Online dating: he seriously exaggerated his height, how to let him down politely?

[nospam99]

Clarification: of the OLD sites I use, only match.com has a setting where the user can specify (and filter) the height range of the 'partner' they're 'looking for'. I'll be careful to make that clear in the future.

@RC. And yet plenty of 'short' women on Match set the top of their Looking For height range to 6'10'', which is the highest available value.

[Daisydooks]

17 hours ago, Ellener said:

It should be.

No wonder people lie...if he's a nice guy and you like him except a shorter guy than a woman is simply a deal-breaker?

Why? What difference does height make?

Dont get it, sorry.

She said why. Also, he lied which is not attractive. I stated the same too. What wasn't attractive was the lie, lack of confidence, and that itself was much more unattractive than bein g 5'9''. Men who rock 5'9'' and are honest about it? That's sexy 

[Daisydooks]

15 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

Pretty much every guy I ever met from a dating site said, "Wow, you look exactly like your pictures, even better in person!" like it was this special thing. Come to find out, it was! I never really understood till I read online how common it is for people to post very misleading pics

When I met my fiancé for the first time, his first words to me were, "wow, you are real!" He didn't believe I would look like my pics and had been tricked a time or two. One woman he went on a date with before me  actually showed up to a date, and she walked up to say hi as she spotted him in the restaurant they were going to... and he didn't even recognize her. He literally realized she was the date he was meeting like 10 seconds in because she looked nothing like her online profile... he swore her pics were of someone else entirely or from a decade previous. Hahaha

[Pat77]

20 minutes ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

I'm talking about slack in terms of numbers - obviously visual appearance is the bottom line and if she's FAT she's FAT, but fluctuations within that range  (10 lbs or so) are pretty dang normal (2-3 lb variation can be expected at different times of day), and not every gain amounts to pure fat. Nitpicking over LITERALLY TEN POUNDS would be a bit foolish. Ten pounds can go away in a matter of a couple weeks (less if it happens to be water weight - which a lot of women get at certain times during the month). Six inches of height cannot be gained in that time - nor, for most adult men, over ANY amount of time.

edit to add: my body soaks up extra water like some kinda sponge if I eat too much salt. A large Chinese takeout meal eaten over a couple of days can put 10 pounds on me easy, even if after a couple weeks my body fat is down and my weight drops lower than before (once I'm done atoning for my food-sins) because I was running a caloric deficit the whole time.

Weight fluctuation is real and unavoidable for most people. Height fluctuation ain't a thang.

(Secondary edit: except for like.. an inch or so per day. So if he's an inch shorter when he takes you to dinner than he thought he was when he wrote his profile at breakfast, cut him some slack... but 2+ inch deviation is plain false advertising.)

You can say the same exact  thing for women who have strict height standards and if a guy is an inch or two below that she won’t give him a shot. Does just   a few inches in height really make that much of a visual difference?

 

if the guy  with the same features except was just a few more inches taller he’d suddenly go from unattractive to attractive magically and vice versa?
 

 

 

 

 

Edited February 4, 2020 by Pat77

[Kitty Tantrum]

I'm not talking about what is or isn't visually attractive, really. That's not at all the grounds my principle stands on.

What I'm after is the truth of whether they LIED ABOUT IT to get a shot they didn't think they'd have otherwise, or if it's an understandable oversight.

A 5'8" man who puts 6'+ in his profile is obviously LYING - whereas a woman who shows up to a date weighing 150lbs while listing somewhere that she weighs 140 might just be having a bloaty day. See the difference?

Edit: in case it isn't obvious, the difference is that the woman in question may very well have been 140 lbs the last time she stepped on the scale. Ain't no way the 5'8" man in question measured in at 6'+ the last time he checked... unless there's a really interesting story to go with the change.

Edited February 4, 2020 by Kitty Tantrum

[sothereiwas]

Maybe he's a lot taller when he stands on his wallet.

[thefooloftheyear]

27 minutes ago, Pat77 said:

 

 

if the guy  with the same features except was just a few more inches taller he’d suddenly go from unattractive to attractive magically and vice versa?
 

 

 

 

 

Let me say this much about this...

Id say this(bolded) is BS...

Throw out, for a minute, the OP's scenario....She's on the far end of the spectrum...She's an outlier...

But all the rest?

Women, IME  are WAY more tolerant of physical

[Pat77]

3 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Let me say this much about this...

Id say this(bolded) is BS...

Throw out, for a minute, the OP's scenario....She's on the far end of the spectrum...She's an outlier...

But all the rest?

Women, IME  are WAY more tolerant of physical

Oh I agree I’m proof of that at only 5’8 I was just using it as an example because she was saying weight doesn’t make a visual difference.

I think old and sites like these skew things.. Because people are only talking about ideals here and stuff.. they meet the right person and it all goes out the window..

[Kitty Tantrum]

5 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

Maybe he's a lot taller when he stands on his wallet.

Admittedly, that might work for some women.

But to me, that's just gross. Any time a guy starts talking or dropping hints about money, wealth, whatever, to try to impress me... I start getting a feeling really similar to the feeling I get when I suddenly realize I've trod barefoot on dog poo. Even if he's not a liar.

And anyone who thinks they have enough "whatever" (enough money, enough charm, enough status) that it shouldn't matter if they are fundamentally dishonest ought to get bent.

1 minute ago, Pat77 said:

she was saying weight doesn’t make a visual difference.

Whoa, hold up. Who said that? I hope you're referring to someone else saying something that I missed because I sure as heck didn't say or imply that.

[stillafool]

4 hours ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

See, this is dumb. If you're not allowed to hit them anymore, what else are you supposed to do BUT hurt their feelings?! HOW ELSE THEY GONNA LEARN???

 

Who said anything about anyone hitting anybody?  What are you talking about?  And, what is dumb? Equality?

[Kitty Tantrum]

8 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Who said anything about anyone hitting anybody?  What are you talking about?  And, what is dumb? Equality?

Who said anything about equality? Don't spend too much time analyzing humor that you don't even like.

It's dumb to worry so much about people's feelings that you're afraid or unwilling to call them out for bad behavior. Such neglect serves to perpetuate such behavior.

[Hopeful30]

 

 

On 2/3/2020 at 6:25 PM, preraph said:

I think you should tell him the truth and see how nasty he gets about it gaslighting you and making you the bad guy, and then you can walk away with a clear conscious.

This is not who I am. I don't 'test' guys. I try to be honest about what I like or don't like.

 

On 2/3/2020 at 7:53 PM, BJP1991 said:

I’m amazed at all the responses telling OP to tell the guy “why” she doesn’t want to date him any longer. 
 

Youre promoting conflict - why?

If you think about it, by being honest, I am treating him with respect. So what if he lied to me? That's not who I am. By being true to ourselves, we help others become better people. I don't think it creates conflict. On the contrary, perhaps it brings him clarity about how his actions affect others. 

He texted me asking to call him during the week. I haven't, and I think he got the point that I'm not interested. 

 

On 2/3/2020 at 8:26 PM, Art_Critic said:

I have always said that a woman just wants to have a fun time and laugh on a date, show her that and she will be yours.. height is a non factor in how much fun someone will have on a date.

It's hard to have fun when  leaning into your guy means his face is in your breasts 😳 It doesn't feel like he's my 'equal', so to speak. 

 

On 2/3/2020 at 8:39 PM, RecentChange said:

My response, hum, you are a good kisser, but, I am sorry, you make me feel like a Goliath. Still a no.

I strongly resonate with this. It's not about the height itself, it's about how I want to FEEL. I am uncomfortable feeling large around my man. When we were walking down the street and saw a sketchy character, I thought to myself "I need to defend this guy if sh*t goes down, because I'm literally bigger than him." Women want to feel safe and secure with their man. I felt just as vulnerable as when I walk alone at nighttime...

 

On 2/3/2020 at 8:56 PM, Ellener said:

It should be.

No wonder people lie...if he's a nice guy and you like him except a shorter guy than a woman is simply a deal-breaker?

Why? What difference does height make?

Dont get it, sorry.

The difference is how I FEEL. I want to feel safe with my man. I want to feel protected. When I date smaller guys... who I can't even hide behind if something goes wrong... I don't exactly feel like I have a partner in crime. It's the FEELING I am after. For a tall woman, feeling feminine is important. Dating shorter guys elicits a feeling of largeness or bigness. What woman wants to feel large and big? We want to feel small, delicate and protected. It's a sexy feeling. 

Don't men also want to be around women who make them feel sexy? What man enjoys being belittled? Or with a condescending woman? He wants to feel like a MAN. He wants to feel BIG. Masculine. Strong.

As a tall woman who enjoys feeling delicate, small and feminine, height is a huge factor in this equation.

 

On 2/3/2020 at 9:00 PM, Interstellar said:

What a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive. Since online dating is rolling the dice anyway, then he should’ve just gotten a really nice professional photograph and hope that a gorgeous gal will overlook his height. Because those horse jockeys, formula 1 drivers, and moto gp riders they have tall wives don’t they? and they’re 5’5 - 5’7. But then again there’s also a cool factor on the last two occupations.
 

HA! His photographs WERE professional shots from a work event. Go figure. Although he was much better looking in real life. 

 

On 2/3/2020 at 10:39 PM, Cookiesandough said:

I just had a thought to add to this topic. A lot of people, myself included, making and laughing at height puns. I guess I feel bad for doing that. What if it were about weight? It would be inappropriate. And that is usually more possible to change. I never see anyone complaining here about they can’t get a date because of their weight, but I see guys here mention height it their list of problems getting a date. This is something some people really feel they struggle with. I am sorry. 

Height is permanent. Weight is temporary.

 

On 2/4/2020 at 2:28 PM, thefooloftheyear said:

But the shorter guys need to cut the OP some slack...She's HUGE for a woman...I cant blame her for not wanting to do this...She needs the Jolly Green Giant..

By calling me HUGE, you revealed yourself to be much smaller than 5'10 🤣 

 

On 2/4/2020 at 2:42 PM, Daisydooks said:

She said why. Also, he lied which is not attractive. I stated the same too. What wasn't attractive was the lie, lack of confidence, and that itself was much more unattractive than bein g 5'9''. Men who rock 5'9'' and are honest about it? That's sexy 

Well... even if he was super attractive and masculine, 5'6 is too short for me. 

 

On 2/4/2020 at 3:34 PM, Kitty Tantrum said:

And anyone who thinks they have enough "whatever" (enough money, enough charm, enough status) that it shouldn't matter if they are fundamentally dishonest ought to get bent.

I understand that men try to compensate for areas where they feel insecure. But why? Why would you want to be in a relationship where you need to compensate? Wouldn't men rather be with a woman who appreciates at loves them for exactly who they are? I know I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I need to compensate for perceived 'lack'. My  man needs to accept me for who I am, how I am. In all my colours. 

I am not willing to pretend that height is not important for me. That's cheating myself and others.

Edited February 10, 2020 by Hopeful30

[stillafool]

On 2/4/2020 at 12:14 PM, Ruby Slippers said:

I didn't say anything to suggest height is the only factor women care about. I have short friends and even they prefer tall men, 6'+. I find this a bit annoying, as I'd prefer that the short girls leave the tall men for tall women like me! But biology doesn't care.

Of course, as @Elswyth evidences, not all shorter women prefer tall men.

My husband said it's uncomfortable for a man his height to date shorter women.  He said it made his back hurt trying to kiss/hug them or slow dancing and they didn't match up well when snuggling.  I'm 5'6 but he mostly dated women 5'8 - 5'10 before me.

[Shining One]

1 hour ago, Hopeful30 said:

What woman wants to feel large and big? We want to feel small, delicate and protected. It's a sexy feeling.

I only ever hear women using this argument for vertical measurements, never horizontal. Thus, I always view it with skepticism.

[Hopeful30]

40 minutes ago, Shining One said:

I only ever hear women using this argument for vertical measurements, never horizontal. Thus, I always view it with skepticism.

It depends on the height difference. One or two inches isn't a big deal (my height is mostly in my legs, anyway). But when it comes to sex, it makes a difference.

In missionary, I've been with shorter men where as they're penetrating, they are struggling to reach my mouth for kisses. Or I need to crouch lower to reach them. It's awkward. Or when they're behind you and sex is on the side, their face is between my shoulder blades. That feels weird... I want to look over and have his delicious mouth to taste. Or doggy style. On their knees they can barely reach up to penetrate me (I have long legs). 

Sex with men my height or taller has always been more compatible and pleasurable.

[sothereiwas]

6 minutes ago, Hopeful30 said:

In missionary, I've been with shorter men where as they're penetrating, they are struggling to reach my mouth for kisses.

On the other hand, it's probably easy for them to work the boobs ....

[Kitty Tantrum]

57 minutes ago, Shining One said:

I only ever hear women using this argument for vertical measurements, never horizontal. Thus, I always view it with skepticism.

Well, I'd never date a man skinnier than me either, so there you go. 😜 I've heard a lot of my female friends over the years say the same.

[Daisydooks]

If a man is skinnier than I am, we have issues. I am teeny so it would be really hard to be skinnier than me without looking like they would break. 

Hahahaha I genuinely do not feel attracted to anyone my size or someone who has smaller muscles than I have. It just isnt even a turn on in the slightest. I totally get that.

When speaking about sex, I find men who are too tall very awkward as well. Have you ever had sex with someone a foot taller? Its awful. Hahahahaha Speaking about kissing in missionary... when I wanted to kiss him during sex, I got a nipple in the eyeball. His face was nowhere near mine. Doggy style? My feet werent even on the floor or his knees were bent so far down it was uncomfortable for him. Shower sex? Forget it. Hahahaha Its awkward AF! Hahahahaha I have never had sex with someone shorter than me, so I have no reference to sex with shorter men but reaching up to try to even kiss me during the act would be unsexy and would feel really odd having his face just reaching my boobs. 

 Haha Kissing, hugging, sex, it was all awkward. With tall men, your face is parallel to their belly button and you have to jump to kiss them, and it's not sexy either.  

I do agree that if I were 5'10', someone who is 4 inches shorter would not be ideal and I wouldnt be seeing them again, ESPECIALLY if they lied about it. 5'0" is much too short for me but I may send him on over to one of my best friends who is 4'10"! Hahaha  

 

[Daisydooks]

55 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

On the other hand, it's probably easy for them to work the boobs ....

Which is awesome for him 🤷🏼‍♀️ 🙄 Personally, I'm not as excited about his face in my boobs as he may be. 😂

[sothereiwas]

3 minutes ago, Daisydooks said:

Which is awesome for him

I guess that's your preference, most of the women I've been with ask for that, so I have to become a contortionist to satisfy the ask. I always think "jeez, it sure would be nice to be 8" shorter right now." Maybe some women are just amused by making guys twist into uncomfortable shapes ...

Edited February 10, 2020 by sothereiwas

[Daisydooks]

1 hour ago, Shining One said:

I only ever hear women using this argument for vertical measurements, never horizontal. Thus, I always view it with skepticism.

I posted below about vertical issues, as have others. 

I am 5'4" and 120lbs of solid muscle. I fit into a small tshirt, where my arms are more of a medium hahahaha. If my pipes are bigger than his, I wont feel turned on by his noodly arms. I want someone who can throw me around in bed, not someone I can throw around in bed. 

[Hopeful30]

2 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

I guess that's your preference, most of the women I've been with ask for that, so I have to become a contortionist to satisfy the ask. I always think "jeez, it sure would be nice to be 8" shorter right now." Maybe some women are just amused by making guys twist into uncomfortable shapes ...

To be quite honest, men are easy when it comes to sex. They are far less picky and take well to suggestion. After all, if it takes women many years to figure themselves out sexually, imagine how long it would take a man! We do the discovery work, we pass on the wisdom, all men have to do is oblige! It's a win-win.

Overall, I feel like people prefer partners with similar body types, similar mentalities, similar outlooks on life... Like attracts like.

[Daisydooks]

2 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

I guess that's your preference, most of the women I've been with ask for that, so I have to become a contortionist to satisfy the ask. I always think "jeez, it sure would be nice to be 8" shorter right now." Maybe some women are just amused by making guys twist into uncomfortable shapes ...

Hahahahahaha I choked reading that!!!!  I am of the same mindset with men. I swear they love getting women into some of the most awkward and uncomfy positions for their wild and crazy monkey sex fantasies 😂 We are an odd bunch, us humans! I've encountered this less as I've aged, and encountered it more with young men so I wont say it's all men. 

I have never understood men who like to give oral but want you to sit on their face with your legs spread around their head and shoulders where you're kneeling over their face. Just... no. Not for me. Haha  Its horribly uncomfortable and it's about the last position I will ever climax in making it that much harder to get me going. 

Lay me down / make me comfy and I will. If you want me to hang from the ceiling or straddle something while supporting myself spread eagle, I will not enjoy myself all that much. Lol. I'd probably be hard pressed to find a man who wanted to do a hand stand, support his body weight and properly focus on the BJ he was receiving when he could be so much more comfy seated or laying down for it though. Lol!!!! I sincerely hope I'm not alone in this or I I could potentially steer men wrong here. Hahahaha

[Marc878]

You see this all the time.

height, weight, age, etc.

oblivious that no one will notice?
dump and move on 

[chillii]

5 hours ago, Hopeful30 said:

 

 

This is not who I am. I don't 'test' guys. I try to be honest about what I like or don't like.

 

If you think about it, by being honest, I am treating him with respect. So what if he lied to me? That's not who I am. By being true to ourselves, we help others become better people. I don't think it creates conflict. On the contrary, perhaps it brings him clarity about how his actions affect others. 

He texted me asking to call him during the week. I haven't, and I think he got the point that I'm not interested. 

 

It's hard to have fun when  leaning into your guy means his face is in your breasts 😳 It doesn't feel like he's my 'equal', so to speak. 

 

I strongly resonate with this. It's not about the height itself, it's about how I want to FEEL. I am uncomfortable feeling large around my man. When we were walking down the street and saw a sketchy character, I thought to myself "I need to defend this guy if sh*t goes down, because I'm literally bigger than him." Women want to feel safe and secure with their man. I felt just as vulnerable as when I walk alone at nighttime...

 

The difference is how I FEEL. I want to feel safe with my man. I want to feel protected. When I date smaller guys... who I can't even hide behind if something goes wrong... I don't exactly feel like I have a partner in crime. It's the FEELING I am after. For a tall woman, feeling feminine is important. Dating shorter guys elicits a feeling of largeness or bigness. What woman wants to feel large and big? We want to feel small, delicate and protected. It's a sexy feeling. 

Don't men also want to be around women who make them feel sexy? What man enjoys being belittled? Or with a condescending woman? He wants to feel like a MAN. He wants to feel BIG. Masculine. Strong.

As a tall woman who enjoys feeling delicate, small and feminine, height is a huge factor in this equation.

 

HA! His photographs WERE professional shots from a work event. Go figure. Although he was much better looking in real life. 

 

Height is permanent. Weight is temporary.

 

By calling me HUGE, you revealed yourself to be much smaller than 5'10 🤣 

 

Well... even if he was super attractive and masculine, 5'6 is too short for me. 

 

I understand that men try to compensate for areas where they feel insecure. But why? Why would you want to be in a relationship where you need to compensate? Wouldn't men rather be with a woman who appreciates at loves them for exactly who they are? I know I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I need to compensate for perceived 'lack'. My  man needs to accept me for who I am, how I am. In all my colours. 

I am not willing to pretend that height is not important for me. That's cheating myself and others.

 

Ummm, correction , men AND women , should see the tricks women use on date sites.

But anyway , it's fair enough you don't like a shorter man , your prerogative and lying about his height is a bit ridiculous  .

 

 

 

 

Edited February 10, 2020 by chillii