Ruby Slippers Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 I have no problem dating older men, within reason, and in some ways prefer it. My boyfriend is very fit, athletic, active, red hot sex drive, has a youthful spirit in the ways that matter. But I'm glad he was honest upfront, as anything less would have killed it for me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fluffyfluff Posted January 31, 2020 Author Share Posted January 31, 2020 (edited) 31 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: I have no problem dating older men, within reason, and in some ways prefer it. My boyfriend is very fit, athletic, active, red hot sex drive, has a youthful spirit in the ways that matter. But I'm glad he was honest upfront, as anything less would have killed it for me. That’s how I’m feeling, it’s killed it for me and sadly he is the best romantically and In the sack that I’ve ever had. I’m so annoyed and I’m a complete control freak... it’s been two weeks and I’m still feeling so pissed off... I haven’t seen him and told him I’m to busy to write to his text messages atm (so I can take a breather) I did break up with him and cried for two days. Then we tried being friends but everything was to raw and I ended up in tears again and ignored him since pretty much... Edited January 31, 2020 by fluffyfluff 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fluffyfluff Posted January 31, 2020 Author Share Posted January 31, 2020 58 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: Oh, I agree. I can only remember two men I went on dates with from online dating who lied about their age. One walked in with a cane and missing a finger (I never asked). The other was an attorney who had a beater car he said was a rental because his other car was in the shop. Uh huh. Ok. I went on two dates with him, then Googled him to find out all about his legal troubles and being disbarred/suspended (I forget the actual terminology) because of his mental/emotional problems. I'm really good at Internet detective work so "you" can't get by me. I'm actually still friends with that guy on Facebook and he seems happy, although he is totally gaunt and definitely looking his age! I'm not young, but if I was in the dating game I'd have no problem dating an older man. But I would want him to be honest about his age. Old is better than a liar, right? Oh wow!!! You should have asked? 😂😂 Sadly I invested a month before finding out.... I’m sitting on the fence emotionally. I’ve googled the crap out of him but there’s not much as he’s nearly 60 😅😓 and not into face book etc. old is better than a lie for sure!! I may have still considered as I was very much attracted to his photo and still am... who knows.... he could have even not stated his age so I could have asked 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 1 hour ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: You seriously think lying about 14 years is worse than TEN POUNDS??? I had to read that three times. Women can gain 7 pounds in water weight in the days before her period!! Are you being serious!? 125-135 pounds???? Good LORD no wonder we women are so paranoid about our bodies!!!!! OK, really.....are you being serious? Sorry, I realize I did not make sense. I mean you think that lying about 14 years is BETTER than lying about ten pounds. I was so taken aback that I could not even express myself clearly! Do you have ANY CLUE how you are completely validating the superficial views men have about women when you say this? Clearly this is triggering for me since I had an ex-H who critiqued every pound on my very thin body at the time, but you need to know how much damage this way of thinking does to women! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 4 hours ago, fluffyfluff said: And as he didn’t initially disclose his location as well, being in another state, that’s pretty hard to find out anything else about him!!! I think everyone manipulates the truth ( or their version of the truth ) about certain things but so soon in that's a pattern of lying/secrecy and whilst I can understand the age thing location? What's that about...! Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 4 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: You were manipulated. This guy started his relationship with you by manipulating and lying to you. That's no foundation for anything. Agree 100% You nailed it RS!!! 3 hours ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: You seriously think lying about 14 years is worse than TEN POUNDS??? I had to read that three times. Women can gain 7 pounds in water weight in the days before her period!! Are you being serious!? 125-135 pounds???? Good LORD no wonder we women are so paranoid about our bodies!!!!! OK, really.....are you being serious? I see this as "Same s***, different pile" A lie is a lie.... Don't want to lie? Keep your mouth shut!! Or up date profile to current information. One year out for his age could be he has not up dated profile in a year.... Anything more than that it's a lie. Link to post Share on other sites
Piddy Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 (edited) 6 hours ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: You seriously think lying about 14 years is worse than TEN POUNDS??? I had to read that three times. Women can gain 7 pounds in water weight in the days before her period!! Are you being serious!? 125-135 pounds???? Good LORD no wonder we women are so paranoid about our bodies!!!!! OK, really.....are you being serious? Haha. Do you think I'm serious? Well, lets look at this. To be honest not many could pull off lying about more that 10 pounds. So if I'd said a woman said she was 125 and she actually weighed 145, eh, probably can't pull it off. But he was able to pull off 7 years. So does it really matter? It got him in the door. People lie about age, height and weight etc.. He played the odds and thought if he made a connection then he'd come clean, whereas if he said he was 59 he never would've gotten a chance. Would've been dismissed outright. It apparently mattered to this woman, but another woman it may not have mattered. If you and I met and you said you were 40 and could pull it off and we had a connection and then you told me that you were actually 47, that would not be a deal breaker for me. People lie about all kinds of things. Some are unforgivable and some are innocuous. I'm a golfer. There's some golfers who lie about their handicaps to gain an advantage who are called sandbaggers . There's others who have a vanity handicap and lie and say their better that they actually are. Again, to some woman this is a non starter and to others they might be OK with it. Again, age is just a number. He may look younger than he is and genetically he might be younger. And we could look at it like this. In dog years it's only 1 year. 😎 Edited January 31, 2020 by Piddy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 He lied because he knew that at only 45 you would not want to date a 59yo man. And he was right. At 45 you do not want to hitch your wagon to a 59 yo. He though he could schmooze you so much that you would overlook his age. BUT why would you? It is a HUGE deal. Great deal for him, he sets up a younger woman to look after him in his old age. For you? not so good... You would acquire not only an old man, but a lying old man at that... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 Shes a younger women , bet the last thing on his mind is old age right now. And she could easily turn into far more maintenance than him or croke 20 yrs ealier anyway, who knows what's gonna happen. So personally , as long as l was attracted to her , loved her , loved the way we got along , her age wouldn't be an issue for me. l mean l go for a certain thing yeah , but that could come a long in other forms. For me , that's two pretty big lies up front though and that l would not be crazy about one bit. And wtf did he say he was local anyway ? But l'd also be pretty curious at what is at home too , or maybe who , l'd be having a good poke about into that one myself, could be married. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 10 hours ago, fluffyfluff said: And as he didn’t initially disclose his location as well, being in another state, that’s pretty hard to find out anything else about him!!! Wow! If you're in the US you can find out a lot with the internet, but I'm thinking you know enough already. I do agree that age is but a number, it is more where it puts you at your stage in life. In this cases that gap is pretty substantial, 5 years maybe not so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 OP, it's better to move on. You could have discovered this 6 month down the road with much more emotional investment. A man lying about his age by 7 years and about his location is only after playing women. I wouldn't br surprised he's married. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 9 hours ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: I'm talking specifically about what Piddy said about 125-135 pounds. I don't know a single woman who would criticzize a man on TEN POUNDS.....or even 20. It's insulting to woman to be reduced to being worthy (or called a liar) based on a 10 pound weight discrepancy and shows what most men really have their brains focused on. It's gross. Ten pounds! I believe from context context he was saying being a 135 pounds was no big deal if you said 125 because you look 125, as a way to say the age gap was no big deal. It's like lying about your weight. What if you told him you weighed 125 lbs and then you tell him after a month you really weighed 135 pounds. Big deal. You look like you weigh 125 lbs.. Although I do believe men do judge women bodies much more harshly than they judge their own, that is they are hypocrites. I have known women who criticize men for their weight as a means to shame, but it really had little to do with reality, they also had the idea that a bonding conversation was one where you went around making fum of others. Women turning men down for being overweight, happens all the time just nor expressed but in every case I know of the women were in great shape so they just looking for some one comparable. Not that I agree in this case that 14 years is no big deal, 30 and 44, sure but when you get on the ends of our dating lives I think it is not shallow to consider the impact on where you are in life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 9 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: The age isn't the real problem. It's the lying. Liars lie. About all kinds of things. Not a safe bet. My boyfriend is 55 to my 43. One of his first questions to me was how I feel about dating someone his age. What a novel idea, understanding and respecting that a woman knows what she wants better than a stranger does. Completely agree. If you really want a lifetime partner never pick a liar. Nothing causes more drama and stress than liars. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 So....lessee. Does this mean that all women that use modified, enhanced and filtered photos on profiles should be immediately discarded as liars as they, just like this guy, have misrepresented themselves/? TFY 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kevinjones Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 (edited) 11 hours ago, fluffyfluff said: I think it is something, In ten years he will be 70. In five years possible retirement. How do I start building a future when there’s hardly anytime! Also I don’t want to be a career if anything, god forbid, happens in the near future! I’ve done enough caring to sink a ship, I need someone to care about me. He should not have lied, but you are 45. You cant force a guy who is 45 to want to settle down with you . I just say this because I see it often. At 45 to 50 women typically need to look for someone older if they want marriage or something very serious. Edited January 31, 2020 by kevinjones Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 The lie would be the game stopper for me. Really doesn't matter what it was about. A lie like that shows character. I agree, you'll find other lies as well. Once people start lying it gets easier and easier for them until finally they believe their own BS and have trouble with the truth about everything. Just not worth it. You would doubt everything he ever said. Next! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 27 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said: Does this mean that all women that use modified, enhanced and filtered photos on profiles should be immediately discarded as liars as they, just like this guy, have misrepresented themselves/? Yes these women are liars. The difference with lying about age is someone can carry that lie for months into dating. Lying about your weight will only carry you till a 1st meeting so it's annoying yes but no emotional investment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 1 hour ago, thefooloftheyear said: So....lessee. Does this mean that all women that use modified, enhanced and filtered photos on profiles should be immediately discarded as liars as they, just like this guy, have misrepresented themselves/? TFY Absolutely. If I met someone and the photos were clearly augmented, I wouldn't see him again. Altering one's photos is stupid. Any self-respecting person will see the disparity upon meeting and walk. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 I apologize for yelling at you all last night :). I was in a mood. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
VioletVelvet Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 5 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: Absolutely. If I met someone and the photos were clearly augmented, I wouldn't see him again. Altering one's photos is stupid. Any self-respecting person will see the disparity upon meeting and walk. I had something similar happen once, and I was livid. A guy used a very old picture of himself from about 40 pounds and 15 years earlier. Not a chance I'd go out with him at that point. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 I'm sorry you were tricked like this. It is tricking someone if you are not honest with them. He decided he knew better than you - it is extremely patronising. I think you are probably better off without this guy. How do you know he is single? He comes from a different town (again, did not reveal this to you at first). He may well be married or in a relationship there. You cannot take him at his word at all. I learned from online dating it is best not to trust someone who lives some distance away until you have had chance to see their living circumstances for yourself. Distance can cover a multitude of sins! I did meet a guy from online once. He was local and we met in a public cafe. I was surprised to find he seemed a bit more mature than I had thought. When we were sitting talking, he decided to be 'honest' with me. I think he thought I would find his honesty endearing. He confessed he was 7 years older than he said in his profile (lie number 1). I listened but did not comment on this. Later in the conversation, it turned out that he was separated but not actually living in a different house from his ex. He may well have been being honest about that - I do know people who are effectively separated but just haven't made the move from the family home - but he had not said this to me up front when we were communicating online. All in all, the guy I met, whilst charming, was a liar. He was not who he had portrayed himself to me, so as far as I was concerned he had got me to meet under false pretences. I cannot see how anyone who starts out with lies can be trusted. Dust yourself off and block this guy from your life. You can do better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 Reminds me of a time in my dating years when a woman put on her profile that she was divorced only to find out she was actually separated. Yikes...kind of a big difference but it wasn't in her mind. To her is was no big deal because as far as she was concerned they were split up for good. People have all kinds of rationalizations in their minds to 'tell a little white lie' in the beginning to get the relationship ball rolling, thinking once it's going they will confess and it won't be a big deal at that point. Well, it rarely works that way because the other person feels lied to from the get go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
some_username1 Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 On 1/31/2020 at 4:26 AM, CautiouslyOptimistic said: I'm talking specifically about what Piddy said about 125-135 pounds. I don't know a single woman who would criticzize a man on TEN POUNDS.....or even 20. It's insulting to woman to be reduced to being worthy (or called a liar) based on a 10 pound weight discrepancy and shows what most men really have their brains focused on. It's gross. Ten pounds! With respect that’s probably because weight is a less important attractor to women than it is to men. An extra 10lbs on a woman is like a man who is 3 inches shorter than he claimed. It’s likely to make a big difference. And to be fair it doesn’t matter whether you agree with it- people have the right to want what they want. re: OP- if you are referring to meeting on OLD then everyone lies on there in some form or other. Are you using filters on your pictures? Lies, right there. And as for manipulation- nothing has stopped you from ditching him the minute you found out. You still have all the free will in the world to make your own decision on this. Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 On 1/30/2020 at 10:11 PM, fluffyfluff said: I also met him and presumed he was from the same town as me, I discovered on the first date he lives in another state 4,5 hours drive. We hung out and had fun for a while while he accommodated himself here in my town in the holidays him saying he wants to move here anyway for work. Then he drove here on Friday nights after work for two weeks just for a moment of my time, like what the heck! I have to get a baby sitter so it’s not like normal dating around the corner... All this doesn’t seem “normal” for me, he just says he’s terribly romantic and only has fallen in love twice... its just all to hard. Sadly I do connect with him but all this behaviour that’s popped up I can’t deal with. Who does that!! Sorry – he came to your town for your date? Or he was in town anyway for something else? And yes I agree that lying about your age is a big red flag. I don’t like it and I’ve seen it a couple times on online dating. It’s sketchy. Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 I don't think this white lie is the reason why you are pissed off You are leaving because you don't want a guy who is 14 years older than you He lied because he knew you wouldn't and he was right. It is his age and his business. He can die tomorrow or 30 years from now. So you still have much time together if you truly love him Age is just a number! Link to post Share on other sites
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