Author June2017 Posted February 9, 2020 Author Share Posted February 9, 2020 Any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 On 2/8/2020 at 2:22 AM, June2017 said: Why do you say she is my rebound? because you latched onto her to save you from being alone, not because you had intense attraction. You misinterpreted her helping you initially for her having feelings and interest in you when for the most part, you were a "project" for her. Rebound relationships are distractions from unpleasant feelings. Those feelings wait around until you're no longer distracted to land on your head to do their job. She is not supportive--by any definition one can come up with--and yes, this is a match that reeks of incompatibility--and you need that for a relationship to succeed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author June2017 Posted February 9, 2020 Author Share Posted February 9, 2020 1 hour ago, kendahke said: because you latched onto her to save you from being alone, not because you had intense attraction. You misinterpreted her helping you initially for her having feelings and interest in you when for the most part, you were a "project" for her. Rebound relationships are distractions from unpleasant feelings. Those feelings wait around until you're no longer distracted to land on your head to do their job. She is not supportive--by any definition one can come up with--and yes, this is a match that reeks of incompatibility--and you need that for a relationship to succeed. But how was I a project for her? Also you say shes not supportive on the facebook like thing right? Because I feel it that way too. Link to post Share on other sites
AIJ Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 Mate, I'm not sure how much clearer we can make this. She is/was not supportive. You two are not compatible. Move on. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author June2017 Posted February 9, 2020 Author Share Posted February 9, 2020 40 minutes ago, AIJ said: Mate, I'm not sure how much clearer we can make this. She is/was not supportive. You two are not compatible. Move on. Apparently my friends believe that since we put up couple pics on facebook or whatsapp and have met families, it's good. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 10, 2020 Share Posted February 10, 2020 19 hours ago, June2017 said: But how was I a project for her? Go re-read your first post. It's all in there. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 10, 2020 Share Posted February 10, 2020 18 hours ago, June2017 said: Apparently my friends believe that since we put up couple pics on facebook or whatsapp and have met families, it's good. What do you think? your friends were wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author June2017 Posted February 10, 2020 Author Share Posted February 10, 2020 1 hour ago, kendahke said: Go re-read your first post. It's all in there. Could you explain? I dont understand? Link to post Share on other sites
Author June2017 Posted February 11, 2020 Author Share Posted February 11, 2020 (edited) I posted about my relationship a few days ago. Now, there is a twist in my story. Like I mentioned, my ex was the love of my life. I truly wanted to be with this girl. But I was immature and my behaviour ruined any further chances I could have with her. She was willing to work things out and confide that there was something she had to tell me but I chose to not listen to her and walk away from her. 4 months later, I started dating a girl I was friends with but honestly, the levels of attraction and connection were never the same as it was with her. Initially, I was angry and hateful towards her and compared my new girlfriend to her thinking she is so much better. But as time passed (1 year almost of not being in contact with her) my anger faded and I felt guilty of being an immature, egotistical boy. After nearly 1 year, I have seen my ex since the last 3 months around my college. Each time I see her, I still have the thoughts and memories of her and the days I end up encountering her (haven't talked but want to) I end up thinking of her. I saw her yesterday when I went to university with my girlfriend and when I returned home with my girlfriend, I thought of her again. I also wanted to say something to her when I saw her yesterday as we came face to face but she was with a friend so I didnt say anything. She saw me too but she just looks away. I will be lying if I said I didnt want her. I was head over heels smitten over her, something I have never felt for my current girlfriend. It was crazy. She was the first girl I had such an intense, strong attraction and our sexual tension was insane. Whenever both of us looked at each other, it was we just needed a room and we could have had each other all night long. It was crazy that we had such feelings for each other even if when we didnt say a word. Like I mentioned, I knew my girlfriend but was never attracted to her nor I saw her as a girlfriend. It happened when I broke off from her and moved away to her city, she was the first point of contact (even though she was living in the another country but would visit me) and we started dating. My girlfriend and I are sort of "in a relationship" but it's kind of not so deep. If I compare my feelings to my ex then my feelings for my girlfriend are simply 30% to what was 100% for her, sexually and emotionally. Why is she still in my life? And why do I still feel like talking to her or thinking of her? Why is this happening? Is it because I was never really over her? What should I do in this case? Edited February 11, 2020 by June2017 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 You need to let go of your current girlfriend, regardless of your ex. You're not with her for the right reasons and it's not fair to continue when your feelings for her are so wishy-washy. As for your ex - seeing her dug up old memories. It doesn't necessarily mean anything more significant. You might not be over her, but I would be very cautious in assuming that she feels the same way about you. Do nothing unless and until you are totally single. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author June2017 Posted February 11, 2020 Author Share Posted February 11, 2020 55 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: You need to let go of your current girlfriend, regardless of your ex. You're not with her for the right reasons and it's not fair to continue when your feelings for her are so wishy-washy. As for your ex - seeing her dug up old memories. It doesn't necessarily mean anything more significant. You might not be over her, but I would be very cautious in assuming that she feels the same way about you. Do nothing unless and until you are totally single. Why do you feel I'm not with her for right reasons? Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 I'm afraid that you are still immature. You should be concentrating on making your current relationship the best it can be and instead you are fantasizing about your ex. Please believe me when I say that she will never measure up to your memories of her. Any encore performance will only be a shadow of what it was. If you can't move forward with your current GF then break off and find someone else that you can move to the next level with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author June2017 Posted February 11, 2020 Author Share Posted February 11, 2020 (edited) 9 minutes ago, schlumpy said: I'm afraid that you are still immature. You should be concentrating on making your current relationship the best it can be and instead you are fantasizing about your ex. Please believe me when I say that she will never measure up to your memories of her. Any encore performance will only be a shadow of what it was. If you can't move forward with your current GF then break off and find someone else that you can move to the next level with. It's not possible. Look at my other thread for my relationship Edited February 11, 2020 by June2017 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 4 hours ago, June2017 said: Why do you feel I'm not with her for right reasons? Do you really have no idea? This girl is clearly your rebound. That's why. Re-read what you wrote, including this: "If I compare my feelings to my ex then my feelings for my girlfriend are simply 30% to what was 100% for her, sexually and emotionally" 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 (edited) Your present GF is a placeholder. She's there because you like having a GF & don't want to be alone. You are with her because she wants to be with you not because you want to be with her. You jumped into whatever this is with your current GF way too soon. You were never over your EX. You are still hung up on your EX. You are using your GF & that is really unfair to her. How do you think she would feel if she knew that your feelings for her were only 30% of what you felt for your EX? She'd be heartbroken & upset. She would also dump you if she had any self esteem whatsoever. So my Q is why do you keep holding on to your poor GF? Are you that afraid to be alone? Are you so heartless that you think what you are doing to your GF is OK? I don't think you are that kind of a louse but I do think you are scared to not have a GF. It's time to stand on your own two feet. Break up with your GF. Spend some time licking your wounds, then go find your EX & confess that you are still carrying a torch for her. Maybe she will take you back. If she does not you have to respect that decision & find a way to get over her once & for all. I suggest that will entail you not dating until at least next fall Edited February 11, 2020 by d0nnivain 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author June2017 Posted February 11, 2020 Author Share Posted February 11, 2020 29 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Your present GF is a placeholder. She's there because you like having a GF & don't want to be alone. You are with her because she wants to be with you not because you want to be with her. You jumped into whatever this is with your current GF way too soon. You were never over your EX. You are still hung up on your EX. You are using your GF & that is really unfair to her. How do you think she would feel if she knew that your feelings for her were only 30% of what you felt for your EX? She'd be heartbroken & upset. She would also dump you if she had any self esteem whatsoever. So my Q is why do you keep holding on to your poor GF? Are you that afraid to be alone? Are you so heartless that you think what you are doing to your GF is OK? I don't think you are that kind of a louse but I do think you are scared to not have a GF. It's time to stand on your own two feet. Break up with your GF. Spend some time licking your wounds, then go find your EX & confess that you are still carrying a torch for her. Maybe she will take you back. If she does not you have to respect that decision & find a way to get over her once & for all. I suggest that will entail you not dating until at least next fall Please read my other thread which describes my gf before making claims shes a victim. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 3 hours ago, June2017 said: Please read my other thread which describes my gf before making claims shes a victim. So, why are you still with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author June2017 Posted February 11, 2020 Author Share Posted February 11, 2020 (edited) 23 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: So, why are you still with her? What do you mean? Did you read the other thread? If so then pls do share your views on my relationship as well Edited February 11, 2020 by June2017 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 You are still using your GF. Accordingly to your other thread, at least the impression I got from reading it, you don't seem to like her very much but she helped you out when you moved to her city. You are not attracted to her & admit that you started up with her because you were not getting regular sex after you & your EX broke up. You & your GF share some political affiliations but you think she's unsympathetic to the religious discrimination you face. What is the upside of staying with her? Break up. Go mourn the loss of your EX. Try to get the EX back & if that doesn't work, take some time to heal before you endeavor to have another relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author June2017 Posted February 11, 2020 Author Share Posted February 11, 2020 3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: You are still using your GF. Accordingly to your other thread, at least the impression I got from reading it, you don't seem to like her very much but she helped you out when you moved to her city. You are not attracted to her & admit that you started up with her because you were not getting regular sex after you & your EX broke up. You & your GF share some political affiliations but you think she's unsympathetic to the religious discrimination you face. What is the upside of staying with her? Break up. Go mourn the loss of your EX. Try to get the EX back & if that doesn't work, take some time to heal before you endeavor to have another relationship. But I have posting and sending pictures of us together to friends and family. Would you consider that any legitimate? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 1 hour ago, June2017 said: What do you mean? Did you read the other thread? If so then pls do share your views on my relationship as well I did, and I already have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author June2017 Posted February 13, 2020 Author Share Posted February 13, 2020 Please do not vilify me in case you are against Israel. I do not support the government's policies but I also do not believe in its destruction. Older posts about my relationship So my relationship with my girlfriend appears to be reaching a breaking point. I'm a Jewish. My girlfriend is not. I have faced antisemitic abuse a lot so I have kept myself concealed at all times. While people know I'm Jewish and Israeli from my dad's side, I pretend to not associate myself with Israel or anything Israeli. I LOVE my dad and my grandma who still lives in Tel Aviv but I choose to keep this hidden. My friends and girlfriend (we all are in the same group and are mutual friends of one another) are hardcore leftists and socialists who regularly abuse Israel and hold views that Israel should be destroyed. BDS and academic boycott of Israel is supported by them and they wear badges dedicated to BDS proudly. My girlfriend and others were happily protesting against Israel and the Jewish society and taking selfies of themselves at the event. NONE of them including my girlfriend have any interest in Jewish culture nor they show any interest in Judaism/Israel as a country. While I dont support Israeli government actions, I dont hope for Israel's destruction. I have never said this because my friends abuse and hate anybody who says this. They like me as I'm "different" to them. They have no other Jewish friends and they have harassed a group of Jewish students 3 years ago for holding society meetings in the room. I was scared to receive hate so did not speak up. What should I do in this case? I was advised by brother and a close friend who is not Jewish that I'm wasting my time and I cannot have a "real relationship " with such people. What do you think? Should I finally call it quits or is it okay and I'm the problem in this particular situation? Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 Um...I usually try to respond in depth to posts. But in cases like this it isn't necessary. Not saying you need to waive the Israeli flag around as you walk - but um - if you're hiding it and that's how they act they're telling you something about themselves. And if you feel need to hide such an important part of your character from them - that says a lot about you. Move on and decide who you are! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 Religion can make people irrational. Facts need not apply. There are religious people who practice and those who don't. I don't get the sense that you have a strong faith, so if you can let the rhetoric roll off your back you can enjoy your GF and friends. The problem is are they strongly radical? If so they will dig at you and increase the pressure to try to get you to react. It's human nature. I tend to agree with you brother. These people will not be your friends in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 13, 2020 Share Posted February 13, 2020 (edited) They sound toxic. I'd move on from her and all the friends. And I'd give the same advice if you were from any other war torn country where they were actively hating on the residents. Edited February 13, 2020 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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