nospam99 Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 I expect this topic will just generate a 'discussion' because I think there is a continuum of opinions which vary, as usual, with the responder's gender. One of the things I continue to do on OLD, more for amusement at this stage than in expectations of 'meeting' a woman, is to regularly check each OLD site's lists of 'matches'. Several women keep appearing in my lists. I was considering sending a FOURTH message to one of them when I stopped myself. Because what do I expect? That I will get a favorable response THIS TIME? Or is it more likely that she'll block me? Or ignore me again? I think a lot of that determination depends on her psychology. And I'm curious about the general psychology of OLD women to the extend she is (or isn't) somehow representative. So I'm starting this topic to elicit opinions about female OLD behavior. Why pick her as the sample? See next paragraph. I first noticed her more than two years ago in my first month on PoF. She's at the top of my attractiveness scale: 61 y/o but her photos show a woman who can easily pass for 35. I will claim (don't remember for sure after 2 years) that rather than picking her out for her appearance first, what got me to notice her is how high she is ranked for me by PoF on their UltraMatch and Chemistry scales. These scales are 'advertised' as predicting how compatible pairs of people will be. She's up there for me. And we have both taken PoF's personal 'Chemistry Test' which is supposed to help PoF do a better job matching. In addition to slam dunking my looks filter and PoF's compatibility scales, she's written a good essay, our interests as recorded in our profiles are compatible, we both have 'family first' values, and we both self-describe our personalities as 'Hopeless Romantic'. Not sure it matters, though I wonder, but she's 5'7'' to my 5'8''. Now some details that get me curious: She's been on PoF just about non-stop for more than two years (according to PoF, she's online now). 'On paper', she appears to have everything going for her for a man who wants an LTR. What's she looking for? A unicorn? Has she just 'worked through' a series of guys for the last two years and rejected them all? At the risk of repeating the BIG question, what do folks think she's looking for? Link to post Share on other sites
sothereiwas Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 2 minutes ago, nospam99 said: What's she looking for? Attention. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 What do you have to lose by reaching out again? I doubt it will work, maybe a clever spin could help. Why not even say what you say here? You notice she is still looking and go into that hopeless romantic you are. Maybe putting it out there in a beautiful way may work, and if not your no worse off than yesterday. You’ll also know you tried I’m a hopeless romantic myself if you couldn’t tell. Honestly if she is as you say, she’s likely bombarded by all and sundry. How does she shift the genuine from the false? Not easy. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 41 minutes ago, nospam99 said: What's she looking for? A unicorn? Has she just 'worked through' a series of guys for the last two years and rejected them all? What make you think she is looking for anything other than what she says, or any different than most of us? i just think she hasn’t found it, it’s not easy and she’ll have a lot chaff to shift through and men motivated to lie and disassemble to get in her pants So 2 years, 24 months. If she delays not one wit and focuses on one guy at a time, at most that’s 24 men...at the very outside if she gives each a month, if 2 months and add in time off for family, likely less than 10. Even if she had near perfect filtering, odds mean she still may have not found the one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted January 31, 2020 Author Share Posted January 31, 2020 @sumguy. Worse case is she blocks me (for the list I see her in, it takes a very specific kind of PoF block). Then I lose the entertainment value of being able to say 'look at the crazy lady still on OLD for years even though she is beautiful in her photos'. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 7 minutes ago, nospam99 said: @sumguy. Worse case is she blocks me (for the list I see her in, it takes a very specific kind of PoF block). Then I lose the entertainment value of being able to say 'look at the crazy lady still on OLD for years even though she is beautiful in her photos'. guess you have to weigh that entertainment value against knowing you took a chance myself I’d rather try and fail than not try at all of course I work hard to try and succeed 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted January 31, 2020 Author Share Posted January 31, 2020 @sumguy. The point of my opening this topic is to (maybe) learn something about 'female dating psychology' on OLD that might be helpful to me as I continue to 'navigate the OLD minefield'. But with respect to me and this example woman, she seems to be on OLD almost every day. Given that she's at the top of my compatibility lists as determined by PoF, my assumption is I'm at the top of hers. When I log on and search, PoF puts her 'in my face' in all my ranked lists (Match, UltraMatch, Chemistry). Since she's on every day, I further assume she looks at those lists, at least sometimes, and that PoF puts me in her face. So I assume she recognizes my profile photo and is likely to remember that I've sent her messages, though the last one was over a year ago. My last assumption is that she's not interested. Have you got a divergent 'second opinion'? If I were to send her yet another message, should I acknowledge that it would be a ''one mo' time'' message or pretend my contact is new even though my (over) analysis is that she'll know it's not? Or, LOL, am I just overthinking the whole OLD 'game'? Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 No I agree she is likely not interested but if you are in the culture where women don’t reach out she may have been busy before and unavailable Has she been seeing you on for two years now as well? Would she wonder why you are still on? I would never pretend had never contacted her before. May well play off the fact this is message number 27 Or make a joke about us both being on so long may be closing down the site and locking the door when all others are done That’s me though, and it works for what I’m looking for, even for what I’m not looking for at times So if you think after the same my advice is relevant in a way, we can brainstorm all the reasons we want, I’d just take a couple that line up with the kind of person you’d want and have a chance of success makes no sense to choose one that describes a person you don’t want and then try to impress that person Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 The OLD game gives us just enough info to overthink and project all our inner demons onto others i mean that’s what I pay for Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 If she's been on there for two years, there's something wrong with her. Either wanting too much or undesirable when you get past her looks. Or more likely, she's not a real person and is put there by the dating site to lure men in. Have you ever done a reverse image search on her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 (edited) Maybe she is still looking for the right guy for her. Some people have a harder finding their match and it has nothing to with looks. It’s how well you click with another person. I mean same can be asked of you, why’ve you’ve been on there just as long. She could also be a fake profile Edited January 31, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 3 hours ago, nospam99 said: ... what do folks think she's looking for? A guy with a HUGE wallet... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 Nooo , l don't think there has to be anything wrong with her at all. Most of the women on mine had been on them at least two years, on 3 and 4 of them as a matter of fact. Yaknow , it's not a magic bullet , 95% maybe higher of the people you'll meet, will be total duds People read ls right, and other places. And the odds of actually finding your dream or something lasting , yeah it happens but the likely hood are pretty slim for most. But especially at that age , they don't want 20 short relationships that go nowhere and use up the rest of their life , like so many of the younger ones seem to do, so l'd imagine she's been very careful at this stage. Another thing l found back when was that any of the troubled ones usually gave it away in their write up anyway, even if it was just in one line in there somewhere , it spelt trouble.Or often you could see even just by her pics or at least that she just wasn't for you.. l think this ones pretty simple, you'd be coming up in hers too just as often and you've already messaged her. She's just not interested , she just doesn't see it, as to why , could be attraction could be the way you talk or something you've said who knows, but she's just not feeling it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 'what do OLD female 'regulars' want' -the 'entertainment value' of OLD male regulars?! On the Match.com website there's a 'remove from search' option I am using once I look over a profile which sort-of works ( some do still seem to reappear despite that, no idea why ) Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 OK, but nospam has been on these OLD sites for two years too. Why is she being picked apart? Why does she have to be crazy, picky, fake, a gold digger, got something wrong with her...etc. etc.? It is assumed that women have it "easy", but I guess she has had her fair share of flakers, time wasters, failures and unsuitable guys just wanting sex that all women put up with on OLD... 9 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted January 31, 2020 Author Share Posted January 31, 2020 @elaine. Well, ashamed as I may be to admit it, I'm 'still there' because my response rate from women to my unsolicited messages dropped off to just about zero after the first year. My early results of meeting another woman every month have not continued. Maybe I'm 'undesirable' simply based on my profile. But the male dynamic versus the female dynamic on OLD is very different. 'Desirable' women get to 'sit back and wait' for the men to come to them. Plenty of the female 'regulars' I'm curious about present as desirable in their profiles. Are they also desirable upon a real life meeting? Of the twenty women I've met through OLD, only one didn't live up to her online profile. So back to my OP question. Your suggestion about flakers, time wasters, etc is certainly a possible answer. It does echo a lot of the complaints about OLD that LS women have raised. Whether it's the whole answer or not, I'm still curious and listening to opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 34 minutes ago, elaine567 said: OK, but nospam has been on these OLD sites for two years too. Why is she being picked apart? Why does she have to be crazy, picky, fake, a gold digger, got something wrong with her...etc. etc.? @elaine567 You make a really good point. Perhaps the question "nospam99" is looking for an answer to is "Why not, me??" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
5x5 Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 44 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Perhaps the question "nospam99" is looking for an answer to is "Why not, me??" All of us including those that reject nospam99, can't help who we/they are and aren't attracted to. Which is the answer why. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 3 minutes ago, 5x5 said: All of us including those that reject nospam99, can't help who we/they are and aren't attracted to. Which is the answer why. Maybe it is the male mind thinking... "OK, this beautiful woman has been on this web-site for two years, I think she should settle for me. I've got everything she is looking for and I am the perfect match!" 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 36 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Perhaps the question "nospam99" is looking for an answer to is "Why not, me??" I agree but it could in fact be anything at all, couldn't it? I couldn't really hazard a guess as too why she appears uninterested in nospam. BUT The problem is that on OLD at older ages it is not a case of "OMG there is no-one of interest to me left so I will make do with this guy, as my clock is ticking and I NEED a man asap...". At 61 she has no ticking clock, she can afford to wait it out for "the right one" if she wants to. Of course at 61 her response rate may be low too, she may not be swimming in matches as assumed, hence why she is still there 2 years later. Suffice to say if she was interested at all in nospam, she would have replied to at least one of his three previous messages. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted January 31, 2020 Author Share Posted January 31, 2020 (edited) Like a lot of the topics I (and other posters) start, this is morphing from a general question to a variant of ''what is the OP's problem?'' LOL cuz I'd at least be 'better informed' to know the answer to 'why not me?' Unfortunately, none of you folks can suggest an answer to that without seeing my profile and I'm not about to post publicly. Tell you what ... if individual LADIES (hopefully it's obvious why I don't see a value add on this question on opinions from other guys) are willing to 'take a look' at my profile and to engage in a dialog on PoF, PM me here and sign up on PoF. Messaging is free there and I'll send you a link to my profile. I can also share links to the profiles of the example woman and others in the 'why is that regular still here' class. While I'm open to feedback on my profile, I will not commit to changing anything. Opinions are valuable, but each is still only a sample of one. The interesting things to me about this idea is the assumption of objectivity, lack of personal investment, and anonymity of contact via LS. BTW, superficial answers I can offer to ''what is the OP's problem?'' include my height, my age, living in a relatively sparsely populated area, and being too physically active for most women my age. I also may present as an azzhoel in my profile, but I hope that's not the case and really don't believe it is. Could be, though - MY perception of me is that I'm a 'catch' so I'm not worried at the moment about a lack of self-confidence. Edited January 31, 2020 by nospam99 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 In answer to the original question and 52 minutes ago, elaine567 said: it could in fact be anything at all, couldn't it? for me there are several factors in the OLD mix, I'm looking for a long term serious relationship so I don't want to date someone who isn't; the person would need to be single, not just separated; I don't want to write back and forth for ages let's just meet and see early on, which is likely to result in only one date if there isn't any connection when we do, and I'll be honest and kind about that and expect him to do the same. The other deal-breakers for me, I don't like the smell of tobacco so non-smoker; no outré views or comments on women, or human rights in general; I don't want to travel; it's got to be fun on the date(s) 20 minutes ago, nospam99 said: Like a lot of the topics I (and other posters) start, this is morphing from a general question to a variant of ''what is the OP's problem?'' I hadn't seen that nospam99 but I wouldn't want to see anyone's profile to pass judgment on, I'm no expert a novice in fact; on Match.com there's a service when you join where someone helps you set up a good profile or checks it and gives advice. Maybe that's on your service too? Or I'd ask my counsellor 'what do you think is happening here?' and he'd help me work it out. Good luck with finding someone soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 12 hours ago, nospam99 said: @sumguy. Worse case is she blocks me (for the list I see her in, it takes a very specific kind of PoF block). Then I lose the entertainment value of being able to say 'look at the crazy lady still on OLD for years even though she is beautiful in her photos'. I was going to say, just block them when they don't respond so you get new matches instead- but then I saw you enjoy being able to ridicule her, so call it a win. lol What she's probably looking for is a great match, someone she really clicks with, feels comfortable around, enjoys being around. Much of that is discernible from what people write in their profiles. A personality match is harder to find than a match on stats, so it takes longer. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 2 hours ago, Happy Lemming said: @elaine567 You make a really good point. Perhaps the question "nospam99" is looking for an answer to is "Why not, me??" Never ask that question! Most people don't want the real answer anyway. I certainly don't. If a guy I'm interested in isn't interested in me, I trust his judgment because he knows what rings his bell whereas I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 @nospam99 I get the impression that your profile is quite long, maybe too long... Without disclosing any personal information, can you provide a word count?? How many words in your profile?? I'd like to rule that out, as a possible problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts