ryan1991r Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 so il start from the start. last year i was in a dark place. i was talking to girls but the chat was well not there much. one girl made it so easy to talk to and we clicked straight away she fell head over heels for me saying i was out of her league so i know she adored me the first 3 months were great... then i started to smoke canabis frequently. this changed my mood and wasnt as talkative and was what seemed Moody. i stopped complementing her even when she would dress up for when i finished work. i didnt try with her mates etc i was an ass! i thibk i knew she loved me and took it for granted!. anyway a few arguments had gone on (il keep to what im in the wrong for) i would never harm her in anyway but sometimes when i couldn't get my point across i punched myself. so on the 3rd january this year i did this and we ended i left. we spoke alot and i could tell i had hurt her. we had slept together and met for a coffee then decided we would try again but any snappyness etc that would be it. i agreed a couple of days went by and i was feeling low i was now in a b and b alone. i craved a little of her attention so as a comment said your not giving me much back. worse thing i did that sparked an argument and then she told me never again. we have spoke on and off about stuff but her mind seems set its final. i dont get how in a week them feelings can flip so drastically. i have been an idiot since this ive messaged her family. which i regret but in that moment im desperate to show her i will change for her. its hard for me because i didnt think i loved her as much but now realise she was my rock. i dont have friends to stop me thinking about her i talk to my family about her all the time. its been a month now i cant eat or sleep when i try to eat i feel sick. i thought i was im love once before but that proved to be wrong when we broke up because i could deal with it but this girl i adore and i know i do because of how this had affected me my family have all said how ive changed in the last month and they have never seen me like this. telling me to move on but i cant. ive tried to talk to people but the conversation seems forced. im at a lost end and just want to show her i am the man she fell in love with and il never take her for granted again. she such a loving good person and i feel like my chance at true love is slipping away. ive never cried so much over someone. she saved me at a time i needed her most and i stupidly threw it back in her face. little things i did that maybe pushed her away not always but once said is enough right.... blame her for my wrongs comment on the way she eats comment on what she wears after she wore it go out for hours smoking weed wouldnt reply to her at work for hours borrowed her savings for her sons gravestone and haven paid back yet got credit out in her name and havent paid it all back. what can i do to try and win her back i really think theres just a little bit left in her to try for. she says she hates me and wishes she never met me but i dont beleive her we was planning to have a child in a year or two then get married. it wasnt all bad when we were good we was really good happy cuddly etc. even the last 4-5 months its not all veen bad at christmas she told me id never know how much she loved me and i was her rock but now this... i just need some advice or help. ive been to the doctor for depression and have another appointment on monday. i know i have some issues. but in the next breathe is that because my canabis intake went up. i need some help because without her i dont think i can go on. she was my last go at love. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 1, 2020 Share Posted February 1, 2020 Her emotions didn't flip suddenly. Every bad thing & all the weed were little chips eating away at her heart. Finally she decided that you weren't going to change & she was done beating her head on a wall, trying & trying when you weren't giving her back what she needed. She gave up. You say you changed & you want her back. She doesn't trust that. I think you need to let her go. Work on yourself. Cut down or stop with the weed. Get yourself into a better place. Then you can try for a different new relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ryan1991r Posted February 1, 2020 Author Share Posted February 1, 2020 i have thought this but during the breakup she told me how much she loves me etc. i told her i had booked to see the doctor and was sorting my stuff out so i thought that would made her see i was trying i even sent proof. the thing is becauee of how much she made me beleive she loved me i can give up we had an argument in the past and she said to me im sorry etc but only someone you love can bring this out in me etc. if you dont want me at my worse you dont deserve me at my best ive only ever loved one person like this.. saying she loves me more than her childs dad of 5 years... etc begging to speak and sort it out so we did. ive stopped weed now and as said been to doctors getting tablets on monday. thing is i dont want a different relationship i want her. i was with someone 10 years before her and that didnt cut me as much as this has. Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 I agree with @d0nnivain. You broke her heart and failed in the relationship. That doesn't make you a horrible person and you've already saw the error of your ways and started (STARTED, not finished) changing. If you love her, you need to let her go. You can't change behavior, attitude, viewpoint, etc., in a matter of days or a few weeks - no matter how intensive you approach things. I'm not saying you will never be with this woman again. But you need to honor yourself and her (and respect her wishes) and let it go. Focus on yourself and make the changes you want/need to make. Let her heal and find joy and build happiness without you. If the starts are aligned and you're meant to be together, fate will bring you back to each other. But for now, you can't trust that tomorrow, next week or next month you may not encounter a setback or some sort of pressure/stress and end up doing one or more of those things to her again. And um, like 5/7 of those 'little things" you mentioned you did - one of those alone would be enough for someone to legitimately leave your a$$. Be grateful that she's not gotten a lawyer at this point. Let it go and work on you. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 You didn't change overnight and you won't. You may have the best intentions, and I am glad you sought help, but anyone with common sense knows that is who you are and that it would take years of wanting to change and mature and sacrifice to change. Even then, there's no guarantee you two would be compatible. Let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 What struck me was when you mentioned borrowing money from her savings for her son's gravestone. Though it does not mention how long ago she lost her son, that fact probably means she's already dealing with the horrible, heartbreaking, life-altering reality of losing her child. I cannot imagine going through that. What she would really need from someone is strength and support to help her through this difficult time. It might already be too late, but your best hope of winning her back is to SHOW her that you have ALREADY made strides and are continuing to do so. Don't push her, just let her know you want to spend time with her and care about HER. Make every moment you spend with her relaxing and non-dramatic. Be a friend to her first. If none of that works for her, then continue to make strides for your own health and welfare because you'll need to make those changes to be successful in any relationship moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 Pay back all the money you owe her right away for a start... You even borrowed the money from her child's gravestone fund. and have not paid her back.. no words. She has lost a child and all you can go on about is YOU, YOU, and more YOU... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lil_missy Posted February 5, 2020 Share Posted February 5, 2020 You sound like my husband whom I’m seperated from. He also did some of the things you did including: - can’t take responsibility for his own actions, blame his failings on me or others - irresponsible with money, always borrowing from me - putting our family in a difficult financial situation - he doesn’t smoke weed but equally has addiction issues The whole gist is your girlfriend felt like your not a responsible person that she could have an adult relationship with. So no her feelings didn’t flip she just got to know you and realised it’s not the kind of relationship she would like. Now the only thing u can do is change and improve yourself, fix those issues of yours. This is what I told my husband he needs to do to have another chance with me. Now my question for you is do you think you can really change? It’s a pretty core change to the way you approach life and not easy. You need to get off weed, start taking responsibility for yourself. Become some one that firstly is fully capable of taking care of yourself, then secondly be able to take care of her. If your borrowing money off her and not paying her back, there is no chance. What is your financial situation? Link to post Share on other sites
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