Raising Kids in Your Faith

[major_merrick]

So as not to distract from Pepperbird's thread about agnostics, what do the believers (any faith) on this forum do regarding their kids?  Teach them your faith, let them discover, or something else? 

In my family, kids are raised learning the Scripture.  The first book they learn to read from is the Bible.  My husband has them learning to read and memorizing verses starting about age 4.  He tells them Bible stories, and often reads to them from a big illustrated book with tons of scripture-based art.  The kids pray at night before they go to bed, pray at meals, etc...  Sometimes I wonder if some kids grow up to resent that kind of upbringing, since I know a lot of preacher's kids end up wandering and going against what they were taught.  But my husband grew up Christian, and got *more* conservative when he got out of his wild teen and college years. 

Since my babies are still very small, I'm exploring this topic now.  Obviously, my husband will raise his kids in the the faith.  But what will I end up doing?  As a mother in the church, I need to be cooperative with it and help my kids, even though I'm still new to it.  And then there's the "interesting" parts of Scripture that I'm not sure I want to read to kids.  Stuff with sex and violence.  My husband says that when he was learning Scripture as a child, he didn't really notice those parts because his mind didn't understand the concepts until later.  Is that true? 

And for those of you who have a faith of any kind and DON'T teach it to your kids, can you explain why?

[Haydn]

It`s up to my kiddies what they want to believe in or not believe in. I certainly wouldn`t push or allow anything to be pushed on them. I am not religious but was brought up by a very religious Mother. It backfired on her.

But if the fruits of my loins choose to become a member of a `faith` then that`s up to them, as they are individuals and i don`t own them.

And i wouldn`t judge them for it unless they walked around playing with Rosemary beads while i`m putting up shelves.

Obviously if Scientology was their preferred choice, then a harsh beating would be in order.

 

[Shining One]

On 2/10/2020 at 12:04 AM, major_merrick said:

But what will I end up doing?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but my understanding is that you have knowledge of multiple religions. After being exposed to varying sources of knowledge, you chose your current faith. Would it not make sense to do the same for your children: Provide them with knowledge and let them make their own choice?

[major_merrick]

While I grew up with some knowledge, it didn't really help.  My father was a lapsed Christian who became more like an agnostic.  My mother was a pagan.  My main exposure to faith growing up was with my husband.  I joined his faith when we married, mostly for outward appearances because it was expected (unity in the community and all that.)  I've grown into it, becoming a believer based on the evidence I've seen.  Obviously, I can't teach belief.  That comes from within you.  But like you say, I can provide knowledge and I intend to do so.  I just don't want it to be so intense that they grow to hate it, and reject faith as a form of rebellion when they get older. 

[alphamale]

I think that when someone turns 18 they should be able to choose which religion(s) they want to be affiliated with.

[NuevoYorko]

1 hour ago, alphamale said:

I think that when someone turns 18 they should be able to choose which religion(s) they want to be affiliated with.

They're adults.  One can only hope that they  retained enough potential for autonomy to realize they are free to make such a choice.

Most people I know who were raised within rigid religious structures have left whatever faith.  One of my closest friends was raised as a strict fundamentalist Christian.  His father was a minister and both his parents lived to serve their church.  He and all 3 of his sisters are not only non-believers, they are very against the faith in which they were raised.  That said, it doesn't mean that most people leave - just the ones I know.  It's unlikely that my path crosses with any current  fundamentalist types, since I'm a heinous sinner.  😁  No doubt there are millions of adults who have not taken a step outside of what they've been taught all their lives, whatever that might happen to be.

[LivingWaterPlease]

On 2/10/2020 at 12:04 AM, major_merrick said:

So as not to distract from Pepperbird's thread about agnostics, what do the believers (any faith) on this forum do regarding their kids?  Teach them your faith, let them discover, or something else...And for those of you who have a faith of any kind and DON'T teach it to your kids, can you explain why?

My dad was a party boy who became a minister when he was converted. My mom's father was a minister. My dad's father went to church once or twice in his lifetime as did his mother.

My children were reared on Bible stories from the time they were born and I rocked them to sleep at night singing hymns along with lullabies. They learned Bible texts as children and went to church weekly. So they grew up in a very spiritual home. They all excelled in athletics and led a very normal life socially in that they were much in demand with many friends. They did great scholastically, have post graduate educations and are at the top of their careers now. They are all very spiritual in that they read their Bibles daily.

One of them was quite a partier from the age of about fifteen to twenty and I worried that I may get a phone call in the middle of the night of an automobile wreck caused by substance abuse or something bad happening to that one. But I prayed for that one unceasingly and had others praying for the one, too. At the age of twenty that child had a deep conversion and dropped out of college to do a year of mission service on the other side of the continent in an underdeveloped country/society.

So, now they are rearing their children the same way. My first grandchild quoted Proverbs 3:5,6 (a very meaningful verse to our family for generations) at the age of eighteen months. All the grandchildren are learning Bible verses and their parents pray with them daily and talk to them about Jesus Christ and God throughout the day from time-to-time as I did with my own children. 

Like your husband, I and my children were reared reading the entire Bible and didn't really figure out the parts about violence and sexuality until we were older. 

It seems to me a person can't really get through this life without some type of trials, heartaches, illness, or difficult times of some sort. My children definitely have as I have, too.

My faith in God has carried me through some really tough times and kept me from becoming hopeless or bitter. I have seen the same thing from my children as they deal with difficult situations and trials. I'm so glad they have the peace and security that comes from having a relationship with Jesus Christ and with God. It has also bound us close together.

One of my grown children who lives a long distance away calls me at least once a week to pray for me on the phone. All of my children regularly discuss their spirituality with me and also concepts about spirituality. 

Our faith is our lives. But we interact with people of all types and beliefs regularly and enjoy doing so! For instance, I had dinner with a group of friends tonight and one of them is a gay atheist. Not pointing a finger at the person at all. Just making the point that I believe a true believer in God will love all people and associate with them. After all, Jesus Christ was known to seek out sinners to interact with and the people who didn't want to be around Him were all the rigid religious types.

I'm editing this to add that I know myself to be a sinner, too. So, why would I not want to associate and interact with other sinners such as myself? I'm just a sinner who happens to love God and the Bible.

Edited February 16, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease

[amaysngrace]

I exposed my children to my faith and had them baptized as infants.  I took the proper steps to make sure that they’d be in good standing when they were too young to decide for themselves.  At age 14 they each decided if they wanted to be confirmed in the faith (around Mary’s age when she made her decision to be faithful to God) and they each decided that they wanted to be Catholic at that time.  

My oldest son got married last May in a Catholic Church, my two youngest hardly ever get to mass but still pray before meals and know where to look to find God if they need Him.  

Its not my responsibility at this point to force religion onto them.  Their relationship with God is personal, just like my own, and I respect that but I believe as parents with faith it’s in our children’s best interest to plant the seeds they’ll need to grow in their faith if they so choose.

[pepperbird]

On 2/16/2020 at 12:12 AM, alphamale said:

I think that when someone turns 18 they should be able to choose which religion(s) they want to be affiliated with.

Just my view, but religion has been the  cause of an awful lot of heartache in this world, perhaps more so than just about any other cause. I also know it can bring a  lot fo comfort and happiness too.
To me, it's an invasion of one of a person's most fundamental freedoms- faith- to indoctrinate them when they are a child. That means no church, temple, mosque whatever, unless it's their choice. My kids ( except my son) were interested in  learning, and they would ask the clergy person it was okay for them to attend a service. Most of the time, it was fine, and they would attend. No religion ever spoke to them.

[d0nnivain]

Little kids should be taught age appropriate stuff according to the parents' faith. The illustrated book your husband is using sounds fine.  As they get older, answer their Qs.  In college I chose to take some comparative religion classes to understand some other faiths.  I drifted away from my faith for a long time starting in my 20s.  Then I came back.  It had to be my choice at that point.  

[littleblackheart]

I talked to my kids about the stories behind most of the main religions, because they are easy starting points for discussing spirituality, and some of them really are cool stories anyone can learn from.

 

My 10yo is taken by Greek mythology, my 13 yo is curious about all faiths but isn't keen on any one of them in particular.

 

I consider my job as a parent as far as spirituality done.

My kids have the tools to figure out and question things, they are intellectually and spiritually curious, open-minded and inquisitive, they know to be kind and respectful, and not judge anyone based on their faith. This, to me, means they are equipped to make the right choice for them, be it now or later in life.

 

I come from a multifaith family, my parents are both believers but never pushed anything on so we already had an example of open-mindedness and positive spirituality because of the multifaith aspect. I am agnostic myself but find I have much more in common with an open-minded religious person of any faith than any type of fundamentalist, a religious bigot, someone who is intolerant of one specific religion or a hardcore agnostic / atheist.

[Pleasant-Sage]

Taught my kids the basics principles of religion. That God is real and in everything around us. You just have to be in tune with it to hear or see his existence. I more or less teach them what I know and show them scripture to back it up. I personally don't memorize anything but know where to find it.

Ive also taught them satan and demons are also very real and display telltale signs in this world we live in.

I'm nondenominational and believe we all serve the same God. I don't believe any denomination has it exactly right. How could they?

I was sort of raised Church of Christ but never felt touched by the holy spirit while attending there. That didn't come until much later in life.

I don't promote church as a requirement unless God made it your calling to become a member of that particular church so you can do his work. That hasn't happened to me yet as I feel like he has me doing it in other ways.

Too many people go to church to find God but you can find him in your own living room. It's better to do so in my opinion. Church just bolsters your relationship with God and allows you to hear different messages but not all religious speakers preach in the word. So, it's good to get out to be exposed to different messages to learn to decipher anything not abundantly clear.

Church people quite often start worshipping the church they go to instead of God. Those are the ones who look down on people for not attending. Similarly, Baptists partially shun people who aren't members of THEIR church. I don't get that and it seems like a money thing.

My ex wife drops the kids off at some church for Wednesday night classes but she doesn't attend herself. I guess that's more for them to learn stories from the bible.

Between what we both do, they are free to come to their own beliefs in the end. At some point, they will be responsible for becoming saved or choosing not to care. That will be between them and God when they leave this earth.

I've met a lot of people with religious forced on them as young kids and they learned to either resent it or just not follow God so closely as an adult. Sometimes it comes back to people and sometimes it doesn't. That's none of my business.

[E-mc2]

My kids are three and five.  I'm agnostic but my wife is christian.  I don't teach them anything about god because I don't believe.  My wife teaches them whatever the flavor of the day is but she doesn't do much of it IMO.  I think it's fair balance at least at this age.

But then there are my wife's parents.  They brainwash my kids so hard you wouldn't believe it.  I think they are overstepping their bounds and I really don't appreciate it much but I haven't voiced my opinion on it either so I can't talk too much.

I don't like what my kids are taught but I don't let it bother me too much.  I know that someday they will make the decision on their own and they have a sovereign will to believe what they choose.  If it isn't the grandparents brainwashing it will be some kid they meet in 4th grade or something.  There is no running from religion.  

 

Edited February 28, 2020 by E-mc2

[central]

My ex was supposedly atheist, but after we had a son she reverted to her Baptist roots. She (and her very devout parents) did their best to indoctrinate our son into their superstition. I gently countered with reason, logic, and science, without attacking or putting down their faith. My son eventually wanted nothing to do with their superstitions, I'm pleased to say.

IMO, religion can help instill some moral values for people who want or need that structure, but for all the wrong reasons. 

[Ronni_W]

On 2/10/2020 at 12:04 AM, major_merrick said:

Obviously, my husband will raise his kids in the the faith.  But what will I end up doing?

Hi, major.

From that link that I just posted in your other thread, the section, 'Relationships, Parent-Child', contains a number of articles related to teaching spirituality to children (they're mostly at the bottom of the list on that page).     Hope it helps.