Online dating: he seriously exaggerated his height, how to let him down politely?

[RecentChange]

2 minutes ago, Art_Critic said:

I have always said that a woman just wants to have a fun time and laugh on a date, show her that and she will be yours.. height is a non factor in how much fun someone will have on a date.

To an extent, I agree.

But people do have preferences. I am 5'6" so on the taller end of average, plus muscular build (not petite). I never had these "must be 6 foot" type requirements, but it's pretty important to me that a guy is "bigger" than me. Built and masculine enough for me to be feminine in contrast.

I went on a online date once, where like the OP's story the guy lied about his stature. He was cute, funny, smart / PhD, but he was little. I was pretty candid about it. I remember him convincing me to kiss him, like somehow it would make it go away. My response, hum, you are a good kisser, but, I am sorry, you make me feel like a Goliath. Still a no.

My own husband is 5'10" on a good day. In heels I am as tall as him. But he has all those other qualities that delight me, and he is built, big broad guy with huge shoulders, and his friends joke "gorilla strength". Next to him I feel feminine.

I have also dated tall guys who weren't nearly as masculine as he is. 

[smackie9]

Even tho this is hotly debated over what she should say... I can't imagine why he would even bother when he already knows the answer. He's just one of those that thinks he has no other option than to lie, like all the others that lie about their age, their weight, etc.

[Mrin]

4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

It’s my understanding from what I’ve seen here that it’s very hard for guys OLDing  to get dates unless they state they are at least 6’ their profiles.   Is it right that he lied? No. Is it understandable? Kind of. 

I am 5'10" and get dates all the time on OLD when I use it. But I do think 5'10" is sort of at the edge of a range and things my drop off quickly after that. 

[Ellener]

29 minutes ago, Art_Critic said:

height is a non factor in how much fun someone will have on a date.

It should be.

No wonder people lie...if he's a nice guy and you like him except a shorter guy than a woman is simply a deal-breaker?

Why? What difference does height make?

Dont get it, sorry.

[Interstellar]

What a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive. Since online dating is rolling the dice anyway, then he should’ve just gotten a really nice professional photograph and hope that a gorgeous gal will overlook his height. Because those horse jockeys, formula 1 drivers, and moto gp riders they have tall wives don’t they? and they’re 5’5 - 5’7. But then again there’s also a cool factor on the last two occupations.
 

[preraph]

I agree that the cool factor can overcome a lot of preferences. My crowd was a music crowd and there were lots of cool shorter guys who were popular with the women. And honestly we didn't have too many short women in our crowd. I'm struggling to think of one. 

[Mrin]

19 minutes ago, RecentChange said:

To an extent, I agree.

But people do have preferences. I am 5'6" so on the taller end of average, plus muscular build (not petite). I never had these "must be 6 foot" type requirements, but it's pretty important to me that a guy is "bigger" than me. Built and masculine enough for me to be feminine in contrast.

I went on a online date once, where like the OP's story the guy lied about his stature. He was cute, funny, smart / PhD, but he was little. I was pretty candid about it. I remember him convincing me to kiss him, like somehow it would make it go away. My response, hum, you are a good kisser, but, I am sorry, you make me feel like a Goliath. Still a no.

My own husband is 5'10" on a good day. In heels I am as tall as him. But he has all those other qualities that delight me, and he is built, big broad guy with huge shoulders, and his friends joke "gorilla strength". Next to him I feel feminine.

I have also dated tall guys who weren't nearly as masculine as he is. 

Ya. Wish I had read this post before responding above. As I mentioned I am 5'10" and have never run into any issues getting dates. But - I'm also built like a linebacker and can get gainz with a hearty sneeze so I doubt any woman would feel "bigger" than me. 

[preraph]

I can tell just from being on loveshack that I am not the norm where height preferences are concerned. I mean I like a tall guy as much as the next person, but my yardstick for tall is whether the guy is my height or higher. And even then I am flexible. My boundary on it like a couple of people I've seen make comments on here, it's when the guy is so short that he feels like a kid to you. I mean it's not his fault, but at some point if they're really really short, it's just hard to do. I feel really bad for those guys. 

[Mrin]

Back to the OP's question. Either just be vague and call it off or, if you really want to try and help him, say this:

Some women have height hangups. I'm one of them. But there are a lot of women out there that don't. However - all woman worthy of your attention will have deception hang ups. Period. Full stop. I'd really hate to see you lose someone who you might otherwise be perfectly matched with simply because you chose to lie about your height. 

[Interstellar]

3 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Agreed. I wonder about this too. If I were a man on the shorter side and felt the need to do this, I wouldn’t go for women that dwarfed me. If the woman was 5’1, I feel like those 2 or so inches would be less noticed...

If you happen to be a man and you’re confident. You’d certainly overlook the height factor if she has a pretty face and nice body.

 

[Cookiesandough]

nevermind!!!!

Edited February 4, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Kitty Tantrum]

I actually have no idea how tall my husband is. All I know is that I can just about look him in the eyes when I wear my taller heels (which are actually not that tall, lol). He might actually be the shortest man I've ever been with. But he's broad enough and sturdy enough to make me feel petite even when I've got a few extra pounds. He turns me on like nothing else and he's damn near perfect for me.

I'm so glad he never lied to me about his height or his age or any other such detail... because then I would not be with him, no matter how sad that made me. Lies are lies are lies.

Edited February 4, 2020 by Kitty Tantrum

[thefooloftheyear]

59 minutes ago, preraph said:

I can tell just from being on loveshack that I am not the norm where height preferences are concerned. I mean I like a tall guy as much as the next person, but my yardstick for tall is whether the guy is my height or higher. And even then I am flexible. 

Like 95% of the women I have ever met in my life feel the same way you do... You are pretty much the norm..

TFY

[basil67]

Ditto.  Every guy I've gotten serious with has been a little taller or a little shorter than me.  

[Cookiesandough]

I just had a thought to add to this topic. A lot of people, myself included, making and laughing at height puns. I guess I feel bad for doing that. What if it were about weight? It would be inappropriate. And that is usually more possible to change. I never see anyone complaining here about they can’t get a date because of their weight, but I see guys here mention height it their list of problems getting a date. This is something some people really feel they struggle with. I am sorry. 

Edited February 4, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Gr8fuln2020]

7 hours ago, Hopeful30 said:

On our date, I purposefully wore flat shoes in consideration of his height. When we met, he was several inches shorter than indicated!!! Gentleman, why do you lie about your height? This isn't something you can get away with when you meet. I was so disappointed! He was 5'6 or 5'7 at most! I felt like I was walking around with my little brother. I don't exactly feel like a lady when I'm physically much bigger than my man. 

I'm so disappointed because if he was closer to my height or taller, I wouldn't feel so awkward and would definitely agree to a second date. How do I let him down politely? 

This sounds like the deception AND the fact the guy was much shorter is the issue. She admits that she would have gone for a second date if he weren't as he is, so the deception itself doesn't seem to the the overriding factor. Just he deceived too much in the other direction. I'm surprised...he was a nice guy. Why not simply give it a go...because he is a nice guy after all. Some may accuse you of being...shallow.

Also, I am 5'6, have dated women shorter and up to 5'10...women DO have a strong preference for taller men. Sometimes absurdly so.

[Ruby Slippers]

The simple fact is this: women prefer tall men (6'+ is ideal), just like men prefer pretty women (10/10 is ideal). It doesn't mean that women won't date and marry shorter men, nor that men won't date and marry less pretty women. But if most people could sculpt their ideal partner from clay, those ideal men would be tall and the ideal women would be pretty.

A man cannot control the height he's born with, and a woman cannot control the facial features she was born with. Both can do certain things to maximize what they've got, but height and facial beauty are pretty much genetic lottery. The only real difference is that women can much more easily fake pretty than men can fake tall. A woman can easily fool anyone in public before the makeup comes off, including the man and any onlookers.

However, none of this excuses lying or faking. I think a man lying about his height on a dating site is equivalent to a woman lying by posting photos that do not reflect her real appearance. Pretty much every guy I ever met from a dating site said, "Wow, you look exactly like your pictures, even better in person!" like it was this special thing. Come to find out, it was! I never really understood till I read online how common it is for people to post very misleading pics. 

Trying to trick someone into liking you is never a good bet. Better is to learn to be confident with what you have and let things happen naturally. 

Edited February 4, 2020 by Ruby Slippers

[chillii]

Had a funny story with a chick l met way back when. She said she was 5ft , well l'm 6ft give or take but when we met she was only about 4'6 , maybe not even, but she was that damn cute anyway l didn't care, suppose l might too if l was that height haha. But all night l'm chuckling in my head though at the little rascal adding ahh , quite a chunk really,  to her height .

But it might be weird , dunno. But l always say l'm 6ft , but l'm actually 6 1 1/2 ..so l actually take a bit off.  lt's just that l've often felt a bit intimidating , which l really don't like or want anyone to feel , especially a woman.  Dunno why , it seems even really short chicks still like tall guys.

Anyway op , it's fair enough you like a taller guy , could be back to the drawing board though.

 

Edited February 4, 2020 by chillii

[SincereOnlineGuy]

11 hours ago, Hopeful30 said:

How do I let him down politely? 

 

You don't have to be "polite" in this case.

 

You're not rejecting him because he's short.   

 

You are rejecting him because he LIED!

 

Only when people stop accepting the behavior they despise will others stop behaving that way.

 

 

[Twizzlestick]

Has he actually asked you out again? Might be pointless worrying if he doesn’t fancy you.

[nospam99]

Observation: A woman who is not 10/10 with respect to her face can, IMHO, do a LOT to improve her physical appeal, even without makeup, by working with her hair and body. And she wouldn't be 'faking it' because it's still 'her'. 'Vertically challenged' gentlemen, among whom I count myself, have little recourse other than lifts, which strays dangerously close to the lying that this topic is largely about.

However, I have learned something that I will incorporate into my life from this topic. It's the idea that women may not want height so much as size in general to feel that they are with a 'masculine' man. In that context, height is simply a genetic 'slam dunk' that a guy can pull off without effort. I'm going to modify by workout routine to go for a 'bulkier' balance (raise the resistance/aerobic ratio). It's no big deal i.e. not a significant change and I think it can only help. Thanks to the ladies of LS for bringing this up! Women on the street are simply unlikely to say 'hey, I think you'd be hotter if you bulked up'.

[Daisydooks]

I did say something in my case. Nicely. 

I'm 5'4" and have never found men who were over 5'11" a good fit for me personally because I'm short, little and dont care to be a tiny little side piece. Lol! The dynamics just never felt right to me with a man who was a foot or more taller.  I love to be able to kiss someone without jumping, cuddling works better when I fit better, sex is more comfortable... the list goes on. Physically, I definitely prefer shorter vs taller. 

I was taken on a date by a man who claimed to be a bit taller, like 6'2"? I put heels on because I was nervous about being so short... he was 6'2" after all!!! Lol!!!! He shows up to our date and no word of a lie we were the SAME HEIGHT!  HAHAHA I was in heels, yes, but again, I'm 5'4" so I still assumed he should be much taller than my 5'7" in heels. I excused myself to go to the bathroom to look at his profile again and sure enough in his profile 6'2". Then I think, hmmm! I must have grown! Nope. I hadnt. He was 5'8"

Had I known the truth, I would have just worn my flats, been comfy and had a fantastic time. We didnt click anyway and the feeling for me just wasnt there, but I was so confused why he would lie about it. It was noticable immediately, just like me saying something like "I'm a curvy girl," and then when he sees me I'm 5'4", 120lbs soaking wet and teeny. Lol I am not all that curvy, I'm short and skinny and muscular with well a proportioned frame but still dont feel I'm curvy. I have small boobs, very small waste, small but cute butt... still not curvy. I have never seen a reason to lie about things that would be blatantly obvious the second someone saw me 

Truth be told, I preferred his actual height. It didnt work out for other reasons, but it is something that has always remained in my memory. When I told him it just wasnt clicking, he assumed it was his height and said "I'm not tall enough am I?" I told him I preferred the height he was over the height he lied about. I told him our differences outside of height were the issue and I really hoped in the future he'd be more forthcoming about height, because he was attractive to me and the absolute perfect height. The lie was more unattractive than his height ever would have been. 

 

Edited February 4, 2020 by Daisydooks

[stillafool]

OP you have every right to call him out on his lies about his height just as men have the right to call out women who lie about their weight.  You were deceived and your time was wasted.   I'm 5'6 and when single once went out with a guy who was 5'4 because he was so good looking with a major body.  To me, height doesn't matter as long as he looks good.  I just lucked out with a 6'3 husband but I wasn't really looking for height.

[Pat77]

I have no problem with your reaction but the responses from women here would probably be way different if a guy posted that a women lied about her weight and didn’t want to continue.

he would be called shallow  and/or they’d said she would be justified in lying about her weight because of how shallow men are.. where here they want the guy tarred and feathered lol.

 

[Tamfana]

2 minutes ago, Pat77 said:

I have no problem with your reaction but the responses from women here would probably be way different if a guy posted that a women lied about her weight and didn’t want to continue.

he would be called shallow  and/or they’d said she would be justified in lying about her weight ...

 

Only by some women and not many here, at least not that I've seen. There's a pretty strong consensus that physical appearance matters to all or most people.