mortensorchid Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 (edited) Been feeling quite down these days, I feel like I have failed at a lot of things in life. I'm a bit of a screw up to say the least like setting my alarm for 4 pm instead of 4 am, get up late, miss the first class, then the online teaching class cut off my hand for missing the first class. I am sad that I am such a flake. I feel like others have it all together and I am nothing but an idiot. Been teaching now for 6 almost 7 years and can't find a full time teaching job or even can't find someone to sign the license to license me to teach in non-public schools. I'm a mess inside and out. Feel like I've been shattered in a million pieces and put back together. ANd now I feel like I'm too old to accomplish things anymore, there's none of this 40 is the new 30 stuff. Edited February 8, 2020 by mortensorchid Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 On the plus side, you are 100% in control of this situation and know what you need to do to fix it. Don't just lay down and be depressed. Get up and put your boots on and redouble your efforts at all things. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 (edited) The setting the alarm clock at the wrong time ... reminds me of ADHD, which runs in my family. ADHD (even if you have milder version ... focused on attention issues--not hyperactivity) ... results in lots of little mistakes. One thing you have to (ADHD or not) is forgive yourself and keep going. Make sure you pay attention to any progress. Have you ever considered therapy? There is a fine line between therapy as "remedial" (making up for weaknesses) and therapy to develop strengths. I know someone who had a diagnosis of depression (though not depressed recently) ... who found a really sharp therapist (after a lot of trial and error and firing about three or four unhelpful therapists) ... and basically used the therapist as a life coach. The guy would bring in his problems each week to therapist ... they'd work on keeping a calendar ... planning ... all kinds of stuff. Don't know if in your job struggles you have insurance that would fund therapy. Hang in there. Being 40 is far from being done. One of my life heroes is a woman who graduated from college in her 40s. She started to deal with child sexual abuse ... in her 40s ... Got her masters degree in her late 50s. Attended support groups of various kinds, did a lot of healing and reading on childhood abuse ... really got her life in gear and hit her stride, full stride at around 70! ... She dressed at 70 better than she did at 50 or 40 or 30. And she lived a fabulous life from 70 til when she died at 90. This hero was my mother. Oh ... she definitely had undiagnosed ADHD ... but developed just through trial and error a bunch of different compensatory behaviors ... anytime she had a little task to do ... like organizing something ... she did it as soon as she thought about it ... because she realized she would not feel motivated later. She'd go out with her grandchildren ... and appoint them as her "memory" to remind her to do something ... or not forget something. She got frustrated with her short-term memory for sure. But she just kept going. Edited February 8, 2020 by Lotsgoingon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HappySenior Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 49 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: Been feeling quite down these days, I feel like I have failed at a lot of things in life. I'm a bit of a screw up to say the least like setting my alarm for 4 pm instead of 4 am, get up late, miss the first class, then the online teaching class cut off my hand for missing the first class. I am sad that I am such a flake. I feel like others have it all together and I am nothing but an idiot. Been teaching now for 6 almost 7 years and can't find a full time teaching job or even can't find someone to sign the license to license me to teach in non-public schools. I'm a mess inside and out. Feel like I've been shattered in a million pieces and put back together. ANd now I feel like I'm too old to accomplish things anymore, there's none of this 40 is the new 30 stuff. I have been diagnosed with ADHD/ADD myself (non-hyper). Yesterday I walked into my senior group and someone noticed I had my shirt on inside out. I'm always forgetful and have to use a lot of apps to keep me on the ball. When I was working I regularly got confused on what to do first. I'm a self-starter once I've learned the routine, but in that job, the "routine" was rather loose and constant interruptions, so I couldn't follow too well even though I was totally dedicated to the job. (Also I was always nervous because of an employee who constantly yelled at anyone who didn't do what she wanted when the manager wasn't around - you never knew when you were stepping on her toes, figuratively.) Now I say I'm "retired" although maybe later I will be willing to be a "sitter" with other seniors or something like that. I just don't trust myself well enough anymore to work a regular type job, so I know what you mean. I am currently researching ways to make money on the internet or perhaps do crafts or both. Have made some money on surveys - $90 last year and I haven't been trying that hard. (But I have at least some back-up income from deceased parent, although it is minimal - and my house is paid for.) Sounds like you need a non-nine to five type job. And perhaps counseling. (FWIW, I use todoist and Alexa to remind me to get stuff done.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, mortensorchid said: Been feeling quite down these days, I feel like I have failed at a lot of things in life. I'm a bit of a screw up to say the least like setting my alarm for 4 pm instead of 4 am, get up late, miss the first class, then the online teaching class cut off my hand for missing the first class. I am sad that I am such a flake. I feel like others have it all together and I am nothing but an idiot. Been teaching now for 6 almost 7 years and can't find a full time teaching job or even can't find someone to sign the license to license me to teach in non-public schools. I'm a mess inside and out. Feel like I've been shattered in a million pieces and put back together. ANd now I feel like I'm too old to accomplish things anymore, there's none of this 40 is the new 30 stuff. I hope this doesn’t sound trite, MC but I’ve noticed an awakening in you. Sometimes the bottom has to fall out before any change can occur. Do the work and keep thinking out loud here. I personally think that you’re making progress even though it doesn’t seem like it to you right now. Steady yourself, regroup, and charge on! P.S- on a practicality level, I’m a big believer in making lists. A notebook is good for this. Write down everything you need to get done and I mean down to the smallest detail. It feels really good to check it all off and turn the page! Edited February 8, 2020 by K.K. Forgot something. .. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 You're not too old. I had a rough start and am a late bloomer. Now at age 43, my life is better than it's ever been and keeps getting better. Try not to put yourself down in your thoughts and words. It's true what they say, that if you don't love and appreciate yourself, you make it harder for other people, too. On the other hand, treat yourself with love and self-respect and you create this sparkly atmosphere of love and good stuff around you that naturally draws appreciative people to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 It's OK to be imperfect. Work on one success each day. Start with the alarm clock thing, that's simple. Focus on that. That's today's success. Tomorrow will get here soon enough. Pretty soon you'll be looking at your driver's license and going, whoa am I really that old? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 We all screw up, in a million little ways. Remember that when you're looking at someone thinking they have it so together. They have their own insecurities and list of screw ups. Along with all the successes there are undoubtedly a string of little failures along the way that you're not aware of. We all just keep going and celebrate the little victories along the way. And persevere through the challenging times. You know how you look at 30 somethings and think they are young and have everything ahead of them? Well those of us in our 50s know without a doubt that those of you in your 40s have a lot of great years ahead of you if you don't just withdraw and give up. Maybe take a creative view at other possibilities for work/career that will use your experience but put you on a more satisfying path. Maybe check in with a career counselor and get some ideas of where your skills and experience might translate well. Your teaching skill set can be used in different ways. Before you say you're too old - my mother started a completely brand new career at the age of 50 in nursing and had many years of increasingly successful positions that brought her a lot of enjoyment and satisfaction (and money!). You of course don't need that big of a change, I'm just using that as a rebuttal to your "I'm too old" mantra 🙂 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 chin up, mortensorchid 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 M. orchid, When I read this post, before reading any responses, I thought "sounds like you have an attention or anxiety disorder". Your problem isn't that you are dumb, or lazy - it's that you are accidentally sabotaging yourself. I am sure that you do not mean to. My brother is a BRIGHT person - but like others here have mentioned, he struggled with ADHD. It really caused a blow to his self esteem - especially back when he was struggling and didn't have a diagnosis. My take, you probably went through some less than ideal experiences in life, and are still dealing with the residual issues. Some people - life is smooth sailing, but you are having to keep the same pace whole wearing a heavy backpack. If you are able to seek some counseling, I would really recommend it. They might be able to give you some tools to help manage day to day so you can reach your goals. Medication might help as well (if warranted). Failures are people who don't even want to try - you try, you aren't a failure, you just need a few more tools in your toolbox. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 I was going to ask about ADD as well. Totally sounds like something my daughter would do. She's very scatterbrained. Last week she missed her therapy appointment even though she got an email reminder and a text reminder. So now I'm on the reminder list. Would you consider a career besides teaching? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 On 2/8/2020 at 2:25 PM, mortensorchid said: Been feeling quite down these days, I feel like I have failed at a lot of things in life. I'm a bit of a screw up to say the least like setting my alarm for 4 pm instead of 4 am, get up late, miss the first class, then the online teaching class cut off my hand for missing the first class. I am sad that I am such a flake. I feel like others have it all together and I am nothing but an idiot. Been teaching now for 6 almost 7 years and can't find a full time teaching job or even can't find someone to sign the license to license me to teach in non-public schools. I'm a mess inside and out. Feel like I've been shattered in a million pieces and put back together. ANd now I feel like I'm too old to accomplish things anymore, there's none of this 40 is the new 30 stuff. Sorry you're feeling down. When I developed anxiety disorder the psychiatrist said 'you also have mild ADD' and he wanted to prescribe Adderall and treat it; I don't tolerate drugs well and even cutting in half the lowest dose it comes in I had severe insomnia within a week. I treat it now by making lists and stuff. But it might be part of an illness spectrum is what I'm saying, is it possible to get an assessment from a doctor? You're never too old. Hope you feel better soon ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 everyone is different. and have diff flaws and diff strengths.. if you find yourself making similar types of mistakes, compensate by creating routines or ways of doing things to prevent those mistakes. no one is perfect, but you can minimize your weaknesses. and no, some people seem to have near perfect memory or are never late, etc... and it may be not fair that they are, but that's life... deal with it. also, no one has it all together... some people just project it better than others... each of us, has a different life path... i've seen brilliant people on top of their game throw it all away over a weird text or a overblown stupid comment made to a uber driver that got him kicked from his own company. lol. don't look at other people, look for ways to improve yourself. and don't try to fix everything.... fix ONE thing... then once that's handled, go on to the next thing... as for age... i used to think 30 was too old to learn new things, so i stopped...then at 40, i was like.. man, i should have learned that new thing at 30....etc.. so yeah, you may be 40, but that's like halfways... some may be living it better, and others may not... you tend to look at the others who are, and not look at the others who are not... so instead of looking outside... look inside...and if there's something to fix or improve, then do so. at least try.... don't give up before you fail... and when you fail, b/c you WILL fail... get back up and try again... "true failure is not getting back up...." that's my quote. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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