mortensorchid Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 In just about every how to or self help manual, all of them say the same things if and when you don't have a date or a friend to go with for something : go alone. And I did that this evening. I do that quite a bit as a matter of fact. Go talk to at least one person and you'll be okay. And I did that tonight. I went to a play at a local community theater. I felt a little strange at first doing this because I was the only one all alone (or felt like it). I looked around and saw all these older couples or groups together. Then this guy came and sat next to me. He was alone as well. I noticed he had a paperback book in his lap. And I asked "you brought a book to a play?". He said yes, he thought he would get here earlier so he brought it. I was about to ask further about it but then it started. I kind of hoped we would chat further but ... Nothing. Then I saw a friend of mine across the room who I hadn't seen in a bit and went to her to chat with her. Ah well, another missed opportunity. It's what it is I guess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 Opportunities are good. Maybe next time steer the conversation a bit. It was good that you went out - and indeed something happened. Just not as fully as you might have hoped. But that's positive - keep at it. There will be nights with nothing, and also near misses like this but eventually presumably some hits too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Syd8 Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 I go out alone all the time and I don't talk to anyone. There's no point. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 well at least you got out of the house for a coupla hours. your chance of meeting someone when going out is small but your chances of meeting someone at home is zero 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 Sometimes I wish I could sccop up the whole world onto my very mothering lap, but listen now, if a need is required to be met and no one else is nearby for whatever reason, you must meet it for yourself. Think all five senses, I have a massage cushion rubbing my back on my bed right now, a massage seat in my truck. I am a musician so I make music all the time, but also I listen to various genres on the radio and CDs I get from my local library, which helps them fundraise. I want to eat good nutrition, my friends grow organic vegetables and fruit so that's part of my diet. I have been way too busy the last few weeks but before that the AMC theater chain in the US does $5 Tuesday tickets, and I went to see a movie each week, loved it. Aromatherapy is great too, I use orange oil in the evening and lemon eucalyptus in the day. Also use it with my music therapy patients some of the time. I think I'll find a new massage therapist soon, though my latest date hinted he wants to learn so...we'll see! Love yourself. In the JewishChristian faiths it is said 'you are fearfully and wonderfully made.' 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 In fairness, he may have thought you were being critical that he brought a book to a play. Glad you went out on your own though. I've always done it. I talk to whoever is nearby, man or woman, don't care. When I was at CVS a couple days ago, there was this humongous box (like board game sized) of Russel Stover chocolates in the Valentine's section and a woman was there and I just said, "You'd have to be one helluva boyfriend to buy you that." Then yesterday I went to an upscale taco place that has nine salsas and fell into conversation with the male server and we compared brisket all over town,and he told me what to put in my favorite of the salsas. Pick a couple of places you like and become a regular there. I don't necessarily mean a bar and just always be sitting at the bar, though. But whatever. And eventually you get to talking to people who work there or are also regulars. But the MAIN thing is if you're somewhere public being chatty, that means you look friendly and approachable and that will make it more likely for a man to make up some excuse to talk to you. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 13 hours ago, mortensorchid said: In just about every how to or self help manual, all of them say the same things if and when you don't have a date or a friend to go with for something : go alone. And I did that this evening. I do that quite a bit as a matter of fact. Go talk to at least one person and you'll be okay. And I did that tonight. I went to a play at a local community theater. I felt a little strange at first doing this because I was the only one all alone (or felt like it). I looked around and saw all these older couples or groups together. Then this guy came and sat next to me. He was alone as well. I noticed he had a paperback book in his lap. And I asked "you brought a book to a play?". He said yes, he thought he would get here earlier so he brought it. I was about to ask further about it but then it started. I kind of hoped we would chat further but ... Nothing. Then I saw a friend of mine across the room who I hadn't seen in a bit and went to her to chat with her. Ah well, another missed opportunity. It's what it is I guess. There was no intermission? Could you have chatted after the play and asked how he liked it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted February 9, 2020 Author Share Posted February 9, 2020 During intermission he got up and I did as well to run to the bathroom. He didn't return until a few minutes before the second act started, and then he got up and left after it was over. Done. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 It's good to get out by yourself once in a while. I'm struggling a little with that myself at the moment. I have friends, and a few girls who I've been introduced to... but I still have to be pushed a little to get out the door. I think for me... it's because of a long relationship, and still being a primary guardian of my oldest daughter. MO... I think you are doing a great job of recovering from your last potential relationship. You got out, and you said hi to someone. I know somewhere in your head you thought it was a fail... but you don't know his real story. Was he just out of a relationship? Was he having a bad day? Did he have someone at home? Honestly, seeing the book should have been your first key in knowing he wasn't going to be open to a conversation. I travel for work, and get in a lot of planes. I generally don't talk to the person next to me, but if I really don't want to talk, I open my tablet, or computer as soon as I sit down. Congrats on getting out, and I hope the show was good. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 Getting out and having interesting experiences (live theater is great) and even just minimal interaction with others (getting your ticket at the box office, talking to someone in line for the bathroom, your brief conversation with the guy next to you) opens you up and makes you more receptive to ongoing interactions. You may not see the reward immediately, but if you keep getting out there I'm sure you will realize the positive effect. Staying home alone too much allows us to get mired down in our own self defeating negative thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 maybe he was gay mortensorchid, a single man at the theater? Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 On 2/9/2020 at 7:43 AM, Syd8 said: I go out alone all the time and I don't talk to anyone. There's no point. If it works it works, but are you happy? Do you feel loved? No man is an island.... Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 On 2/9/2020 at 1:47 PM, mortensorchid said: He didn't return until a few minutes before the second act started, and then he got up and left after it was over. Done. Not very polite at least. Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 Aww you're doing so well! I find this hard too - the going out and meeting people and having to force myself sometimes. Keep trying and don't give up. Your post is making me feel encouraged to do exactly what you're doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Syd8 Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 9 hours ago, Ellener said: If it works it works, but are you happy? Do you feel loved? No man is an island.... Apparently I am. No I'm not happy and no I don't feel loved. That's why I go out alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 1 hour ago, Syd8 said: Apparently I am. No I'm not happy and no I don't feel loved. That's why I go out alone. I'm sorry. It's a lonely life sometimes. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
Syd8 Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 7 hours ago, Ellener said: I'm sorry. It's a lonely life sometimes. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Thanks. And yes, it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 Actually you did what is in your control. You went out to a good event. And you initiated a conversation with a guy who sat next to you. The rest is out of your control. You took two constructive steps. That's great! Not a "missed" opportunity. You don't want to assume a guy sitting next to you is a potential partner. The burden goes the other way. Say hi, assume he's just who he is, and if there is chemistry and luck, things will happen. I don't see missed opportunity at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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