GIGS?

[A12345]

I've done quite a bit of reading on this forum and others about break ups etc. trying to understand my ex and her confusing behaviour. Came across the GIGS threads on this site from a while back and everything seemed to sound so familiar so wondering whether it is this. I'm still in the process of moving forward from her, improving myself, working on studies and work, living a better life etc. and I'm at a point now where I'm healing but trying to understand. I know that nobody can predict whether she will eventually want to reconcile or not, and it is no longer the hope getting me through the day - at this point it is just something in the back of my heart that I would love to happen one day as I believe we truly had something special. Just to make that clear before I hear more people saying 'forget it, move on'...I know!

• Together for 6 years and both between ages of 18-25 (first LTR)
• She broke up with me (about 2 months ago) without much warning - we had recently moved in together a few months earlier which she was over the moon about, still talking about marriage, kids etc. just weeks before the BU. She claimed that she started falling out of love with me for a while but that doesn't match up as she was showing and professing her love even up to a month before we broke up
• She gave me about 10 different reasons for the BU or not wanting to be with me, which were all fixable things that she hadn't communicated before. Sounded like she was grasping at straws, no major reasons
• She left for someone else - began a relationship with him properly about 1/2 weeks later but had him lined up before the BU
• Right after the BU she gave me the whole 'I love you but not in love' reason and 'I want to be single and wild' and saying she wanted to date around, find herself, experience things...all the classic general lines. She also told me she didn't know what she wanted or who she wanted, saying she wanted to give it another shot with me in the future, but then a couple weeks later told me there's no future for us, she'd moved on and didn't want to be with me ever, told me to move on
• She seems to have jumped head first with this new guy - putting him all over social media, parading him around her family and friends, claiming to be in love with him after 2 weeks. He is the COMPLETE opposite of me and is also much younger than her, complete opposite lifestyle etc.
• Complete 180 in lifestyle - she is now going out getting completely wasted almost every weekend (sometimes more than that), neglecting her studies, barely going in to work, hanging out with friends she previously claimed to dislike, completely don't recognise her as a person
• She has turned cold and seemingly emotionless, doesn't seem to care much about anyone else but herself. We've had no contact at all, she apparently doesn't miss me one bit and feels nothing when she sees me. Partial blocked me on social media but kept me on other things (whatsapp, snapchat) which was odd since the last thing she told me before NC was that she wanted to stay friends because I was like family - she practically begged to stay friends which I turned down.

I think the thing that I am trying to get my head around is how somebody can be with somebody for 6 years and have such a deep connection with them, be truly in love and be the one wanting to get married, telling me she's glad she found me so young and that she wants to be with me for the rest of her life - to not wanting to talk to them, not missing them one bit in an instant. How she can somehow get over her feelings that quickly and move on to being in love with somebody else within a week. It's a complete 180.

Any thoughts or comments on this would be much appreciated! Just looking for other perspectives on the situation.

 

[schlumpy]

There is a program called the 180 that you can find a copy of on the chumpladys website. It is more for divorcing couples but it should help you detach and detach you very much need to do.

She is never going to be what you thought she was. You are in love with a dream. You may still find that dream but it's going to be with someone else.

Flush her from your life and avoid her like she has HIV.

Seek counseling.

 

[zeyta]

I have a similar story...5 years living together, speaking of children and marriage and then he drops the bomb and leaves without even looking back and I was devasted and broken (tried to be "friends" and I told him to F*** off when I was OK, after 5 or 6 months of NC).

He also went crazy in the first days and was partying, doing Tinder and Happn 3 days after the breakup, and drinking too much. I stopped seeking any news or information from him, as knowing such things were hurting me more than whatever he was doing with his own life. 

The thing you have to understand is: what she is doing with her life doesn't concern you anymore. Stop searching for answers as to why she is behaving like that, there are none. You have to drop any form of contact, searching for news,  anything that makes you think about this. What she is doing now is not a cry for help or mixed signs that she misses you or  anything like this. This is just who she is and you never saw it before. 

For you own mental health, go NC and stop searching for answers or information about her. Foccus on yourself and your healing. 

 

(English is not my mother language, so I'm sorry about any mistakes...  )

Edited February 5, 2020 by zeyta

[ExpatInItaly]

All "GIGS" usually means is a young person outgrowing the relationship and wanting to move on and explore. They don't feel the same way about their exes as they once did, and know it's time to close that chapter. 

I know it's bewildering and painful, but it's also very typical of relationships that start when both parties are just teens. In time, you will see that she wasn't the woman you were going to spend your life with. You don't recognize her now because she isn't the young woman you thought you knew anymore. She is changing, for better or worse. 

Keep up No Contact. You will heal and move on and find someone who is actually ready to spend a lifetime with you. Your ex was too young and inexperienced to commit to that. 

[Baman]

You know what we are all going to say, so do that.

there is nothing to be gained by trying to work it out. The lesson here is: People change, people move on, people are complicated. And one day it just might be you doing that to someone else.

closure is something you give yourself.

[Fletch Lives]

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She broke up with me (about 2 months ago) without much warning - we had recently moved in together a few months earlier which she was over the moon about, still talking about marriage, kids etc. just weeks before the BU. She claimed that she started falling out of love with me for a while but that doesn't match up as she was showing and professing her love even up to a month before we broke up

 - What she told you was correct. Sure, she was doing some of the same things in the last couple of months, going through the motions, as it were.... but if you understood women well and used your intuition, you may have noticed the breakup coming. Don't feel too bad, most men never see it coming.

As far as her new boyfriend, it sounds like she is on the rebound. People on the rebound can act a little wild. Not that this means anything to you, I'm just making an observation.

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Right after the BU she gave me the whole 'I love you but not in love' reason 

 - she was being honest.

The problem is, once a woman falls out of love with you, she does not care about fixing things. It's too late for that.The motivation, the hook is gone.

And unlike you see in the make believe world of TV and movies, they don't come back. You get one chance in a lifetime at love with a person. Your only recourse is to replace her with a new girl - and learn about women and how to do right and not too much wrong in the relationship to keep the next one in love with you so she does not leave you and break your heart again.

If the woman has integrity and loves you, there is no gigs. Love is one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs ever invented.

And finally, if she's in school - some young people are not ready to fall in love until they are older. So, there might not have been anything you could do.