should i tell her?

[need some help here]

ok, here's the basic situation:

 

i'm a college student, i've been seeing this girl for the last semester (since about the end of february). we have a great time together, she's the most incredible girl i've found in a while.

 

here's where it gets fun. she's not the really romantic type. that's not to say she doesnt appreciate it when i do something for her, but she's not the type to tell me exactly how she feels about me. when the end of the semester came around, i brought up the issue of what we would be doing this summer about "us." i'm staying here at school for the summer, and she went home (about 3-4 hours away) she wanted to play it cool. we arent an official "couple," meaning we've done everything but, i dunno, say the words "we're going out." it's pretty clear that i'm the only one she wants to be with right now (i think), but regardless, it was kind of tough. but she really wanted to see her friends from home without having to call me everyday, or get upset if i didnt call her. (i was pleasantly surprised when, after we didn't talk for a whopping day and a half it was her who called me and said she felt like we had gone too long without talking) i also know that in her last relationship about a year and a half ago she was hurt pretty bad and is afraid to trust as easily.

 

getting back to the "she's not the type to tell me how she feels:" i am. i'm also the type of guy who is kind of, shall we say, insecure. i know i'm pretty attractive, and not to sound cocky, but i've never had much trouble getting the women i want. however, i always do it in such a way that they are the first to make a move, that way i know that they want me as much as i want them. with this girl though, i made the move. which is new for me. i have no "insurance" that she feels the same as i do. i know i have some control issues to deal with, i know i like to be the one who isnt dependant in the relationship.

 

i guess i can get to my question, finally, after that whole speech. she may be coming to visit me this weekend. i want to be really open about this whole thing with her. should i tell her how i feel, about my whole issue of needing assurance, of not wanting to be left out in the cold, and that while i dont want to pressure her, i just would like to know where she stands, or should i just play it cool and wait it out?(keep in mind that while she doesn't come out and tell me exactly how she's feeling, she and i have had alot of pretty in-depth conversations about this sort of thing, just nothing this personal or immediately pertinent)

 

there are possible pitfalls in both options, i know. i guess i'm just looking for some input and opinions about this. hope i explained it well enough.

[Tony T]

There are many people who would not achieve a depth of feelings in just over three months to proclaim those feelings. Give this lady a chance, for Gawd's sake. Maybe you are one to just fling your heart around in all directions but this lady goes slow and makes very sure of her feelings before she goes and spouts them off.

 

If I were a guy, I would surely wonder about the authenticity, the strength, the meaning, the depth, etc. of feelings that were proclaimed after such a short time dating. She wouldn't still be dating you or calling you if there weren't some feelings there. But you have to allow her develop a certain level of feelings before she discloses them to you.

 

If you start this wimpish, emotional stuff now, it will be a turn off to her. There are lots of ways you can show her you care. You can even tell her you're developing more intense feelings for her. But just let her decide when she wants to tell you what she is feeling.

 

Now, if after seven or eight months of dating, you don't begin to get some verbal stuff from her...even then it won't be an emergency situation. However, it would be appropriate at that time to ask her just where you stand with her...that you need to hear it verbally. Let her know that you are one who needs to hear those things.

 

But just because you are the way you are doesn't mean other people are. It is very possible that she may love you more than life itself right now but she just isn't a very verbal person in that regard. Well, in a few months you'll have an opportunity to either work that out or decide if you want to leave her. Yes...if she can't give you the verbal assurances you seem to need, you must go find a lady who can.

 

But right now, be a man, be cool and let her be. Love is something that must flow at its natural speed and not be rushed.

 

And you will be a lot better served if you make a decision not to rush things yourself. You've got a lot of years left on you, slugger. Why rush things???

 

I think you'll get lots farther with this lady if you give hints of your feelings and just wait it out until you receive some great signals from her that she's where you are emotionally in the relationship.