Online dating: he seriously exaggerated his height, how to let him down politely?

[salparadise]

16 minutes ago, Ellener said:

It's all very subjective, what is 'attractive' or not.

Look at the current unattractive US President and his very attractive wife! When John Major was UK PM he had an affair with a woman called Edwina Curry...both unlikely love-objects on many levels!

It's somewhat subjective, but there are characteristics that are universally attractive, or nearly so.

The examples you give are about money and power. A billionaire can buy an attractive wife without any problem. A Prime Minister has power and status, and probably respectable wealth too. These are aphrodisiacs to women. In the case of DJT, he wasn't physically unattractive (in my opinion) before he got fat, died his skin orange, and started sporting the hurricane hairdo. And he's a raving narcissist,  another thing women seem to fall for easily. I don't know what John Major looks like, or Edwina Curry, but I'm betting that he's better looking than Aristotle Onassis. I almost cried when I heard that Jackie was marrying him. And I'm pretty sure she wasn't destitute.

Edited March 1, 2020 by salparadise

[elaine567]

5 minutes ago, Ellener said:

Look at the current unattractive US President and his very attractive wife! When John Major was UK PM he had an affair with a woman called Edwina Curry..

The current president is 73, he is not unattractive for a 73 yo surely? But money and power no doubt help. He is 6'3 so he doesn't have to worry about height 
John Major is an acquired type, and some women like that. Edwina Curry was never any great beauty either, they were well matched looks wise.
He is 6 tall' so height is no issue there either...

[Ellener]

@salparadise a billionaire couldn't buy any woman, not me anyway, I don't personally find power or money aphrodisiacs. Illusions!

I'm not sure there is any such thing as 'universally attractive' just traits within a culture/era we are encouraged to idealise.

11 minutes ago, salparadise said:

Aristotle Onassis. I almost cried when I heard that she was marrying him. And I'm pretty sure she wasn't destitute.

Why?! She made her own choices 🤩  She found true love later in life with Maurice Tempelsman.

7 minutes ago, salparadise said:

he's a raving narcissist,  another thing women seem to fall for easily.

That's on them surely?! NPD is so widely known now no one can be surprised by the unhappy outcome...!

 

[Ellener]

19 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

He is 6 tall' so height is no issue there either...

That just further illustrates to me the silliness of prioritising height!

[Miss Spider]

Look at “the Jonas brothers”. They are 5’6, 5’7, and 5’9 respectively. And all those girls are crazy about those  dorks. 

[salparadise]

25 minutes ago, Ellener said:

a billionaire couldn't buy any woman, not me anyway, I don't personally find power or money aphrodisiacs. Illusions!

Cool! You're one in a million. Can I get your number? 

What I said was that a billionaire has no problem buying a beautiful wife. I'm sure there are a dozen or so that would not marry an unattractive man for that reason alone, but that still leaves him options aplenty. If he's average or above in looks AND has billions, you may be the lone ranger if you still wouldn't bite.

 

25 minutes ago, Ellener said:

I'm not sure there is any such thing as 'universally attractive' just traits within a culture/era we are encouraged to idealise.

Nope, I strongly disagree. I do agree that certain things are more or less fashionable depending on culture, etc., but others are universal. Symmetry for example. Show me a woman who is attracted to asymmetric men and I'll show you a circus sideshow.

 

25 minutes ago, Ellener said:

That's on them surely?! NPD is so widely known now no one can be surprised by the unhappy outcome...!

I'm not saying anyone is at fault. Only that women tend to be attracted to men with this trait. They usually mistake it for alpha-male characteristics.

Edited March 1, 2020 by salparadise

[Ellener]

11 minutes ago, salparadise said:

Can I get your number? 

No. You're too preoccupied with superficiality 🤣

12 minutes ago, salparadise said:

Show me a woman who is attracted to asymmetric men and I'll show you a circus sideshow.

Honey, that reads ugly...

[Ellener]

 

[Miss Spider]

Yea. We like symmetry...to an extent. Perfect symmetry is not natural and gives an uncanny  valley feel. We like people to be a little uneven 😊

[SumGuy]

@ Ellener

Seen these symmetric images before with other people.  I like when they don't tell you, it takes a moment to figure out what is so creepy about them.

[simpycurious]

2 hours ago, Ellener said:

It's all a bit weird to me, height obsession, or any other superficial obsession for that matter. I have a disability in my feet which I don't put on my match.com profile but it will come up if someone wants to go running or something, I have no embarrassment about it and frankly anyone who would have a problem with it isn't a serious contender for a relationship!

I'm way more interested in someone's personality, character, attractive attributes than critiquing them- there will be something to find fault with about everyone if I go looking for it. 

I have read loads about people finding someone they thought was perfect for them, only to find subsequenty they are mean or self-obsessed or angry or something negative: maybe looking at those aspects of a potential mate first instead of physical appearance would be more fruitful.

I just don't think that the majority of women are that fixated on height.  I don't consider 6'0 or 6'1 to being remotely tall for a guy.

I don't judge women by their height either.  

[preraph]

I think the tallness issue as well as the perfect body issue just gets magnified on online dating because people decide to shoot for the moon and see if they can get their dream person. Of course that's never going to work out...

 

In real life if they met someone organically I would get to know and like them better and I don't think any of that stuff would be as big of an issue except to the very shallow.

[Ellener]

6 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

I don't consider 6'0 or 6'1 to being remotely tall for a guy.

Goodness I remember a guy, he was seated at dinner when I arrived and it was the first time we met, when he stood up to leave he was almost seven feet tall and I embarrassed myself by gawping at him for a few seconds! He ( and his friends ) just thought my reaction was amusing, I was mortified to behave ill-mannered 🤔

[Content]

I don’t get when either gender has such specific and rigid standards physically with the opposite sex that they can never find anyone else who lacks one of those traits attractive..

I also think sometimes when people are that specific about certain  physical traits  it’s more about status and how it makes them look then just about attraction..

Sure  some women can only find attraction to men over 6 feet but I also think a lot of women who have the must be over 6 feet rule do it because height is valued in men and if they have a guy over 6 feet in turn it means they themselves have value..

 

 

Edited March 1, 2020 by Content

[preraph]

I had a little 2 day a week second job back in the 90s basically babysitting model home mcmansions. There was a parade of homes and I had to work the door. my feet were just miserable so I really wasn't paying all that much attention and I was letting people in kind of a slow pace so it didn't get overly crowded in there. and I let a couple of guys in and it wasn't until I saw the guy standing on the stairs climbing the stairs that I realized he was just monstrously tall, and then I realized it was Troy Aikman. 

[salparadise]

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Yea. We like symmetry...to an extent. Perfect symmetry is not natural and gives an uncanny  valley feel. We like people to be a little uneven 😊

When was the last time you dated a man with one leg just a bit shorter than the other?

As for that pic above: If it were not for crossed eyes and the part in her hair, you would not be able to tell the difference.

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, simpycurious said:

I don't consider 6'0 or 6'1 to being remotely tall for a guy.

5'9 is the average height for a US/UK male so plenty guys a lot shorter than 6'1...

[Miss Spider]

My ex actually was told by his doc one leg was shorter than the other lol. You couldn’t see it with the naked eye. Most people don’t have perfectly  even limbs but it’s just not clinically significant so we can’t really tell. In studies, perfect symmetry has been seen as ‘off’ by people.Most people  liked ‘good’ symmetry. Like no observably uneven legs where it would cause health issues. But even then, I’m sure there  are plenty of people who would  be attracted to those people too.:) 

 

You are not too tall, simpy. You’re a great height.:) 

[salparadise]

1 hour ago, Content said:

I also think a lot of women who have the must be over 6 feet rule do it because height is valued in men and if they have a guy over 6 feet in turn it means they themselves have value.

Oh, you mean the same reason people drive the car they drive or wear the shoes they wear... absolutely, the choices we make are largely motivated by the egoic need to affirm our self-image. Have you ever watched a TV commercial? Then you know the deal, right?

I recently replaced my old beater of a sedan with a new-to-me sweet-looking truck, and felt six inches taller instantly*. And I took a woman to dinner that Friday after not having had a date in six months. 

*unrelated to the fact that the truck is actually 18 inches taller

[elaine567]

15 minutes ago, salparadise said:

As for that pic above: If it were not for crossed eyes and the part in her hair, you would not be able to tell the difference.

Take a few attractive celebrities with almost perfectly symmetrical faces, make composite pics of their right and left sides and you find it is difficult to tell the difference...
 

[thefooloftheyear]

Looks are always a weird thing...

Like I remember when I was in athletics I competed in a sport which required extreme dieting/weight cutting....By the time competition came around, at below 6% BF, I looked so gaunt and drawn out that you would have thought I was rescued from a deserted island...Yet, during those times I was always seemingly the most attractive to the opposite sex....Even now...my weight stays pretty constant, but if  cut just 5 or 8 lbs I get slightly more chiseled in facial features and attention from women goes up noticeably....

Eh....Look around at paired couples....Lot of dog ass men with above average looking women...I've always said that women are born with a varying degree of beer goggles...😂

Shorter men don't do as poorly as its reported on this site...Not in my experience anyway....There is a point where the struggle is real...but that is when a guy falls below 5'4 or so...But then you aren't  finding that many guys like that and they probably struggle nearly as much as the Big Bird women that are over 5'9" or so....

TFY

Edited March 1, 2020 by thefooloftheyear

[basil67]

Yes, TFY.  I remember that time I'd been laid up with bad gastro for a few days.  I got over the worst of it and popped into a party briefly to say Hi.  At the party, I got compliments on my weight 🥴   

[Miss Spider]

It’s the average height but I think that’s taking into account very short guys and very tall guys, not what most are. .... Most guys I meet here in the Midwest are  at least 6’0... it wouldn’t considered tall here at all. I consider tall over 6’2

Edited March 1, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[preraph]

That sounds like the tall guy motherlode, Cookies!  Definitely not all tall in Texas, nor were they in Oklahoma.  

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Content said:

I don’t get when either gender has such specific and rigid standards physically with the opposite sex that they can never find anyone else who lacks one of those traits attractive..

I'm inclined to believe that we all get what we deserve