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Online dating: he seriously exaggerated his height, how to let him down politely?

Hopeful30

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Hopeful30

Hopeful30

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Went on a date this weekend with a man I met online. His profile indicated that he was only one inch shorter than me. While I prefer a man who is taller, I am flexible in my preferences to some degree. He indicated on his profile that he is 5'9, which is one inch shorter than my 5'10. I was hesitant at first, but after prolonged conversation, I developed a liking to him! 

On our date, I purposefully wore flat shoes in consideration of his height. When we met, he was several inches shorter than indicated!!! Gentleman, why do you lie about your height? This isn't something you can get away with when you meet. I was so disappointed! He was 5'6 or 5'7 at most! I felt like I was walking around with my little brother. I don't exactly feel like a lady when I'm physically much bigger than my man. 

I'm so disappointed because if he was closer to my height or taller, I wouldn't feel so awkward and would definitely agree to a second date. How do I let him down politely? 

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Ruby Slippers

Ruby Slippers

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Personally, I'd be straight with him and tell him why - politely. He needs to know he's wasting time and money with this underhanded approach. Hopefully he gets the message and stops LYING.

If you're not comfortable with that, just tell him you didn't feel a connection.

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Gr8fuln2020

Gr8fuln2020

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Ha ha :D This is the kind of deception that many pull, but not always about height. Tell him that you don't feel there was enough of a connect (mostly true) and wish him luck.

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Cookiesandough

Cookiesandough

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Harsh xD Tell him the date fell short of your expectations haha. No. Polite. Hmm. Just message you weren’t feeling it and wish him the best of luck. Be direct but use vague words like “chemistry”, “connection”, or “spark”. 

Edited by Cookiesandough
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Hopeful30

Hopeful30

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1 minute ago, smackie9 said:

Tell him, "Not interested in pursuing this any further, wish you all the best..."

I like this approach. It's honest and vague.

Would it be rude if I told him that I met another man that I feel is more suitable for me? And that I want to pursue that?

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Cookiesandough

Cookiesandough

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That’s too vague though. I guarantee you he will ask “why”. So yes, have a more thorough excuse ready like you met someone else 

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preraph

preraph

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He deserves to be called out on it. I would say I'm not interested in seeing you anymore because you lied about your height.

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Twizzlestick

Twizzlestick

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Say at the end..

 

“I’m not one to tell Tall tales, I’m going to be straight Up. The date fell Short of my expectations. Being so honest has made me feel quite small, and don’t blame you if you’re a tiny bit disappointed.

I wouldn’t blame you if you got really short with me or cut me down to size. I had to have a mini think to myself in the toilet about this. I’ve worked myself up over telling you. I didn’t plan it to come out like this - I’m making such a small thing sound big!  Err... mmm. Errr

....This isn’t going well. So, er.. I’ll leg it now and hit the high road. Where’s my coat? Oh there it is behind you. Do me a favour and pass it over. Can you reach? Thanks. The red one! Ha, do you like it?  Makes me feel like Snow Whit.... haha ha eerrr.. yeah...

 

Oh! Watch your head on the way out, there’s a low doorwa..

mm...... never mind. Cheerio?!”

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Gaeta

Gaeta

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Why would you pretend you didn't notice? He knew he was lying and he did it in the hope you'd see past it. Don't let him off the hook that easily. If you pretend you didn't notice his lie he'll just keep on lying to women, then we women wonder why there are so many liars online. The reason is maybe we don't confront them. 

 

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Hopeful30

Hopeful30

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8 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Does he deserve to be let down politely?
He lied about his height.
Did he really think you wouldn't notice?

I honestly don't know, but the date was great! He was such a gentleman, I saw by his behaviours that he knows how to take care of a woman. He was friendly, showed me a good time, picked up the tab. I genuinely enjoyed the date. He even took me to a historical site afterwards and gave me private access to some viewing areas. 

Ohhh if only I didn't feel like I was babysitting (((

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Cookiesandough

Cookiesandough

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It’s my understanding from what I’ve seen here that it’s very hard for guys OLDing  to get dates unless they state they are at least 6’ their profiles. :(  Is it right that he lied? No. Is it understandable? Kind of. 

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Ruby Slippers

Ruby Slippers

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He knows he's at a disadvantage with his height and was hoping you'd overlook it. But it's dishonest and manipulative to lure you to the date under false pretenses.

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

If you pretend you didn't notice his lie he'll just keep on lying to women, then we women wonder why there are so many liars online. 

He may continue lying about it, most likely will, but I agree it's better to let him know that it was a deal-breaker for you.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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He lied about his height.  You lying about meeting another man doesn't help things. 

You can say you are not interested & leave it at that.  If he unwisely persists for a more specific answer at that point you can tell him it's his height & that he should not have exaggerated. . . 1 inch OK fine but more then that is a problem.  I'm 5'6 1/2" but I usually tell people I'm 5'7" so I will grant folks a little wiggle room 

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Hopeful30

Hopeful30

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2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

It’s my understanding from what I’ve seen here that it’s very hard for guys OLDing  to get dates unless they state they are at least 6’ their profiles. :(  Is it right that he lied? No. Is it understandable? Kind of. 

I agree, which is why I don't understand why men lie about it. Isn't it easier for women to avoid meeting you than to meet you and then reject you? They are doing this to themselves. 

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elaine567

elaine567

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5 minutes ago, Hopeful30 said:

the date was great! He was such a gentleman, I saw by his behaviours that he knows how to take care of a woman. He was friendly, showed me a good time, picked up the tab. I genuinely enjoyed the date. He even took me to a historical site afterwards and gave me private access to some viewing areas. 

He was trying to schmooze you, so that you didn't bin him due to his height...
BUT if he hadn't lied then he would have had no need to schmooze and suck up to you.
You would have been there because his height was acceptable to you.

It's all a bit manipulative.

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SumGuy

SumGuy

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I disagree about being specific for him.   It's true you are not feeling the connection, part the height and part the deception.   Getting specific can open it up to accusations, and explanations, etc, etc.  Asking why is generally not good form, hopefully he doesn't but can always leave it to not feeling that chemistry.

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Hopeful30

Hopeful30

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14 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

He was trying to schmooze you, so that you didn't bin him due to his height...
BUT if he hadn't lied then he would have had no need to schmooze and suck up to you.
You would have been there because his height was acceptable to you.

It's all a bit manipulative.

I don't agree. Just because a man is nice doesn't mean he's trying to make up for something that is lacking. He was genuinely a good guy. I guess he hoped that he wouldn't be rejected for his height, but he's perpetuating the rejection by lying about it. There are plenty of short women who wouldn't mind his 5'7 stature.

 

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Andy_K

Andy_K

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25 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

It’s my understanding from what I’ve seen here that it’s very hard for guys OLDing  to get dates unless they state they are at least 6’ their profiles. :(  Is it right that he lied? No. Is it understandable? Kind of. 

You'd be shocked how much difference it makes. I'm 5'11", and have been unmatched after mentioning this before. A friend of mine however, is 6' dead on... one inch taller. And he gets nothing but compliments on this.

So I find it's best to say 180cm. It's the '6 foot' of the metric system :D

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SumGuy

SumGuy

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6 minutes ago, Hopeful30 said:

I don't agree. Just because a man is nice doesn't mean he's trying to make up for something that is lacking. He was genuinely a good guy. I guess he hoped that he wouldn't be rejected for his height, but he's perpetuating the rejection by lying about it. There are plenty of short women who wouldn't mind his 5'7 stature.

 

Exactly, isn't average height for women in the US like 5'4" or 5'5."     

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Andy_K

Andy_K

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43 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Does he deserve to be let down politely?
He lied about his height.
Did he really think you wouldn't notice?

More likely he figured there's a chance if she likes him enough in person, 2-3 inches in height could be overlooked. He lied because a small chance of his height and deception being overlooked is better to him than zero chance of getting a date in the first place. Perhaps if OP was 5'1", she'd be much less likely to be able to tell the difference between 5'7" and 5'9". Either way, this is just a gamble on his part to get a foot in the door

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Hopeful30

Hopeful30

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3 minutes ago, Andy_K said:

You'd be shocked how much difference it makes. I'm 5'11", and have been unmatched after mentioning this before. A friend of mine however, is 6' dead on... one inch taller. And he gets nothing but compliments on this.

That's ridiculous 😂 

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Mystery4u

Mystery4u

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It's been one date. You don't owe some massive explanation. Just say you enjoyed the date but don't feel anything will develop and wish him the best.

Personally I could never date a woman who was taller than me so I get where you are coming from.

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