Rosieroo17 Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 (edited) Im married with 2 children . My husband and I have usual ups and downs but I've always felt secure in his love and we trust each other. A situation has come up which I'm struggling with and am looking for advice to deal and gain some perspective. First let me say that I know I'm a sensitive and insecure person so I know this situation may sound stupid to some of . So I have 2 friends who I'm extremely close to we also work at the same place we dont spend alot of time at work together but out of work we do and also have a WhatsApp chat which we often talk to each on in fact everyday. My husband also works there as well and these friends are part of his dept in fact one is his manager. They get on well with him which is great of course. Anyway over xmas these friends have started a WhatsApp group with him and his other colleague. This is not just a work chat this was social group which the friends are sending message everyday etc. Chit chatting away I'm not a controlling wife my husband has his own life and goes out etc just as I do. But this made me really upset and anxious. It not that I think they are doing anything it's just, and I know this sounds really childish , but they were my friends. And there is something uncomfortable about me sitting watching TV with my husband while he is chatting with my friends.I did speak to them and to my husband who was upset as he felt I thought he was up to something which I dont at all. There is a part if me that thinks if we are all meant to be friends dont create a group with my husband and exclude his wife who was ultimately their friend in the first place One friend assured me it was nothing and actually saw it was not nice and said she would stop and that my friendship was important and he is really just a work friend and didnt want to cause grief for me. However the other friend one of them does not understand and see she is doing nothing wrong. My husband eventually came off the group as he saw how anxious it was making me however this one friend who saw how upset I was has now just continued to text him on her own. I genuinely believe he is not attracted to her or something is going on but I still feel upset and think this woman was pretty much my best friend and yes it's great they got on at work but I think it's not right she is texting my husband like this. It's just random stuff and he has told me what she sends Also she saw it really upset me and said she cares about me etc so why keep doing it. Am I overeating or can anyone see my point. I have lots of friends who are married and I get on well with their other halves but I would be sitting sending them texts all the time . Edited June 2, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Updated title to reflect thread update Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 Something is not right here, not sure what it is exactly but you are not overreacting Is this woman married/attached? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosieroo17 Posted February 6, 2020 Author Share Posted February 6, 2020 She is single. She actually has a thing for his brother Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosieroo17 Posted February 6, 2020 Author Share Posted February 6, 2020 I honestly dont believe him is cheating. We work and live together. My gut doesnt tell me he is..he did get upset with me over it and upset as he feels I don't trust him. He did say he would tell her to stop texting him I feel hurt by her not having any bounderies 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 A lot of guys won't say no if a woman throws herself at him though and says they'll keep it secret, so it is worrisome -- and you need to know, she is NOT your best friend if she's doing this. No. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosieroo17 Posted February 6, 2020 Author Share Posted February 6, 2020 The whole thing is making me so anxious. My other friend says she definitely thinks there is nothing going on. She says my husband does nothing but talk about me all the time and knows he loves me . Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 Your friend is intruding. You need to stop telling her anything personal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosieroo17 Posted February 6, 2020 Author Share Posted February 6, 2020 16 minutes ago, preraph said: Your friend is intruding. You need to stop telling her anything personal. Which friend? The one texting ? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 The one who still talking to him via text even though she knows it bothers you. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosieroo17 Posted February 6, 2020 Author Share Posted February 6, 2020 4 minutes ago, preraph said: The one who still talking to him via text even though she knows it bothers you. Yes I know I've told her and my other friend has aswell. I'm hoping she stops. Thing is it makes me paranoid and I'm checking whatsapp all the time to see if they are online together I know it does not tell me much. My husband does tell me if she texts. I just dont think it's what a friend should do. Like I said it's nice when your friends get on with your spouse but texting is taking it too far. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 She's not your friend and she's probably after your man. she doesn't respect you enough to not do something like this so she's not your friend. Now she's just going to sneak around and do it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosieroo17 Posted February 6, 2020 Author Share Posted February 6, 2020 1 minute ago, preraph said: She's not your friend and she's probably after your man. she doesn't respect you enough to not do something like this so she's not your friend. Now she's just going to sneak around and do it. I am not speaking to her anymore now anyway I cant continue my friendship with her. Problem is we work with her. Like I said earlier she fancies his brother and text him although we told her not to due to the fact he is going through a separation himself. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 She has very poor boundaries. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 Fancying his brother is probably just an excuse to keep texting your husband. It is probably him she fancies, not the brother. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 3 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Fancying his brother is probably just an excuse to keep texting your husband. It is probably him she fancies, not the brother. I wondered about that. 🤔 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 4 hours ago, preraph said: you need to know, she is NOT your best friend if she's doing this. No. I agree. My best friend is married to another friend from high school - we are all old friends. We have travelled together, I have visited them and their kids, when her husband comes home to see family we go for dinner and movie together - but we always maintain a healthy boundary. I may send a quick text to say “happy birthday” or “I’m sorry to hear your dad is sick” - but out of respect for my best friend, there is always a boundary. I agree, if they are purposefully excluding you from communication and carrying on together in ways that cause you anxiety - that is not the behaviour of a friend. Or, a husband who cares about your feelings and your wellbeing. Boundaries are essential in all relationship - this is really complex in that there are friendships, they work together, she is his boss... The boundaries here are being blurred - personally, professionally... you have reason to be concerned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosieroo17 Posted February 6, 2020 Author Share Posted February 6, 2020 9 minutes ago, BaileyB said: I agree. My best friend is married to another friend from high school - we are all old friends. We have travelled together, I have visited them and their kids, when her husband comes home to see family we go for dinner and movie together - but we always maintain a healthy boundary. I may send a quick text to say “happy birthday” or “I’m sorry to hear your dad is sick” - but out of respect for my best friend, there is always a boundary. I agree, if they are purposefully excluding you from communication and carrying on together in ways that cause you anxiety - that is not the behaviour of a friend. Or, a husband who cares about your feelings and your wellbeing. Boundaries are essential in all relationship - this is really complex in that there are friendships, they work together, she is his boss... The boundaries here are being blurred - personally, professionally... you have reason to be concerned. Thank you this is what I've been thinking all along. He has stopped and come of the group and texting her. But the whole thing is really upsetting for me and has shaken me up completely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 So he's stopped the chats without you? If so, then get a grip and get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 Significant yellow flags IMO with that one woman. Every so often ask to look at the texts on a whim. If they start getting deleted at some point, that's a big red flag. If they move to a different app than the ones you check, that's a red flag. She might have feelings, she might just be cementing the friendly relationship to do recon and/or pave the way to the brother. A bit hard to know. Make his life wonderful. And let him know gently, but in no uncertain terms that if he ever cheats, ALL that wonderfulness goes away and gets replaced by lawyer bills and spousal support. And definitely keep an eye on both of them. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 Your husband should block her. She's a trouble maker for sure. 7 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 (edited) I have to say I completely disagree that someone deleting their texts is a red flag. It depends on if they always have deleted their texts and kept it clean. I delete every email and text as soon as I've read it and answered it. Who keeps their texts? I find it more of a red flag if he kept her texts because I would figure there was some reason or some sentimentality behind it. Edited February 6, 2020 by preraph 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 1 hour ago, Crazelnut said: So he's stopped the chats without you? If so, then get a grip and get over it. He stopped the Whatsapp group, she now texts him personally.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 12 minutes ago, preraph said: I have to say I completely disagree that someone deleting their texts is a red flag. It depends on if they always have deleted their texts and kept it clean. I delete every email and text as soon as I've read it and answered it. Who keeps their texts? I find it more of a red flag if he kept her texts because I would figure there was some reason or some sentimentality behind it. Fair enough and good point Preraph. IF he doesn't delete texts, then starting to with hers would be a red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 Yes it depends on what their normal habit is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rosieroo17 Posted February 6, 2020 Author Share Posted February 6, 2020 1 minute ago, preraph said: Yes it depends on what their normal habit is. He doesn't really text alot in general Link to post Share on other sites
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