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Are you your own worst enemy?


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It's true I haven't been here for long, but in this short time I've seen a lot of people say a lot of things where I'm like, oh yeah. I can see why you're having the problems you are having. A big reason is the "women (girls) do this/are like this" and men do this (are like this), and also just a major f***ing negativity.

"No one likes me. I'm not gorgeous therefore I can't attract people" 

Well guess what? Most people are not gorgeous and yet most people have found a partner. My SIL is overweight and not the best person in the world, but for over 25 years she has had my brother who is loyal, good looking and supportive. 

My BIL is ill, lazy, opinionated and skinnier than a skeleton, but he has my sister who is gorgeous, loving, helpful and giving. 

"Why would anyone date a woman over 45" (Why would any woman date you if that is your attitude? Every woman, if she's lucky, is going to be over 45 eventually. And you as well. )

"Men can't communicate." (Well guess what. Lots of women can't communicate effectively either)

"She's hot so she can get anyone" That is true. Can she get anyone who's worth having? Are you worth having? 

"You can't trust men/women." "Men/women now/in America/whatever are untrustworthy. I'm going to look for someone in Russia."  (Men and women both do things that are crappy, EVERYWHERE. Men and women both f*** around. Men and women both get away with a lot. Men have felt free to screw around for centuries. Women have discovered that now they can too without being beheaded.)

If you're generalizing about the opposite gender or about the place they're from, you are fighting against your own best interests. If you say "Men are like this" or "women are like this" then I just go, wow, you're alone? How surprising! 

We are all hurt. We are all looking to be loved.

We are all looking to be loved. 

We all have made mistakes. We all have put our love and faith and time and efforts into someone undeserving, and maybe some of us have been undeserving ourselves. 

We all have to look at ourselves and our own roles in our misery. We all have to accept that there are people who do s***ty things. We all have to accept that maybe sometimes we punch beyond our weight and that MAYBE if that even succeeds we are in putting ourselves in a worse place. 

If you're making up some blanket statement about other people –– the other gender, some magical perfect time in history, some magical place --  then you are not only deluding yourself but you are also hurting yourself. 

I urge all of you (and me) to accept our roles in  the reason we find ourselves here, in the places we find ourselves in our lives, and open ourselves to learning, improving and accepting. 

 

 

Edited by VioletVelvet
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I think I may have seen a few of your posts, but welcome. And without a shadow of a doubt, I was and very likely still am my worst enemy. 

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6 minutes ago, The Outlaw said:

I think I may have seen a few of your posts, but welcome. And without a shadow of a doubt, I was and very likely still am my worst enemy. 

Welcome to the club! 

I am an exceptionally giving and caring person, and also (I feel the need to apologize beforehand) exceptionally attractive. And yet with two major relationships in my life they have both been untrustworthy, deceitful and maybe even evil in one case.

Out of all the people I could have chosen, why did I choose them? They may have been talented in their deceit, but I'm not stupid. So what within me made me choose them? 

I can be angry with them, sure, and I am. But I have to also recognize my own role in this, whatever it is. I just hope I figure it out before my next relationship. 

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18 minutes ago, VioletVelvet said:

Welcome to the club! 

I am an exceptionally giving and caring person, and also (I feel the need to apologize beforehand) exceptionally attractive. And yet with two major relationships in my life they have both been untrustworthy, deceitful and maybe even evil in one case.

Out of all the people I could have chosen, why did I choose them? They may have been talented in their deceit, but I'm not stupid. So what within me made me choose them? 

I can be angry with them, sure, and I am. But I have to also recognize my own role in this, whatever it is. I just hope I figure it out before my next relationship. 

The thread just rang an old, but still very familiar bell. My own family has told me that I'm my own worst enemy, and that couldn't be far from the truth. There's a long and ugly story behind it, but it's still true. It's just something we all have to find our way around.

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Each person has more control over their own life than anyone or anything else does. So it's sort of does stand to reason that we are our own worst enemy if things aren't going well or if we're not handling it the right way when they go wrong. 

 

I disagree that we're all looking for love. I think there are some people who are just looking for status or sex or money.

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Well , l'm not single but l'm mainly only here because for some stupid reason l've always been fascinated with relationship stuff, go figure eh.

But yeah , l agree with ya and have wasted many a post trying to point this or that out, deaf ears , but especially on the looks thing , or attractiveness as most  like to call it. l originally use to think shyt  , they must be all models round here or something the way they bang on and on about it but over time l've come to see through snippets in different posts that actually most banging on about all that are far far from it.    Go figure that one too.    l've come to the conclusion most have just obviously never been out their front door or to a shopping mall where they'd see what the real world is really like.

But yeah , and for many other reasons sabotaging themselves with some silly games or other or taking too much notice of the internet,  y/tube and lots of other reasons.     l dunno , l can only scratch my head at all the hoo haa tbh and so often just think well, ahh, no wonder.

 

Edited by chillii
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I couldn't agree more. 

The thing I want to yell out is "You Are Not Special!"   (And I'm not special and that person over there is not special.  We're all degrees of average)

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Amen!

Accepting our role in our circumstances is a difficult task. It takes a lot of humility, self-awareness, emotional maturity,  it's not at the reach to everyone. 

 

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14 hours ago, preraph said:

disagree that we're all looking for love. I think there are some people who are just looking for status or sex or money.

Yes true. I do think most people eventually look for love, especially once they realize these three things aren't worth too much in the end. 

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