jess060191 Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 So the situation with the ex continues.... (I’ve posted on here about him numerous of times) which each post ends with me saying I’m gonna cut him off for good, but 2 years later, here I am.... So for a quick background me and my ex have been on and off for about 2 years. We have been broken up since June but we still talk. The relationship was not a good one to say the least. But for whatever dumb reason I still have hope for us and hope he changes. Recently, he invited me to go away with him on a weekend get away. So I went, and the first day was great. He introduced me as his girl to his friends, kissed and cuddled with me, held my hand in front of his friends. Like we were back together. The next day everything switched, it’s like I went from his girlfriend to one of his boys in a matter of 24 hours. I was really upset and asked him why he was doing this to me. His response was that he does not want a relationship and needs to work on himself. But still has hopes for us and that he didn’t mean to get my hopes up. Since our weekend getaway he has called and texted me everyday. And I’ve also noticed his other ex girlfriend back on his Facebook. When I asked him about it he said he doesn’t know why she added him again but he’s not talking to her because again he doesn’t want a relationship. i know what’s I should do and it’s cut him off. Some of my friends said that maybe if i go ghost he will come around. But I doubt it. I’m so over living like this everyday. He has taken all my joy and confidence it’s awful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 But you must not be tired of living that way because you keep taking him back though nothing changes. What do you mean the next day he was treating you like one of the boys? He doesn't want a relationship or the responsibilities of one because he still wants to see his ex and others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jess060191 Posted February 14, 2020 Author Share Posted February 14, 2020 I am... but I keep on having hope he will come around. He went from holding my hand, kissing me, cuddling with me then the next day none of that happened. He didn’t even kiss me goodbye when I left. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 You will cut him off when you are ready. Until you take action, this cycle will continue. You are the only one who can stop it. 5 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 (edited) There is something you're getting out of this and you need to examine exactly what that is with a therapist. his other ex is back on the scene because he extended the exact same invitation to her that he extended to you to put that hook back in your cheeks and let him reel you in and let the line go slack when you press him for more. You already know he doesn't want what you want--no amount of orbiting him is going to to make that hope turn into actions to your (or her) satisfaction. the reason why he went from cuddly boyfriend to treating you like one of the guys is because one of his friends pulled him aside and said something to him to break the spell. Edited February 14, 2020 by kendahke 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Silver_star Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 Don't ghost and play games. Nothing is going to change him or his feelings towards you other than walking away, not pretending to walk away...actually giving yourself time and space away from him to do your own thing without him, and even then he may never come after you. He knows who has the power in this relationship. All this time has gone by with you accepting whatever he is willing to give you. That's not enough, it's scraps, and it clearly shows him that the relationship is on his terms. He gets what he needs from you when he needs it and can easily go back to being "single" whenever he is not feeling like dealing with real relationship issues/feelings. He can manipulate you easily because you are more invested.The other ex adding him on Facebook is another ego boost for him and he may be talking to her whenever he feels like it because in his mind he is single and you are just the cool ex gf that he is on and off with. He is not ready to be in a relationship with you, and can not give you what you need. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 6 hours ago, jess060191 said: i know what’s I should do and it’s cut him off. Some of my friends said that maybe if i go ghost he will come around. But I doubt it. I’m so over living like this everyday. He has taken all my joy and confidence it’s awful. If you have to ghost someone to make them notice you, then Jess, you're dealing with someone who's just not that into you to begin with. It's been long enough for you to know that this isn't going to end well. You have apparently seen time and again that he'll use you for company and intimacy when it suits him, but when he's had his fill, he discards you. It's time to stop letting yourself be treated this way. He can't take away all your joy and confidence if don't give it to him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 What sane man is going to want to date you when you so hung up on your EX? Get yourself free so you don't pass up any opportunities. You are sabotaging yourself. You could be cuddling right now with Mr. Right watching an enthralling romantic movie while munching on a bag of delicious microwave popcorn. Get with the program! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 9 hours ago, d0nnivain said: You will cut him off when you are ready. Until you take action, this cycle will continue. You are the only one who can stop it. I second this. ^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 18 minutes ago, schlumpy said: What sane man is going to want to date you when you so hung up on your EX? Get yourself free so you don't pass up any opportunities. You are sabotaging yourself. You could be cuddling right now with Mr. Right watching an enthralling romantic movie while munching on a bag of delicious microwave popcorn. Get with the program! And, I second this! ^^ You've allowed your ex-boyfriend to manipulate you for two years and he still won't commit to you. You know that you need to let him go, but you won't. Until you are ready, he will continue to use you for sex and company when it's convenient to him. He doesn't respect you or care about your needs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 This is about him ultimately. Tendencies towards a personality disorder, disorganized attachment, a hot/cold manipulator... something. The on/off plays games with your emotions and makes you want him more. Be aware of that. He may not be doing it intentionally. At any rate, please realize - you just aren't going to fix him. Ever. He needs therapy or similar to change IF he even wants to (from his perspective, why should he want to - he's just how he is, nothing wrong with that). Realize this and walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 18 hours ago, jess060191 said: Recently, he invited me to go away with him on a weekend get away. So I went, and the first day was great. He introduced me as his girl to his friends, kissed and cuddled with me, held my hand in front of his friends. Like we were back together. And I would guess you also treated him as your BF and milked him dry that night? He got what he wanted and you were just one of the boys the next day..... How does it feel to be used? Sorry if that was too graphic... 18 hours ago, jess060191 said: I was really upset and asked him why he was doing this to me. His response was that he does not want a relationship and needs to work on himself. But still has hopes for us and that he didn’t mean to get my hopes up. He doesn't need a relationship with you if you are giving it out without one.... His needs are being filled with very little effort He's all good till the next time. Maybe I am wrong and you did not make love to him.... If he's went to a lot of effort to play your BF and you didn't put out? Why would he waste anymore time on you? Off to the back burner until you improve your attitude.... It's a no win game you are playing!!! He does not want the same as you.... You are playing his game by his rules.... Time to give up and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jess060191 Posted February 15, 2020 Author Share Posted February 15, 2020 Thank you everyone for your replies... especially after last night. I need to be done with him this isn’t even normal behavior from me. We got into a huge fight last night I asked him again if he’s been talking to his ex because I’ve noticed that they’ve been liking each other’s post. And he like legit flipped out of me. Like screaming at me. All because I asked him three times if he’s being talking to her. And he’s like this is why we broke up, you do this to us, you ruined us. He’s like this is a mistake I shouldn’t of tried talking to you again. He hung up the phone on me and he’s like idk if I want to talk to you. Like what did I do wrong ? I didn’t do anything. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 2 hours ago, jess060191 said: Like what did I do wrong ? I didn’t do anything. You keep going back for more, that's what. I know it hurts, but he isn't your boyfriend. He can talk to his ex if he wants, and owes you no explanation. It isn't your business. 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 I agree nothing turns a guy off more than jealousy from someone who is not even his gf. He has placed you in the FWB box but you want to be his gf. It's time to step away from him because his feelings do not match yours. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 (edited) 9 hours ago, jess060191 said: Like what did I do wrong ? This: 9 hours ago, jess060191 said: I asked him again if he’s been talking to his ex All because I asked him three times if he’s being talking to her. He's not your boyfriend, therefore he doesn't owe you an accounting of what he's doing. He is a single guy who is not in a relationship with anyone and therefore, doesn't owe you an answer on who he's talking to. YOU are the one who is not seeing this for what it is---someone who allows herself to be used when he feels like it and THAT'S. IT. That you keep on purposely misinterpreting that truth is on you, not him or his ex. Repeat after me: "I am not his girlfriend and as such am not owed an explanation about anything he does. What I can control is how close in proximity to him I place my person." Edited February 15, 2020 by kendahke 3 Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 (edited) Girl... have a bit of more self respect and love for yourself. You have been going back for more of his s***ty behaviour and hurt. That last phone call was embarrassing to say the least and should be your hint that you really need to stop embarrassing yourself further by pestering him. At this point, you are just throwing yourself at him, treating him like he owes you any commitment, accountability and explanation when he's clearly told you that he doesn't want a relationship and he is not your boyfriend... and you don't even feel like there's anything wrong with what you did. Are you in therapy? If not, you really really should consider talking this out with a therapist and keep an open mind. He/she could help you work through some of those thought processes and perhaps help develop some healthy strategies to navigate this. Edited February 16, 2020 by assertives 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted March 10, 2020 Share Posted March 10, 2020 On 2/16/2020 at 12:04 AM, jess060191 said: Like what did I do wrong ? I didn’t do anything. As Kendahke said, you asked him three times if he's been talking to his ex. You're coming across a little jealous and possessive. When he says he doesn't want a relationship, I would believe it, despite what his actions are. You have a choice with him - keep hoping that he comes back even though everything he's doing and saying suggests he's not interested in you, or you can remove yourself from him, heal and move on. What he does or doesn't do with his ex doesn't matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Supernova11 Posted March 15, 2020 Share Posted March 15, 2020 I would like to add more advice but to be honest all the comments here are spot on and you just need to read them over and over until they sink in. You will never get back together with this guy as a boyfriend who loves you. I know this hurts but its true. Everywhere I go, I seem to recommend Mouth of the Ape youtube channel. He must be getting a lot of views courtesy of me! But seriously, the guy has a lot of wisdom for breakups and relationships as he himself went through a brutal breakup. Check him out. You need to start focussing on yourself now. Cut contact with your ex for good. You need to start looking after yourself and focussing your attention on positive and energising things. Link to post Share on other sites
Supernova11 Posted March 15, 2020 Share Posted March 15, 2020 (edited) Oh and Im not saying its going to be easy to cut him off. Im not saying its easy - Im saying its necessary, its essential. I still have to see an ex at work but we have no contact outside of work. The time you are spending with your ex, needs to be time you spend investing in yourself x Edited March 15, 2020 by Supernova11 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jess060191 Posted March 24, 2020 Author Share Posted March 24, 2020 I know this post is old... But I have finally blocked/deleted him out of my life. I feel like an addict going through withdrawals... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted March 24, 2020 Share Posted March 24, 2020 7 minutes ago, jess060191 said: I know this post is old... But I have finally blocked/deleted him out of my life. I feel like an addict going through withdrawals... Why do you feel like an addict? Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted March 24, 2020 Share Posted March 24, 2020 9 minutes ago, simpycurious said: Why do you feel like an addict? Probably because she was getting something out of it and she had gone to no contact feeling withdraws from her ex. It's the same as any other drug only the drug is her ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted March 24, 2020 Share Posted March 24, 2020 (edited) 28 minutes ago, simpycurious said: Why do you feel like an addict? 16 minutes ago, Realitysux said: Probably because she was getting something out of it and she had gone to no contact feeling withdraws from her ex. It's the same as any other drug only the drug is her ex. I'm sorry but what's the shocked for? I was just curious. It's the second post of mine you have done that to and it just seems a little rude. Edited March 24, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted March 25, 2020 Share Posted March 25, 2020 12 hours ago, Realitysux said: I'm sorry but what's the shocked for? I was just curious. It's the second post of mine you have done that to and it just seems a little rude. Sorry, just the explanation of why the OP referenced being an "addict." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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