Is my girlfriend of 2 years cheating on me ?

[MrLonely81]

So my girl and I have been together just over 2 years now, and she had gotten a job at a really seedy hotel doing housekeeping.I wasn't thrilled about it at first, but jobs here are hard to find, and she dosent drive . Well long story short, she was caught obsessively calling and texting a guy who lives at the hotel where she works and then when I confronted both of them they both lied to me about it.

1. When I first saw the number in her call log she explained that he was just a maintenance guy and was texting him when she saw things that needed repair. Which to me at the time made sense.

2. It seemed to be texts and calls made when I wasn't around but the times were odd. 745am as soon as she was dropped off at work, lunch time and 15 minutes before I picked her up. No big deal yet.

3. After a few months, she quit working there, but continued to text and call him occasionally for a bit here and there,  no cause for alarm ..but then it became excessive amounts, 117 calls 358texts and 47pic texts in 8 days , all while I wasn't home..weird huh..?

4.I asked her previously to not text him anymore bc she no longer worked there and she agreed. And I also called him asking why he is contacting my gf all the time , His response was, "I dont know who your girlfriend is". Weird .hmm.

So as I try to wrap this up, I saw all her texts ,calls, etc and called her out on it over 1000 total , after she said he was just a "work friend" and she flipped out, saying I didn't trust her, which I dont now obviously.  52 calls to this guy in 1 day while I was at work. On my birthday..what the heck?  Nothing like heartbreak.

Am I wrong for breaking up with her and making her move out, after I asked her to stop , it got so much worse. My trust is obviously gone and noone will be honest and tell me what or why. 

She kinda gave me the answer of why she did it and she told me "He gave me the attention that I needed"  keep in mind there was times that I was literally right next to this girl in the car or at the dentist, ir out buying her 300 worth of clothes and shes texting this guy pics of herself from somewhere in the store. . She was hiding it all from me and got mad bc she got caught. She always deleted the texts and is not willing to prove anything to me that nothing was going on so I'm pretty sure they had a fling going behind my back. I just need reassurance that I'm not losing my mind. 

The fact of him denying knowing her when I called him and asked proves what kind of person he is. And then to continue 100× more makes me wonder if he was just trying to hook up with her while she was at work or vice versa.

I have so many questions that will never get answers to , it drives me crazy.

Part of me wants to drive to the hotel and confront him for doing this being that uts only 3 miles from my house , but part of me wants to just let it go and move on.

She hasn't cried once since I asked her to leave...nor said she was sorry even 1 time to me. I work alot and spend all my free time with her providing her with everything she needs all to do this. 

Someone tell me I'm not crazy and they were emotionally cheating on me. 

 

[Pleasant-Sage]

You're not crazy. It's hard to get people to admit emotional affairs. They either won't face the truth themselves to keep from feeling guilt or keep you in the dark so they can continue to use you.

I confronted my ex wife (wife at the time) of her emotional affair. She was in denial in the beginning. Then, she realized that's really what she was doing. I told her she had to stop talking to him and she latched onto him even harder and our marriage went down the drain for good. We had kids together too. I spent 3 months trying to talk her out of it. All wasted effort in the end.

Don't waste your time on the other guy. He could care less about your feelings or opinions. The same can be said for your former gf. Jealousy will eat you alive if you let it but it's actually one of the easier emotions to get a handle on.

Stop chasing the phone records. They are no longer any of your concern. It will only cause you to build anger against him and her. Just let that go and put it out of your mind.

She'll probably try to come crawling back after sometime has passed based on what you said about spoiling her. You're gonna have to figure out if she's worth a second chance before then.

People do make terrible mistakes and learn from them on occasion. You'll just have to figure out if she's sincere when she apologizes or only after the free rides, food, shelter, and expensive clothes.

She took you for granted. You are paying the price for it right now with your emotions. She will pay a bigger price for her behavior sooner than you might think. It will catch up to her. I can promise you that.

Be thankful that y'all aren't married.

So sorry you are having a difficult time. Keep your head up and do something that takes your mind off of her. Take things one day at a time. 

Edited February 9, 2020 by Pleasant-Sage

[MrLonely81]

Thanks, I kinda figured that but need some kind of reassurance. 

Since she wont talk and I'll never be able to trust her again. 

Time to just move on I suppose. 

Since she got caught last week I haven't had any of his calls or texts show up on my phone bill. Guess that's kind of an admission to being guilty 

[Marc878]

Her attitude and actions tell you she isn’t relationship material.

 

[MrLonely81]

Just now, Marc878 said:

Her attitude and actions tell you she isn’t relationship material.

 

Yeah it was a good 2 and a half years but , if theres no honesty then what's the use. 

 

[schlumpy]

You've been excessively reasonable. It's time to pull the plug. Make sure you go stone-cold silent on her. None of this "let's be friends crap." so she knows the door is still open when she's finished with her new love interest.

If you take her back count on there being more.

[MrLonely81]

4 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

You've been excessively reasonable. It's time to pull the plug. Make sure you go stone-cold silent on her. None of this "let's be friends crap." so she knows the door is still open when she's finished with her new love interest.

If you take her back count on there being more.

I gave her 1 week to find a place.

Shes been looking but dosent drive so it's harder to find a place ,  I'm done doing favors for her. She tried to play the pity me and I'm sad I messed up card. But I'm not falling for it. I loved her alot and obviously she  saw nothing wrong with calling some random guy 52 times on my birthday while I was busting my back at work to provide for us. 

[MrLonely81]

I asked her if she was falling for this guy and also if she had been intimate with him. Both answers were no  and that he just gave her "The attention that she needed at that time" and he was "Just a work friend" but I dont know if shes saying that bc she knows how hurt I am and dosent wanna make it worse for both of us. I'm going to the Dr anyways to get checked.. its not worth the risk.

[Baman]

I don't understand why you doubt yourself for kicking her out. Nor why you are allowing her a weeks grace. 

Careful dude she knows your week spot and now shes facing homelessness she'll pluck it.

[MrLonely81]

Just now, Baman said:

I don't understand why you doubt yourself for kicking her out. Nor why you are allowing her a weeks grace. 

Careful dude she knows your week spot and now shes facing homelessness she'll pluck it.

I understand that but maybe I'm just too nice , its 26 degrees here in PA and snowing,  she has no money saved and has a daughter (Not mine). And I cant kick her 5 year old out into the cold, I'm trying to get ahold of the kids dad so he can come and get her. Everything is a mess. 

It's weird though bc she actually says she wants to be out of my way as fast as possible , so I dont have to see her anymore but asks if we can still be civil. Idk what to say to her I told her , just be a ghost to me for a week until your gone. She made her choice..

[Marc878]

The one thing all cheaters have in common. They lie a lot.

chances are they hooked up in his motel room when she worked there.

now you probably know why she’s divorced.

[Marc878]

12 minutes ago, MrLonely81 said:

I understand that but maybe I'm just too nice , its 26 degrees here in PA and snowing,  she has no money saved and has a daughter (Not mine). And I cant kick her 5 year old out into the cold, I'm trying to get ahold of the kids dad so he can come and get her. Everything is a mess. 

It's weird though bc she actually says she wants to be out of my way as fast as possible , so I dont have to see her anymore but asks if we can still be civil. Idk what to say to her I told her , just be a ghost to me for a week until your gone. She made her choice..

They all play the lets be friends game. I don’t blame you for helping because of the child. She’s an innocent in all this. What a shame.

[d0nnivain]

No you aren't crazy.  She was wrong & obsessive.  I do not believe they weren't intimate.  No way she's sending him pictures while next to you if they weren't sleeping together.

You are practically a saint for not kicking her & her daughter out when you found out.  Good for you for having compassion for the 5 year old.   Suggest to her that she go live with the OM.  Do keep reaching out to the child's father.   Where are her parents?  Can they help?

I once got rid of an EX by literally paying his 1st month's rent in the new place.  It was money I never saw again but it was worth it to get rid of him.  

[MrLonely81]

I'm trying to hustle and get money for a place locally to her j ok b so she dosent have to walk too far.

I believe in karma that's why I'm nice. Plus her daughter didn't do anything I plan on getting ahold of her dad but he lives around an hour and half away from me. And has long work days too. 

I dont believe her either as far as not being involved sexually this guy, if she didn't sleep with him they at least fooled around and that is enough for me to leave her.  

[ExpatInItaly]

I think you can be certain that they have been intimate and she is falling for him. 

She needs to get out of your life, and as quickly as possible. She was cheating, without a doubt. 

[mark clemson]

17 hours ago, Pleasant-Sage said:

She'll probably try to come crawling back after sometime has passed based on what you said about spoiling her. You're gonna have to figure out if she's worth a second chance before then.

Good post, Pleasant-Sage, but - spoiler alert: she's not.

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Bro, I am right here with you... Any woman in my life, I always offer to pay her phone bill, always. Then, if things start getting serious, you get her phone under your name, but a plan together nonetheless and once you do this, you have access to her phone records.

Yes, its a bit creepy to be looking through her phone usage, maybe you can even get her texts and pictures transcribed, I am not really sure if that is legal or what, but either way, a lil' insurance policy never hurts... A little audit of trust, it never hurts. Maybe you grab her phone and lock yourself in the bathroom or she does that to you... But I mean, we know our partners, we can feel when there is distance.

I'm all for it man, love is a battlefield and battles are usually dictated by the quality of information... Wars have been won and lost on this premise alone.

[Fletch Lives]

Quote

"He gave me the attention that I needed" 

 - Yup, this is a classic line from a cheater - watch the show Cheaters. She's cheating. In fact, it's a revenge cheat. Her love level for you is low, or she may have fallen out of love with you completely.

This type of cheater cheats because they fell out of love with you but are still in the relationship, going through the motions. So they are working in the relationship (all relationships require work), but getting nothing out of it, so they become resentful.

[Baman]

5 hours ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said:

Bro, I am right here with you... Any woman in my life, I always offer to pay her phone bill, always. Then, if things start getting serious, you get her phone under your name, but a plan together nonetheless and once you do this, you have access to her phone records.

Yes, its a bit creepy to be looking through her phone usage, maybe you can even get her texts and pictures transcribed, I am not really sure if that is legal or what, but either way, a lil' insurance policy never hurts... A little audit of trust, it never hurts. Maybe you grab her phone and lock yourself in the bathroom or she does that to you... But I mean, we know our partners, we can feel when there is distance.

I'm all for it man, love is a battlefield and battles are usually dictated by the quality of information... Wars have been won and lost on this premise alone.

The wife and I are free to ask to see each others phones and devices anytime. Being open means we don't need to cheat, we always know who each other see's and we share the communications. I can't imagine what it must be like to suspect and have to go snooping through phones.

 

[smackie9]

You're lucky you aint in Canada. She could take half of everything you own and would have to accommodate her move.

[smackie9]

10 hours ago, CAPSLOCK BANDIT said:

Bro, I am right here with you... Any woman in my life, I always offer to pay her phone bill, always. Then, if things start getting serious, you get her phone under your name, but a plan together nonetheless and once you do this, you have access to her phone records.

 

That's pretty sad.... Guilty until proven innocent? doesn't anyone deserve a little privacy? IMO it doesn't take snooping in ones phone records to know they are cheating. You are going to find out regardless.

Edited February 10, 2020 by smackie9

[trackdayguy]

On 2/9/2020 at 2:27 PM, MrLonely81 said:

So my girl and I have been together just over 2 years now, and she had gotten a job at a really seedy hotel doing housekeeping.I wasn't thrilled about it at first, but jobs here are hard to find, and she dosent drive . Well long story short, she was caught obsessively calling and texting a guy who lives at the hotel where she works and then when I confronted both of them they both lied to me about it.

1. When I first saw the number in her call log she explained that he was just a maintenance guy and was texting him when she saw things that needed repair. Which to me at the time made sense.

2. It seemed to be texts and calls made when I wasn't around but the times were odd. 745am as soon as she was dropped off at work, lunch time and 15 minutes before I picked her up. No big deal yet.

3. After a few months, she quit working there, but continued to text and call him occasionally for a bit here and there,  no cause for alarm ..but then it became excessive amounts, 117 calls 358texts and 47pic texts in 8 days , all while I wasn't home..weird huh..?

4.I asked her previously to not text him anymore bc she no longer worked there and she agreed. And I also called him asking why he is contacting my gf all the time , His response was, "I dont know who your girlfriend is". Weird .hmm.

So as I try to wrap this up, I saw all her texts ,calls, etc and called her out on it over 1000 total , after she said he was just a "work friend" and she flipped out, saying I didn't trust her, which I dont now obviously.  52 calls to this guy in 1 day while I was at work. On my birthday..what the heck?  Nothing like heartbreak.

Am I wrong for breaking up with her and making her move out, after I asked her to stop , it got so much worse. My trust is obviously gone and noone will be honest and tell me what or why. 

She kinda gave me the answer of why she did it and she told me "He gave me the attention that I needed"  keep in mind there was times that I was literally right next to this girl in the car or at the dentist, ir out buying her 300 worth of clothes and shes texting this guy pics of herself from somewhere in the store. . She was hiding it all from me and got mad bc she got caught. She always deleted the texts and is not willing to prove anything to me that nothing was going on so I'm pretty sure they had a fling going behind my back. I just need reassurance that I'm not losing my mind. 

The fact of him denying knowing her when I called him and asked proves what kind of person he is. And then to continue 100× more makes me wonder if he was just trying to hook up with her while she was at work or vice versa.

I have so many questions that will never get answers to , it drives me crazy.

Part of me wants to drive to the hotel and confront him for doing this being that uts only 3 miles from my house , but part of me wants to just let it go and move on.

She hasn't cried once since I asked her to leave...nor said she was sorry even 1 time to me. I work alot and spend all my free time with her providing her with everything she needs all to do this. 

Someone tell me I'm not crazy and they were emotionally cheating on me. 

 

I would suggest that relationships only work when you share the same core values as your partner. 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

5 hours ago, smackie9 said:

That's pretty sad.... Guilty until proven innocent? doesn't anyone deserve a little privacy? IMO it doesn't take snooping in ones phone records to know they are cheating. You are going to find out regardless.

Privacy has a clause attached to it that most people fail to recognize: Time. Privacy and Time go hand-in-hand. What is your time worth to you? By an extension of that question, what does your money mean to you? For most of us, our time is directly associated with our money; with this being said, by association, Privacy and Finance are two concepts that are akin to each other, through their association with time.

My time and money, those things mean a lot to me. So If I am able to have some of your time and some of your money, I believe you should have privacy... But it is when the time spent together decreases... The financial situation begins to become unclear... This is a time when it is important to break privacy.

In my honest opinion, privacy is just an excuse for people who are defensive about their bad communication skills, because two people in a relationship, who communicate well, what is left to privacy?

[Caauug]

On 2/9/2020 at 6:39 PM, MrLonely81 said:

  I'm done doing favors for her. She tried to play the pity me and I'm sad I messed up card. But I'm not falling for it. I loved her alot and obviously she  saw nothing wrong with calling some random guy 52 times on my birthday while I was busting my back at work to provide for us. 

It's not your fault OP, you were never told what she would be doing when you were working those long hours. She is only doing what evolution has programed her to do, it is called hypergamy. She is looking for the best mate for her. It does not matter what you are supplying now, it matters on what other suitable suiters can offer compared to you "In her view". That leads to monkey branching.....  

If you get her out with no further ties or obligations, consider yourself very lucky!!! In your next relationship, try cutting back on hours worked. Women like the money but they also need to spend quality time with you.

[trackdayguy]

3 hours ago, Caauug said:

It's not your fault OP, you were never told what she would be doing when you were working those long hours. She is only doing what evolution has programed her to do, it is called hypergamy. She is looking for the best mate for her. It does not matter what you are supplying now, it matters on what other suitable suiters can offer compared to you "In her view". That leads to monkey branching.....  

If you get her out with no further ties or obligations, consider yourself very lucky!!! In your next relationship, try cutting back on hours worked. Women like the money but they also need to spend quality time with you.

Yes