You are your other half

[trackdayguy]

An Article I wrote several years ago, still seems applicable today

How tragic that we have millions of people walking around looking for their other half. Thinking that we need someone else to make us feel complete like Jerry Maguire (my soul mate) is not only untrue, it’s dangerous as it implies that we are somehow incomplete. Nothing could be farther from the truth. As cheesy as it sounds, owning your wholeness can and will change your life.

Half-people allow others to trample on them, abuse them and control them in order that they can get the affection they so desperately crave for, because their underlying assumption is that they are incomplete without a partner. Their low self-esteem, never admitted to of course, paralyzes and blinds them from seeing the reality of this dysfunctional life style as they go from one destructive and abusive relationship to another. Their feeling of being incomplete based on the lies they have bought into and the filters they have established and their unhealthy need of people’s love affection and affirmation that is what ultimately what keeps them from finding what they so desperately crave for.

Learning to love ourselves for who we are is a struggle and for many they never get free from the lies that have been sown into their sub consciousness, (if you’ve been told your no good, will never amount to anything or no one will want you) or something of this nature you need to replace those lies with the truth about who you are. Just because you’ve failed doesn’t make you a failure.

On the other hand emotionally whole people, whose lives are shaped by intentional rock solid core values, making wise choices and speaking words that empower people have little or nothing in common with people who are damaged and wounded. The tragedy is people who never open up their lives to strategic input or never have a friend that they can be TOTALLY real with remain not only isolated but they ensure that their woundedness remains intact and therefore exclude themselves from the relationships they so desperately want.

Whole people are able to draw firm boundary lines because they aren’t coming from a place of need. They aren’t looking for a sense of completeness as they already have one.

The purpose of a relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.

[Foxhall]

I agree with you to an extent, however it is not realistic for many of us to be able to find "completeness" on our own,

human nature is to have self doubt, to be vulnerable to varying emotions,

we cannot overcome these doubts always on our own , we need people close to us, we need to find a person or likely a few people who can bring out the best in us,

I do not feel that we can become "emotionally whole people" entirely on our own,  some people are stronger mentally and indeed are born with or develop good looks and engaging personalities,

for the youngsters that are bullied at school, for the guys and girls who cannot find a relationship, or indeed worse again cannot find friends, 

what do they do? how can they become complete? where do they  find the motivating influences like yourself that will help them? where do they find the confidence to find their own path?

as you allude many people are drawn towards others that are not really suitable for them,but what choice do you have if you are not someone who everything falls into place for.

you have to take whatever carrot is been thrown in your direction be it good or bad,

if your lucky you will evolve over time and develop more self esteem but its not always easy.

positivity and encouragement I suppose is a start, people letting others in rather than excluding them,

bring people together rather than isolation.

 

[trackdayguy]

4 hours ago, Foxhall said:

I agree with you to an extent, however it is not realistic for many of us to be able to find "completeness" on our own,

human nature is to have self doubt, to be vulnerable to varying emotions,

we cannot overcome these doubts always on our own , we need people close to us, we need to find a person or likely a few people who can bring out the best in us,

I do not feel that we can become "emotionally whole people" entirely on our own,  some people are stronger mentally and indeed are born with or develop good looks and engaging personalities,

for the youngsters that are bullied at school, for the guys and girls who cannot find a relationship, or indeed worse again cannot find friends, 

what do they do? how can they become complete? where do they  find the motivating influences like yourself that will help them? where do they find the confidence to find their own path?

as you allude many people are drawn towards others that are not really suitable for them,but what choice do you have if you are not someone who everything falls into place for.

you have to take whatever carrot is been thrown in your direction be it good or bad,

if your lucky you will evolve over time and develop more self esteem but its not always easy.

positivity and encouragement I suppose is a start, people letting others in rather than excluding them,

bring people together rather than isolation.

 

I love your response. In many ways you are totally correct, personality type, parenting, socialisation all go to shape us and provide us with the tools we need to do life. The real truth is that some have an advantage over others, one would be fool to deny that. Its called, "the strongest survive". "So much for you can be what ever you want" 

The goal for the less advantaged is education and keep away from toxic and needy people and and invest in yourself rather then let others suck the life out of you.