Girlfriend broke up with me and it seems like she doesn't care. What should I do?

[indentings]

Hi everyone. 

This is long so if you read this thanks. So my girlfriend broke up with me over text (sigh) and she wrote this whole reason why, it was a long message. Maybe 200 words? Anyway she basically said she has to be selfish and she’s doing it for her and wants to figure out things. (Photo of the message)  Anyway that was about a week ago (Saturday 1st) and we still talked and on the Tuesday we talked and she told me how she was feeling and she said ‘I could really go for an apple pie right now’ meaning We’d go together but she then said ‘but as much as I want it’ it’s only been a day’ (since we broke up) so that gave me hope. A day later she sent me a photo on Snapchat of her crying and she said i don’t need to know but I finally got it out of her and she said “I feel so alone even though I’m not blah blah and things got bad that night’. Keep in mind we literally shared everything together over the years. We even planned our future. By the way she’s nearly 19 and I’m 20. We both have mental health issues (anxiety and depression. And she has mood swings often)

We stopped talking completely two days ago and she blocked me on the message app but didn’t delete me off any other social media app. She hasn’t deleted any photos and still has photos of us on her wall in her room. Here’s the thing that’s hard for me to understand. She got tinder and this app called yubo straight after the breakup and found guys to talk to. I don’t know if that’s to take her mind off it or because she lost feelings for me awhile ago.. But I thought you’d not get any sort of app like that for a while after a breakup. Please correct me if I’m wrong because I don’t know (she did say it was to distract her but who knows). During the last few days before we stopped talking I think I annoyed her and she said that I’m making her feel bad for breaking up with me. Then yesterday morning she asked for some money back she had sent me to save so I asked her if she lost feelings and she said yes but she was mad so I don’t know if she meant it. I still had her on Snapchat because we had a 300 day streak and I asked if she’s Going to send a streak and she ignored me, so I unfriended her because what’s the point. 

It’s just hard going from talking everyday and sharing everything with each other to nothing at all. Maybe the stark reality is that she doesn’t care about the breakup at all and isn’t sad and I just have to move on. But I know she cared about me so much up until now. This’ll be the first day where we haven’t exchanged any messages at all. The hope is after the no contact period is that she’ll come back but that’s best possible scenario. I also should add that through the years maybe 2 or 3 times she broke up with me and said she wants to see what it’s like but she always came back. We started dating when she was 16 so maybe she just wants to sort everything out and see what she wants. She said she wants to study but doesn’t know where so if she has to travel or move maybe she doesn’t want me. I overthink everything. Should I just forget it all and carry on? I hope this is understandable and I didn’t ramble on too much. Thanks  

Ps. I’m hesitant to post on forums about something so personal but I need assistance. 

 

 

[snowboy91]

Sorry to hear you're hurting.

Unfortunately her feelings for you have probably faded over time - it happens, and is all too common among relationships that start in your teens. I can guarantee that her breaking up with you is just as hard on her as it is on you. While her feelings for you have faded, she still somewhat cares about you (it's hard not to if you've spent so much of your lives together), but she'll be finding it hard to adjust so her behaviour will seem a bit erratic and cold.

As you say, she may want to sort herself out and work out what she wants in life without the pressure of a relationship. I don't think she will come back to you - given that knowledge, you'll need to work out what you need to help you heal and move on. If going no contact for a while will do that, then do that. 

[preraph]

I agree with snowboy. He's right that the young and first relationships hardly ever last. 

 

What's going on is people change as they mature and especially as they get out of their small world and into the bigger world. they change radically and they want to explore the new world without any constraints or guilt. This is when people really find out who they are and hopefully find their path. 

 

I know it hurts a lot. Chances are she is having a big adjustment too, but she's grown away from you some and will probably grow away from you more. You will have a hard time like we all have after breakups, but the good thing about being young and being active and out in the world discovering new things is that the excitement will carry you through and you will get through this. 

[Marc878]

She’s done and has shown and told you what you need to know.

The only one who can keep you trying to linger in this will be you.

Let her go and move on like she has or linger.

grasping at straws and looking for signs of hope won’t get you a thing 

Edited February 9, 2020 by Marc878

[DKT3]

Sometimes even when a woman (especially young like this) end a relationship they have a hard time letting go.  I imagine she will pop up from time to time.  

Secondly,  she may seem cold because it's not new to her. She may have just ended the relationship but I promise you she had been thinking about it for a while. 

Best remedy is no contact.  It's not easy but when someone breaks up with you,  you have to look out for yourself.  One day turns to two, get enough days in a row and thing will slowly get better.  

Odds are shes not the ONE, so take what you've learned,  both good and bad, use that knowledge in your next relationship with the next girl.

[indentings]

Thanks so much everyone. I really appreciate you reading this. I thought this would be the outcome but it’s worth an ask. Plus it was good writing this to kind of vent. Thanks again  

[ExpatInItaly]

First loves are almost never our last. 

You two were young when you started dating, and as the others have already said, she outgrew the relationship and wants to see what else is out there. That means that yes, she did lose feelings for you. It's hard but very typical for such young couples. 

She might try to lean on you for company when her Tinder guys aren't paying attention to her, but you need to not let that happen. It will give you false hope and hurt even more when she one day starts dating someone else.

[scooby-philly]

Agreed with the previous posters. Thankfully some of the usual suspects showed up on this thread in masse and offered solid advice.

First love is tough. Try googling the "three loves" - it will help you understand things. A few pieces of advice from what you shared:

 

• As a man - own your emotions. If you feel like crying - cry. There's not shame in it. The men that don't cry aren't the type of men you want to be. When you get angry, get angry. Hit the gym, run, take a walk, go hiking. Chop down a tree (where/when it's legal and without getting hurt). Put her name on a rock and throw it in the river as far as you can. Let it all go.
• Don't blame yourself. If you find your mind swirling, get up and walk, talk to a friend, etc.
• Journal/write every day. Not a writer or think that's not manly - then talk to a friend every day or multiple times a day when/if needed. Focus on 5 things:
  • Your qualities
  • Your accomplishments
  • Your goals
  • Your ideal woman's traits
  • Flaws in her and the relationship.
  • Repeat that list every day. In the beginning or when you swirl out of control - do it 5, 10, 20x a day
• Learn positive self-talk
• Pour your energy into new or old hobbies
• Make sure you sleep
• Remind yourself - when you meet someone mature who's emotionally healthy and ready for an adult relationship - they will not fall out of love with you. That's what young people (or people with emotional issues or mental health issues) do. Real couples talk about their lives, their hopes, their dreams, their fears, their wants, their needs and they work with their partners to address and conquer/fulfill those things. If she didn't tell you how she felt and just left, that's on her immaturity. 
• Don't worry about what she's feeling or how's she doing. She didn't care about letting you into her world when she was slowly losing love for you, you don't owe her anything.
• Block her. Go 100% no contact. Any time she reaches out it will only be self-serving to her. She could have someone already lined up and hit you up in 6 months when that doesn't work out. Or she may not and she just gets lonely and sad at 3 months. Doesn't matter. If she wasn't able to lean on you DURING the relationship, then she doesn't deserve anything from you after she decided to end it