The Aftermath of My Long Now Failed Marriage

[Madbluejay]

Two years have gone by since my divorce....

My ex was my first and I was hers ....in our early 20’s we lived as friends with benefits for 6 years before we tied it up legally. I can’t say that we had a perfect, average or even fair coexistence...we were too busy with our only child’s life and with work to sum up the energy to face reality. We had been drifting away from each other in the ocean of disappointment, emotional dishonesty, stonewalling, contempt and emotional abandonment.....we all know this trail of tears too well.  Perhaps it would have been easier to cope and move on to the next life had I not lived with her for 36 years, sharing a life and a home. I think that we got disillusioned with one another, disappointed in our beliefs that our partner was not doing enough to make the other happy. Blame me, blame you.....

After our divorce I moved to a nearby town, just 5 miles away...but I opted for no contact, to help me cope emotionally with the stress and the pain.....she was set on getting her conscious uncoupling idea of a divorce where I was to remain within her reach...amicable separation...a friends with lessened benefits of sorts. I do my best to never initiate a contact(by Messenger App), so it is her who does the reach out whenever she needs to do so(thankfully not very often) Mutual friends are quick to gossip about her “unhealthy looks” “no boyfriend” status and I simply remain silent about their inappropriate intrusions....they get my drift.

I have thought about finding someone else, but I am reluctant to do it because I don’t want any more emotional drama in my life...I would like a relationship that hinges on non sexual companionship or financial benefit.....Is that even possible?

[chillii]

Sorry about where your at right now.

But yeah it's possible . After my marriage l met a few girls that would've liked something like that , one asked if l'd be interested. These were just women l'd met where l wasn't really attracted to in physical ways but we did get along really well and had a lot in common , l knew they'd make great partners .

l stayed on my own nearly 4 yrs and lost all interest in anything proper relationship at the time but l was thinking about something like that instead too for awhile there.

[Madbluejay]

Thanks for the response Chillii

Yeah....I am not too bummed out about being a free bird because there are advantages and benefits to be had. I do miss the intimate relationship with my ex..in the sense that I could confide personal feelings and feel safe....it’s something that I would not feel comfortable doing now with her because it’s like she is suddenly someone else....someone I don’t really know.

I do feel attracted to many women I know, some married who are obviously interested, and others who appear to be single, but I do my best to not feed any flames...don’t wanna start a fire.

Question:  Did those platonic relationship seeking ladies communicate their preferences to you from the start? Or did you ask what their outlook was about prospective partners?

[chillii]

Yeah l missed all that to , l was use to a coupled life and l preferred it in all those ways. l was just feeling though that any physical side would just turn it into a full blown relationship though and all the hassles that come with it and it was those l didn't want. 

But nah , tjat's not your ex's place now but not only , l'd think that type of thing would only hold you both back from starting new lives. Sad though that's it's been some married ones too , see  , just turns me right off marriage / relationship stuff .

Yeah a few actually asked me when l wasn't interested in a physical thing , what about some platonic couple type thing, kinda share life like a real couple but separate rooms and nothing physical. But l know those probably would've turned in the end and things would've gotten messy, it'd wouldn't have been enough.

Another one did tell me outright though she only actually ever wanted something platonic for the future. She was feeling a lot like l was , just sick of all the bs and had lost total faith in anything marriage.

 

[Madbluejay]

I will have to look forward to the busy times of Spring and Summer to take away the idle times that tend to bring me down and causes  me to feel depressed and out of options.  I am lucky to have a funny dog who loves to watch tv...without my canine friend life would be unbearable.

 

 

 

Thanks for the response Chillii

Yeah....I am not too bummed out about being a free bird because there are advantages and benefits to be had. I do miss the intimate relationship with my ex..in the sense that I could confide personal feelings and feel safe....it’s something that I would not feel comfortable doing now with her because it’s like she is suddenly someone else....someone I don’t really know.

I do feel attracted to many women I know, some married who are obviously interested, and others who appear to be single, but I do my best to not feed any flames...don’t wanna start a fire.

Question:  Did those platonic relationship seeking ladies communicate their preferences to you from the start? Or did you ask what their outlook was about prospective partners?