Curious how others would react in this situation?

[Worththeeffort778]

I’m curious if I can get some opinions of men and women reading this since my boyfriend and I seem to disagree on how others would view this topic but it’s a continued issue when it’s been discussed and discussed and is still yet lingers he seems to think I’m overreacting I’m curious how other people would feel.

 

Let me start out by saying that he and I do not reside together currently.  But we spend usually at least a few nights a week together and then the weekendoften But we spend usually at least a few nights a week together.  Usually .   
Often,  I would say on average once a week sometimes less sometimes more but on average once a week I will get a text from him implying his interest in sex with her via racy tag the picture whatever would have you but definitely implies interest of the somewhat immediate nature being that we’ve been together for some amount of time that usually goes and said that this usually sparks a plan of some sort to get together and it’s just known that that’s what the intent of that text was. Now here’s the kicker not always this is not how it always ends but like I said once a week or so they’ll be a delay then I won’t hear from him or whatever and I’ll have to call him make contact and I suddenly get up I’m tired I’ve got work to do I’ve got this or that excuse that requires him to go run errands or be gone and usually for an undisclosed period of time and often not answering the phone and it’s usually something to me that’s Monday like grocery shopping or a sudden work ?  Or like tonight really in a very on specific topic of errands he had to go run but he and no particular time frame he could give me but the topic of sex with suddenly off the table or at least holstered until later with an undisclosed plan of whether it will happen or not basically a big giant gift. Now here’s my question this to me and has been something we have discussed many times makes me feel like he got a better offer and is using that time to go be with someone else and basically choosing someone over me which he swears he’s not doing not seeing anyone else there’s no one with me but yet he continues to do this knowing it’s a hot button issue my question is I’m curious what other people would think if this was done to them by their significant other what their opinion would be?  According to him I’m nuts and over reacting .  

[basil67]

How often do you see each other in general?   When he disappears, how long is it for?   Are you sure he doesn't think of your relationship as a FWB?

 

[Worththeeffort778]

We usually spend a couple nights a week together followed by both nights on the weekend.    We talk everyday throughout the day and night.   
i actually addressed the issue of our “status”.  Thinking at several points we were techically together and resigning myself to hacving to accept he most likely slept with other women during one or more of our “off” periods.    It was actually him that corrected me and swears he’s been faithful for the entire 2.5 yrs  off or on .   Personally ,  I found that a stretch and felt like he pushed the belief envelope a little to far with that statement.  Being trust issues are the main issue of or things we are working out .  He’s had a history of cheating before we ever dated that I was aware of and honestly in the beginning I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and the ability to outgrow that reputation possibly per his own statements and intentions and for the first six months of our relationship believed him it was overtime that his old habits seem to come out back out of the closet. And I think it’sWanting to believe he wouldn’t do that to me trying to overlook a lot of this. Because unfortunately in those for six months to a year I feel harder for him than I’ve ever fallen for anybody in my life that kind of love that you see in movies The kind that you almost don’t believe is real and the kind that makes you suddenly understand why people get married and have babies and my love makes you do strange things and even so much is why people stay with people who cheat and what not something I’ve never been able to understand before. Our life is far from perfect but to me it felt in my own personal fairytale I was that happy love so much that it scared me.

my problem now is I think that he has slept with other women but my curiosity is it when it took place was when we were off or on again and I think throughout time just from his past he’s learned and never admit to the infidelity because we all know what happens once that happens I do think he cares about me he wouldn’t still be here cheating to me is something that I just I’m not sure I can recover from and I can’t ignore it I don’t want to share him I can’t be OK with that but I love him so much I need to be sure when I make this decision to part ways with him that the decision I made was based untrue actual facts that made the relationship on salvageable because otherwise if I walk away I will be haunted by this relationship more so than I already will be I’ll be haunted by the wonder of if I was stupidly just being suspicious and ruined something or if he truly was cheating which I think we all know our gut usually tells us I just really need that certainty and I’m not gonna get it from him because he knows he’ll lose me

 

This? Probably should’ve been more labeled between a rock and a hard place

[Cookiesandough]

I’m sorry. I’ve read through this a couple times and still don’t really understand the question?  Maybe you can reiterate for the simple folk?

Edited February 14, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[mark clemson]

If you're really worried he's cheating on you at these times, figure out a way to find out what he's doing at these times. Then you'll know for sure whether he is or not and won't have to worry. Don't do anything illegal, and, if it's tantamount to spying on him (which it probably will be in some way) then think long and hard about whether you want to discuss it with him as HE may be doing some overreacting at the lack of trust.

What you describe is a yellow flag (not red) IMO, but if it's bothering you so much then perhaps it's better to make sure everything's on the up and up so you can relax and let the relationship proceed.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

On 2/13/2020 at 6:28 PM, Worththeeffort778 said:

I’m curious if I can get some opinions of men and women reading this since my boyfriend and I seem to disagree on how others would view this topic but it’s a continued issue when it’s been discussed and discussed and is still yet lingers he seems to think I’m overreacting I’m curious how other people would feel.

Let me start out by saying that he and I do not reside together currently.  But we spend usually at least a few nights a week together and then the weekendoften But we spend usually at least a few nights a week together.  Usually .   Often,  I would say on average once a week sometimes less sometimes more but on average once a week I will get a text from him implying his interest in sex with her

 

I can't understand the questions either.

 

Two paragraphs, and no reference to anyone aside from you or your boyfriend, followed by   "sex with her"   (the readers don't yet know who "her" is)

 

 

Edited February 15, 2020 by SincereOnlineGuy

[Caauug]

On 2/14/2020 at 11:51 AM, Worththeeffort778 said:

my problem now is I think that he has slept with other women but my curiosity is it when it took place was when we were off or on again and I think throughout time just from his past he’s learned and never admit to the infidelity because we all know what happens once that happens I do think he cares about me he wouldn’t still be here cheating to me is something that I just I’m not sure I can recover from and I can’t ignore it I don’t want to share him I can’t be OK with that but I love him

He has a history of cheating, but not with you.

You do not trust him and suspect he has cheated on you.

You love him.

I see no trust as a big red flag. This will just eat you up. No one wants to answer the door knock when the other GF brings her kid around to introduce it to it's father, your BF..... For your own sake move on, no trust will destroy your love anyway. If this is the only relationship you have had the no trust issues, it is him, not you.