling me to. Which I actually worked on that about 4 or 5 years ago. I'll admit, I was pretty lazy at the start. I hated doing lawn work and would wait for her to tell me to. But all that did change and I actually enjoyed the change because it made her happy. My mother actually had no idea and she made a comment that I changed all that and she still won't do my laundry? Sound silly, but when she said that it made me realize that maybe I am the only one doing change for the better. My GF, or whatever did make a comment that she doesn't know why she can't get it right. She ADMITTED what she did was wrong and ADMITTED she would not of felt conformable if I did the same to her. She said the only way she knows for sure that it wouldn't happen again is by not going out at all because she just can't control herself. I told her that's not what I'm asking or telling you to do, she knows that but I guess she knows she can't control her actions when shes out and drinking. Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) If she can't control herself then you made the right decision. Edited January 28, 2020 by JTSW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 This is sounding more like a relationship that is stalled out and can't get to the next level. I agree, you are better off moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ItsTheDay Posted January 28, 2020 Author Share Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, JTSW said: Bit extreme. Yes, in this case you are very much overreacting. She hugged someone. It was a friendly hug. That's it. If there was something in it she wouldn't have done it in front of you. There was nothing in it. You blew this one out of proportion. It was more than a friendly hug, like I said she held him. She doesn't even remember, she didn't even know his name til that night. I was there, I was sober and I watched it. Nobody here thinks this is an issue that she doesn't even remember? She didn't even believe me when I told her, she texted a friend and asked if she did. Nobody sees a problem with that? And I'm in the wrong for fearing there's a chance she's done other things she can't remember? Edited January 28, 2020 by ItsTheDay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 I changed my comment because i didn't fully read your last one. My bad, i apologize. I now understand and in agreement with you. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 13 hours ago, ItsTheDay said: Well, I left her. I packed up what I needed and left her. And for all those who say I'm overreacting and I have trust issues and I don't trust her, well yeah but in this case I know Good job. She'll be much better off without your efforts at controlling her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 18 hours ago, ItsTheDay said: Well, I left her. I packed up what I needed and left her. And for all those who say I'm overreacting and I have trust issues and I don't trust her, well yeah but in this case I know I'm not overreacting. I did have trust issues with her but I worked on them, and I trusted her 100% because she ensured THIS type of behavior would not happen and she knows it is/was wrong. I think you have made the right choice, simply because where there's no trust, there's no basis for a relationship anymore. It seems to me you two reached your expiration date as a couple a while ago, as evidenced by her getting close to another man at her gym, and it was only a matter of time before you went your separate ways. Neither of you can live like this and are likely better-suited to other people. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 18 hours ago, ItsTheDay said: Nobody here thinks this is an issue that she doesn't even remember? I doubt she doesn't remember unless she was totally wasted. This sounds like gaslighting. In any case, I agree with the others. If you don't trust her and she wants to continue socializing the way she does and you know it will trigger you, then you guys may not be a match long-term. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 On 1/27/2020 at 12:09 PM, ItsTheDay said: Ok, clearly you haven't read that topic I posted a while ago. I'll break it down for you.... She grew feelings with a guy at her gym, started being distant with me. First flag raised. We worked on it and moved on. Later on, she then started deleting text messages from a male coworker. Said nothing was going on but she didn't want me to read anything the wrong way. There was only moving on from one incident, then on to the next, then the next, etc. Therapy isn't working...none of it has. The problem is still there. Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 On 1/27/2020 at 3:09 PM, ItsTheDay said: Ok, clearly you haven't read that topic I posted a while ago. I'll break it down for you.... She grew feelings with a guy at her gym, started being distant with me. First flag raised. We worked on it and moved on. Later on, she then started deleting text messages from a male coworker. Said nothing was going on but she didn't want me to read anything the wrong way. dump her those with nothing to hide, hide nothing Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 5 hours ago, oldtruck said: dump her Read his update to this thread above - he did. Link to post Share on other sites
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