Online dating: he seriously exaggerated his height, how to let him down politely?

[Pat77]

I think people should move on if it’s something they don’t like.. or as some women here  said they don’t like to feel large.. We all have preferences just don’t be nasty or mean about it..

only point I would argue is the can’t protect me or I’m stronger then him thing...  men  and women are physically different with muscle bone density etc so even if a guy is much shorter/smaller then you more then likely he’s  still much stronger then you..

 

Edited February 10, 2020 by Pat77

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

These days, it just is what it is... Like between photo filters, colors, angles, settings, clothes, make up... Like 90% of these women on their profiles are out here catfishing basically.

Yeah, after spending the amount of time I have in the dating scene, I have come to have a very, very open mind... A couple inches in height difference ain't nothing to me... Mind you, I am 5'11, so I really have no need to lie about my height.

Its actually funny, because as a man, you are FAR better off lying about how much money you make per year, then how tall you are... Like, first off, women value the dudes who make the most money online, that has proven to be factual time and time again... Secondly, obviously you lie about your height, yeah your gonna get exposed the second she sees you, but when you lie about how much money you make, at least you are not going to be immediately exposed.

IDK, I would almost suggest its petty to a degree, but I'm also not a woman, I don't understand the height thing. I mean, yeah, he did lie about his height, but your reaction to that should be to immediately end your meeting, you don't say bye, you don't say hello, you just say  "Excuse me" and leave, then message him on the app and tell him that you thought he was taller. 

[sothereiwas]

9 minutes ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said:

Like, first off, women value the dudes who make the most money online, that has proven to be factual time and time again.

That, and the prestige of the job seem to be big deals most of the time. 

[Miss Spider]

Guys online who make the most money do the best? Lol. This goes against everything I’ve heard. Maybe the long game, but as far as getting your foot in the door?. How is someone even going to know how much money a guy makes through an online dating profile ??? You could take a pic in front of a nice car or info in profile  but I doubt a girl would look at it unless she found him attractive.

Edited February 10, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[sothereiwas]

8 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

How is someone even going to know how much money a guy makes through an online dating profile ?

People are great at looking at a set of pictures and extrapolating information. That, and some well placed textual info about your flexible schedule due to this or constrained schedule due to that and so on and all the non-idiots can work it out easily. Sure, you can't have a profile photo that looks like a disaster but that's pretty easy for most people. 

[Shining One]

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

How is someone even going to know how much money a guy makes through an online dating profile ???

Match has a data field for income brackets with the largest being $150,000+ (at the last time I checked). People can filter matches by income bracket if they so choose.

[chillii]

5 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Guys online who make the most money do the best? Lol. This goes against everything I’ve heard. Maybe the long game, but as far as getting your foot in the door?. How is someone even going to know how much money a guy makes through an online dating profile ??? You could take a pic in front of a nice car or info in profile  but I doubt a girl would look at it unless she found him attractive.

 

Exactly , matter of fact l don't make that much these days , made no difference and lf l was to meet someone and she actually asked that , l'd kiss her arse goodbye right there. And when l use to make very good money that made no difference either anyway , but if it was to make a difference with some woman l'd kiss her arse goodbye too. l actually met far far better quality girls broke and driving old cars before that period anyway. lf l did start going for better money again though l'd happily spend in on my woman , because not only is she a very special person but she's had a fairly hard life and deserves it but what means more than anything to her is me and our relationship, that's the kind of woman l'll happily spend money on.

l mean these guys that talk like that must have about the worst taste in the offest of women l ever saw

 

Edited February 11, 2020 by chillii

[Cersei]

I am a bit late to the party on this thread but will give my 2 cents anyway.

Here is how I would have handled this situation:

If he called or messaged me about our date I would say "I had a pretty good time with you. Lots of laughs (or whatever was positive) I am just curious, how tall are you?"  Hear him out,  listen to his response. His answer will give you a clear picture of his character.

And for the record the best sex of my life was with a man of exactly the same height as me: 5'3".

[anotherfool]

On 2/3/2020 at 4:18 PM, Cookiesandough said:

It’s my understanding from what I’ve seen here that it’s very hard for guys OLDing  to get dates unless they state they are at least 6’ their profiles.   Is it right that he lied? No. Is it understandable? Kind of. 

Is that my issue?   I'm 5'10, but never felt short.

[anotherfool]

I agree that if someone blatantly mis-represents themselves, you have every reason to drop them.

I'm on the side of "thank you, but no".   Why become part of the drama with  negative responses?  

Although if you truly felt offended, than saying something assertively is fine also.

[Piddy]

Might be able to get a few inches with some platform shoes and a pompadour haircut.  Less baggy, tight fitting clothes.  Stand up straight.  Hold your head up high.  No looking for loose change on the ground.  

Edited February 12, 2020 by Piddy

[K.K.]

AHHHHHH HAHAHAHHA 

[CAPSLOCK CROOK]

On 2/10/2020 at 11:11 PM, chillii said:

 

Exactly , matter of fact l don't make that much these days , made no difference and lf l was to meet someone and she actually asked that , l'd kiss her arse goodbye right there. And when l use to make very good money that made no difference either anyway , but if it was to make a difference with some woman l'd kiss her arse goodbye too. l actually met far far better quality girls broke and driving old cars before that period anyway. lf l did start going for better money again though l'd happily spend in on my woman , because not only is she a very special person but she's had a fairly hard life and deserves it but what means more than anything to her is me and our relationship, that's the kind of woman l'll happily spend money on.

l mean these guys that talk like that must have about the worst taste in the offest of women l ever saw

 

The idea that women do not use the search filters on Online Dating sites is ridiculous; we are literally in a thread right now where the main topic is about how the search filter was unsuccessful in weeding out the undesirable and now OP is contending with a situation that should of been blocked from ever occurring in the first place and is at a loss as to what to do about it.

The filters definitely get used... Fact of the matter, is that most people are probably loading up their filters to the point where there are only a couple options that they would be interested in exploring and you know what? YOU are one of them, by your admission that you would not date one of these women in the first place. There are undesirables online, it is what it is.

Also, your opinion on anyone's taste in women isn't really warranted, don't know why you chose to share that, but ok.

 

Edited February 12, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Correction

[Shining One]

4 hours ago, CAPSLOCK CROOK said:

The filters definitely get used and the income filter gets used the most...

Have you seen any studies documenting this? I'd imagine the ethnicity and height filters being used more often than the income filter.

[jspice]

I’ve never filtered by income. I do exclude some ethnicities and I filter education. My minimum height is 5’9 as I’m 5’6. Also strictly non-smoking. 
 

Everyone has preferences. Why should anyone apologise for what they want? If that limits their options that’s on them. 

[CAPSLOCK CROOK]

2 hours ago, Shining One said:

Have you seen any studies documenting this? I'd imagine the ethnicity and height filters being used more often than the income filter.

I cant find the study I was quoting that off of and all the new ones say race is the biggest indicator, I might look more later, but the study I was quoting was from 2011. Studies from 2014-2018 say race, so I suppose race it is, i'm gonna edit my post.

[elaine567]

Seems like some think filters are a new thing, but people have always used filters, some women have always discarded poor, short or physically weak men, and some men have discarded ugly or "undesirable " women.
The filters may have not been online, filtering  out thousands at a stroke, but IRL the filters were just as harsh.
One glance,.
Too short.
Pass...

[Baman]

Why let height get in he way of a good thing?

my wife is 5 ft 11 and loves to wear 5'' heels, I'm 5 ft 7. 

Anyway funny story on girls wearing flats to a date... I went on a date recently and the lady was maybe 5 ft 4 and she showed up in flats because on my dating profile i made an error on my height (i'm not so flash with cm conversions) and it had displayed my height at 150 cm (5 ft 1) .... twas a good laugh!

outright fibs on dating profiles is just stupid behavior, I never understand when people do that.

[sothereiwas]

3 hours ago, jspice said:

I filter education

Also a good proxy for income. 

[Miss Spider]

Oh okay I don’t use match. I use OkCupid. I don’t think there’s an income filter. Not convinced it’s the biggest indicator of success on Match, even if it’s one of the most used filters on there

Edited February 12, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[jspice]

3 minutes ago, sothereiwas said:

Also a good proxy for income. 

Not why I use that filter. There’s a marked difference in men I’ve dated who are my intellectual equal, and those who aren’t. 

Academics are not well paid. If someone is well-educated, he/ she may make more money, depending on their field. So what? They’ve earned it. I’m very well-educated and I want somebody who I can talk to, somebody who can hang with my friends. If I want something I’ll buy it myself, as I’ve been doing my entire life. 

However, you seem determined to make it about money so carry on. 

[sothereiwas]

16 minutes ago, jspice said:

Not why I use that filter.

Yeah of course. Just pointing a fact out. 

[sothereiwas]

1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said:

Oh okay I don’t use match. I use OkCupid. I don’t think there’s an income filter.

Income is easily (mis)estimated by a large number of overt and covert proxies, and people actively discriminate based on those proxies without realizing or maybe in some cases admitting it. It's part of human nature, nothing inherently nefarious. We evaluate via proxy information a lot in life, for instance facial symmetry is generally considered attractive, and is a proxy for all sorts of important mate selection information. So is (on topic) height, particularly historically, which is where a lot of this instinct comes from. 

[MeganDoll]

4 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Seems like some think filters are a new thing, but people have always used filters, some women have always discarded poor, short or physically weak men, and some men have discarded ugly or "undesirable " women.
The filters may have not been online, filtering  out thousands at a stroke, but IRL the filters were just as harsh.
One glance,.
Too short.
Pass...

But when you meet people sometimes your preferences go out the window.. With old you can’t see facial expressions or personality or charisma..

Sure theres some people who draw a hard line in the sand with physical attributes but most people are flexible when it comes to certain traits they prefer when they meet somebody they really connect with which is not easy to find..

 

I haven’t met many women who say they met a great guy last night felt a connection  but he’s 5’7 or 5’8 and 5’9 is their  cut off.. Or a man who met a women he talked hours with and found attractive but she only had B cups and he likes at least C’s.

Most people are somewhat flexible when they meet the right person..

with old people are reduced to nothing but stats.

 

 

 

Edited February 12, 2020 by MeganDoll

[sothereiwas]

57 minutes ago, MeganDoll said:

Most people are somewhat flexible when they meet the right person..

A good friend said (of the woman who later became his wife) "I think I just met the person I never knew I always wanted". 

Yeah, he's clever with words like that. Snagged a great partner too.