how do I desire my girlfriend more?

[elaine567]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

I'm just confused because you're using incel vernacular but allegedly have a girlfriend....so you're not an incel.

Maybe he doesn't even have a gf...
or he feels like an incel as this girl apparently was the ONLY ONE who ever gave him the time of day, so he is scared to leave her as he sees his fate would then be, to be an incel.
He would then "never" be able to get another woman...
He thus identifies with the incel crowd.
.

[Ellener]

22 hours ago, gaius said:

Landing a "voluptuous" woman is not a mission to Mars or anything.

That depends on the woman! 

I wrote a poem a few years ago, it ended:

'I heard they just found life on Mars? My future now is in the stars!'

I will say, for all the years I was overweight I had one set of minor hang-ups, and now I'm my perfect weight I have another set of minor hang-ups.

18 hours ago, SumGuy said:

I'm not sure what this thread is about anymore.

I am. Ambivalence.

[gaius]

There are definitely women of any size or shape that might be more difficult to land. But single_guy doesn't seem all that concerned with developing a deep connection or having shared interests. He just wants a woman with a certain body type. Which is not a goal that's out of reach.

[Gaeta]

I am non-impressed with OP using the username single_guy while being in a relationship for 2 years *head shacking*

[preraph]

On 2/7/2020 at 2:57 PM, single_guy said:

But my sexual preferences go back a long time, to when I was 13 or so

I just had a thought.  How old are you now?  Maybe all this is just about you're still not a mature man who knows how to really love and care about someone yet.  You know, I found guys pretty transient until they are about 30 and suddenly get frivolity out of their systems and start wanting something more substantive.  At which point, you're going to kick yourself for letting this one go.  But if you are young, I agree you have some exploring left to do.  

[single_guy]

On 2/8/2020 at 9:20 AM, gaius said:

I'm glad I'm not a woman and can go out in public without women trying to hit on me. It's a great luxury to be able to pick the woman you approach.

If you can't feel like a man without fat chicks hitting on you, go on Facebook and start adding every fat and headshot only woman to your friends list, then get to work. Landing a "voluptuous" woman is not a mission to Mars or anything.

Also, I did a mission to Mars and landed the woman I can't stop thinking and fantasizing about. I don't want anything else. My mind is consumed with the next time I get to rip her panties off. Highly recommend not settling and doing however much work you have to in order to get what you really sexually desire.

I don't understand why you wouldn't want women hitting on you.  I don't think I'll ever understand not wanting the opposite sex to show interest.

I like your last sentence though: "Highly recommend not settling and doing however much work you have to in order to get what you really sexually desire."  I might do that.

[single_guy]

On 2/8/2020 at 9:23 AM, elaine567 said:

The problem with all this moaning is that "women" only really get "attention" if they are good looking or at least average.
Women deemed "ugly" or undesirable do not get attention or they get the same minimal attention that undesirable guys get.
BUT that is all forgotten as that does not' really fit the narrative...

Incorrect!  Average-looking men get almost NO attention.  So, for women, only good-looking or average women get attention (at least 80% of all women), but for men, ONLY the really good-looking men get attention (perhaps 10-20% of all men).

[single_guy]

On 2/8/2020 at 10:37 AM, ExpatInItaly said:

OP, even if women started hitting on you left and right, you would still have the problem of not being attracted to your own girlfriend. 

You can be butt-hurt all you want about lack of attention from women you find hot - but what are you going to do about the more significant problem in your relationship?

Stay with her until a more desirable woman looks your way? I don't get what you think the outcome of this is going to be. 

 

What I want to happen is to not care so much that my girlfriend isn't voluptuous.  How can I do this?  Hypnosis didn't work.  Therapy hasn't worked thus far.

[elaine567]

4 minutes ago, single_guy said:

Incorrect!  Average-looking men get almost NO attention.  So, for women, only good-looking or average women get attention (at least 80% of all women), but for men, ONLY the really good-looking men get attention (perhaps 10-20% of all men).

So you are trying to tell me that 80% of women are attached and that 80-90% of men are unattached... REALLY!!!!!

[single_guy]

22 hours ago, basil67 said:

You miss-read chillii's sentence.   Chilli wrote "Guys like you are all over forums"   This is very different to "guys all over moaning' 

There is a subset of incels who write this stuff on forums like this.  The guys like you.    The rest of the men just get on with life and dating women.  I'm just confused because you're using incel vernacular but allegedly have a girlfriend....so you're not an incel.

 

You are correct - I'm not an incel.  I can understand their frustrations sometimes though.

[single_guy]

2 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

So you are trying to tell me that 80% of women are attached and that 80-90% of men are unattached... REALLY!!!!!

NO!  What I'm saying is that the guy usually does the hitting on.  Average-looking men don't get hit on in general, but average-looking women do.  So it sucks for average-looking men but not for average-looking women.

Edited February 10, 2020 by single_guy

[single_guy]

20 hours ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

"Involuntarily not dating my perfect 10/10" is the new inceldom, guys. I mean, he might as well not be having sex at all if she's only a lowly 9.5.

Are her elbows too pointy for you???

No, I didn't say my girlfriend LOOKS like a 9.5 (95/100), I said she checks 95 out of 100 boxes overall as a person.  Lookswise, she's a 6 or 7.  I'm not looking for a model, but I so crave someone who has one of the body types I so deeply long for.

Edited February 10, 2020 by single_guy

[single_guy]

12 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Maybe he doesn't even have a gf...
or he feels like an incel as this girl apparently was the ONLY ONE who ever gave him the time of day, so he is scared to leave her as he sees his fate would then be, to be an incel.
He would then "never" be able to get another woman...
He thus identifies with the incel crowd.
.

I definitely do have a girlfriend.  But I haven't been able to attract any of the types of women I really desire physically.  Yes, I am definitely scared to leave my girlfriend and not find anyone even CLOSE to her overall.

[single_guy]

10 hours ago, gaius said:

There are definitely women of any size or shape that might be more difficult to land. But single_guy doesn't seem all that concerned with developing a deep connection or having shared interests. He just wants a woman with a certain body type. Which is not a goal that's out of reach.

Not true.  Deep connection and shared interests are very important to me.  But why can't I have that with a woman who really excites me physically too?

[single_guy]

8 hours ago, preraph said:

I just had a thought.  How old are you now?  Maybe all this is just about you're still not a mature man who knows how to really love and care about someone yet.  You know, I found guys pretty transient until they are about 30 and suddenly get frivolity out of their systems and start wanting something more substantive.  At which point, you're going to kick yourself for letting this one go.  But if you are young, I agree you have some exploring left to do.  

I am quite a bit older than 30.  Why is it frivolous to be attracted to certain body types and consider that important?

[single_guy]

20 hours ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

"Involuntarily not dating my perfect 10/10" is the new inceldom, guys. I mean, he might as well not be having sex at all if she's only a lowly 9.5.

Are her elbows too pointy for you???

You've been snarky with me, Kitty, so now I am going to let you know of something I would have kept to myself otherwise.

I don't think it was good of your husband to want to open up your marriage.  But, once he tried to and failed to get messages from women interested in him, he will carry that humiliation for the rest of his life!  He may never let you know how disappointing that was to him, but believe me he will NEVER forget it.  He will harbor those awful feelings until the day he dies!

[acapelo_dp]

55 minutes ago, single_guy said:

Not true.  Deep connection and shared interests are very important to me.  But why can't I have that with a woman who really excites me physically too?

Then do you, and most importantly your girlfriend a favor and let her go be with someone who is crazy about her emotionally and physically. 

Just know you might get that physical desire with someone else but they may lack in checking 95 percent of your personality boxes. This body type seems way more important to you than that so go get it and take action. 

Edited February 10, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[single_guy]

2 minutes ago, acapelo_dp said:

Then do you, and most importantly your girlfriend a favor and let her go be with someone who is crazy about her emotionally and physically. 

Just know you might get that physical desire with someone else but they may lack in checking 95 percent of your personality boxes. This body type seems way more important to you than that so go get it and stop whining about how men have it so hard. Get over it and take action. 

That's why I can't get myself to let her go - her personality and other things are so fantastic.  I'm desperately trying to lessen the importance of the physical to me.  That's why I created this thread!

[basil67]

4 minutes ago, single_guy said:

He may never let you know how disappointing that was to him, but believe me he will NEVER forget it.  He will harbor those awful feelings until the day he dies!

Playing a tiny violin for a guy who wants attention outside of his marriage and gets none.

[single_guy]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Playing a tiny violin for a guy who wants attention outside of his marriage and gets none.

I agree.  He should never have suggested it.  Very disrespectful to his wife.

[Kitty Tantrum]

10 minutes ago, single_guy said:

No, I didn't say my girlfriend LOOKS like a 9.5 (95/100), I said she checks 95 out of 100 boxes overall as a person.  Lookswise, she's a 6 or 7.  I'm not looking for a model!

I didn't suggest that you were looking for a model - just balking at the fact that you're whining about not having a woman who is near perfect (by your standards, whatever those are, exactly) on every front. You started out asking how to desire your girlfriend more - but then devolved into whinging that you don't get unsolicited attention from other women.

Is the problem that your girlfriend isn't visually exciting enough? Or is the problem that your ego can't handle the fact that YOU are not a hot commodity?

2 minutes ago, single_guy said:

You've been snarky with me, Kitty, so now I am going to let you know of something I would have kept to myself otherwise.

I don't think it was good of your husband to want to open up your marriage.  But, once he tried to and failed to get messages from women interested in him, he will carry that humiliation for the rest of his life!  He may never let you know how disappointing that was to him, but believe me he will NEVER forget it.  He will harbor those awful feelings until the day he dies!

EX-husband. And you think I don't know that?! I got to sit there and cry while he RAGED at me because of it... when it was HIS OWN DAMN FAULT. He had a loyal, pretty, devoted wife who treated him like a king, and he decided that wasn't enough for him. That wasn't validating enough for him. He wanted to "have it all."

It's a very dangerous mindset to fall into, that nothing short of your absolute ideal is good enough to satisfy you. Whether that's multiple women, or a woman who looks just a certain way - or, for a woman, a man who makes a certain amount of money, etc.

Your ego will be your worst enemy in life if you allow it to be. It will consistently tell you that you deserve a whole helluva lot more than you have any right to expect. Modern consumer and dating culture plays right into this, and so many people fall prey to the ego-forward model of rejecting "good enough" in favor of endlessly chasing the pipe dream of perfection that the ego craves for self-validation.

If you have a good, loyal woman who checks 95/100 boxes and you're still out there lusting after other women because they have "hotter" or "more exciting" bodies... then you should break up with this one, because she doesn't deserve to have you wasting her time. Do you think she would stay with you if you told her "I like everything you do for me, but as long as we're together I'm going to be looking at other women because THEY really make my dick bounce in a way you just don't."???

You're absolutely right: there's no reason why you CAN'T have a woman who checks the same boxes AND looks the way you want. So break up with this poor girl and go find one.

Unless you're planning to monkey-branch over to a new one at the first opportunity?

Don't just keep USING this woman if she isn't what you want. Be willing to engage in a little self-denial. Go without sex, go without a girlfriend, until you find one who is suitable for you.

If you CAN'T do that - then I don't think you qualify as a mature adult, I don't care how old you are.

[MsJayne]

It sounds like you're just using your GF to fill a position until you find someone who you think is up to your standard. Thing is, you've already got someone who is way, way, way out of your league. 

[single_guy]

Just now, MsJayne said:

It sounds like you're just using your GF to fill a position until you find someone who you think is up to your standard. Thing is, you've already got someone who is way, way, way out of your league. 

Why is she way, way, way out of my league?  Please tell me - I can't wait to find out.

[single_guy]

26 minutes ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

I didn't suggest that you were looking for a model - just balking at the fact that you're whining about not having a woman who is near perfect (by your standards, whatever those are, exactly) on every front. You started out asking how to desire your girlfriend more - but then devolved into whinging that you don't get unsolicited attention from other women.

Is the problem that your girlfriend isn't visually exciting enough? Or is the problem that your ego can't handle the fact that YOU are not a hot commodity?

EX-husband. And you think I don't know that?! I got to sit there and cry while he RAGED at me because of it... when it was HIS OWN DAMN FAULT. He had a loyal, pretty, devoted wife who treated him like a king, and he decided that wasn't enough for him. That wasn't validating enough for him. He wanted to "have it all."

It's a very dangerous mindset to fall into, that nothing short of your absolute ideal is good enough to satisfy you. Whether that's multiple women, or a woman who looks just a certain way - or, for a woman, a man who makes a certain amount of money, etc.

Your ego will be your worst enemy in life if you allow it to be. It will consistently tell you that you deserve a whole helluva lot more than you have any right to expect. Modern consumer and dating culture plays right into this, and so many people fall prey to the ego-forward model of rejecting "good enough" in favor of endlessly chasing the pipe dream of perfection that the ego craves for self-validation.

If you have a good, loyal woman who checks 95/100 boxes and you're still out there lusting after other women because they have "hotter" or "more exciting" bodies... then you should break up with this one, because she doesn't deserve to have you wasting her time. Do you think she would stay with you if you told her "I like everything you do for me, but as long as we're together I'm going to be looking at other women because THEY really make my dick bounce in a way you just don't."???

You're absolutely right: there's no reason why you CAN'T have a woman who checks the same boxes AND looks the way you want. So break up with this poor girl and go find one.

Unless you're planning to monkey-branch over to a new one at the first opportunity?

Don't just keep USING this woman if she isn't what you want. Be willing to engage in a little self-denial. Go without sex, go without a girlfriend, until you find one who is suitable for you.

If you CAN'T do that - then I don't think you qualify as a mature adult, I don't care how old you are.

Spoken by a woman spoiled by the attention of THOUSANDS of men, as you admitted!  You have NO idea how it feels to be a man and not feel desired in general by the opposite sex!  You have no sympathy, and certainly no empathy.  Your ex-husband, and I, might as well be speaking a foreign language.  You just don't understand!  (Still of course not condoning your husband's behavior - that was reprehensible.)

I agree with you though that chasing perfection is a terrible trap.  I constantly re-evaluate my efforts to try to ensure that I'm not falling into that trap. 

Edited February 10, 2020 by single_guy

[single_guy]

27 minutes ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

Is the problem that your girlfriend isn't visually exciting enough? Or is the problem that your ego can't handle the fact that YOU are not a hot commodity?

I know I'm not a hot commodity.  How would I feel like a hot commodity, or almost any guy for that matter, with women not giving us attention?  I don't have a big ego, I have a very LOW ego and self-esteem.  Can you blame me?