will NC work if I told my ex not to reach out unless is for getting back together?

[dsva]

My ex decided to leave our one year relationship last November because she said she lost the emotional connection with me, nevertheless I didn't want to but she said she is tired and decided to end it.  I did everything that i shouldn't be doing for couple weeks by trying to convince my ex to stay, of course that didn't work.

Then I did NC for about 7 weeks, one night I got a text from her asking if i was there.  We started chatting on and off for the next few weeks, just random stuff about what has been happening in our lives, nothing about getting back together,  the conversations were going well so one day I asked her out for a drink to catch up, clearly with a time and place. Never got a reply back to my request for the meet up, but we continue chatting for a few more days.  I was somewhat annoyed by this, not because she declines the meetup but because she was avoiding the question.  Now I felt kinda regretted in responding to her breadcrumbs initially.

Anyways so I sent her a message asking her not to contact me unless she wants to talk about getting back together, she told me it's a bit too soon to give me and answer, after that I went straight back to NC.  Now it's almost a month without hearing from her. My question is, how would No Contact work on her this time around?  does it have the same effect like the first time?  

[alphamale]

your relationship is basically finished, move on

[PureAppleJuice]

NC is not a tool for getting someone back, this is a really common misconception. The entire idea behind NC is that it gives you time and space to heal and move on. It doesn't 'work' in getting exes back, otherwise we'd all be back with our exes.

 

Also, it's been a month without hearing from her. She has probably moved on, and as you said, she told you, last November, that she didn't love you anymore. For dumpers, things are a lot further ahead that those that are dumped. It's likely at this point that she doesn't have any feelings for you at all, and certainly not enough to get back with you. You told her not to contact you unless she wanted to get back together, and she has followed that to the letter. She doesn't want to be with you anymore. 

 

 

Edited February 10, 2020 by PureAppleJuice

[preraph]

4 minutes ago, PureAppleJuice said:

The entire idea behind NC is that it gives you time and space to heal and move on. It doesn't 'work' in getting exes back, otherwise we'd all be back with our exes.

Excellent point! 

 

She's just "being friends" for her own convenience.  Women can be just friends with men without ever wanting anything physical with them again.  Pals.  It will go nowhere and you obviously don't want that, so just keep her blocked and move on.  She already has.

[d0nnivain]

2 hours ago, dsva said:

 My question is, how would No Contact work on her this time around?  does it have the same effect like the first time?  

Your evidence not withstanding, you misunderstand NC.  It's not about emotionally manipulating somebody to miss you so they come back.  NC is a healing tool for you.  As far as the other person goes, it's more like out of sight, out of mind rather than absence makes the heart grow fonder. 

I think her reaching out to you was more a function of her wanting to ease her own conscience.  She knew she hurt you with the break up & wanted to be let off the hook for that.  It was not an attempt as reconciliation as you hoped. It was a way for her to take your temperature to make sure you weren't despondent.  Once you mentioned meeting up she didn't want that so she disappeared rather then directly reject you again. I doubt you will hear from her again.  

If you want to fix a relationship you need to work together to address the issues. If one person doesn't want to do that, there is no option.  You have to accept the break up & move on.  

[basil67]

Another potential reason for reaching out was that she was wanting to say Hi in a friendly way.   

[2BGoodAgain]

2 hours ago, dsva said:

My ex decided to leave our one year relationship last November because she said she lost the emotional connection with me, nevertheless I didn't want to but she said she is tired and decided to end it.  I did everything that i shouldn't be doing for couple weeks by trying to convince my ex to stay, of course that didn't work.

Then I did NC for about 7 weeks, one night I got a text from her asking if i was there.  We started chatting on and off for the next few weeks, just random stuff about what has been happening in our lives, nothing about getting back together,  the conversations were going well so one day I asked her out for a drink to catch up, clearly with a time and place. Never got a reply back to my request for the meet up, but we continue chatting for a few more days.  I was somewhat annoyed by this, not because she declines the meetup but because she was avoiding the question.  Now I felt kinda regretted in responding to her breadcrumbs initially.

Anyways so I sent her a message asking her not to contact me unless she wants to talk about getting back together, she told me it's a bit too soon to give me and answer, after that I went straight back to NC.  Now it's almost a month without hearing from her. My question is, how would No Contact work on her this time around?  does it have the same effect like the first time?  

if you're doing NC for the purpose of trying to get a reaction out of her... that's not the point of NC. It will most often backfire on you, and leave you even more distressed or angered or both. Definitely disappointed. 

NC is for YOU to get over her... and give YOU time to understand the relationship(your part in it) and to mourn it and to move on... so you aren't dragging the residual feelings of your past relationship into the next one and ruining that one...

she prob contacted you b/c she may not have been as successful in her current path, or perhaps was having a momentary period where she felt lost or perhaps semi regret ending it, but in no way, does it mean she wants to get back together with you. a moment, isn't a relationship, as someone once told me.

for your own sake... leave it be and move on... good luck.

[kendahke]

6 hours ago, dsva said:

how would No Contact work on her this time around?  does it have the same effect like the first time?  

Only if you do the due diligence of blocking her so she won't be sending you texts to take your temperature.

By that I mean turning you into her male girlfriend, wasting the time you need to get over her and move on to find a woman who wants to be with you.

No Contact is No Contact for a reason--otherwise, you're compromising your own emotional health by staying connected to someone who doesn't want what you want.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 2/10/2020 at 7:12 PM, dsva said:

My question is, how would No Contact work on her this time around?  does it have the same effect like the first time?  

What effect?

She didn't meet up with you and in fact avoided responding to your invitation altogether. It didn't "work" the way you hoped it would then, and it's not "working" now either. 

Sorry man, but I think you need to let go of this one. She doesn't appear to be interested in reconciling. 

[Piddy]

I don't think there's a time table on no contact.  It can vary.  I unknowingly did no contact decades ago before no contact existed.  Two years went by and when she called to get back together I had long moved on.  Don't sit around by the phone waiting.  Move on and if she calls then decide.

[TeddyBundy1993]

Move on my man. That's a typical behavior of a women who fell out of love she displayed in front of you.  I bet, her texting you back was just out of sorry she felt and to know where your head is at ! Most women are that way, after they break up they still like to stay in contact in a friendly way and us men live in a hope that this "friendship " will lead back to romantic feelings. Shes gone now. Nobody who is in love can live a month without talking to person they love. She is over you,  even if she comes back someday it will be for selfish reason for validation when she'll be hurt.  

If you dont need her friendship tell her to f*** off and thank her for wasting your time. 

[Marc878]

No contact only works if you fully apply it. Just lock everything.

You bit on a breadcrumb. 
drop the hopium pipe and move on 

 

[Rex12]

You've got your answer dsva. Leave her to it. You've done all you can do & said all you can say, there's no more cards left to play. Take this one on the chin. 

It's hard at first but indefinite NC is the only way now. Stay strong.