YOLO66 Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 It's weird. A few years back our country changed the law to allow gay couple to marry. Yet, what I'm talking about is still illegal in my state. (As in we could not get legally married if tats what we wanted.) I recently reconnected with somebody that I had only seen sporadically over the years. We kinda clicked in that we're both in the same boat, similar ages, kids grown, coming out the other side of miserable marriages. We've done the things old friends do, catch up for coffee, have a meal, taken our dogs to the beach, and yeah we flirted, a lot. And ultimately we decided that "screw the world, we'll give it a go and see what happens." But we just couldn't go through with it. We're Cousins. Growing up we would see each other at Christmas, so it's not like we had a strong familial relationship. We don't want to have kids (doubt she still could) and we don't necessarily want to marry. But we just know that some family members would never accept it Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 In the UK cousins can and do marry. https://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/theres-nothing-wrong-with-cousins-getting-married-scientists-say-1210072.html details an old study suggesting birth defects from marriages between cousins are no more likely than in women over 40 in general. Evolutionary theorist Charles Darwin married his cousin! First cousins share 12.5% DNA. It's illegal here in Texas to marry a first cousin but I doubt many people would care if you went to another state to do so, gay marriage is legal here now but prior to that people went to other states to marry. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 Well sure, it's a serious problem if you "accidentally" have a kid.......high chance of issues. And yes, it's frowned upon, might wreck family relations. So, may I suggest a positive alternative? Why not date another woman and keep your cousin family? People come into your life for different reasons. You can only have one lover, but you can't have too many friends and family! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 The high genetic risks in first cousin marriages usually occur in communities and cultures where first cousin marriage is very common and where first cousin marriage is repeated again and again with the result there is little genetic diversity or few true outcrosses. Or there are already genetic diseases in the family and "doubling up," increases the likelihood of individuals being affected or severely affected. If you are both older than child bearing age and you are happy together, then who cares if you are cousins, life is too short 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkFlamingo Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 On 2/8/2020 at 3:54 PM, elaine567 said: The high genetic risks in first cousin marriages usually occur in communities and cultures where first cousin marriage is very common and where first cousin marriage is repeated again and again with the result there is little genetic diversity or few true outcrosses. Or there are already genetic diseases in the family and "doubling up," increases the likelihood of individuals being affected or severely affected. If you are both older than child bearing age and you are happy together, then who cares if you are cousins, life is too short Actually, with the same argumentation one could also defend a romantic relationship between a parent and their child or between siblings, as long as it's impossible to have children. I do find these scenarios very icky though. And relationships between cousins are also weird. I mean, if there was a very strong bond between the two, something that draws them together and makes them cross oceans and climb mountains, that has lasted for decades, mysterious soul connection, that kind of stuff, then I would understand, but that scenario here? That's more like, "Oh, there is someone in a similar situation as I am and same age - deal!" In order to avoid the development of genetic problems because of repeated marriages between cousins, it would make sense to ban them altogether, because it would be quite difficult to decide which cousins would be genetically far apart enough to be allowed to marry and which are to closely related. How difficult would it be to explain to two people that they can not marry, because it happens that their genes are not compatible, that they invested their time in a relationship that had been doomed from the start? The best thing to do is nip it in the bud. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pleasant-Sage Posted February 10, 2020 Share Posted February 10, 2020 8 minutes ago, PinkFlamingo said: Actually, with the same argumentation one could also defend a romantic relationship between a parent and their child or between siblings, as long as it's impossible to have children. I agree with this. People often don't like the slippery slope argument but you're not wrong here. OP, both of you do what you think is best but you have to expect to deal with whatever drama that's going to follow making such a decision. It's going to follow you the rest of your life too. Should things not work out, it's got to be your dirty little secret. Future companions will be quite turned off by the fact you had a relationship with a fellow family member. Just saying this is going to have HUGE implications on your life. If both of ya'll are fine with that...good luck 👍 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 10, 2020 Share Posted February 10, 2020 On 2/7/2020 at 10:18 PM, YOLO66 said: Why are Some Relationships still Taboo Is a wooden chair considered taboo anymore for those who can't find a partner ?? At least all are in agreement that it is impossible for them to have children. Link to post Share on other sites
YOLO66 Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 (edited) It's got nothing to do with being convenient (or inconvenient) We enjoy each other's company, and have admitted we have feelings for each other. It's a bit of a stutter-step, we agree that we won't go forward, but we keep seeing each other and enjoying each other's company. But we have to sneak around. (Not exactly difficult, lol, but just can't tell anybody.) I'm not sure what is so "icky" about it? And I certainly don't agree that it is in anyway close to incest. If a man has sex with his stepdaughter, is that ok because they are not biologically related? Hell no, it's child abuse and he needs to be hung by the balls and beaten. Sex with a child is never ok. Having a romantic relationship with somebody, over whom you have a responsible role, is generally never ok. And even if you were step-siblings, with no biological connection, starting such a relationship with somebody you think of as a sister, is a bit sick & twisted. We are none of those things. And people immediately jump to the sexual angle, but that's almost irrelevant. We could have sex and keep it a secret, but we are both looking for so much more than that. But just to be clear, NOTHING is going to happen. We both know that, and I suspect we both have a little fun knowing that it's going nowhere. Edited March 1, 2020 by YOLO66 Link to post Share on other sites
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