Should I be suspicious?

[crederer]

Tell her your phone is dead and you need to use hers to make a phone call when she wouldn't expect it (i.e shortly after you see her on it for a bit). Her reaction will tell you everything. If she frantically seems to be deleting something or is reluctant to give you her phone she's definately up to no good. This was how I caught my ex. She acted extremely possessive of her phone and computer to the point where she got angry with me for asking to use them. I had conversations with other people that noticed the same with their spouse and all of the people that have shared this experience found out they were being cheated on. 

[Fletch Lives]

Wow, reading this thread makes me never want to date again!

But people, please explain to me how she is going to cheat at the park with a bunch of his and her kids around?

[schlumpy]

The amorous couple are able to confirm meetup dates while the kids are playing and leave no paper trail or deleted phone text to follow or to alert a clueless spouse.

That would be the advantage. 

[oldtruck]

2 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

Wow, reading this thread makes me never want to date again!

But people, please explain to me how she is going to cheat at the park with a bunch of his and her kids around?

no one said the OM is going bend the WW over the park bench and bang her while their

kids are playing on the playground.

 

your post indicates that you have no idea how affairs start or how players like this divorcing OM 

hunt for their next conquest.

Edited February 8, 2020 by oldtruck

[smi11ie]

It might be innocent and it might not.  You have to minimize risk and this situation has a high risk.  It is not sensible to take the chance.

[mark clemson]

11 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

But people, please explain to me how she is going to cheat at the park with a bunch of his and her kids around?

You're right - presumably not (although stranger things have probably happened).

However, they could be cultivating a friendship that, over time becomes more intimate and personal. At a certain point it can be considered an EA (the line is blurry). If the wife starts to have feelings for divorced guy, she could act on them.

It could start with making out a short distance away from the kids (behind trees etc). It could then escalate to meeting at other times, in other places, no kids.

It genuinely can become a slippery slope. If the wife actually develops limerence for the guy, the urge to take it physical can become very strong, almost like an addiction. Much stronger than normal sex drive (which is bad enough).

Of course, none of that is guaranteed to happen, completely true. However, the circumstances are certainly right for an affair of some sort to potentially happen.

Why exactly does she need to meet with this single man every week anyhow? There are presumably other moms she could hang with, but she's choosing this guy instead.

[preraph]

I always thought the ultimate goal of play dates with people you don't know was simply to find someone who you can trade off babysitting with to make your life easier. if there was no end in sight there I don't know why anyone would even bother with it.

[Daisydooks]

Invite him and his daughter for dinner. See what she says. See if he actually comes. If this is a friend of your daughters and the sole purpose of their time together is your daughter and his, why not? 

Edited February 9, 2020 by Daisydooks

[schlumpy]

30 minutes ago, Daisydooks said:

Invite him and his daughter for dinner. See what she says. See if he actually comes. If this is a friend of your daughters and the sole purpose of their time together is your daughter and his, why not? 

Very good Daisy.

 

[Daisydooks]

11 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

Very good Daisy.

 

People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. I sincerely hope there arent any phone records that have been deleted purposely here and that all communication has been in the park. "I'll see ya on Tuesday if you're here with your daughter" type thing. I pray that's all it is. 

A friendship worth having in my world is one I share with my partner. I have male friends I've known for almost my entire life and sure, we have and do hang out without my fiance from time to time, but I also share these same male friends with my partner and he genuinely knows them and me well enough not to worry. We do things together most often. They are not strangers to him. 

If he wanted to, he could very easily call them up to hang out with them as well. Same goes for my partners female friends. Anyone he refused me meeting would be a good indication something was off. 

[oldtruck]

1 hour ago, Daisydooks said:

Invite him and his daughter for dinner. See what she says. See if he actually comes. If this is a friend of your daughters and the sole purpose of their time together is your daughter and his, why not? 

To many times, actually more times than I can remember the WW introduced the OM as a 

friend and included this friend in family activities. of course this got the OM ego stroked

playing the BH for a fool.

 

so the OM gladly accepts the invitation to break bread with the BH at the BH table.

the OM child is not the only in the world for this WW and BH child to be friends with.

Edited February 9, 2020 by oldtruck

[Daisydooks]

31 minutes ago, oldtruck said:

To many times, actually more times than I can remember the WW introduced the OM as a friend and included this friend in family activities. of course this got the OM ego stroked playing the BH for a fool. so the OM gladly accepts the invitation to break bread with the BH at the BH table.

the OM child is not the only in the world for this WW and BH child to be friends with.

I agree. I am not a naive idiot and I am suggesting it for a reason. Lol. I found my way to this site because I was a BS. My gut has never steered me wrong and I play the dumb blonde well. The OP should play the Male equivalent to gain perspective if he doesnt want to look through phone records. 

 If something feels off when he asks his wife to invite him & his daughter for dinner, something is off. This way he also doesnt sound like a controlling a**h*** who doesnt trust his wife (if there is in fact nothing to worry about.)

[Fletch Lives]

The test Daisydooks suggests is a good one. Normally,  when they have nothing to hide, the SO will introduce you to their friends.

Additionally, look at your wife - what's her state of mind? If she is sane, has integrity, and is in love with with her husband, she's monogamous. 

[Baman]

Additionally, look at your wife - what's her state of mind? If she is sane, has integrity, and is in love with with her husband, she's monogamous

pardon? what a crock of generalizing rubbish.

There are millions of sane, integrity filled people in love with their spouses who are ethically non monogamous.

Normally,  when they have nothing to hide, the SO will introduce you to their friends.

Yes this is true. 

[Baman]

Zig, you have another scenario that could play out but it requires bravery and hard work.

Don't make the assumption that cheating (or desire to cheat) should mean divorce.

How about just plain talking to her? Not an accusation but ask her if she is feeling attraction to this man and assure her it is normal. Because it is normal for all of us at some time to have that happen. The issues start when we feel we have to hide it. If she feels safe enough in your approach she just might open up. 

It may be possible to keep your wife and family intact albeit in a modified format.

to be blunt, if she IS seeing this man or wants to, you have two choices. Lose her or share her. Open marriage.

not the most popular option by our society but hey, it's a viable alternative no body has floated....

[oldtruck]

6 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

The test Daisydooks suggests is a good one. Normally,  when they have nothing to hide, the SO will introduce you to their friends.

Additionally, look at your wife - what's her state of mind? If she is sane, has integrity, and is in love with with her husband, she's monogamous. 

repeat myself again, countless times the WW introduces the OM as a friend of the family

to diffuse the situation by that a wife would never hide her OM out in the day light. sad to say

that after reading infidelity forums I have seen this play out this way too many times.

 

I also read countless times where the OP would feel something was off in his marriage.

where more than half the responses were he was imagining things. there was no need to

check phone bills, wife's phone, forget about the need for a VAR.

 

only to have the OP come back to say he is a BH.

[salparadise]

3 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

If she is sane, has integrity, and is in love with with her husband, she's monogamous. 

Excuse me, but what were you smoking during biology class? It's not quite that simple, although it would be nice if it were.

Humans are not inherently monogamous, even healthy ones, plus we have biological systems that provide motivation to achieve genetic diversity. Monogamy is a societal construct that may or may not be stapled directly to one's moral/ethical belief system... inherent biological enticements have been known to override societal expectation and  a time or two throughout history. People have varying degrees of psycho-social inhibition, and it varies from time to time and circumstantially within individuals. People find ways of rationalizing or switching off their restraints when motivations in the opposite direction are strong.

From my perspective, the danger that OP should be concerned about is not if she's cheating after a couple of kid's play dates, but the potential for attraction and connection to grow as she spends more and more time with this man. If there's simply no attraction it probably won't be an issue at all... but if the chemistry between them happens to be strong,  the fact that she's a good, moral person might not be enough. If she's a personality with a very strong superego it's somewhat less likely, but if I were him I'd try to eliminate the possibility rather than focusing on the eventual outcome as a binary result.

[Fletch Lives]

It must be a sad world you live in if you think you could be cheated on in any relationship.

Edited February 9, 2020 by Fletch Lives

[Fletch Lives]

3 hours ago, oldtruck said:

repeat myself again, countless times the WW introduces the OM as a friend of the family

to diffuse the situation by that a wife would never hide her OM out in the day light. sad to say

that after reading infidelity forums I have seen this play out this way too many times.

 - it does happen that way sometimes. I think it's more rare though...it takes a real psychopath to do that. But yes, they are out there.

 

 

 

Quote

 

I also read countless times where the OP would feel something was off in his marriage.

where more than half the responses were he was imagining things. there was no need to

check phone bills, wife's phone, forget about the need for a VAR.

 

only to have the OP come back to say he is a BH.

 - that's a good point also......always listen to your gut, it's usually right

Quote

 

 

 

[mark clemson]

27 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said:

It must be a sad world you live in if you think you could be cheated on in any relationship.

You're right and wrong IMO. There ARE genuinely monogamous people in the world and non-monogamous ones who are genuinely loyal (for whatever reasons). BUT they don't exactly have labels pasted to their heads. People are moving targets who slowly (and sometimes rapidly) change over time. This can include things like how much they love their spouse or how they feel about monogamy and/or ethics. Non-psychopaths are perfectly capable of lying to a spouse IMO.

There ARE solid relationships, no doubt hundreds of millions of them. But there's also, I suspect, hundreds of millions of cheaters. To guess that 20% of humanity has cheated at some point in their lives may be a conservative estimate. Too much blind faith in one's spouse, even when there is mutual love, doesn't make sense unfortunately.

[preraph]

The only thing that stops people from cheating is ethics.  You have to get to understand a person's ethics before you should really take it for granted they won't get tempted and cheat.  You have to know them well enough to know that before they'd do something behind your back, they'd communicate their issues with you.  

[pepperbird]

On 2/8/2020 at 9:03 AM, Fletch Lives said:

Wow, reading this thread makes me never want to date again!

But people, please explain to me how she is going to cheat at the park with a bunch of his and her kids around?

 it happens all the time. people assume their kids will care that mommy or daddy isn't happy and will be thrilled that they have "found happiness" on the sider. Either these poeple have never had kids, or they are just plain foggy.

[pepperbird]

8 hours ago, Baman said:

Additionally, look at your wife - what's her state of mind? If she is sane, has integrity, and is in love with with her husband, she's monogamous

pardon? what a crock of generalizing rubbish.

There are millions of sane, integrity filled people in love with their spouses who are ethically non monogamous.

Normally,  when they have nothing to hide, the SO will introduce you to their friends.

Yes this is true. 

ah, but there's the difference. there's no sneaking, no hiding, no lies. Its above board and both spouses know it;s going on and freely choose to stay.
cheating is the other side of the spectrum.

[pepperbird]

5 hours ago, salparadise said:

Excuse me, but what were you smoking during biology class? It's not quite that simple, although it would be nice if it were.

Humans are not inherently monogamous, even healthy ones, plus we have biological systems that provide motivation to achieve genetic diversity. Monogamy is a societal construct that may or may not be stapled directly to one's moral/ethical belief system... inherent biological enticements have been known to override societal expectation and  a time or two throughout history. People have varying degrees of psycho-social inhibition, and it varies from time to time and circumstantially within individuals. People find ways of rationalizing or switching off their restraints when motivations in the opposite direction are strong.

From my perspective, the danger that OP should be concerned about is not if she's cheating after a couple of kid's play dates, but the potential for attraction and connection to grow as she spends more and more time with this man. If there's simply no attraction it probably won't be an issue at all... but if the chemistry between them happens to be strong,  the fact that she's a good, moral person might not be enough. If she's a personality with a very strong superego it's somewhat less likely, but if I were him I'd try to eliminate the possibility rather than focusing on the eventual outcome as a binary result.

I call bull on this. There's LOTS of people out there, like me, who are actually hard wired to be monogamous. No one told me to be that way-it;s just who I am.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

14 hours ago, salparadise said:

Monogamy is a societal construct

 

Right...  tell that to penguins

 

The OP has the sum total of zero evidence, and so he has come here having decided that his EVIDENCE  is  NO evidence.

 

And the paranoid among you are supporting such absurdity.