I cheated on the girl I loved

[cmal_x]

First off.. a little background. I've always thought that cheating was the worst possible thing you could do to someone... (it's basically taking a block of trust and throwing it at a wall as hard as you can). It's a result of my history and what I observed as a young child... I was always scared someone would cheat on me... I never even imagined myself capable of doing it to someone myself... let alone someone I genuinely care about.

 

My girlfriend and I have been together for a while... don't get me wrong, we've gotten into disagreements like anyone else has.. but every time we do, we come back even stronger. When I look at her, I really see a future... or atleast want one. She's so beautiful... the most beautiful girl I've ever known... and when we're together it's like everything's so right and perfect.

 

...I've always been the more clingy, and questioning one.. For some reason, I've always doubted how much she really cared about me. She's never been that way with me... she's not the same type of person I am when it comes to stuff like that...

 

...so Sunday night, she was at her dorm room and I decided to go out with a couple of friends. A girl was there who apparently was really attracted to me... and she'd keep making it obvious throughout the night. We were all drinking.... I'm a small girl (Yeah, forgot to mention we're lesbians).. 5'1 and all of 110 lbs.... beer after beer after beer after beer... shot after shot after shot of jager.. and I'm gone. My inhibitions are lowered, I am officially intoxicated. I knew I shouldn't have drank so much. I hate the excuse "because I was drunk" too... anyhow... the girl pretty much propositioned herself to me, and leaned in to kiss me. I did kiss her back, but it didn't last long because an image of my girlfriend shot through my head...

 

..the rest of the night was kind of weird.. the girl kept complimenting me though.. (something I've never gotten enough of)... the ride home, the girl ended up sitting next to me in the backseat. I was sandwiched in between her and a friend of mine. Her fingers kept brushing my leg.. eventually they brushed my hand and before I knew it, my hand was on her leg... her pants were open, and my fingers grazed her umm... spot... really quick. Another image of my girl shot through my head and I felt like I needed to vomit.

 

I went uptairs and couldn't fall asleep. I opened my cellphone, and there was a picture of my girl and I staring right back at me... I kept thinking about what happened, and how it was so horrible, and how the hell was I supposed to tell her?! I have never felt this way about anyone... I have absolutely no excuse for it either. I didn't even like the girl that it happened with... and noone could compare to my baby. Atleast that's how I feel.

 

Well I ended up telling my girl a sugar-coated version as soon I saw her... she wasn't too mad about it. She ended up contacting the girl to bitch her out... and then all of the truth came out... the detailed version.

 

Surprisingly, my girlfriend hasn't broken up with me... but then again it's only been a day since all of the truth came out.. and 2 days since everything happened. I went to her dorm room last night to talk about things... My girl says she loves me.. and that if I were anybody else it would be over. It broke my heart to know that I had hurt her so much and to see her cry like that. She wouldn't look at me for the longest time.... finally she took my hands and wrapped my arms around her and her arms around me and we just held each other... crying.

 

I don't know what to do to build my trust back up. I know after this experience, I would NEVER EVER screw it up again... but I know when it comes to the security and trust she felt with me that that's definitely way lower than it was and possibly ever will be again.

 

I truly am sorry for everything I did. I've never regretted something so much in my entire life...

 

...I just hope everything will be okay. I know it will be if it's meant to.. and I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I just really don't know why I sacrificed everything I had over someone so meaningless to me.

 

..that's my experience. Please reply if you feel the need.

 

-cmal x.

[slubberdegullion]

OK, hands up, everyone who has never made a mistake, especially while intoxicated.

 

Anyone?

 

Anyone?

 

Oh... thanks, Jesus. That's one. Anyone else? No?

 

Didn't think so.

 

Alright, so I made some low-level humour. But the point is that what's done is done, you've expressed your regret, your gf seems to have had some satisfaction from chewing the other girl out (sorry... wrong visual image, but I think you get the idea) and seems to have been the one to step up to the forgiveness table.

 

It's time you forgave yourself too. You can both move on; you'll be better for it.

 

The only mistake you really made, aside from the jager (migawd, how can you drink that stuff??) - and, granted, it's a crucial one - is:

I know it will be if it's meant to

That's nonsense. Nothing is "meant to be." Your relationship isn't strong or weak because of fate. It's your decision. It's your work. It's your responsibility. But please, no more of this nonsense about the success or failure of relationships based on fate. We do not dance on strings.

[roxyg]

After reading this story, I absolutely had to post. It was my story only told by someone else, and I'm straight. It's been two years since I cheated on my now fiance. I won't ever forget the events of that evening, nor will I forget how awful I made my fiance feel. It really is about both of you willing to move past that, rather than keeping it the focal point of your relationship. If she hasn't broken up with you, then it is a sign that there is still some hope. Initially my fiance and I broke up, and then he came back to me, saying he couldn't be without me. I don't understand how he forgave me, to this day, I'd rather not question it or even think about it. Pushing it back doesn't help, just letting your partner know that hey I'm willing to do this if you are. I suppressed a lot of it, and we often fought over what happened, in an underlying way. Obviously we have moved way past the whole experience, and I am beyond grateful for our relationship. Good luck to you, I definately know what you are going through. The first stages are very rough, but it gets smoother.