Did you have a big wedding?

[pepperbird]

If you're married, did you have a big wedding?>Are you glad that you did?

Looking back, I think we should have kept the money we spent and used it in some other way. The only reaosn we got married in a church is because my husband's mother wanted us to- I didn't care, and the Anglican minister didn't seem to mind i'm agnostic.

If I had to do it over, we would get married in the most simple way possible- no big, itchy, heavy hot wedding dress ( that damned thing weighed at ton), no buying bunches of hothouse flowers, no waiting for my inlaws at the church ( they showed up late), n o buying meals no one really enjoyed for a bunch of people I didn't know. About he only thing I might have done again would be take my mom to the spa. She'd been diagnosed with cancer and started chemo, but wouldn't let me postpone the wedding. I treated her to a day at the spa-she had her makeup done and a massage-she had no hair at the time, but they were able to help her put on the hat she wore and look her best. It made her feel really good again.
That alone was worth what we spent.

Edited February 11, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[d0nnivain]

My parents wanted to throw us a big lavish wedding.  They were older & the money wasn't an issue.  DH & I didn't really care but it made my parents happy. They both died less then 5 years after we married.  It was a kick@ss party that people are still talking about.  We had almost 400 people.   There are things I would have done differently which actually would have made it a bit bigger but overall I was thrilled to see my parents so happy & it was their money.   Now that they are passed, some of my favorite memories of them are from that day so it all worked out.  

[chillii]

 

Nope .

We eloped just the two of us , drove 4hours down the coast in the middle of the night then caught a fairy over and got married on an island. We planned it ourselves and there was literally only the two of us.

l think big expensive weddings are a bit of a joke , like money and a charade mean love , yet it's only trying to prove it and they usually split up 20yrs later anyway.

Besides , unless they're loaded , why waste all that money.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Kitty Tantrum]

I've been married twice. Both very small weddings.

First was a handful of family members and a couple friends at a local park. The only expense was the marriage license.

Second time around, we got married at the place where we first saw each other... in the grocery store/café where I was working at the time. I "splurged" on fake flowers and made a few centerpieces for the tables, we both dressed up a little (probably each spent around $150 on our wedding outfits), and I made a ton of little cheesecakes for our guests... some of whom were hapless bystanders.

I hate big weddings.

[nospam99]

[sigh] More than 30 years ago. 55 guests. Catered buffet and meal. Live band - we were experienced ballroom dancers. We paid for everything. Looking back, my attitude is that the party was for the guests, as much as or more than for us. The guests said they enjoyed it (LOL - hope they weren't lying). The other part of my attitude is that weddings are to gather family and friends who probably rarely see each other for a happy reason. Other than the somewhat rare 50th (60th, etc) anniversary, other gatherings too often are funerals.

[RecentChange]

Nope, after a very long engagement (about 14 years! 🤣) we eloped in Vegas.

Neither of our families really pushed for a traditional wedding, none of us are religious, and honestly, I never wanted a wedding. Being put in the spot light like that sounds somewhat mortifying (but oddly I do not mind public speaking - it's the "this day is all about MEEEE!" aspect I can't handle - not into birthdays for the same reason).

Hence the delaying until one day we realized our road trip tour of the Southwest would be taking us through Las Vegas - and said screw it! And after many years together we got officially married.

We bought a vintage suit and dress, and made the arrangements on the road - got married that night under the Welcome to Las Vegas sign.

We had a ton of fun, proceed to party till the morning then flew home. 

[Prudence V]

It was second time for both of us (both our first weddings were in Registry Offices / Magistrate’s Offices - only the couple, plus  2 witnesses as required by law). Our wedding was small: conducted by a professional marriage officer, in a lush garden, with just us, a close friend, and my younger child. That weekend we had a summer picnic for our friends and extended family (in my home country) at the nearby bot gardens, and later in the year (UK summer) repeated that for U.K. friends and extended family. Nothing formal, just a chance to celebrate being able to be together, with the people we cared about. 

[Els]

Depends on what you mean by "big". Our wedding was very "small" by guest size, but it wasn't an elopement or particularly cheap either, because of the location that we wanted.

Zero regrets. We've more than earned the money back (it was just over a year ago), and it was an amazing day. Great memories that I'll probably have for a long, long time from now.

I don't really understand the judgement towards people who choose a wedding that isn't completely "budget", as long as they pay for it themselves and spend within their means. We don't judge people for treating themselves to most other things in life - big house, fancy cars, round-the-world trip, etc... and of course we shouldn't. Why are weddings an exception, if that's what the couple wants? Sure it's not necessary, but neither are most other things we spend money on.

[pepperbird]

18 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

My parents wanted to throw us a big lavish wedding.  They were older & the money wasn't an issue.  DH & I didn't really care but it made my parents happy. They both died less then 5 years after we married.  It was a kick@ss party that people are still talking about.  We had almost 400 people.   There are things I would have done differently which actually would have made it a bit bigger but overall I was thrilled to see my parents so happy & it was their money.   Now that they are passed, some of my favorite memories of them are from that day so it all worked out.  

That sounds really lovely, and to have those fun memories too

[pepperbird]

16 hours ago, Kitty Tantrum said:

I've been married twice. Both very small weddings.

First was a handful of family members and a couple friends at a local park. The only expense was the marriage license.

Second time around, we got married at the place where we first saw each other... in the grocery store/café where I was working at the time. I "splurged" on fake flowers and made a few centerpieces for the tables, we both dressed up a little (probably each spent around $150 on our wedding outfits), and I made a ton of little cheesecakes for our guests... some of whom were hapless bystanders.

I hate big weddings.

That sounds like a lot of fun

[pepperbird]

I ended up keeping my big, itchy wedding dress ( the damned thing felt like kit containednd a few thousand miles of tule and scratchy lace- it looked and felt great int he store- not so great after wearing it for a few hours and coming to the realization I looked ,like that Marshmallow Man from Ghhostbusters))  because I thought my daughters might want to use it if and when they got married. They took one look at it, gave me their patented teenage eyeroll and " who would ever want to wear that?"🤣

[Ruby Slippers]

I was married once and it was small and intimate with a very reasonable budget. If I do it again, it will be similar - maybe a small, relaxed beach wedding. I'd much rather save the money for a vacation, the house, and so on.

[nospam99]

Rather save the money? Every formal party I've ever thrown, the size of the crowd was about 60 people. Last one was more than a dozen years ago. Price depends on where you live, too. But 'way back when' I think it was $65/person for the venue and food (I don't remember if it was open bar or open bar for soft drinks - in any case, my family and friends are VERY light drinkers). $65 x 60 people = chump change (or ... as I'm getting in the habit of saying, 'Trump change').

[Gaeta]

We had a big military wedding and my ex-husband paid everything. We're talking 34 years ago. We had 200 guests for dinner and a live band. It cost $3000 I remember well so no one went bankrupt. People from our small fishermen town had never seen a military wedding with the bride being escorted with 6 soldiers. The outside of Church was surrounded by 100s of people just to see it. My ex in-laws still talk to me about that day and how it's a special memory to them. It's special to me too even if our marriage was difficult and ended up in a divorce.

[normal person]

No one "needs" a wedding. I think think the "wedding industrial complex" and western society in general has told us that it's the norm, even necessary to spend an absurd amount of money on what's really just a luxury. I'd be fine with a simple trip to the city clerk, or a trip somewhere warm, but my fiancee has different ideas. Now we're looking at a 200+ person wedding in a historic hotel, which is going to cost mid 5 figures easily. Personally, I think it's absolutely absurd and even though money isn't an issue, it seems like a very expensive glorified excuse to wear a dress and have people take pictures of you. The money could be put to much better use. But, it's making her and her family happy so I'm just going to smile and nod for now. 

[Ruby Slippers]

Anything more than $2,000 or so for one party just seems like a waste of money to me. I've worked very hard for everything I have, and I'd rather put that money in an investment account and see it grow to $20,000 in my nest egg over 20 years or so than blow it on stuff for one day.

Even if my husband-to-be paid for it, I still would prefer we keep the budget reasonable and direct the money toward vacations, our house/garden, and long-term investments.

To each their own, but I've never been able to justify the cost of a bunch of fluff for a big wedding. It's not about the stuff. It's about the love.

[Ruby Slippers]

4 minutes ago, normal person said:

Personally, I think it's absolutely absurd and even though money isn't an issue, it seems like a very expensive glorified excuse to wear a dress and have people take pictures of you.

Yes. It comes across to me as her own personal beauty pageant for the woman. I may have my ego issues, but not that kind

I suppose I can make an exception when a well-to-do family is paying for it. Good friends of mine married and I was the maid of honor. They wanted something low-key, but their wealthy parents offered to pay for everything, and it was very important to the parents to throw a big party for extended family and friends. My friends are hippie artists, so it was an offbeat affair - a high-end version of their eclectic style.

It ended up being about 300 people, amazing multi-course dinner, open bar, gorgeous natural setting, huge house party at their waterfront compound for the weekend, mani/pedis for the ladies in the wedding party. I'm sure it was at least $20,000, probably more. But the parents are wealthy, so that's a drop in the bucket for them.

[Woggle]

We got married in her parent's backyard with our closest friend's and family and we renewed our vows in Bermuda with just the two of us.

[Ruby Slippers]

15 hours ago, RecentChange said:

Being put in the spot light like that sounds somewhat mortifying (but oddly I do not mind public speaking - it's the "this day is all about MEEEE!" aspect I can't handle - not into birthdays for the same reason).

Same. I'm great at giving presentations and enjoy it, don't enjoy having a big silly fuss made about me with cameras and all that.

[Gaeta]

Big weddings aren't always about flashing and spending money. My dad has 12 siblings, my mother has 16 siblings, I have both sides 80 cousins I grew up with and went to school with. Multiply that by 2 because my ex-h family was as big. For some family is nothing, for others like me it's everything. No trips, no toys, no new car can compare to the I love yous and support I got on that day. I will be old and wrinkled and will still smile at the memory of my dad's smile full of pride on that day, my mom in tears and a dear friend helping me to put my wedding dress on. I had a unique moment to remember with everyone. 

[Miss Spider]

Hey It’s something a lot of girls think about their whole lives. Having their big day where they are surrounded by many family and friends in a fairytale setting in a beautiful dress. It’s not for me, but who am I to judge how someone wants to spend their money. 

[mark clemson]

2 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

Even if my husband-to-be paid for it

 

???

[greymatter]

We had around 80 people at our wedding. My parents paid for the wedding. It was lovely but if I had it to do over again, I would have eloped. In hindsight it seems like a huge waste of money, as lovely as it was to have everyone gathered together for a happy occasion.

[Prudence V]

On 2/11/2020 at 6:19 PM, Cookiesandough said:

Hey It’s something a lot of girls think about their whole lives.

Seriously? I thought that was a thing for my mother’s generation, but still? Women have so many more options now, beyond breeding. 

[stillafool]

The first time I married we had a wedding with 300 people, church, country club, band and the works.  Marriage lasted 2 years.  My second marriage just us two and another couple, so much fun, no pressure and married for 23 years and going.