notthatintome Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 I have had a much needed break from dating and men and now I am fresh and ready to start over. i have been talking to one guy for a few months. We went on a date but nothing happened. We live far apart so neither made an effort to make anything happen. He kept messaging me every now and again and said he liked me and wanted to meet up. we got talking again the other day and it went onto discuss about meeting up again. He said he thought I didn’t like him. I thought that he wasn’t that interested. The subject somehow got onto sex, something that we had never spoke about in the six months we have been talking. He admitted he really liked me and wanted to kiss me that night we met. The conversation got a bit heated but he was respectful. He said he didn’t want just a ‘shag’ that he wanted to show me a good time and leave me wanting to do it again. He said that he had something to look forward to seeing me over a number of weeks. He then confided in me about something that made he quite vulnerable. I was shocked he did this but appreciated him sharing what it was. He is not on messaging and I haven’t heard from him today but I know he is excited to meet up. When we were messaging Over the weekend it was non stop but it was talking about sex. Is this guy in it for one thing? I kind of think he is and I’m deciding whether just to appreciate it for that as it’s been a long time . what do you think?
snowboy91 Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 A few months is quite a while to hold out with one person just to get some sex. I doubt he's in it only for sex, but he obviously really wants that. So I think for him this is a "let's see where this goes" scenario but sex happens early on for him. Make of that what you will.
Miss Spider Posted February 10, 2020 Posted February 10, 2020 (edited) 16 minutes ago, snowboy91 said: A few months is quite a while to hold out with one person just to get some sex. I doubt he's in it only for sex, but he obviously really wants that. So I think for him this is a "let's see where this goes" scenario but sex happens early on for him. Make of that what you will. What makes you think he’s holding out? He could literally be talking to other 100 people... It’s just texting. Yea I think looking for a fling. I think you guys live too far so I think it makes the most sense anyway. Edited February 10, 2020 by Cookiesandough
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 Has any discussion of having a real relationship come up yet?
Tagalz Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 Try to stear the conversation into something different than sex. If he still wants to talk about sex, then you know what’s up xD 4
Author notthatintome Posted February 11, 2020 Author Posted February 11, 2020 Thanks for your replies. We did speak quite a lot of the weekend but I haven’t heard anything since. That is the pattern of our messaging - every now and again which is why I thought he wasn’t interested and I guess why he thought I wasn’t. Unless he is just playing on that?! I have a feeling it’s just for a fling. I really want (And need) this as it’s been so long!! But what if I catch feelings? Then I’m screwed, doubly screwed and I have to deal with feeling like crap afterwards. It’s fun at the time just not afterwards. Having said that I don’t think I will if I go in with the right mindset. we did talk about other things but not for long, the main discussion was about sex with other bits mixed in. He did open up about a very deep and sensitive issue though which is what surprised me a bit from someone who just wants a fling but perhaps this is normal these days?! I know we live far away but somehow I’m drawn to him and I don’t know why. Hopefully a little fling will settle it. I imagine he is messaging others, some am I. But I’m only messaging. Some guys are different and message me all the time asking how I am, about my day and saying how great I am. This guy is more aloof in comparison. These guys who are more forthcoming are even further away, like another country, so again not possible. Finding someone local is hard especially as I’m so fussy. 1
Miss Spider Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 Definitely. I say go for it. Follow it wherever it leads. You’re obviously both attracted to each other and having a lot of fun. No regrets. Wish I could find someone I was this excited about. 1
smackie9 Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 As the Millionaire Match Maker says...monogamy before sex.
2BGoodAgain Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 (edited) from a male's perspective.... as you talk to him, if the convo keeps leading back to sex... then yeah, sex is on his mind. don't listen to his words, look at his action for true intent. but it really depends on what YOU want from this... if sex is one of it, then cool. if sex isn't the only thing, then you might wanna think again... Edited February 11, 2020 by 2BGoodAgain 2
elaine567 Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 53 minutes ago, notthatintome said: He did open up about a very deep and sensitive issue though which is what surprised me a bit from someone who just wants a fling but perhaps this is normal these days?! Its a hook and a trick. A man will bring up something very personal and you will be impressed that he chose you to share it with. You may then feel like sharing something personal too. It forges a connection and makes you feel important to him. Women love that kind of stuff. BUT since his convo is almost 90% sex, then do not get too carried away with thinking he really cares. Do not be surprised if he brings up his "personal issue" as a reason to dump you after sex either... 3
introverted1 Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 21 hours ago, notthatintome said: i have been talking to one guy for a few months. We went on a date but nothing happened. We live far apart so neither made an effort to make anything happen. He kept messaging me every now and again and said he liked me and wanted to meet up. This is why it's a terrible idea to talk for months or even weeks instead of actually dating. You end up building a fantasy of the other person, and you create a false sense of intimacy. If you are up for NSA sex (with the possibility but not the expectation that it could lead to more), go for it. Otherwise, shut it down. 2
Happy Lemming Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 2 hours ago, smackie9 said: As the Millionaire Match Maker says...monogamy before sex. Patti Stanger has never been married and can't keep a guy, I don't think she is the best source for information about relationships.
smackie9 Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 Her words ring true on that quote and it's not the reason why she's still single. She's mean and aggressive.
preraph Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 If he has anything going for him at all and he's that interested in sex, he's having sex and dating around, so he's not in any hurry because he's not doing without. 1
Piddy Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 I'd say go for it. Sounds like you want to. If it turns out to be a fling, dust yourself off and move on. At least that long itch will have been scratched.
2BGoodAgain Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 35 minutes ago, introverted1 said: This is why it's a terrible idea to talk for months or even weeks instead of actually dating. You end up building a fantasy of the other person, and you create a false sense of intimacy. If you are up for NSA sex (with the possibility but not the expectation that it could lead to more), go for it. Otherwise, shut it down. talking for months, in itself, isn't a bad idea... you're taking it slow and if that's your preference, that's fine... it's what people do with it, that's bad.
2BGoodAgain Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 3 hours ago, notthatintome said: Thanks for your replies. We did speak quite a lot of the weekend but I haven’t heard anything since. That is the pattern of our messaging - every now and again which is why I thought he wasn’t interested and I guess why he thought I wasn’t. Unless he is just playing on that?! I have a feeling it’s just for a fling. I really want (And need) this as it’s been so long!! But what if I catch feelings? Then I’m screwed, doubly screwed and I have to deal with feeling like crap afterwards. It’s fun at the time just not afterwards. Having said that I don’t think I will if I go in with the right mindset. we did talk about other things but not for long, the main discussion was about sex with other bits mixed in. He did open up about a very deep and sensitive issue though which is what surprised me a bit from someone who just wants a fling but perhaps this is normal these days?! I know we live far away but somehow I’m drawn to him and I don’t know why. Hopefully a little fling will settle it. I imagine he is messaging others, some am I. But I’m only messaging. Some guys are different and message me all the time asking how I am, about my day and saying how great I am. This guy is more aloof in comparison. These guys who are more forthcoming are even further away, like another country, so again not possible. Finding someone local is hard especially as I’m so fussy. hmm... i'd like to say that it only takes one 'yes'; all the different no's....don't matter.
elaine567 Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 31 minutes ago, Piddy said: Sounds like you want to. If it turns out to be a fling, dust yourself off and move on. A short term "fling" is usually OK, it it the "one and done" or the "pump and dump" that tends to sting a bit... especially after "talking for a few months"
2BGoodAgain Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 41 minutes ago, Piddy said: I'd say go for it. Sounds like you want to. If it turns out to be a fling, dust yourself off and move on. At least that long itch will have been scratched. not everyone thinks like you. hahaha.....
Miss Spider Posted February 11, 2020 Posted February 11, 2020 (edited) Yea for a few months but it was mostly sex talk .... I mean how often does one and done happen unless the other person acts crazy or obviously wants more... or the sex is just REALLY bad. I doubt very many men have the luxury to squander a perfectly good casual hookup opportunity whenever they are in a different city. ....it’s actually the ideal casual set up...so if both people are down Edited February 11, 2020 by Cookiesandough
Author notthatintome Posted February 11, 2020 Author Posted February 11, 2020 I have been messaging him tonight. He has asked a few questions about other stuff but the conversation does always lead back to sex. But it is the first time we have ever spoken about it so it is very exciting. I don’t think it will be a case of ‘pump and dump’. That has never happened to me and I hope it never will. If it’s a fling then we will go back to normal and check in with each other every now and then. I like that he is in another town. Nothing worse than running into ex’s of any description and their friends. It’s embarrassing. It’s not only guys who enjoy this luxury. However, this is how I feel now. But when it happens I know I will get all love drunk and may get carried away in the moment and start to really like the guy. I must try not to do this! However, there Is no built up fairytale fantasy of a happily ever after. Just pure excitement of meeting him and finally getting to meet him properly 1
Author notthatintome Posted February 26, 2020 Author Posted February 26, 2020 Ok, so I had sex with this guy and it wasn’t what I expected at all. It was really intimate and I felt a great chemistry and connection between us. It was like I had know him for a very long time, trusted him and felt very comfortable with him. We laughed, cuddled, watched movies, he cooked, and shared personal stories. It was clear he didn’t want me to leave when I had to. I started to really like him and thought that it could potentially be something but knew that it was not what was agreed. He told me he isn’t with anyone else and hasn’t been for months. I accept that it was NSA sex and am ok with it, as that was what I wanted at the time. However I couldn’t see him again like that as I am feeling a little something more. I spoke to him about it and he was a bit reluctant to start anything because of the distance but said he really fancied me. I am happy to leave it as a one time thing and put it to a happy memory but if there is a potential of seeing where it goes then I would like to pursue that. He didn’t agree nor disagree, instead he suggested to meet in a week to talk about it. Since that message I haven’t heard from him and I haven’t reached out either. I thought I would give it time to breathe and allow myself to come back down to earth a little bit. If it’s meant to be then it will be. Always a source of great insight and advice, what do you think?
spiderowl Posted February 27, 2020 Posted February 27, 2020 I’d let him miss you for a while. I think you are right to keep this as a one-time thing if you sense you might catch feelings. He was clearly interested in sex with you. Attraction can grow for men too but I think it is more likely to if you become scarce. If he feels he can pursue you and you are not going to become all anxious and clingy, he might relax and put some real effort in. If you contact him first, his anxiety about being trapped by a clingy woman will take over. Let him be the one to pursue, even if he doesn’t. Strangely enough, when people feel they are not tied, they start wanting that security. If you make it clear that any next meeting would only happen if he treated you well and to a proper date, then he won’t be able to make every meeting solely into a sexual encounter. He can start to see the person beyond the body then.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 27, 2020 Posted February 27, 2020 7 hours ago, notthatintome said: Ok, so I had sex with this guy and it wasn’t what I expected at all. It was really intimate and I felt a great chemistry and connection between us. It was like I had know him for a very long time, trusted him and felt very comfortable with him. We laughed, cuddled, watched movies, he cooked, and shared personal stories. It was clear he didn’t want me to leave when I had to. I started to really like him and thought that it could potentially be something but knew that it was not what was agreed. He told me he isn’t with anyone else and hasn’t been for months. I accept that it was NSA sex and am ok with it, as that was what I wanted at the time. However I couldn’t see him again like that as I am feeling a little something more. I spoke to him about it and he was a bit reluctant to start anything because of the distance but said he really fancied me. I am happy to leave it as a one time thing and put it to a happy memory but if there is a potential of seeing where it goes then I would like to pursue that. He didn’t agree nor disagree, instead he suggested to meet in a week to talk about it. Since that message I haven’t heard from him and I haven’t reached out either. I thought I would give it time to breathe and allow myself to come back down to earth a little bit. If it’s meant to be then it will be. Always a source of great insight and advice, what do you think? In the nicest way possible, I think you ought to GT(H) off of LoveShack... and apply yourself to this connection you've described. Because, no matter what these many others tell you, what you are describing IS what you were supposed to enjoy from the online interaction you've cultivated. It seems to match your interests reasonably well... and many of the feelings you describe ARE the result of having created some *connection* before merely racing out to get coffee together just as soon as (45 minutes were up). (you coulda done the latter with somebody you met at a bar!) (but these people are going to bury your very sensible feelings and delightful experiences)
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