Confused In Florida Posted June 11, 2001 Share Posted June 11, 2001 I have been in a relationship with a man a short while now and things have been going pretty well. We are becoming more serious and care about eachother very much. My problem is this. Before things continue on to a very serious level with a person in my life, I evaluate our wants and desires in life. My point is, if we dont want the same things and our goals are completely different, why stay together and end up finding out what we already know. Well, one thing i want down the road, maybe 3-5 years, is a family. I want children. And my mate does not (unless, he says, it happens on accident). This is a very big issue for me. Do I stick with this guy and see how things go, or do i go the cautious route and move on. Since I already know the one thing i want in my life, he doesnt really want, why continue? Am i just overexaggerating this? Or am I smart to avoid disappointment and heartbreak in the future shall things ever go to that level? I am really at a wall with this dilemma. This man is wonderful in every way...yet i find it extremely hard to accept the fact that if i end up with him, I may never have the family i desire. What do i do???? Very confused Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 11, 2001 Share Posted June 11, 2001 No, you're not overanalyzing...you're being very practical. No matter how much you love this guy, his lack of desire to have a family is a VERY SERIOUS incompatiblity that will surely destroy what the two of you have. One of the primary reasons males and females get together is for the purpose of having children. One of the major biological imperatives of a female is procreation. It's an instinctual thing that can hardly be fought. People who do not have the desire for children are usually those from traumatic childhoods or from highly dysfunctional or undefined families/broken homes. Most young people who are raised in a decent home environment are pretty keen on having children. It is his choice not to want children no matter what his reasons and you have to respect that. But don't count on him changing his mind. He might...but he might not. You're much better off honoring his honesty and thanking him for that and moving on to find someone who you get along with well and who wants children just like you. Link to post Share on other sites
sparkle Posted June 11, 2001 Share Posted June 11, 2001 I agree with what Tony wrote. Don't think that, after a while he'll change his mind and start wanting kids. That may never happen. Yes, relationships are about making sacrifices and compromises, but the topic of children is a whole different story. If you want to have children later on, and it's important to you, then I suggest getting out of this relationship now...before it gets any more serious. Don't stay with him thinking that you can change him/his views. You can't. Don't give up something you truly want just to be with someone. You gotta think about your own needs too. If you two have different interests, different views, and different goals, then why be in this relationship any longer? What will you get out of it? Not any kids, that's for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
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