Veronicaa Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 (edited) I had an amazing and loving relationship with my ex for six months, we clicked from the beginning and started making life plans. We had an argument as I disagree about him suddenly applying for a job abroad. We talked many times about the possibility of doing it together but as he has a son he wasn't really willing to go for it, thats way it shocked me when he suddenly decided to apply abroad, I asked him where I was standing in all of this and he couldn't give me a straight answer, just said: I haven't even thought about my child how am I going to think about you? After that argument he started pulling away from me, needing time out from me and in the end breaking up over text with him argumenting I wasn't in a good situation to have the relationship we envisioned. I was looking for a job at that moment. I must add he's got very low self-esteem. My ex contacted me two months after the break up and wanted to meet up, we met up, catch up and started talking daily by text, I let him initiate contact, if I didn't text him he would with anything insignificant, a link or another silly reason. We met for a second time and wanted to talk about what didn't work, while I focused on the good things of the relationship and the things that made me feel in love with him he told me all the things that didn't like about me: not having a steady job at the moment, coming from a disruptive family and that I don't have the family environment he would like on a partner, having health issues (which I only had during a period of time and are actually gone) and also living with a family member at the moment. He focused on all of that and didn't say anything good about me. Still he kept contacting me and having fun and easy conversations over text. He knows about my intentions of getting back and not being here to just to be a friend, he knows I still have feelings for him. He asked me over text if I was dating and if I wasn't why was that. I told him I wasn't as Im focused on my career. I asked him if he is dating and reply he's been seeing other women he has met for a while but nothing romantic like us, but he's got possibilities, not taking them because he can't afford it at the moment but once he is settled he will consider if there are any. I got very upset by that as he was the one coming back to my life, knowing I want us to work it out, I felt disrespected, so I sent him a text telling him if he's got so many options he should supply his communication needs with any of them instead of me. He went mad and told me he doesn't have to give me any explanation, that my reactions are what makes him feel he doesn't need me in his life. He said he is done and take time out. I feel I'm back on day one of the break up, I was truly happy about being in contact with him again but the bragging of other women was too much for me to take. I feel shuttered right now, like I cant move on and guilty altogether. Any insight/advice here? Thank you. Edited January 31, 2020 by Veronicaa Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 You unfortunately learned the hard way that the original breakup was for the best. He still feels attached to you and hasn't found anyone yet to compete with that attachment - but he's critical of you and insensitive enough to tell you all about his "issues" with you. I know you're still attached to him too, but if you will diligently avoid any contact with him the attachment you feel will lessen and eventually disappear. There are plenty of guys out there who will be happy to be with you and not tear you down. Don't allow him or anyone else to do that to you. You really are lucky to be rid of him and in time you will see that clearly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 I'm so sorry. His discussion about the things he didn't like where for closure. Unfortunately, for every person who wants 'the real reason' for breaking up, there's a whole lot of us who really don't want to know why someone left. Honesty seems so much like rubbing salt into the wound. The bit about him telling you he's dating again.....humans make the mistake of treating others how we want to be treated. We often fail to recognise that what we are OK with isn't necessarily what others are OK with. He would have been fine hearing about your new escapades, so treated you in the same way. Best to cut contact with him so that you can move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Veronicaa Posted February 1, 2020 Author Share Posted February 1, 2020 14 hours ago, basil67 said: I'm so sorry. His discussion about the things he didn't like where for closure. Unfortunately, for every person who wants 'the real reason' for breaking up, there's a whole lot of us who really don't want to know why someone left. Honesty seems so much like rubbing salt into the wound. The bit about him telling you he's dating again.....humans make the mistake of treating others how we want to be treated. We often fail to recognise that what we are OK with isn't necessarily what others are OK with. He would have been fine hearing about your new escapades, so treated you in the same way. Best to cut contact with him so that you can move on. Thank you for replying. I understand what you are saying but I never asked him for closure. In fact it was him who came back to me two months after breakup and kept on texting me daily about random things. That's why I got so shocked about him putting me down and then flattering about other women interested in him. Maybe he was trying to show himself as a high value man, trying to push me away, or maybe he just needs therapy... Anyway, it is best to cut contact. You are right. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 B. L. O. C. K. It will take you a whole lot longer to move on and heal from this by letting him come in a flay you, emotionally, when he feels like it. Quit being the "cool girlfriend" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 On 1/31/2020 at 1:34 PM, Veronicaa said: Any insight/advice here? Thank you. Sounds like he's a bit of a D-bag. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 He's got resentment and he's just unloading on you and tearing you down to make himself feel better. You need to wake up and block him. Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 He's not happy inside, so he's looking for an easy target to vomit his acidic unhappiness on. Quit allowing him to use you. Link to post Share on other sites
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