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Date night alone part 2 another issue


mortensorchid

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mortensorchid

I am going out on a date night with me, myself and I once again this weekend.  I had been taking my friend with me to see live theater but she moved away a few weeks / months ago.  I went out alone last weekend and I felt good about myself doing it.  I have decided I am going to do this from this point forward for a few reasons : it's much calmer than going to bars / rock clubs (not to mention it's an adult thing to do when that's what kids tend to do and at 45 I am far from a kid), and it's a good way of meeting and networking with people.  Having been on the board of a theater company for 9 years before, I miss being a part of it (long story but I left the company because the new group had come in and they were miserable, obnoxious, entitled, narcissistic snobs and they wouldn't give me a part and now I am too old, but that's another story).  

Here is my dilemma: I have decided to go to another theater in a suburb nearby.  I filled out an application online to volunteer with them and they said they would give me a free ticket if I come in to help on Saturday (ushering, concessions,  etc.).  I said sure.  The only drawback?  Well... In the cast there is a guy who is the brother of the earth shattering rejection I suffered 6 years ago.  I have seen the brother from afar here and there around the same city and at events, I avoid him.  We were Facebook friends once and he unfriended me when he realized who I was but that was years ago.  What should I do about this upcoming date night with me, myself and I?  I want to get involved in theater again like I was.

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Personally... I would just pay for the ticket, and not volunteer at that theater. But... still go to the show.

I agree with you on the bars, and clubs.  I'm 47, and that's not the kind of person I want to attract.  Not to mention... I'm not really a drinker. But one thing to consider... local to me, there are a bunch of local micro-breweries popping up. Many of them will have a food truck show up on Fridays, and Saturdays... and they seem to draw a slightly older crowd.  So... you don't have the party kids... but you don't have the old "Bar" people either. You may want to look at a few of them close to you.  I'm actually thinking about going to the one close to me tonight. (by myself) Like I said... I'm not a big drinker, but I will go get dinner, and have a beer.  And who knows... I may meet someone interesting.  Besides... being Valentine's day... I don't want to directly ask anyone out. (may seem weird)  

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If you want to volunteer there, then do so.  Don't let someone from 6 years ago dictate what you do with your life now.  You can choose to completely ignore him or you can just be cordial but not linger when you do happen to come in contact with each other. Take your power back, don't let the situation continue to have such a hold on you.  

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But is isn't about going to the show it is about meeting a new theatre company crowd.
Volunteering means she is part of the "team".

As for the brother...
A friend of mine got cheated on big time by her live in bf.
Years later she met one of his best friends at an event.
She felt awkward but turns out many of her ex's best friends stopped speaking to him after he showed up with the girl he cheated with.
This guy was one of the guys that stopped speaking to my friend's ex.
She had no idea as she had just walked away wounded and hurt at the time .. 
At the event, they hit it off and now they are married with a child.
My guess he always really liked her...

You assume the brother may be hostile, but not necessarily.

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query... why the theatre?

having moved to eastern sea board... i've lost my movie buddy. lol. my partner isn't really into movies, so... uh..yeah.

yet, i can't just ask a random woman out on a movie outting. too many complications, and you also have to jive with that person in terms of types of movies to watch.

i know, why can't i watch a movie alone. i can, but it's kinda weird / lonely?

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I can say what everyone else says.  Ignore him or if he engages be civil and that's it.  But don't let HIM dictate what YOU want to do with your life!  It might stink to see him, but try not to let him do that to you because of what his brother did to you 6 years ago!

 

But, 45 too old?  No way!

 

I'm am 57 and last summer was in the cast of A Midsummer Night's Dream at the local (but very high quality!) community theater.  I don't think at your age you are beyond being involved.  Whether as a cast member or crew member or whatever. Maybe not on the board if you don't get along with them.  I appreciate what you're saying about how theater people can be "miserable, obnoxious, entitled, narcissistic snobs".  Yeah, that can come with the territory, but do what you want to do. One woman who helps with the set builds is about 70 I think?  Now she can wield a hammer and drill and saw, and maybe that's not your thing, but I'm sure they would like your help wherever.

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mortensorchid
5 hours ago, caveman621 said:

I can say what everyone else says.  Ignore him or if he engages be civil and that's it.  But don't let HIM dictate what YOU want to do with your life!  It might stink to see him, but try not to let him do that to you because of what his brother did to you 6 years ago!

 

But, 45 too old?  No way!

 

I'm am 57 and last summer was in the cast of A Midsummer Night's Dream at the local (but very high quality!) community theater.  I don't think at your age you are beyond being involved.  Whether as a cast member or crew member or whatever. Maybe not on the board if you don't get along with them.  I appreciate what you're saying about how theater people can be "miserable, obnoxious, entitled, narcissistic snobs".  Yeah, that can come with the territory, but do what you want to do. One woman who helps with the set builds is about 70 I think?  Now she can wield a hammer and drill and saw, and maybe that's not your thing, but I'm sure they would like your help wherever.

I have never had a part in a play, no one will give me one.  And I feel that I am too old for a lot of things now.  It doesn't matter that I still look like a woman in my 20s either.  

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11 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

And I feel

Unfortunately, reality is being overridden by your negative thoughts. It's not true, but as long as you choose to believe it, it might as well be.

I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch right now.  I hope you can find your way to happier and more positive thoughts soon.  We can't always control what happens to us or what other people do.  But we absolutely have control over how we react to things and how we see the world.  That's a really powerful thing, our own control, our own choice.  Use it wisely.   

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mortensorchid

I took myself out on a date night by myself and I went to the theater to see the play as I said I would.  I also volunteered there as an usher (passing out programs to the audience members as they came in).  It was a much older crowd, I sat and talked with three older women who were there as volunteers as well, and gave the board vice president my contact information to for potential set building (and also will keep my friend who is a carpenter on call as well if he's interested).  I felt good about myself doing this.  I hope this will be the beginning of a new chapter as I hope to be back in theater stuff and volunteering with the community again. 

And as for the brother who was in the cast?  He never saw me and that was fine by me.  No need to introduce myself and make more trouble. 

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thefooloftheyear

I don't get it....

Knowing that you are struggling, why would you deliberately pick something/anything to do that could possibly trigger you??  I mean its not like its your job or anything, why not just avoid those venues altogether and pick something else to do..?  Its like trying to pet a dog that has already bit you...

While not necessarily the same, I often get asked to attend social events that revolve around what I do for a living...I don't go, because quite frankly, that means I have to spend my entire weekend talking about stuff I do all week...I'm weary of it, so I pick something else with other types of people so I am not worn down any further...

TFY

 

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