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Would it be wrong to go on a date while I still have feelings for antoher girl?

BigB

By BigB,
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BigB

BigB

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There is this girl I know from work that has been trying to get me to ask her out for over a month now, we email back and forth. She's no longer a co-worker BTW.

 

However, I still have very strong feelings for another girl(one of my close friends). The girl I have feelings for has a boyfriend though, so I pretty much have to move on and try to get over her.

 

So, will going on a date or spending time with this girl from work maybe help me get over my friend?

 

Would it be wrong to ask this girl from work out while my head/heart is still stuck on my friend?

 

Part of me feels that I might hurt the girl from work in the process, she seems to like me a lot, and I'd hate to make her think my feelings for her are stronger than they are, but I also haven't been on a date in 7 years and feel like maybe I should give it a shot.

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slubberdegullion

slubberdegullion

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...I pretty much have to move on and try to get over her...

You answered your own question.

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JS17

JS17

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I agree with slubberdegullion, I think you answered your own question.

 

You have to move on and this girl can help you. In many relationships one person is more sure of their feelings or has stronger feelings than the other person. You don't have to be the one with the stronger feelings ever time.

 

I think you should go out with her and if nothing else get the experience. Who knows, you might even develop feelings for her ;)

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elijahBailey

elijahBailey

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Would it be wrong to ask this girl from work out while my head/heart is still stuck on my friend?

 

No man, it wouldn't. We all need backups :p

 

One of my buddies went out with his backup girl after the girl he had feelings decided not to give him a chance. He eventually got over the latter and married the former. Nothing wrong with that. I can see myself doing the same thing :)

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ReluctantRomeo

ReluctantRomeo

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Would it be wrong to ask this girl from work out while my head/heart is still stuck on my friend?

 

Er, yes.

 

Sorry to disturb the cosy consensus. But I think it's dishonest and unfair to lead someone on when you're not emotionally available.

 

Now, if the new girl knows the score - that you're moving on from someone else - and you're genuinely moving on and she's still interested... that's honest and fair.

 

No one deserves to be just a backup. Not without knowing their position.

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BigB

BigB

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Er, yes.

 

Sorry to disturb the cosy consensus. But I think it's dishonest and unfair to lead someone on when you're not emotionally available.

 

Now, if the new girl knows the score - that you're moving on from someone else - and you're genuinely moving on and she's still interested... that's honest and fair.

 

No one deserves to be just a backup. Not without knowing their position.

 

So maybe let her know I'm still getting over my friend, and suggest something casual like coffee or some other non-date activity, and see if she's still interested?

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ReluctantRomeo

ReluctantRomeo

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So maybe let her know I'm still getting over my friend, and suggest something casual like coffee or some other non-date activity, and see if she's still interested?

 

That sounds kind and honest to me. I think these qualities are as important to you as they are to me.

 

Or even just invite her for the coffee. But if things start to move, just drop in that you're not quite ready to date yet - still getting over someone.

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JS17

JS17

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That sounds kind and honest to me. I think these qualities are as important to you as they are to me.

 

Or even just invite her for the coffee. But if things start to move, just drop in that you're not quite ready to date yet - still getting over someone.

 

I don't know...BigB did not go out with this girl. He just liked her and is starting to realize she's not interested. It's different than if he just got out of a relationship.

 

BigB, are you sure you're not ready to date yet? I think you'll scare her away by telling her that you're still getting over someone. I'm not saying be dishonest but if you want to tell her, make sure tell her that you had feelings for your friend but it didn't work out. I would see a huge difference in someone that just got out of a relationship versus someone who was just getting over a disappointment.

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alphamale

alphamale

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Would it be wrong to ask this girl from work out while my head/heart is still stuck on my friend?

Surely you jest, BIGB....:laugh:

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BigB

BigB

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I don't know...BigB did not go out with this girl. He just liked her and is starting to realize she's not interested. It's different than if he just got out of a relationship.

 

BigB, are you sure you're not ready to date yet? I think you'll scare her away by telling her that you're still getting over someone. I'm not saying be dishonest but if you want to tell her, make sure tell her that you had feelings for your friend but it didn't work out. I would see a huge difference in someone that just got out of a relationship versus someone who was just getting over a disappointment.

 

It's not that I'm not ready to date yet, I am. It's just that part of me might feel guilty dateing this girl while most of my feelings are still directed towards my friend.

 

and no, I didn't date my friend, it was a case of bad timing, and me not letting my feelings be known soon enough.

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BigB

BigB

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oh, and I should add.

 

I'd probably feel better about this if the girl from work asked me out, but she hasn't, she just keeps dropping huge hints.( like telling me what day's she's off work in every e-mail, calling me sweet, adding little "xoxo"'s at the end of email's etc.)

 

I guess part of me is afraid that asking her out will miss-represent my feelings for her.

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JS17

JS17

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oh, and I should add.

 

I'd probably feel better about this if the girl from work asked me out, but she hasn't, she just keeps dropping huge hints.( like telling me what day's she's off work in every e-mail, calling me sweet, adding little "xoxo"'s at the end of email's etc.)

 

I guess part of me is afraid that asking her out will miss-represent my feelings for her.

 

Of course she's not asking you out, she's dumping signals on you and you're acting completely uninterested. She'd have to be a fool to ask you out. You're going to have to give her a sign that you're interested if you have any hope of getting her to ask you out.

 

I think you're worrying too much about this. You don't need to lay all of your cards out on the table on date 1. What if you both decide that you don't like each other on date 1 then all that worrying and time spent telling her how hung up you are on someone else would have been worthless. Just go out with her a couple of times, see if you like her or not and then decide what to do. Keep in mind, you don't know what she's been through or what her intentions are. Just b/c she's giving you signals to ask her out doesn't mean that she's necessarily looking for you to be her boyfriend, she may be or she may be looking for something casual. ;)

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elijahBailey

elijahBailey

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aww, come one BigB, I know you're one nice guy. But nice guys don't usually get the girls :D You don't show all your cards when you play poker right?...... or do ya? :eek:

 

Plus, you can channel all your energy into this girl so you can get over the other one. I wouldn't tell her man.

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ReluctantRomeo

ReluctantRomeo

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It's just that part of me might feel guilty dateing this girl while most of my feelings are still directed towards my friend.

 

and no, I didn't date my friend, it was a case of bad timing, and me not letting my feelings be known soon enough.

 

Well, if it's just that, push the old girl out of your head as much as possible and go dating. For some reason, I had the impression it had been more serious.

 

And JS is right - new girl is dropping enough hints. So set your heart on new girl and go for it - no second thoughts, no regrets. Whichever girl you're with deserves that.

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megabit15

megabit15

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Yeah, ask her out. You will never develop feelings for anyone else if you don't put yourself out there. You may end up liking the new girl even better, but ya never know until you try. ;)

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brittanyjean259

brittanyjean259

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yeah see if you had been in a LT realationship...thatd be different...

 

 

go for it and just see if you like her...

 

doesnt sound like a serious rebound or anything

 

 

BUT REBOUNDS ARE BAD and wrong, haha the reason why i hate them well is because my LT ex has rebounded GR

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gevoraksix

gevoraksix

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It would be wrong if you misrepresent your feeling for whoever your dating.

Just state your casually dating,not looking for anything serious,getting over someone you don't need to go into details about your ex .

I think It will be the start of you getting over ex.

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