HappySenior Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 4 hours ago, nospam99 said: My feeble attempt to encourage 'on topic' replies .... The reason I started the topic was to try to get some insight into women who appear to have plenty going for them and yet stay on OLD literally for years. I have to mention this as a possibility.... Some people do forget to remove their profiles. And then again, she could be in an on and off relationship with someone. I had a relationship like that with both my ex-husband and the guy I was with before him. We'd break up, I'd start looking and then they'd come around sweet-talking again. During the breaks, I'd be on there. That and there might even be profiles I forgot to close and my email address has changed. I know I had to hunt around and get my ex-h to close several of his profiles after we got married. He'd "forgotten" about them and always keeps the same email address so... So if she's in a relationship like that, it might be the case that it isn't going to work out but she hasn't quite given up yet and just looking every so often until it finally ends one way or another. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 6 hours ago, nospam99 said: @introverted. Occam's Razor has eliminated all possibilities from your list except dating casually but hasn't found 'the one'. For TWO YEARS? Well, yes, it's possible not to find 'the one' for two years. I have certainly gone that long without finding a man I want to settle down with. I doubt I'm alone in that. Also, I don't see where Occam eliminated the possibility of her having some major personality flaw (what I referred to as "bat s*** crazy") that results in no one sticking around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 (edited) But don't they say on their page , what they want , looking for anyway. Any l contacted back when was because they described what they wanted and it was the same things l wanted. But l'd imagine any decent lady even still looking at those ages would be looking for a steady lasting relationship with someone suitable. As far as the time looking , l don't think 2 yrs is much at all at those sort of ages, or any age really , not for something lasting. lt's not easy to find the right person in life , most l met were single at least that long usually much longer yet imo they were some of the best women out there, for me anyway. Edited February 5, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 12 hours ago, basil67 said: it's also possible she really is everything she points out, but isn't actively looking for a partner and so doesn't feel the need to meet someone who's profile doesn't spark immediate interest....and in the meantime is also quite content bring single. I don't think I will renew my match.com membership after the year is up BUT, I'm not just looking for any partner, and any dates ( the 'numbers game'? ) my life is pretty good every day without. I know now that I am wanting the person I will grow old with, of course I already thought I met him in real life but...he's not ready or something. 10 hours ago, stillafool said: This woman sounds like a lady I know through Church. She lost her husband a couple of years ago after a long illness. She is very, very attractive and doesn't pass for her age and she's about 62. Several men have tried dating her and she is just not interested. People want to set her up and she isn't the least bit interested. She's very involved with her children and grand children and seems very happy with her life. I know this lady would not ever get on a dating site. I suspect my friend is like this @stillafool His wife died 14 years ago and he has filled his life since with beautiful things. But not ready to commit again to me and I'm frustrated now with the ambivalence, also it seems inappropriate our behaviour when we can't keep our hands off each other in public yet he doesn't want to meet in private... Again reminded of the book 'Games People Play', and how people play games to engage each other whilst avoiding true closeness. Anyway I'm out. But I also wouldn't play games online just because it's more remote, when I'm done with searching I'm done and my OLD profile will be deleted. On match.com by the way @nospam99 every time I log on it updates my profile as 'active'. I try to get off there as fast as possible via email or phone! And I already switched it off for weeks, it's not healthy to be trawling the internet and dating or trying to date loads of strangers in my opinion. I want to treat people with respect as individuals. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 13 hours ago, nospam99 said: @introverted. Occam's Razor has eliminated all possibilities from your list except dating casually but hasn't found 'the one'. For TWO YEARS? And she's not the only woman showing this pattern. I picked her for my example because I was considering that fourth message before deciding 'nah' and then deciding to throw the general question about what regulars (PLURAL!) want out here on LS. I'm confused about the Occam's Razor comment. My understanding of OR is that it's about excluding the most convoluted explanation. The one with the most moving parts. But all of the suggestions offered by @introverted were very simple and quite likely to be a potential cause. In the case like where it was suggested that the woman didn't find @nospam99 attractive, just substitute not finding most of the men on OLD attractive. And the ones she did find attractive simply didn't work out. Or do I not understand OR? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 1 hour ago, Ellener said: Again reminded of the book 'Games People Play', and how people play games to engage each other whilst avoiding true closeness. I believe this is what's going on with the a huge number of people on the dating sites. A protectionist strategy, mostly subconscious. After people have been burned a time or two they become cautious and determined not to allow anyone to get close enough to hurt them again... or if they do take the chance, he'd have to be Mr. Perfect. And of course no one turns out to actually be that. It's also complicated by the fact that it has to be mutual. I found two women (since previous R) that I was really interested in, but both of them politely bowed out after a few dates. The first mentioned dating former FBI guy, doctors, etc., so she was very status oriented. The other one had a couple of teenage kids at home, ex-h far away making boatloads, and was living in a mini-mansion. She was an idea person and operated a couple of concept websites, but no visible means of cash flow (other than the ex-h). She knows that she needs to marry a big money man to sustain that lifestyle. On the other hand, I've had two instances where the non-mutuality was reversed. The first one... she was a widow and ready to remarry asap. She was very nice in many ways, but lived in a gawd-awful place where I'd never consider living again. She married the next guy less than six months after she and I dated. The other is still a friend-friend but she is so sensitive and reactive that I'm trying to hold her at arms length while still being nice and respectful (which probably won't work). 1 hour ago, Ellener said: I don't think I will renew my match.com membership after the year is up BUT, I'm not just looking for any partner, and any dates ( the 'numbers game'? ) my life is pretty good every day without. I let my Match account expire too, and haven't had any motivation to re-up. I got tired of going on first dates, doing the interviews, only to find that I wasn't interested enough for a second date. Everyone seems to be punching above their weight-class, hoping to land a big one. I'm probably guilty of that as well. I'd rather remain single and enjoy my time alone than to be in a R with someone I'm not totally enthralled with. And I realize that I'm also not interested in suffering another heartbreak, so it's like looking for a needle in a haystack. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted February 5, 2020 Author Share Posted February 5, 2020 @basil. I mentioned Occam's Razor in my response to introverted because I felt I had provided rationale to make each of her other explanations for Example Woman's OLD longevity unlikely. Isn't ''when you have eliminated all the other explanations, the remaining one is the answer'' at least a corollary to OR? Yeah, it's possible that EW is crazy, But that's something I don't assume of anyone in the absence of evidence. The sense I'm getting from the responses to my OP is that these women (again, Example Woman, while typical, is NOT the only one) are patiently searching for 'the one'. I admit that's an answer I have trouble relating to simply because I ASSUME that women on OLD who appear desirable to me will get plenty of opportunities with the Chads, Brads, Georges, and Harrys. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, basil67 said: I'm confused about the Occam's Razor comment. My understanding of OR is that it's about excluding the most convoluted explanation. The one with the most moving parts. But all of the suggestions offered by @introverted were very simple and quite likely to be a potential cause. In the case like where it was suggested that the woman didn't find @nospam99 attractive, just substitute not finding most of the men on OLD attractive. And the ones she did find attractive simply didn't work out. Or do I not understand OR? You are right about Occam. I think Nospam was expressing that the items on my list specific to him do not address why there are multiple women who remain active on OLD for long periods of time (2 years in this woman's case). So even though this woman isn't digging Nospam (for whatever reason), he doesn't understand why she -- and others like her (long time OLD-ers) -- hasn't found someone to dig. Sorry to speak for you Nospam. Please correct me if I have it wrong. Edited February 5, 2020 by introverted1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 Yeah l agree with the one stuff , which l think is basically something like l mentioned very first post , but Ellener summed it up to a T . So l think any of the decent ones will be open to a serious relationship should the right guy come along . But they're probably well past wasting their time on anything less and that would include bs'g on or going off every 5mins meeting someone they never even felt were right in the first place. Personally l think it's cut n dry and very understandable . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 5 hours ago, Ellener said: I suspect my friend is like this @stillafool His wife died 14 years ago and he has filled his life since with beautiful things. But not ready to commit again to me and I'm frustrated now with the ambivalence, also it seems inappropriate our behaviour when we can't keep our hands off each other in public yet he doesn't want to meet in private... Well at least he is engaging you and being somewhat affectionate. My friend doesn't want to be touched by a man again (unless it's for medical purposes). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 3 hours ago, salparadise said: Everyone seems to be punching above their weight-class, hoping to land a big one. I'm probably guilty of that as well. I see people as all equally worthy but incompatibility in a marriage-type relationship is so so difficult. I was married for years to someone where we were like this, and it's totally different but I now share a house with someone like this- the pettiness and lack of genuineness and flow-of-happiness ( I know, I sound like a total hippie! ) it's soul-numbing if it's meant to be a permanent situation... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 You really don't know anything about her. Her profile could be abandoned. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted February 5, 2020 Author Share Posted February 5, 2020 @fletch. One more time, Example Woman is just that, an example. But did you read through the topic? If her profile is abandoned, who logged in at 10pm on Monday? (While the snarky answer is that her profile has been hacked, would that hacker log in every few days for years? And do so for the dozens of other women who I've noticed on PoF for years?) Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 I’m sure there could be a million reasons why. I am a woman who has been on apps off and on for years. My reason is it’s an easy way to meet specific guys and I’m playing the field atm Link to post Share on other sites
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