how do I desire my girlfriend more?

[Ruby Slippers]

9 minutes ago, single_guy said:

Are those women who can't find relationships actually looking?  For instance, are they actually LEAVING THEIR HOUSE?  Or are they just sitting at home dreaming about Channing Tatum and chugging Ben & Jerry's? All most women have to do to get attention is spend 15 minutes in the bathroom prepping themselves and then leave their house!  Guys take care of the rest.  No such thing for guys.  We have to pursue and suffer rejection.  I'm an ok-looking guy, but an ok-looking woman will kick the CRAP out of me in getting hit on more than I will.  It's no contest - if she goes to a bar or social setting, she will get talked to just by being there.  I, on the other hand, have to stick my neck out.

Yeah, and? Women could sit here and gripe about periods, childbirth, workplace harassment that almost all of us have endured, and all the gross approaches we get from creepy men. 

[Kitty Tantrum]

I dunno, man. I get that you're frustrated, but the whole "mating" thing is a sort of economy. You can sit and gripe about how much you don't like the realities of that economy all you want, but they're not going to change to suit you. You must adapt to reality, it will never happen the other way around.

We're talking about fundamental differences between men and women here, compounded by deeply-rooted social and cultural norms.

You want women to start behaving like sex-starved men.

It KINDA sounds like you're saying you want to BE the woman. The passive. The feminine.

You gonna bat your eyelashes over your shoulder and stick your tush out at them when they walk by, too? Good luck with that... I guess?

[preraph]

I can't believe so many men think that Channing Tatum is every woman's ideal. To me he looks more like someone a gay guy would think was hot. I guess I'm not into the whole barrel-chested beefy thing.  Personally I like rangier looking guys who have some hair on their head and striking features. Same with Tom Brady. There are women out there who aren't into the short nosed beefcakes. 

 

 

[preraph]

2 minutes ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

 

You want women to start behaving like sex-starved men.

It KINDA sounds like you're saying you want to BE the woman. The passive. The feminine.

Like completely Indiscriminate sex-starved men. 

 

And yet I can almost hear the hue and cry if most women actually did that from all the judgy double standard guys. They want them to do it but they only want them to do it to them. 😇

[SumGuy]

1 hour ago, single_guy said:

Are those women who can't find relationships actually looking?  For instance, are they actually LEAVING THEIR HOUSE? 

Yes, many are.   I've dated them, outside there house.  And they can't find them until they do

Quote

..All most women have to do to get attention is spend 15 minutes in the bathroom prepping themselves and then leave their house! 

Heck a quick shower and shave takes me 15 minutes.   Clearly you have not dated many women with long curly hair.  That hair doesn't magically dry itself, nor do legs and armpits magically shave themselves.  That's even without hair styling or make-up.  Let alone choosing "nice" clothes....there was a whole string of comment on an LS thread recently dumping on a woman for mentioning she might show up to a date in gym clothes...and the guy wondering about her interest.   Clearly women can't just show up without being judged.

Quote

We have to pursue and suffer rejection.

If you think women don't suffer rejection, in addition to intimidation, denigration, and out right oppression from men then you live on another planet.    

Quote

I'm an ok-looking guy, but an ok-looking woman will kick the CRAP out of me in getting hit on more than I will. 

And an average looking guy with confidence and a good demeanor will find it easy to talk to women and they will respond.  He doesn't need women to hit on him.  He will kick the crap out of you in getting female attention. 

Quote

It's no contest - if she goes to a bar or social setting, she will get talked to just by being there.  I, on the other hand, have to stick my neck out.

 It's about quality not quantity.  An ok-looking woman may not get any decent guys hitting on her but a whole slew of douche bags.  That has got to be as depressing as rejection, and scary when you get a guy who won't take no for an answer.

Yes you have to stick your neck out, no risk, no reward.  Do you have a job?   No work, no pay.  You ever play sports?   Did you expect to win for just showing up or playing it safe?

What are you actually asking for?  You say stick you neck out like it is unfair, that her saying no should not be an option.  Doesn't she get a choice in saying yes?  Did you ever consider she sticks her neck out by saying yes to a date, to be in a situation alone with man she really doesn't know?  

Edited February 8, 2020 by SumGuy

[single_guy]

55 minutes ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

I dunno, man. I get that you're frustrated, but the whole "mating" thing is a sort of economy. You can sit and gripe about how much you don't like the realities of that economy all you want, but they're not going to change to suit you. You must adapt to reality, it will never happen the other way around.

We're talking about fundamental differences between men and women here, compounded by deeply-rooted social and cultural norms.

You want women to start behaving like sex-starved men.

It KINDA sounds like you're saying you want to BE the woman. The passive. The feminine.

You gonna bat your eyelashes over your shoulder and stick your tush out at them when they walk by, too? Good luck with that... I guess?

Oh, I certainly would like things to be different.  Of course I would like to be hit on, to be approached, to be noticed, to be considered a desirable human being without having to show desire first.  Who wouldn't?  But I also know the economy you speak of.  I can wish all I want, but things aren't going to change.  But let's not pretend that this doesn't suck for guys.  As I said, it's a woman's world, as far as attention and attraction are concerned.

[single_guy]

24 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

Yes, many are.   I've dated them, outside there house.  And they can't find them until they do

Heck a quick shower and shave takes me 15 minutes.   Clearly you have not dated many women with long curly hair.  That hair doesn't magically dry itself, nor do legs and armpits magically shave themselves.  That's even without hair styling or make-up.  Let alone choosing "nice" clothes....there was a whole string of comment on an LS thread recently dumping on a woman for mentioning she might show up to a date in gym clothes...and the guy wondering about her interest.   Clearly women can't just show up without being judged.

If you think women don't suffer rejection, in addition to intimidation, denigration, and out right oppression from men then you live on another planet.    

And an average looking guy with confidence and a good demeanor will find it easy to talk to women and they will respond.  He doesn't need women to hit on him.  He will kick the crap out of you in getting female attention. 

 It's about quality not quantity.  An ok-looking woman may not get any decent guys hitting on her but a whole slew of douche bags.  That has got to be as depressing as rejection, and scary when you get a guy who won't take no for an answer.

Yes you have to stick your neck out, no risk, no reward.  Do you have a job?   No work, no pay.  You ever play sports?   Did you expect to win for just showing up or playing it safe?

What are you actually asking for?  You say stick you neck out like it is unfair, that her saying no should not be an option.  Doesn't she get a choice in saying yes?  Did you ever consider she sticks her neck out by saying yes to a date, to be in a situation alone with man she really doesn't know?  

Women don't suffer rejection as a matter of necessity.  Men have to pursue and generally suffer rejection after rejection until having success.  Women suffer rejection generally only after they've been in a relationship.  Ask a woman to hit on a guy and get turned down, and then see how eager she is to do it again!  As men, we don't have that option, if we don't want to be all alone.  We have to pick ourselves up and try again, despite the embarrassment we just suffered.

When did I say a woman can't say no to being asked out?  I didn't.  I agree though that a woman assumes a certain level of risk when she accepts.

[SumGuy]

52 minutes ago, single_guy said:

Women don't suffer rejection as a matter of necessity.  Men have to pursue and generally suffer rejection after rejection until having success.  Women suffer rejection generally only after they've been in a relationship....

When did I say a woman can't say no to being asked out? 

In the first part so not true at least in OLD.   When on-line I get women reaching out to me that I don’t respond to...thats rejection.  

I bet you rejected women who fell into you girlfriends body type before you “settled.”

You don't have to pursue.  Pursuit is just being proactive, a can do attitude.

I pursue and I am pursued when OLD.   I’m not tall, dark, rich or handsome.  That’s not the secret.   The secret is in your head, how you see women, their differences, as people as varied as men, just as human, with as many woes, do you really SEE them?   

Last you never explicitly said women can’t say no.  You just can’t handle them saying no, and handle it so poorly you elevate it to some gender wide level of unfairness.  

If you could handle it, it wouldn’t be a cornerstone of how women have it so good. 

Something is only unfair if you felt you had a right or entitlement to it and then were denied.  

So you must feel you have some right or entitlement to a yes to reasonably feel it is unfair.  

If you agree women have every right to say no, then it is not unfair they say no and you complaining about it as unfair is unreasonable and childish.  

You can’t have it both ways.  
Of course if your thinking with your little head logic isn’t its strong suit.  

An analogy your big head may get is if you went up to a woman and asked her for $5, far less risk to her than a date, would you feel rejected if she said no?  Would you react as if it was unfair?  Even if a good looking woman could get $5 from a stranger easily?

I bet not because you don’t feel entitled to a strangers $5.   So why would you feel entitled to a persons emotional and/or sexual attention?   Something far more valuable than $5.  

[chillii]

2 hours ago, single_guy said:

Are those women who can't find relationships actually looking?  For instance, are they actually LEAVING THEIR HOUSE?  Or are they just sitting at home dreaming about Channing Tatum and chugging Ben & Jerry's? All most women have to do to get attention is spend 15 minutes in the bathroom prepping themselves and then leave their house!  Guys take care of the rest.  No such thing for guys.  We have to pursue and suffer rejection.  I'm an ok-looking guy, but an ok-looking woman will kick the CRAP out of me in getting hit on more than I will.  It's no contest - if she goes to a bar or social setting, she will get talked to just by being there.  I, on the other hand, have to stick my neck out.

They're all over ls for a start , many been on date sites for years bc guys aren't asking them out in RL, don't you read.

l know a few in RL been single yrs and yrs. Guys like you are all over forums banging on moaning, unbelievable.

[SummerDreams]

The sexism in this thread is intolerable.

[single_guy]

1 hour ago, SummerDreams said:

The sexism in this thread is intolerable.

Please explain.

[Ruby Slippers]

9 hours ago, preraph said:

Like completely Indiscriminate sex-starved men. 

 

And yet I can almost hear the hue and cry if most women actually did that from all the judgy double standard guys. They want them to do it but they only want them to do it to them. 😇

Yes, and just as with men pursuing women, if women pursued men it'd be mostly women they'd rather not have pursuing them. 

[single_guy]

7 hours ago, chillii said:

They're all over ls for a start , many been on date sites for years bc guys aren't asking them out in RL, don't you read.

l know a few in RL been single yrs and yrs. Guys like you are all over forums banging on moaning, unbelievable.

I haven't read other loveshack threads yet.  If there are guys all over moaning, perhaps they speak truth?

[single_guy]

3 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

Yes, and just as with men pursuing women, if women pursued men it'd be mostly women they'd rather not have pursuing them. 

I SO can't picture that.

[single_guy]

7 hours ago, SumGuy said:

In the first part so not true at least in OLD.   When on-line I get women reaching out to me that I don’t respond to...thats rejection.  

I bet you rejected women who fell into you girlfriends body type before you “settled.”

You don't have to pursue.  Pursuit is just being proactive, a can do attitude.

I pursue and I am pursued when OLD.   I’m not tall, dark, rich or handsome.  That’s not the secret.   The secret is in your head, how you see women, their differences, as people as varied as men, just as human, with as many woes, do you really SEE them?   

Last you never explicitly said women can’t say no.  You just can’t handle them saying no, and handle it so poorly you elevate it to some gender wide level of unfairness.  

If you could handle it, it wouldn’t be a cornerstone of how women have it so good. 

Something is only unfair if you felt you had a right or entitlement to it and then were denied.  

So you must feel you have some right or entitlement to a yes to reasonably feel it is unfair.  

If you agree women have every right to say no, then it is not unfair they say no and you complaining about it as unfair is unreasonable and childish.  

You can’t have it both ways.  
Of course if your thinking with your little head logic isn’t its strong suit.  

An analogy your big head may get is if you went up to a woman and asked her for $5, far less risk to her than a date, would you feel rejected if she said no?  Would you react as if it was unfair?  Even if a good looking woman could get $5 from a stranger easily?

I bet not because you don’t feel entitled to a strangers $5.   So why would you feel entitled to a persons emotional and/or sexual attention?   Something far more valuable than $5.  

You're right, women get rejected in OLD too.  But I've read that women get MANY times the messages as men get on OLD sites.  So they're getting WAY more attention, and WAY more success, than men are getting.

I never said the word "unfair" or "unfairness".  I said it sucks for guys, and it does.  I said women have it better, and they do.  I didn't say it was "unfair" from any moral perspective.

"Your don't have to pursue" - can you explain that some more?  How do guys, who need to initiate for anything to happen for them, not have to pursue?

[FMW]

13 hours ago, stillafool said:

He said she was the only one who pursued him.  The ones he wanted didn't bite.

My point was that HIS attention to her didn't mean he was really that into her since he's wishing she looked differently.  Meaning - just getting "attention" doesn't mean a lot.  Unless someone is so desperate for attention that they don't care if it means the other person is wishing they were different and just settling because the preferred ones "didn't bite".  

But maybe OP and others like him really do feel that way.  I'm guessing there's a good chance that his girlfriend wouldn't though.  

[gaius]

I'm glad I'm not a woman and can go out in public without women trying to hit on me. It's a great luxury to be able to pick the woman you approach.

If you can't feel like a man without fat chicks hitting on you, go on Facebook and start adding every fat and headshot only woman to your friends list, then get to work. Landing a "voluptuous" woman is not a mission to Mars or anything.

Also, I did a mission to Mars and landed the woman I can't stop thinking and fantasizing about. I don't want anything else. My mind is consumed with the next time I get to rip her panties off. Highly recommend not settling and doing however much work you have to in order to get what you really sexually desire.

[elaine567]

The problem with all this moaning is that "women" only really get "attention" if they are good looking or at least average.
Women deemed "ugly" or undesirable do not get attention or they get the same minimal attention that undesirable guys get.
BUT that is all forgotten as that does not' really fit the narrative...

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, even if women started hitting on you left and right, you would still have the problem of not being attracted to your own girlfriend. 

You can be butt-hurt all you want about lack of attention from women you find hot - but what are you going to do about the more significant problem in your relationship?

Stay with her until a more desirable woman looks your way? I don't get what you think the outcome of this is going to be. 

 

[SumGuy]

I'm not sure what this thread is about anymore.

Originally thought is was looking for advice on how to find GF more desirable, which seemed a noble goal.

Then it turned into a need for attention and validation because one is not being "hit on" by women.

Last it seemed to devolve into black and white thinking, over generalizations about women and dating as a whole.  Granted that may be your dating life.

I really think you should share this thread with your GF.  Stop deceiving her about who you really are.  I don't see a focus here on making it better with her, rather you are more concerned about why other women don't want you and how that sucks.  Maybe she can provide a solution, if as you imply your views are but reality and reasonable.

[SumGuy]

3 hours ago, single_guy said:

"Your don't have to pursue" - can you explain that some more?  How do guys, who need to initiate for anything to happen for them, not have to pursue?

Pursuing is a choice.  You missed the remainder of what I said, pursuit is a proactive, can do way of living.

You don't have to pursue a job.   Someone may just offer you one, but then don't complain you can't find a job or get the one you want.   To complain in that situation to me is a hallmark of an entitlement mentality.  

Just like I feel it is the same in the dating world.  In your case, replace job with woman or sex.   I've said the same thing to women who complain but won't take a risk and pursue.   Now they may say they are looking for a "traditional" man and being pursued does it for them.  Fair enough.  But then don't complain, and certainly don't put it on the other gender.  Accept your choice and live with the consequences without whining.   

[Interstellar]

On 2/7/2020 at 1:11 PM, Kitty Tantrum said:

One of the biggest travesties of all this modern "equality" business is that men these days seem to think that the normal and natural way of things is for women to do as much "approaching" as men. 

Why does your girlfriend get hit on by gorgeous men while you don't get approached and hit on by gorgeous women?

Well, it's because you're a man. And they're women. That's just how it goes, my friend.

Indeed, that’s just the reality of things. The guy has to risk rejection in every step of the way. Ask the woman out, get her number, pick her up on a date. He’s risking being rejected in every step of the way. But on the other hand, the feminist propaganda I keep hearing is how women are strong, assertive, etc..and that they don’t even need men. So if you’re strong and assertive when are you gonna ask me out? compliment me? give me gifts even, lol. Actually, in reality those three things have happened to me so women have in my experience stepped up to the plate. Times have changed for the better. Women also have great jobs, careers, most people graduating in universities are women, they can do most things that guys can do. I’m not gonna complain about equality in dating anymore. But as a guy, you have work to do in keeping the woman’s interest level high. It’s easy to make her love you but the hard part is keeping it. 
 

And yes, you should’ve let your girlfriend go a long time ago.

Edited February 9, 2020 by Interstellar

[preraph]

Maybe it's the newer generations of women and maybe it has to do with everyone being on their phones and used to only relating via the Internet and just losing social skills. Maybe they even care less. 

 

I'm but I'm much older generation and was in my 20s in the 70s, and I did compliment and find ways to meet guys and start talking to them and find subtle ways to invite them to something, even if it was just a public gig. And I did buy a guy a guitar once, so I think I was pretty assertive and took a lot of chances. A couple of my girlfriends were also pretty bold and flirty, and one never would have been but operated real quietly.

 

The problem with women hitting on men is that a certain amount of men will just assume that it's a sure thing for sex and a certain amount of men will mark them down for it. In my case I mainly like real confident sometimes even cocky guys who could hold their own, but I also did go out of my way and met a couple of guys who were a lot more meek. I don't dislike those kind of guys but for romance to bloom, I certainly preferred the guy who could run on his own steam. 

 

The reality is men and women do have a lot of basic differences and lean a certain way, but there is a lot of variety in both men and women on the scale of confident to unconfident, and I don't think it has much to do with feminism. 

[basil67]

12 hours ago, single_guy said:

I haven't read other loveshack threads yet.  If there are guys all over moaning, perhaps they speak truth?

You miss-read chillii's sentence.   Chilli wrote "Guys like you are all over forums"   This is very different to "guys all over moaning' 

There is a subset of incels who write this stuff on forums like this.  The guys like you.    The rest of the men just get on with life and dating women.  I'm just confused because you're using incel vernacular but allegedly have a girlfriend....so you're not an incel.

 

Edited February 9, 2020 by basil67

[Kitty Tantrum]

"Involuntarily not dating my perfect 10/10" is the new inceldom, guys. I mean, he might as well not be having sex at all if she's only a lowly 9.5.

Are her elbows too pointy for you???