Unrequitedlover Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 I have this friend that always ends up in the weirdest situations. She ended up being scammed by this guy a few months back, and now she has ended up with some cult like members. I basically had to explain to her like a toddler why she had to cut ties with those people. She is a nice girl, but very naïve and lonely. I have my own s*** to deal with and want to prioritize those closest with me, but I feel every now and then she gets herself into some huge trouble and it falls on me to help her get out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 I don't exactly think we have enough information to form a fair 'suggestion' as to your question. For starters, how large is the sample size of "always" ?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 What kind of cult? If it's dangerous then you have to speak to her parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 On 1/27/2020 at 10:43 PM, Unrequitedlover said: I feel every now and then she gets herself into some huge trouble and it falls on me to help her get out of it. More about you and why you feel the need to rescue her than about her blunders? As for cults, I think many organisations/groups are way more 'cultish' than we realise, in terms of expectations of our behaviour, finances, lifestyle, associations etc. It's just we can freely leave them and the worst cults make it impossible to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 On 1/27/2020 at 11:43 PM, Unrequitedlover said: I have this friend that always ends up in the weirdest situations. She ended up being scammed by this guy a few months back, and now she has ended up with some cult like members. I basically had to explain to her like a toddler why she had to cut ties with those people. She is a nice girl, but very naïve and lonely. I have my own s*** to deal with and want to prioritize those closest with me, but I feel every now and then she gets herself into some huge trouble and it falls on me to help her get out of it. The key to her behavior is loneliness. She wants to belong even when it's not a positive. I think you should attempt to steer her into individual counseling before she ends up in an abusive relationship. You can't be her protector forever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 (edited) Keep trying to make new friends, and let the old ones die a natural death if that's what happens. Adult friendships look different than high school or college friendships. I have a friend that I used to see nearly every weekend, and now it's once every 3-4 months. I've tried not to give up on anyone unless the friendship was well and truly dead. Why don't you stop contacting this friend and see how long it takes for the person to contact you. That will give you your answer. Edited January 30, 2020 by BC1980 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 Friendships can't be based on feeling sorry for someone, and people who need you to help them navigate life's landmines are a burden. I'll assume she's not afflicted by any mental condition that renders her incapable of making intelligent decisions, so you need to let her live with the consequences of her own actions and stop feeling you have to come to her rescue. If she wants to hang out with the type of weak-minded Koolade drinkers who populate cults, let her go for it. You can tell her you have doubts about these people, but you have no responsibility to save her from her own bad decisions, and you're allowed to decide you don't want to hang out with someone any longer based on the fact that they bring nothing to the friendship table. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 smh. maybe thats why she never learn. you feel like getting her out every single time. she need to get life expirience so she can wise up and mature. as freind for sure you should be there and advice. but how old is she? probally not a kid. have once a serious convo with her about think research then act. anyone can get scammed, but if its a patern of foolery ...she needs to wise up. or maybe she is mentally challenged. and cant see situations as they are. ps:you sound like you guys not really close and you tired of her anyways😭😄🙄 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 It only falls on you to fix it if you allow it. How old is your friend? If she's younger, I would talk to her parents. If she's older - I have a friend who is older than me (and I'm 59.) She also finds herself in bizarre situations and needs to be bailed out financially or emotionally almost non-stop - many times, because someone else took advantage of her. She would only call me when she really needed something. I noticed she never had the courage to leave me a voicemail asking for help. She would only give me the sob story if I actually answered. I stopped answering. She finally stopped calling. Friendship is a two-way street. It's one thing if we have a friend who actually needs our help from time to time, but we also know we could call them if we were in a spot. It's another thing to constantly be coming to someone's aid whose own behavior/poor decision making is the cause of their predicament. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 26, 2020 Share Posted February 26, 2020 If her parents are still alive and she's still relatively young, talk to her parents or maybe siblings. Let them deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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