buttercandy Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 I've got the hots for a guy at my work. Hes been there 5 years and I cant believe I never noticed him before. Hes quite reserved but very handsome. We've had random chats and I've kept my flirting in the office fairly low key and innocuous with him. However it has been obvious to another Male colleague. At the Christmas party I made a move. Whilst talking to him I held his hand under the table and when we walked out the bar I held his hand also. Nothing happened outside the bar and we said our goodbyes but since everyone is back after the holidays I get the feeling he has been avoiding me in the office and hasn't been coming to my end of the office since I've been back. We haven't even communicated to each other. He already told he did not have a girlfriend when I asked him at the party. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 Despite not having a girlfriend, it sounds like he is not comfortable with your attentions. Link to post Share on other sites
CloudyHead Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 He isn't interested in you. Office romances are tricky. Many businesses do not allow co-workers to date. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 OMG. You held his hand at a work function That just sounds so painfully awkward & inappropriate. What did you do, just grab his hand & hang on? It makes it sound more like you had him in custody rather then a mutual need to touch. He's avoiding you because you were so out of bounds. Refocus your energy elsewhere because this is going to end with a complaint against you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 Back in the "old" days, workplace was considered a likely place to find your significant other. Now, however, "workplace romance" = "fast path to unemployment" (in many cases.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author buttercandy Posted February 3, 2020 Author Share Posted February 3, 2020 7 hours ago, d0nnivain said: OMG. You held his hand at a work function That just sounds so painfully awkward & inappropriate. What did you do, just grab his hand & hang on? It makes it sound more like you had him in custody rather then a mutual need to touch. He's avoiding you because you were so out of bounds. Refocus your energy elsewhere because this is going to end with a complaint against you. It was under the table and where no one saw and on the way out of the bar when others had left he only let go of my hand when we were outside and other colleagues were there. As I have said since coming back to work it seems as if he is avoiding me. The only get out clause i can use is that i was drunk and cant remember much about that night. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 It's not where you were located or how discretely you held his hand. It's that you did it at all. the way you described it wasn't that you each held hands. It was that you took the initiative to touch him & he didn't know how to pull away / drop your hand once you grabbed onto him. It reads like unwelcome contact from his perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
Author buttercandy Posted February 3, 2020 Author Share Posted February 3, 2020 23 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: It's not where you were located or how discretely you held his hand. It's that you did it at all. the way you described it wasn't that you each held hands. It was that you took the initiative to touch him & he didn't know how to pull away / drop your hand once you grabbed onto him. It reads like unwelcome contact from his perspective. Ok fair enough give me a break at least I tried I'm good looking girl what's worse not trying and having regrets it takes guts for a girl to make a move in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 I do applaud your forthrightness. I believe in going after somebody if you want to date them. However there is a difference between assertive & aggressive. Also at work the behavior must be very subtle. If you told me that you said to the guy "hey let's get out of here" then the two of you went to a nearby bar I'd be cheering for you. How you went about this is where I think you erred. Now that the guy is shying away from you at work is an indication that the conduct was unwelcome. Do not pursue this further. You don't want him to file a complaint. Link to post Share on other sites
Author buttercandy Posted February 3, 2020 Author Share Posted February 3, 2020 22 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I do applaud your forthrightness. I believe in going after somebody if you want to date them. However there is a difference between assertive & aggressive. Also at work the behavior must be very subtle. If you told me that you said to the guy "hey let's get out of here" then the two of you went to a nearby bar I'd be cheering for you. How you went about this is where I think you erred. Now that the guy is shying away from you at work is an indication that the conduct was unwelcome. Do not pursue this further. You don't want him to file a complaint. I wouldn't go near him now anyhow. It was my other colleague that got up and he got up to leave aswell. Strange though if was the other way round it seems that the guy continues to persue even if the girl dosnt want it. As I said before I can blame the drink Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 Yeah, he may not like you, but it sounds more likely he's worried about the whole pen in company ink thing and possible consequences. Make sure you get his number so that if one or the other of you ever leaves you can call him up and ask him out (IF you're not already with someone else by then). Link to post Share on other sites
Author buttercandy Posted February 3, 2020 Author Share Posted February 3, 2020 3 hours ago, vla1120 said: Back in the "old" days, workplace was considered a likely place to find your significant other. Now, however, "workplace romance" = "fast path to unemployment" (in many cases.) We still have to believe in love. We spend most of our time with work ppl relations are bound to develop. My boss and colleague a prime example. Link to post Share on other sites
Author buttercandy Posted February 3, 2020 Author Share Posted February 3, 2020 26 minutes ago, mark clemson said: Yeah, he may not like you, but it sounds more likely he's worried about the whole pen in company ink thing and possible consequences. Make sure you get his number so that if one or the other of you ever leaves you can call him up and ask him out (IF you're not already with someone else by then). Thank you. I hope he dosnt dislike me that much not many guys do. I'm going away to a far away country for a month in a few weeks he wont see me again for a long time.... Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 1 minute ago, buttercandy said: We still have to believe in love. We spend most of our time with work ppl relations are bound to develop. My boss and colleague a prime example. I agree with that and work is where I met my first husband of 32 years (at least it lasted for 32 years?) Unfortunately, in today's climate, it's too easy for things to go awry whether we're talking about "#metoo" or just having to awkwardly work with an ex, which is why many companies frown upon workplace romance. It's not worth your career. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 4 minutes ago, buttercandy said: I'm going away to a far away country for a month in a few weeks he wont see me again for a long time.... Ah, bummer. Oh well. Sounds like he's your past and not your future in that case anyhow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author buttercandy Posted February 3, 2020 Author Share Posted February 3, 2020 32 minutes ago, mark clemson said: Ah, bummer. Oh well. Sounds like he's your past and not your future in that case anyhow. Well based on his avoidance behaviour towards me it's probably best I'm not around and he can carry on with having a friday night dinner with a 'friend' who is not his girlfriend. I wanted to go back to this country for a while and he asked if I would ever go again that, I told him never say never. So there you go. Problem solved. I go and he dosnt have to stress or avoid me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted February 3, 2020 Share Posted February 3, 2020 Hey Buttercandy. I’m curious about your name. I like it. But is it like butterscotch or? Link to post Share on other sites
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