Onwards13 Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 It’s been a year since the separation. It feels harder now - an aching emptiness - nothing matters - nothing brings joy. Just empty. Hoping it gets better from here. Hoping I can feel joy, interest, focus again one day. Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 I hope so, too, Onwards. Do you believe in God? He is what got me through a long time ago when I felt as you're feeling now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 Hey @Onwards13. I can feel your pain. I was engaged years ago and I was a wreck for several months afterwards. Now, I'm close to 6 months out of an even more devastating breakup and I can relate to your pain. I'm finally getting to a point where my inner child, or my little dude as I call him, is starting to let go. I've felt the same way you are feeling most of the past two months. The first couple months there was just a lot going on in my life and the feelings were all pain and sadness associated with the grieving process. Now, the emptiness has come. BUT...you can embrace the emptiness. It's scary. Trust me, I know. If you embrace it, if you do the work (and maybe some therapy might help) and embrace the pain, embrace the feelings, don't run or hide from it - you can emerge from it. Often we start basing our identity on a relationship and/or SO instead of keeping it on ourselves. I know for me, while I have done a lot of work on myself over the years and also, I thought, healed and grew from past relationships.....I had been with women who had avoidant attachment styles and being an affectionate, touchy-feely guy, the fact that my last ex was more affectionate (though it waned over time and I didn't realize it because she love bombed me in the beginning) and because I had learned how to be myself and to be vulnerable and she didn't run away at first - I started basing my self-worth on her and the relationship. And that's not healthy. So...the next step for me is to learn how to be myself and vulnerable and find that affectionate woman, and keep my self-worth tied to ME and only ME. The emptiness will be overcome by diving into it, rediscovering your core beliefs about yourself, rediscovering your mission or your passions or your hobbies and generally from rediscovering your sense of self-worth. If you're at a year and it's just starting now, I would maybe see a therapist for a while to help you unpack things. Even just a dozen sessions can help you diagnose any personal trends or problems and come up with a valid action plan to combat them and grow. Stay in touch! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2BGoodAgain Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 hmm..... don't focus on it. what i mean is, when you look at the clock.. time goes slower... like crazy slow... but if you're working your ass off, before you know it, it's time to go home... same concept, except your situation in life.... go work out, go watch some porn, go hang out with friends, like even when you don't.. you'll be surprised when you suddenly laugh for no reason... it'll happen... but if you keep focusing on this... it'll take longer... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 So many people feel empty and joyless even without a separation or divorce. This is probably temporary, but no way to know how long, no one can say. It is clearly not something you can snap out of. Avoid obsessing on it, but if you, don't fight the obsession, but tell yourself you will think about this later. Very later.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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