LostGirl33 Posted February 10, 2020 Share Posted February 10, 2020 (edited) At work last year there was a guy who got a little inappropriate. All in all he's not a bad guy per se (his behavior wasn't outlandishly over the top just persistent) but he can get a little out of hand and eventually went to the boss over it. All was good for about 8 months as they moved us to different areas. But a couple of firings means that we're working in the same area in the next couple of months. Anyway, I thought I was okay with all this (new work areas) given a time gap but last week when he waved I, to be blunt, stared through him as they say. I didn't acknowledge him and after a bit looked away; not because management said not to engage/ignore each other but more because of some rumors I got wind of (and pissed about; which though maybe not exact to what he said I see him saying something close enough to "see red"). Ok. Now you've the general gist. How would you say to go about moving forward. Bygones can't necessarily be bygones but enough is enough. We're gonna have to work together for the next three months or so given the hiring success rates. Edited February 10, 2020 by LostGirl33 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 10, 2020 Share Posted February 10, 2020 Are you in fear of him or something? If so, talk to your superiors about it. If not, just put your head down and get to work. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl33 Posted February 10, 2020 Author Share Posted February 10, 2020 (edited) 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: Are you in fear of him or something? If so, talk to your superiors about it. If not, just put your head down and get to work. I can't say if fear per se now (as I've worked with some pretty dangerous people) but somethings "off". Earlier it likely was a bit of fear as I got agitated at times and I don't get antsy easily. Edited February 10, 2020 by LostGirl33 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 10, 2020 Share Posted February 10, 2020 this guy sounds creepy, tell your boss what happened and why you are getting the heebie-jeebies about him Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl33 Posted February 10, 2020 Author Share Posted February 10, 2020 50 minutes ago, alphamale said: this guy sounds creepy, tell your boss what happened and why you are getting the heebie-jeebies about him I did tell boss and he was told off. I'm not sure if still anxious or just pissed off by his behavior now Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2020 Share Posted February 10, 2020 You work with him. . .period. You speak to the extent necessary to get the job done but skip everything else. Don't be rude. You can say good morning if you say that to everyone but don't just not say it to him while you are greeting everyone else. You can say excuse me if he's in your way & please & thank you but other then work conversations there is no need for anything else. If he tries to engage you, then you tell him that you would prefer to limit all interactions to work only. You say this firmly & authoritatively. Then you also start a journal / dairy. Mark the date, what he said, what you said & who else was present. You keep this at home. After the 1st time you tell him professional only if he approaches you again, you repeat yourself then you send him an email repeating the demand that he not engage with you except as absolutely necessary. In the email you remind him of the date & time you previously requested this & you warn him that the next time you have to remind him a copy will be sent to the boss. You print a copy of that email & take it home & put it with the journal you are keeping. You also email it to yourself to a personal address. If he transgresses a 3rd time now you send him another email: On 1st date you did X & I told you to stop. On 2nd date I again told you to stop & sent you an e-mail a copy of which is attached. As promised because you didn't stop & now have acted inappropriately a 3rd time by {say what he did} I am copying the boss on this email & ask that you be disciplined. Meanwhile you start looking for a new job. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted February 10, 2020 Share Posted February 10, 2020 Is he creepy? Is he saying things to you or touching you that makes you feel uncomfortable? If so, you must tell him that this makes you uncomfortable and to please stop doing it. If he doesn't, then you have to go to management and report it. It's strange that in this day and age with the whole #metoo thing that we still have to have these discussions with others, but there are some socially awkward people out there who don't "get it" yet. You two have to work together so this is not going to go away anytime soon. Hopefully one day he will just stop talking to you and you to him. Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted February 10, 2020 Share Posted February 10, 2020 be professional. don't engage in pleasantries. he should get the drift. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostGirl33 Posted February 11, 2020 Author Share Posted February 11, 2020 Thanks. As thought just be polite but ignore He said silly things that border inappropriate prior but it was the touching that got out of hand. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 1 hour ago, LostGirl33 said: He said silly things that border inappropriate prior but it was the touching that got out of hand. Touching is a bridge too far. If he touches you again, in a loud voice in front of witnesses you say something like this to him: [his name] -- please stop touching me! We work together that is all. There is no reason for you to touch me, ever. Your conduct is unwelcome, inappropriate & unprofessional. If you continue I will take all appropriate actions to protect myself. I have made men like him do away by snarling "why are you touching me?" You have to clearly & unequivocally communicate that you will not tolerate this. Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 2 hours ago, LostGirl33 said: Thanks. As thought just be polite but ignore He said silly things that border inappropriate prior but it was the touching that got out of hand. 56 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Touching is a bridge too far. If he touches you again, in a loud voice in front of witnesses you say something like this to him: [his name] -- please stop touching me! We work together that is all. There is no reason for you to touch me, ever. Your conduct is unwelcome, inappropriate & unprofessional. If you continue I will take all appropriate actions to protect myself. I have made men like him do away by snarling "why are you touching me?" You have to clearly & unequivocally communicate that you will not tolerate this. I agree with D0... if touching happens, that's definitely a line you don't want him to cross again. that's a def NO NO. Link to post Share on other sites
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