Am I overreacting - is he cheating?

[preraph]

I don't blame you. In the end it won't make your relationship work out. But I don't blame you for wanting to get a little revenge and fight the situation. That's something I would have done, but then I would have only done it so that I could then have a clear head and decide when to kick the guy out. It would only be a prelude to ending it more than likely. 

 

It may be unlikely that they still have an old video however. And your friends may not back you up when the time comes. 

[rainfall]

2 hours ago, preraph said:

I don't blame you. In the end it won't make your relationship work out. But I don't blame you for wanting to get a little revenge and fight the situation. That's something I would have done, but then I would have only done it so that I could then have a clear head and decide when to kick the guy out. It would only be a prelude to ending it more than likely. 

It may be unlikely that they still have an old video however. And your friends may not back you up when the time comes. 

I’m pretty sure my friend will. She wants to go further with this then I’m letting her. She was cheated on and regrets not getting revenge so she’s this as her chance. I’ll feel better knowing I ruined this girls life. She can keep her kid, but everything else I can destroy legally I will. 
 

she said she steals enough every day for at least a 6 pack and some smokes.... so that adds up to a lot over a year. Well several thousand anyways.... so hopefully she gets fired for stealing. Especially since where she works is so slow now bc everybody is staying inside. 

[basil67]

What future is there for the child if you ruin the mother?  Is taking away all the stability this child knows worth it?   

Your plans are far outstripping any harm she's done.

[preraph]

Maybe that her child would learn that you can't steal and screw around with other people's men and get away with it. I'm sure she won't starve to death. Anyway that is not this woman's problem. 

[rainfall]

52 minutes ago, basil67 said:

What future is there for the child if you ruin the mother?  Is taking away all the stability this child knows worth it?   

Your plans are far outstripping any harm she's done.

This child has no future being raised by a crack dealer and a trashy thief for a mom that will teach it it’s ok to ruin other people’s lives. I don’t care about this kid at all so taking about it’s not going to do anything to change my mind. 

42 minutes ago, preraph said:

Maybe that her child would learn that you can't steal and screw around with other people's men and get away with it. I'm sure she won't starve to death. Anyway that is not this woman's problem. 

This ^^^^^^^^

[assertives]

1 hour ago, preraph said:

Maybe that her child would learn that you can't steal and screw around with other people's men and get away with it. I'm sure she won't starve to death. Anyway that is not this woman's problem. 

That's unlikely. The kid is below 3 years old, and OP already states she doesn't care about the kid one bit. So OP is obviously not going to stick around to let the kid know what his or her mother did to lose custody of them. OP is just going to hit and run, so even cps wouldn't have known the real reason/motivation why someone called cps, not like it matters in the grand scheme of things that would go behind the decision to permanently remove a child from his or her mother.

At best, all the kid is going to know is that their mother was dealing with drugs but again, nobody is likely to reveal this to a child below 3, and the kid isn't going to be able to understand anyway. So the kid is not likely to know this until maybe he or she is much older like when they are already an adult. But the kid will very likely grow up feeling unwanted and abandoned pretty much all their childhood at no fault of his or her own. Every child deserves parents, but not every parent deserves children.

[rainfall]

10 minutes ago, assertives said:

That's unlikely. The kid is below 3 years old, and OP already states she doesn't care about the kid one bit. So OP is obviously not going to stick around to let the kid know what his or her mother did to lose custody of them. OP is just going to hit and run, so even cps wouldn't have known the real reason/motivation why someone called cps, not like it matters in the grand scheme of things that would go behind the decision to permanently remove a child from his or her mother.

At best, all the kid is going to know is that their mother was dealing with drugs but again, nobody is likely to reveal this to a child below 3, and the kid isn't going to be able to understand anyway. So the kid is not likely to know this until maybe he or she is much older like when they are already an adult. But the kid will very likely grow up feeling unwanted and abandoned pretty much all their childhood at no fault of his or her own. Every child deserves parents, but not every parent deserves children.

I’ve already said she’s keeping that kid. My husband hates kids so I don’t want to take away the one thing that will ensure he’ll never be with her 100%. I’m just going to destroy her life and make sure her spawn knows why. 
 

I’m going to ruin her life in other ways. 

[assertives]

13 minutes ago, rainfall said:

I’ve already said she’s keeping that kid. My husband hates kids so I don’t want to take away the one thing that will ensure he’ll never be with her 100%. I’m just going to destroy her life and make sure her spawn knows why. 
 

I’m going to ruin her life in other ways. 

Her kid isn't going to know or understand why. The kid is below 3 and will likely never be able to understand until maybe at least 18 years later. And to be frank, if she's as much of a mess as you said she is, she also isn't going to be able to fully comprehend the consequences of her own actions. If she was able to, she would probably have turned her life around already or at least be working towards that and pick better quality men to begin with. So your revenge efforts would be like kicking a dead horse and likely just going to be just another regular day for her. She literally have nothing to lose because she has nothing. You are seeing/evaluating her through your own values and viewpoints. But she obviously has different ones than yours which is probably why she's even still stuck in the same cycle of mess you've described.

What you see as something of value in her life is probably not as valuable to her if at all. Only you are going to feel something, anything out of all this. And again, she may not be the person your husband is cheating on you with. You have found no evidence of him cheating, but yet, you were able to come to the conclusion that she's the OW. Which in the same vein, could also mean he is capable to cheat with someone else, anyone really to raise your suspicions and completely eradicate your trust in him to this extent.

 

[rainfall]

Just now, assertives said:

Her kid isn't going to know or understand why. The kid is below 3 and will likely never be able to understand until maybe at least 18 years later. And to be frank, if she's as much of a mess as you said she is, she also isn't going to be able to fully comprehend the consequences of her own actions. If she was able to, she would probably have turned her life around already or at least be working towards that and pick better quality men to begin with. So your revenge efforts would be like kicking a dead horse and likely just going to be just another regular day for her. She literally have nothing to lose because she has nothing. You are seeing/evaluating her through your own values and viewpoints. But she obviously has different ones than yours which is probably why she's even still stuck in the same cycle of mess you've described.

What you see as something of value in her life is probably not as valuable to her if at all. Only you are going to feel something, anything out of all this. And again, she may not be the person your husband is cheating on you with. You have found no evidence of him cheating, but yet, you were able to come to the conclusion that she's the OW. Which in the same vein, could also mean he is capable to cheat with someone else, anyone really to raise your suspicions and completely eradicate your trust in him to this extent.

 

She’ll lose her job and her home. That’s enough for me. And I know there’s no one else. I’ve checked everything and this h is the only girl who texts him 1000 times a day, and I know his routines. He doesn’t have time to see anyone else. This trash girl is the only one it could be. 

[vla1120]

Wow. I’ve been away, getting my district ready for remote learning. You’ve been busy seething with a hatred that hurts no one but you. Have you even talked to your husband about the fact that you do NOT want him communicating with this woman or it’s going to ruin your marriage? Have you asked him to block her? Have you told him the two of you need marriage counseling because your imagination is about to destroy your marriage? 

Calling an innocent 3-yr-old child her “spawn” is insulting and cruel. 

I predict this is NOT going to end well for you. Hell. At this rate, if Karma has anything to say about it, you might end up with COVID-19. Or maybe you’ll bring it home to your husband with his underlying health conditions and you’ll find out in the end he was faithful to you. That would make one hell of a harlequin romance novel.

i hope you get a grip and stop this nonsense. Place the blame where it belongs - squarely on your husband for entertaining the idea of liking the attention he gets from this woman. Stop beating around the bush about it and get your arses to counseling!

[basil67]

rainfall, do you see the similarities between you and this other woman?   She doesn't care about hurting you and you don't care about hurting her innocent child.  Often, those we dislike most are the ones who have similar traits to us.  And the two of you seem to be peas in a pod.

[rainfall]

37 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

Wow. I’ve been away, getting my district ready for remote learning. You’ve been busy seething with a hatred that hurts no one but you. Have you even talked to your husband about the fact that you do NOT want him communicating with this woman or it’s going to ruin your marriage? Have you asked him to block her? Have you told him the two of you need marriage counseling because your imagination is about to destroy your marriage? 

Calling an innocent 3-yr-old child her “spawn” is insulting and cruel. 

I predict this is NOT going to end well for you. Hell. At this rate, if Karma has anything to say about it, you might end up with COVID-19. Or maybe you’ll bring it home to your husband with his underlying health conditions and you’ll find out in the end he was faithful to you. That would make one hell of a harlequin romance novel.

i hope you get a grip and stop this nonsense. Place the blame where it belongs - squarely on your husband for entertaining the idea of liking the attention he gets from this woman. Stop beating around the bush about it and get your arses to counseling!

I have never hated anyone as much as I hate this trash girl.  I’m going to refer to her and her spawn as I see fit. Trust me this is nice. What I say to My friends is 100 times worse. If I get corona I’m f anyway. I have my own health issues. (Asthma has always been mid, but it’s been bad this year for some reason). 
 

 

28 minutes ago, basil67 said:

rainfall, do you see the similarities between you and this other woman?   She doesn't care about hurting you and you don't care about hurting her innocent child.  Often, those we dislike most are the ones who have similar traits to us.  And the two of you seem to be peas in a pod.

I doubt making her lose her job will hurt her kid. She can go live with her mom 20 hours away. I’m nothing like this trash girl. I’ve worked for every thing I have.i have a college degree, an amazing job, car I paid off in 3 years, I graduated high school, no kids, and I don’t chase married men. 
 

she works 20 hours a week ; lives of welfare, no car and doesn’t know how to drive, no desire to even finish high school, likes guys in commitment relationships. (Her ex was with a girl before they hooked up. They weren’t married, but they’d been dating fo 5 years. So she’s a home wrecker. 
 

 

[rainfall]

My thing now is even if he’s not cheating is that really the kind of man I want. He saw what this was doing to me. He saw I started smoking , drinking, not eating or sleeping again. 
he cared more about his who than his wife and that’s crap. I messaged the guy he got mad at me for talking to. I miss him as a friend and apparently how im feeling doesn’t matter  

[S2B]

Stop drinking. Cut back on the smoking and start eating right and working out!

your toxic habits are affecting your ability to think logically about all the crap around you.

help yourself!

[basil67]

26 minutes ago, rainfall said:

I doubt making her lose her job will hurt her kid. She can go live with her mom 20 hours away. I’m nothing like this trash girl. I’ve worked for every thing I have.i have a college degree, an amazing job, car I paid off in 3 years, I graduated high school, no kids, and I don’t chase married men. 
 

she works 20 hours a week ; lives of welfare, no car and doesn’t know how to drive, no desire to even finish high school, likes guys in commitment relationships. (Her ex was with a girl before they hooked up. They weren’t married, but they’d been dating fo 5 years. So she’s a home wrecker. 

There's more than one way to wreck a home and you're doing the other.  Peas in a pod the both of you.

[IndigoNight]

I have been the scorned wife. I had so many things running through my head about what I'd do to that woman. Then, I realized it was my husband who betrayed me.

I actually sympathized with you, until you decided you didn't care how the child was hurt in this melodrama. Children are off limits, period!

If you asked my ex husband he would tell you that I have a cold, and blackened heart. For him, I do. However, I would NEVER make a mother with a young child suffer, or homeless, for ANY reason. That is wrong on so many levels.

Your man is supposedly cheating on you, and all you can talk about is destroying the mother of a young child. 

You've made up your mind. Just be ready to suffer the consequences of your actions. 

Edited March 25, 2020 by IndigoNight

[JTSW]

12 hours ago, rainfall said:

My thing now is even if he’s not cheating is that really the kind of man I want. He saw what this was doing to me. He saw I started smoking , drinking, not eating or sleeping again. 
he cared more about his who than his wife and that’s crap. I messaged the guy he got mad at me for talking to. I miss him as a friend and apparently how im feeling doesn’t matter  

Get some therapy and fast. 

You are a walking bitter train wreck. 

You have completely lost it. 

The only one who stands to get hurt in all this is you. 

[preraph]

This is a very personal fight.  I can't stand people who just roll over and let things happen to them that affect their entire existence.  But again, it's not all about her.  Your husband is who is responsible for not betraying you or causing you undue worry and grief, so he's actually the bigger culprit.  

[lana-banana]

Not to interrupt the extremely normal and chill and proportionate reactions you're having, but props on repeatedly expressing your intent to cause harm to someone from a device that can be traced to your ownership and/or residence. Best of luck with your cunning plans for total revenge.

[preraph]

If she gives the employer information that gets her fired (which it may not), and there's actual proof, then she doesn't have anything to worry about.  She just needs to stay within the law on this.  

[rainfall]

22 hours ago, S2B said:

Stop drinking. Cut back on the smoking and start eating right and working out!

your toxic habits are affecting your ability to think logically about all the crap around you.

help yourself!

Yeah I’ll pass on working out when there’s a virus out there.... 

22 hours ago, basil67 said:

There's more than one way to wreck a home and you're doing the other.  Peas in a pod the both of you.

But see mine is deserved. She is stealing and her employer should know, especially since I heard that they are losing money and might have to close. 

10 hours ago, JTSW said:

Get some therapy and fast. 

You are a walking bitter train wreck. 

You have completely lost it. 

The only one who stands to get hurt in all this is you. 

Nope.... this trash girl will get what’s coming to her. She went after my husband. She did this to herself. 

9 hours ago, preraph said:

This is a very personal fight.  I can't stand people who just roll over and let things happen to them that affect their entire existence.  But again, it's not all about her.  Your husband is who is responsible for not betraying you or causing you undue worry and grief, so he's actually the bigger culprit.  

If he’s cheating he’ll pay. Already looking into different places to live when this virus crud is all over. Not exactly a time to be moving out on my own. In 2-3 months I’ll have enough saved (hopefully) and I’ll know. We are in a shelter in place so he’s not going anywhere and I’m probably hurting my health, but I’m staying up late so she can’t watch him play games since we play all night. She gets mad and goes to bed bc he ignores her. We will see tonight bc I’ve slept 5 hours the past 2 days. So I’m going to bed early tonight and I’ll let my voice recorder do the work. 

9 hours ago, lana-banana said:

Not to interrupt the extremely normal and chill and proportionate reactions you're having, but props on repeatedly expressing your intent to cause harm to someone from a device that can be traced to your ownership and/or residence. Best of luck with your cunning plans for total revenge.

I really don’t think me saying I’m going to turn someone in for stealing is illegal. I don’t plan to do anything to physically harm her or her spawn. If she gets evicted bc she doesn’t have a job that’s her fault. Shouldn’t steal money if you don’t want to deal with the consequences. But glad you think stealing is ok. 

5 hours ago, preraph said:

If she gives the employer information that gets her fired (which it may not), and there's actual proof, then she doesn't have anything to worry about.  She just needs to stay within the law on this.  

Yep this.... it’s 100% legal to turn someone in for stealing when you have proof. And her apartment requires her to have a job. If she doesn’t tell them she lost it she’ll get evicted and fined. So I’ll just make sure I give them a call to make sure she followed the rules. If she tells them they give her time to find something. If she doesn’t she gets evicted... so the second one will be all on her. 
 

like I’ve said everything I’ll be doing is legal. She is the one who is doing illegal stuff. And I’m not even messing with her for some of it. Maybe one day I will, but for now having her lose her job is enough. 

[rainfall]

18 hours ago, IndigoNight said:

I have been the scorned wife. I had so many things running through my head about what I'd do to that woman. Then, I realized it was my husband who betrayed me.

I actually sympathized with you, until you decided you didn't care how the child was hurt in this melodrama. Children are off limits, period!

If you asked my ex husband he would tell you that I have a cold, and blackened heart. For him, I do. However, I would NEVER make a mother with a young child suffer, or homeless, for ANY reason. That is wrong on so many levels.

Your man is supposedly cheating on you, and all you can talk about is destroying the mother of a young child. 

You've made up your mind. Just be ready to suffer the consequences of your actions. 

I told you I’m not going to make her lose the kid. I’m not going to ignore my revenge on her just bc she has a kid. Kids aren’t a free pass to be a home wrecking trash person or try to be one. 
 

She should make better life choices. Kids don’t give you a free pass to sh whatever you want. Sorry, but if she can’t find another job it’s on her. No minimum wage job calls to check references. 
 

and I’m pretty sure my only consequence will be relief knowing she’s suffering and feeling the pain caused me. 

[basil67]

53 minutes ago, rainfall said:

I told you I’m not going to make her lose the kid. I’m not going to ignore my revenge on her just bc she has a kid. Kids aren’t a free pass to be a home wrecking trash person or try to be one.  

None of us can 100% predict the consequences of our actions.  Not even you.  

Edited March 26, 2020 by basil67

[preraph]

Just realized that the employer may feel they have to give her one more chance. And if the employer really likes her, they may just ignore the whole thing. 

[BaileyB]

19 minutes ago, preraph said:

Just realized that the employer may feel they have to give her one more chance. And if the employer really likes her, they may just ignore the whole thing. 

I would absolutely ignore the whole thing - the opinion of an angry, irrational, and vengeful woman would have no credibility with me.