how do I desire my girlfriend more?

[single_guy]

2 minutes ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

What, did you think that just SHOWING UP in life and having a pulse was going to score you YOUR PERFECT IDEAL WOMAN?

Women don't even get to do that. We can show up and have a pulse and guys will line up to put their dicks in us - but our IDEAL MAN is vanishingly unlikely to be one of them. Don't be too jealous of women just because it's really easy for us to have meaningless sexual encounters with people who mostly don't care about us. It's really NOT an envious position.

Things that are worth having, are worth working very hard to obtain.

I didn't get my husband by standing around being pretty. I got my husband because I spent virtually every free moment of my youth working on my "wife skills," and that set me apart in a HUGE WAY from other women.

If you really have 95% of what you want in your current girlfriend, you should consider yourself incredibly lucky. 95% is more than most people can hope for.

If that 5% that's missing is absolutely critical... you should break up with her.

If the issue is that you (like a lot of modern men) have the impression that sitting around acting like a damsel in distress and nexting everyone who isn't perfect is going to eventually bring you your "princess charming" to rescue you from loneliness and unrealistically high standards... well... LOL.

At least women get SOMETHING for just having a pulse, even if it's sexual attention from guys they don't like.  Guys get NOTHING!  We have to work for EVERYTHING!

You're right about the 95% - maybe I need to keep drilling it into my head that she's so awesome in every way but voluptuousness.  But my sexual preferences go back a long time, to when I was 13 or so, and it's SO hard to ignore them.  That's why I'm in such a pickle - I don't want to lose something so great, but I'm reminded SEVERAL TIMES A DAY what I'm missing from a visual perspective.  Arghh!!!

 

[Cookiesandough]

45 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

 

 

I doubt this....he was likelyga ga from her from the start...then it faded as comfort set in now he is wondering why he doesn’t want to do her lime he did when they first met.

He said she was never that into her but he tried to ignore it 

[Kitty Tantrum]

16 minutes ago, single_guy said:

At least women get SOMETHING for just having a pulse, even if it's sexual attention from guys they don't like.  Guys get NOTHING!  We have to work for EVERYTHING!

You're right about the 95% - maybe I need to keep drilling it into my head that she's so awesome in every way but voluptuousness.  But my sexual preferences go back a long time, to when I was 13 or so, and it's SO hard to ignore them.  That's why I'm in such a pickle - I don't want to lose something so great, but I'm reminded SEVERAL TIMES A DAY what I'm missing from a visual perspective.  Arghh!!!

 

Uhhh... bet you don't have to work very hard to get a kick in the balls. That's on par with sexual attention from men I don't like in terms of desirability.

So yeah, cry me a river. 

WE ALL HAVE TO WORK FOR WHAT WE ACTUALLY WANT IN LIFE.

[single_guy]

8 minutes ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

Uhhh... bet you don't have to work very hard to get a kick in the balls. That's on par with sexual attention from men I don't like in terms of desirability.

So yeah, cry me a river. 

WE ALL HAVE TO WORK FOR WHAT WE ACTUALLY WANT IN LIFE.

And what about the 1 in 10 men who give you sexual attention that you DO like?  That's 1 more than guys get.  Women are so lucky.  No wonder guys get into all sorts of sexual vices - they are STARVING for sexual attention from women in general (not one particular woman) - they crave to not be invisible to women in general.  If you can't sympathize with this, it just shows you're spoiled being a woman.

Edited February 7, 2020 by single_guy

[Ruby Slippers]

Attention from many men doesn't mean that much. Most women want the whole package, not just a cute guy, and most men are not the whole package or even close. 

[chillii]

Mate , speak for yourself when your talking all this rubbish , ok .

Not guys , YOU. And you obviously can't read all the 100s of threads round here by women that can's find a relationship either.

Because your not talking for me or guys l know believe me. Anyway , you sound too messed up to even be in a relationship.

Edited February 7, 2020 by chillii

[basil67]

33 minutes ago, single_guy said:

And what about the 1 in 10 men who give you sexual attention that you DO like?  That's 1 more than guys get.  Women are so lucky.  No wonder guys get into all sorts of sexual vices - they are STARVING for sexual attention from women in general (not one particular woman) - they crave to not be invisible to women in general.  If you can't sympathize with this, it just shows you're spoiled being a woman.

You have a lovely girlfriend.  So what's all this nonsense?

[stillafool]

8 hours ago, single_guy said:

 But I like a LOT of out-of-shape, even VERY out-of-shape women!  Why can't I seem to attract them?  I'm a decent-looking guy - my girlfriend says I'm very cute.  I

He isn't just looking for society's idea of voluptuous he wants a VERY OUT-OF-SHAPE heavy woman and he doesn't understand why he isn't attracting THEM.  He isn't looking to get

a 42-25-38 type (I think).  

OP if you are a decent looking guy most of the women you want are not going to approach.  Why can't you chat one up and get her number.  

 

[Kitty Tantrum]

53 minutes ago, single_guy said:

And what about the 1 in 10 men who give you sexual attention that you DO like?  That's 1 more than guys get.  Women are so lucky.  No wonder guys get into all sorts of sexual vices - they are STARVING for sexual attention from women in general (not one particular woman) - they crave to not be invisible to women in general.  If you can't sympathize with this, it just shows you're spoiled being a woman.

1 in 10??!?! Out of HUNDREDS of men, there have been THREE that I actually wanted sexual attention from: my first husband, the ex-boyfriend I dated after my divorce, and the man who is my husband now. None of them were "show up and get what you want for free" scenarios. All required me to demonstrate actual relationship value.

I've never wanted unsolicited sexual attention from men. I wanted a husband. If there were men lining up to propose to me with no effort on my part, then you might have a solid argument. There were none. The men who show up waving their dicks around only want to extract sexual value from me - not give me anything that is worth my time.

How is me getting something from men WHICH I DO NOT IN ANY WAY WANT - comparable to you getting EXACTLY what you want from women? (hint: it's not)

[FMW]

OP, your girlfriend obviously got attention from you in order to start the relationship.  But you're here telling us that you wish she had a different figure.  So I'm not sure that just getting attention from men (you) is that great of a thing when the men (you) are quietly wishing she looked different.  If she was aware of your thoughts she would be mortified.    

But maybe you would disagree and would be happy for any attention, even if it was from someone who wished you were taller, more muscled.........

 

[preraph]

Kitty, when young I found a certain number of men attractive, but it was still a small percentage of the many I came into contact with.  And no, just them being around me didn't make me more disposed to be attracted to them.  

  Now that I'm out of my eras, I can go years without seeing one in real life I think is attractive and intriguing.  Men just don't get that women are not just looking for men to have sex with because they're walking around with burning desire.  There are exceptions to everything, but what I've mainly seen in trends is that guys will have sex with women they are not attracted to if they can't find one they are and sometimes even when they can, and most women would do without rather than having sex with one she's not attracted to and likes.  Women are sexual, but it's usually got to be a combination of good personality and whatever looks are good enough before a woman is even horny for a guy.  Men seem to walk around horny all the time.  I know that's miserable, but there are ways to mitigate it without messing up your life in the process. 

[basil67]

8 minutes ago, preraph said:

Kitty, when young I found a certain number of men attractive, but it was still a small percentage of the many I came into contact with.  And no, just them being around me didn't make me more disposed to be attracted to them.  

  Now that I'm out of my eras, I can go years without seeing one in real life I think is attractive and intriguing. 

This ^^    So much this.   

Of course, I have a partner, so it's a moot point.  But if I were single, I don't think it would be any different.  

[Kitty Tantrum]

See, I DO walk around horny all the time - have since I was embarrassingly little - and I STILL wanted a wedding ring. Not sex for validation. LOL

OP doesn't understand that he DOES get the same ultimate "reward for zero effort" as I get from men... that is to say - he puts in zero effort, he doesn't get what he wants.

I put in zero effort, I don't get what I want.

Same same. 😛

We just want different things.

But acting LIKE A WOMAN is definitely not going to get you positive attention FROM women.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, FMW said:

OP, your girlfriend obviously got attention from you in order to start the relationship.  But you're here telling us that you wish she had a different figure. 

 

He said she was the only one who pursued him.  The ones he wanted didn't bite.

[preraph]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

This ^^    So much this.   

Of course, I have a partner, so it's a moot point.  

Rub it in, Basil!😐

[acapelo_dp]

What you need to do is break up with your girlfriend because you don't deserve her and she deserves a man who is crazy about her on all levels.

When you talk about women and not getting what you want it honestly sounds like a toddler whining not getting what they want. Of course we don't always get 100% what we want in a partner, attraction is built not only on the physical but emotional bond over time. Sounds like the emotional bond isn't enough for you to be satisfied. 

It all sounds just very sexual and physical for you. Fine, that's what you want, but don't put your girlfriend through this anymore. And stop whining that she gets lots of attention from guys and it's so hard for you. Most likely it's because she's a sweet and attractive girl. It sounds like you have some growing up to do. 

[chillii]

54 minutes ago, stillafool said:

He said she was the only one who pursued him.  The ones he wanted didn't bite.

That pursued him , yep, just yet another case of someone crying all over the internet because women aren't actually throwing panties at him. Ummm , most women prefer the guy to make an effort in my experience but so many guys round here just can't seem to figure out what being a guy is. Sounds more like he needs to stop crying in his soup , do the right thing by his gf , and get out there and do a bit of work himself to me.

Edited February 8, 2020 by chillii

[basil67]

2 hours ago, preraph said:

Rub it in, Basil!😐

Eeeep....that's not what I meant.  😘

[single_guy]

4 hours ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

See, I DO walk around horny all the time - have since I was embarrassingly little - and I STILL wanted a wedding ring. Not sex for validation. LOL

OP doesn't understand that he DOES get the same ultimate "reward for zero effort" as I get from men... that is to say - he puts in zero effort, he doesn't get what he wants.

I put in zero effort, I don't get what I want.

Same same. 😛

We just want different things.

But acting LIKE A WOMAN is definitely not going to get you positive attention FROM women.

Well Kitty, most women are not like you.  They don't get sexual attention from THOUSANDS of men and want NONE of it except for 3 guys.  Most women like sexual attention from good-looking, non-aggressive guys at times.

[single_guy]

2 hours ago, chillii said:

That pursued him , yep, just yet another case of someone crying all over the internet because women aren't actually throwing panties at him. Ummm , most women prefer the guy to make an effort in my experience but so many guys round here just can't seem to figure out what being a guy is. Sounds more like he needs to stop crying in his soup , do the right thing by his gf , and get out there and do a bit of work himself to me.

I'm not expecting that women will give me the same amount of attention that women get from men.  But I would like SOME of it.  10% of it would feel like heaven.  I know I have to put in effort, but it would be nice at times to feel desired, to not have to pursue women all the time in order to feel some desire reciprocated back to me.  Right?

[single_guy]

3 hours ago, stillafool said:

He said she was the only one who pursued him.  The ones he wanted didn't bite.

I didn't exactly say that.  She was one of the women who responded to me once I "widened my net" and reached out to women who were not my top picks.  But, yes, I messaged hundreds of women, over several months, who were my top picks and heard from almost none of them.  I know there are a lot of stale accounts, or fake accounts, but still!  Very depressing.  I had a good profile and good pix.

[single_guy]

4 hours ago, preraph said:

Kitty, when young I found a certain number of men attractive, but it was still a small percentage of the many I came into contact with.  And no, just them being around me didn't make me more disposed to be attracted to them.  

  Now that I'm out of my eras, I can go years without seeing one in real life I think is attractive and intriguing.  Men just don't get that women are not just looking for men to have sex with because they're walking around with burning desire.  There are exceptions to everything, but what I've mainly seen in trends is that guys will have sex with women they are not attracted to if they can't find one they are and sometimes even when they can, and most women would do without rather than having sex with one she's not attracted to and likes.  Women are sexual, but it's usually got to be a combination of good personality and whatever looks are good enough before a woman is even horny for a guy.  Men seem to walk around horny all the time.  I know that's miserable, but there are ways to mitigate it without messing up your life in the process. 

Yes, women are generally attracted to many fewer guys than guys are attracted to women.  That's because most women can afford to be extra picky - they have so many willing guys to choose from.  It's certainly a woman's world.

[single_guy]

5 hours ago, basil67 said:

You have a lovely girlfriend.  So what's all this nonsense?

Isn't it understandable for someone to want to feel they have options?

[single_guy]

5 hours ago, chillii said:

Mate , speak for yourself when your talking all this rubbish , ok .

Not guys , YOU. And you obviously can't read all the 100s of threads round here by women that can's find a relationship either.

Because your not talking for me or guys l know believe me. Anyway , you sound too messed up to even be in a relationship.

Are those women who can't find relationships actually looking?  For instance, are they actually LEAVING THEIR HOUSE?  Or are they just sitting at home dreaming about Channing Tatum and chugging Ben & Jerry's? All most women have to do to get attention is spend 15 minutes in the bathroom prepping themselves and then leave their house!  Guys take care of the rest.  No such thing for guys.  We have to pursue and suffer rejection.  I'm an ok-looking guy, but an ok-looking woman will kick the CRAP out of me in getting hit on more than I will.  It's no contest - if she goes to a bar or social setting, she will get talked to just by being there.  I, on the other hand, have to stick my neck out.

[preraph]

Most women I've ever known had their eye on some guy, and since they aren't driven by frantic horniness, they'll wait and see if anything can develop. Yes it's often a waste of time, but again, they're more frantic to be in love than to just have sex with some guy, preferably both at once. 

Even women get focused on men who are above their attractiveness level. A lot of them do. Women will be aggressive enough to place themselves in the path of the men they're interested in usually, but they're not going to go out of their way to do that with someone they're not especially attracted to or interested in.

Women will waste a lot of time doing that because they're not desperate for sex in and of itself. It's kind of a cruel world out there. I know there were times in my life when I was frustrated when it seemed like the only attention I got was unwanted attention. But I learned to be proactive pretty young. And I get you would like that, but they're going to be proactive with their dream guys, not someone there lukewarm interested in at best. Women have to be motivated to be assertive with men, and the ones I know weny about it in a different way than just walking up to a guy and hitting on them. But yeah there are probably still plenty of women out there who never do make the first move. 

 

I still think the first move is just see relate to them the same as you would if it was a guy standing next to you and just commenting on the surroundings or whatever in a casual way and then maybe end up at the same place and see them again until you start saying hi to each other.