Ellener Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 She invited me for lunch as though we were friends, then presented me with a letter which she asked me to sign! I said I am leaving this situation right now, and you may consider our friendship over. We attend the same church and community, so I don't know exactly what it means for my life in general. I'm just annoyed right now that I tried my best to clean up the property and help the ex-partner with her dementia, I understand on one level, they don't want to be saddled with the burden of r long term care. This is a situation where one married partner cheated on another. I already expressed concerns about that and these family members taking advantage though and it really stings, even as I write that I am hearing the voices in my head step away... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 I am confused how this works. You are renting from your friend, and she is your landlord? What does her cheating and ex-partner have to do with it? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 If they are trying to sell the property, it can be easier to not burden the new owner with tenants. It probably isn't personal. You wanted out of your living situation anyway due to the woman with the cat. If you feel the landlord's actions eviscerated your friendship, so be it but you probably still need to move. Hopefully your next place will be a true sanctuary for you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted February 11, 2020 Author Share Posted February 11, 2020 57 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: It probably isn't personal. You wanted out of your living situation anyway due to the woman with the cat. The new kitten loves me, and my little dog, she's so frightened of everyone else! And the old lady and I have made our peace. She has dementia, it's going to be better for her if her family can take care of her. I have my doubts about that situation, the relative moving in has been in prison, but it's not my business. What has destroyed the friendship is the owners thinking to themselves they were doing me a favour, taking care of me etc. After the Harvey natural disaster I was finlly completely worn out. I was suicidal, exhausted, and they are idealistic people and thinking they wanted to help me, but they just wanted the rent and for me to help fix up the house and help the old lady. Which I have, and I just need to let go now. 3 hours ago, Elswyth said: What does her cheating and ex-partner have to do with it? I should not have expected her to treat me any differently. Dishonesty and manipulative behaviours repeat. The oldest daughter described her as a narcissist, I should have listened. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 Did you sign a lease?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted February 11, 2020 Author Share Posted February 11, 2020 1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said: Did you sign a lease?? No, they are friends, or were. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 54 minutes ago, Ellener said: No, they are friends, or were. Going forward... its always good practice to have a lease, even if its a "month to month" lease. You can get a blank form for "free" on the internet. Its just nice (for both parties) to have the protection of tenant/landlord laws. Moreover, everything is spelled out and there is no ambiguity about what is expected of the individuals involved. Just my two cents. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted February 11, 2020 Author Share Posted February 11, 2020 23 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Going forward... its always good practice to have a lease, even if its a "month to month" lease. You can get a blank form for "free" on the internet. Its just nice (for both parties) to have the protection of tenant/landlord laws. Moreover, everything is spelled out and there is no ambiguity about what is expected of the individuals involved. Just my two cents. I am very disciplined at being kind, sometimes I forget that other people don't do that well. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 Hold your head up. You are on the high road. You paid your rent. You cared for the kitten. You helped the lady with dementia. You helped fix the house. Perhaps get a good letter of reference from the landlord before you completely obliterate the friendship. Then be on your way. I suspect as much as the suddenness of this sucks, that it might just be the impetus you need to get moving forward in a good direction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted February 12, 2020 Author Share Posted February 12, 2020 13 hours ago, d0nnivain said: I suspect as much as the suddenness of this sucks, that it might just be the impetus you need to get moving forward in a good direction. I think you are right. I've been dragging my feet for weeks trying to work out what's best. Moving is so stressful, and I already struggle with anxiety. When you write 'high road' it reminds me of my father, he used to say 'get down from your high horse' when I was being sanctimonious!! Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 3 hours ago, Ellener said: Moving is so stressful, and I already struggle with anxiety. Think of moving as a form of cleansing, you get to purge stuff you haven't used for a while, donate things that no longer bring you joy or are useful (to you) and only move those items that are important to you. For me that aspect is very cathartic. At one point in my life, I moved 9 times in a 10 year period... All of my possessions fit into an enclosed 5 X 8 u-haul trailer, which could be pulled by my truck. It was quite freeing!! Best of luck with the move!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2020 Share Posted February 12, 2020 9 hours ago, Ellener said: I think you are right. I've been dragging my feet for weeks trying to work out what's best. Moving is so stressful, and I already struggle with anxiety. When you write 'high road' it reminds me of my father, he used to say 'get down from your high horse' when I was being sanctimonious!! I wasn't accusing you of being sanctimonious at all & I don't think you think I was. I got the sense that the phrase high road reminded you of high horse. I was simply appealing to your better angels. Yes, moving is stressful. It's right up there with death in the family & job loss in terms of life stressors but unlike those two you can make this one more positive for yourself. Sending you every good wish Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellener Posted February 12, 2020 Author Share Posted February 12, 2020 15 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I was simply appealing to your better angels. I know that. Thank you. It's just been the third year anniversary of my dad's death in January, he's been on my mind. He never wanted me to come to America, he said it wasn't the right place for me. And in many ways he was right, except- I love it here and have met so many wonderful people through it. I'm an American now! Sanctimonious is a well-acknowledged fault of mine by the way 😀 Link to post Share on other sites
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