TheRainbow Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 For those who have read my story, know that I have cheated on and off on my husband for the entirety of our relationship and marriage. There was two short term affairs (one sexual and one emotional), and a one night stand before we were married, and one long term affair which resulted in a pregnancy. Just for anyone who needs a recap. We had a brief separation, got back together and working on our marriage. My counsellor says the progress I have made has far exceeded any expectation she has had. I feel better, and I see the light at the end of the tunnel of my own selfish, self loathing, destructive path. I have been working really really hard trying to be the wife my husband desrved all along. There is some troubles with my mother in law. I expected her to be angry and hurt by what I did. I've kept my distance, apologized to her and continue to give her space. There has been a few incidences, one being in my house at Christmas time where things got out of control. My husband really doesn't want to pick sides, but has continued to pick me over his mother's feelings. This just makes her hate me that much more because she feels like I'm taking him away from his family. She hasn't seen her grandchildren on her own free will because she just doesn't want to be bothered by me, (her words). I've expressed to him a few times that he should stop defending me to his mother. He tells me that his mother has a right to be angry at me but she doesn't have a right to disrespect me in my own house, treat me like s*** in front of our children and that we are allowed to have boundaries. He is angry with his mother because of she is coddling his sister for cheating, but dragging me through the dirt. I just tell him blood is thicker than water, and if we were in the same situation we both know that we would be there to support our daughters. My sister in law and I are civil now. Which it's great I also feel like kind of unhealthy in away because I feel like she is being nice to me because she doesn't want to be a hypocrite. She is treating her estranged husband really badly. Even through all the cheating I have done, there are things I would never have thought of dreaming of doing, that she is doing. I have been avoiding her and I think she notices, but I'm trying to fix my marriage and don't want to be sucked in with her negative energy. Then there is my now twelve year old daughter. Since Christmas she has been acting out a lot more. I think it's hormones combined with stress from my poor choices. She isn't treating her sister any different, or really me any differently. It's just her attitude in general. She is acting out in school. She is argumentative,  sulky and has told my husband and I that we are keeping her in a prison. She has friends who have a lot more freedom than her. We have given her more freedoms in the last couple months, but for more reason than another, mostly her maturity level we still are a bit more strict. Two weekends ago we let her to to the movie theater for the first time alone with a group of friends. She wanted to walk two blocks away to hang out at the mall afterward and we said no. My husband dropped her off, and waited outside for fifteen minutes to be sure she wouldn't sneak out, and picked her up from the movie theater. I honestly hope this is just the start of the "teenage" years. I really don't know what my point is. I have just been feeling all over the place and wanted to get all these feelings out. SO really any thoughts are appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 Hi Rainbow!  I agree with your husband with regard to his mom. She has no right to put any kind of wedge between you and your children. She needs to learn to deal.  As far as your daughter.....she's the perfect age for sulkiness and trying to spread her wings. Of course you're doing everything you should be doing to keep her safe. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 Your daughters behaviour may also be related to the fact that she has been forced to attend a school that is not her choice.  Otherwise, I agree with CO. I’m sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 Parenting and MILs are both tough to deal with. I think it's important to show spine in both cases - it heads off a lot of issues. You are too forgiving of your MIL - continue to let your husband handle her OR lay down some boundaries of your own. For your daughter, suggest giving her structured choices, consequences, and insisting on her showing you and your husband respect. Does your husband lay down the law a bit with her too? If not, you may need to. ake it clear that you'll give freedom IF and ONLY IF she shows she can handle it. Freedoms come with responsibility and ability to handle them and that needs to be fully understood. Every child is a bit different, but it feels like yours thinks pushing back is ok. I would suspect she learned that by not being disciplined when she pushed back in situations that were actually fair and reasonable. It's all easier said than done, definitely, but working at responsible, respectful, fair discipline and requiring self-discipline in exchange for the requested freedoms is the way to go IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 It sounds as if you getting handle on your life. I think you should feel optimistic for the future. A hormonal teenage girl is a small problem compared to what you have been through. I think things are finally turning your way. Slowly and maybe frustratingly so, but they are turning your way. Â 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheRainbow Posted February 1, 2020 Author Share Posted February 1, 2020 3 hours ago, mark clemson said: Does your husband lay down the law a bit with her too? My husband is a lot more stricter than I am. If she wants something and we are both home, she'll come to me. I'm more likely to say yes. But I do respect my husband and his feelings on what he feels comfortable. So we are on the same page. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 Your daughters behavior is normal preteen behavior. They get grumpy and snappy and hates everyone and everything. My daughter has recently turned 13 and is now getting her periods which makes their moods even worse 😖 Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 you mentioned an OM got you pregnant. Are you and your BH raising the OC? Link to post Share on other sites
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