Mysterylady Posted June 10, 2001 Share Posted June 10, 2001 My friend and I went out last night and there was a little bit of flirting going on between me and this dude. There was at least some level of attraction between us but he never came over to talk to me. I am not good at approaching total strangers. Either I misread signals or he was as shy as I was. So thus, another missed opportunity. I am angry that I didn't talk to him or give the dude my number when we left. The worst thing that could have happened is not receiving a phone call and I could let go of it. It bothers me now that I didn't do anything. At the time I just felt intimidated. This has happened to me before. I have just had this 'men do the approaching' drilled into my head. If the man is that interested he will approach, is that true? I am sure some men are too intimidated to approach some women. Last week, I approached someone I was interested in for a while but he didn't seem that interested in me. I've moved on from that. My friend and I could try going back to the same place next week but there is no guarantee of the same dude being there. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 10, 2001 Share Posted June 10, 2001 Hey, I know how you feel. I can't begin to even estimate the number of times I have gotten up the courage to approach a lady...and some guy beat me to it or she left. YOU ASK: "If the man is that interested he will approach, is that true?" Not true at all. Again, I've been interested dozens of times, not only at clubs but almost anywhere but missed the opportunity. It takes lots of courage to walk up to a lady when you really aren't sure what her reaction will be. I think many guys needs some very encouraging looks for a female before they take a chance...unless they've had lots to drink. So don't feel so bad. It happens to all of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterylady Posted June 10, 2001 Share Posted June 10, 2001 I can't get it out of my head now. It will annoy for a few days. I should have been more encouraging. He may have thought I was not into him. Sitting and waiting is not helping me in the dating department. Hey, I know how you feel. I can't begin to even estimate the number of times I have gotten up the courage to approach a lady...and some guy beat me to it or she left. YOU ASK: "If the man is that interested he will approach, is that true?" Not true at all. Again, I've been interested dozens of times, not only at clubs but almost anywhere but missed the opportunity. It takes lots of courage to walk up to a lady when you really aren't sure what her reaction will be. I think many guys needs some very encouraging looks for a female before they take a chance...unless they've had lots to drink. So don't feel so bad. It happens to all of us. Link to post Share on other sites
Dave Posted June 11, 2001 Share Posted June 11, 2001 Well, it is more common for a guy to approach a lady. Most women out there will just sit and wait, even though they might like a particular guy, in 99% of the cases, they will wait for a guy to make a move. I have been very shy up until a year or two ago. THat is when I decided that being passive would not bring me any benefit or success with women. So I figured, what do I have to lose but gain. i started approaching women, and I would say with a 50% success rate, which is better than 0% when You just sit and wait. Now, I would admire a lady to approach me, but when and if a lady gets shut down, it is much more embarassing for her, than for a guy. We guys get rejected and move on, however, if women started hitting on guys, they migh start sending the wrong impression of being slutty or something along those lines, that is why I believe women are more passive, which is somewhat unfair and unfortunate. My friend and I went out last night and there was a little bit of flirting going on between me and this dude. There was at least some level of attraction between us but he never came over to talk to me. I am not good at approaching total strangers. Either I misread signals or he was as shy as I was. So thus, another missed opportunity. I am angry that I didn't talk to him or give the dude my number when we left. The worst thing that could have happened is not receiving a phone call and I could let go of it. It bothers me now that I didn't do anything. At the time I just felt intimidated. This has happened to me before. I have just had this 'men do the approaching' drilled into my head. If the man is that interested he will approach, is that true? I am sure some men are too intimidated to approach some women. Last week, I approached someone I was interested in for a while but he didn't seem that interested in me. I've moved on from that. My friend and I could try going back to the same place next week but there is no guarantee of the same dude being there. Link to post Share on other sites
kikie Posted June 11, 2001 Share Posted June 11, 2001 isn't there a way to make moves and flirt without being slutty, and without asking for a direct rejection? ... Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterylady Posted June 11, 2001 Share Posted June 11, 2001 Part of the reason I sit back is because I don't want to send the wrong message. I am not easy and I don't want some dude thinking I am because I approached him. I have made the first move before but I am not that comfortable with it and I have to get my nerve up. In the instances where I did the approaching I was not that successful. Well, it is more common for a guy to approach a lady. Most women out there will just sit and wait, even though they might like a particular guy, in 99% of the cases, they will wait for a guy to make a move. I have been very shy up until a year or two ago. THat is when I decided that being passive would not bring me any benefit or success with women. So I figured, what do I have to lose but gain. i started approaching women, and I would say with a 50% success rate, which is better than 0% when You just sit and wait. Now, I would admire a lady to approach me, but when and if a lady gets shut down, it is much more embarassing for her, than for a guy. We guys get rejected and move on, however, if women started hitting on guys, they migh start sending the wrong impression of being slutty or something along those lines, that is why I believe women are more passive, which is somewhat unfair and unfortunate. Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery lady Posted June 11, 2001 Share Posted June 11, 2001 that is what I would like to know. I have basically been doing the sitting back approach since I started dating. There have been times where I would have liked to have approached a man but didn't. I was raised with a lot of old-fashioned ideas about dating, sex and marriage. isn't there a way to make moves and flirt without being slutty, and without asking for a direct rejection? ... Link to post Share on other sites
kikie Posted June 11, 2001 Share Posted June 11, 2001 well, i can't rlly tell u from practice, b/c i'm shy myself, but i think it's quite possible: simply flirt a little and see how he responds ... don't run asking for his # (he can do that), but show a lil interest ... it's never too late to cut that interest if u dont like his reaction ... makes sense? ... i know it's hard!!! i tried it w/ guys i wasn't attracted to - worked ... it's harder w/ the guys u do want ... maybe practice helps ... hopefully others can advise too ... good luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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