Kodahmang Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 A few summers ago, I met girl while walking my dog. I was walking back to my house as she drove out of my community gates, we locked eyes, she looked at my dog, slowed down, peeked her head out of her car window and said "cute dog, could our dogs meet"? I said sure. From there, it was history. We exchange numbers and texted casually for the next 2 1/2 months. During those months, we never went out on dates. The only times we'd run into each other was when I walked my dog in the evenings and she'd see me and stopped to talk to me. There were times when she ghosted me for a week at a time but always end up texting "hi, how are you" after a week or so. I'd answer politely and follow up with asking her out on dates. 9 out of 10 times she had an excuse not to go. Things started to get serious when I asked her to come out camping with me. She thought I was joking but I said, "no really, Im camping at the beach for a few nights, come out with me". She said ok and met with me that same night. This is when we fell in love. For the next 2 years of my life, I spend every waking second thinking/missing/loving this girl. We saw each other almost every night, went out dates 2-3 times a week, went of many camping trips, I'd spend the night at her house, we camped out of my 4runner, every chance we had, we'd spend it together. We were so in love. Fast forward... Our relationship started to slow down, sex slowed down (once every 4-6 months) because her hormones were imbalanced, she was terrified of getting pregnant (a lot of anxiety) and she had suffer from a lot of traumatic incidents growing up (parents divorced, she was molested, had an emotionally and sexually abusive boyfriend, and other traumatic experiences with men in general). I tried to give her my all, but it wasn't enough and she did the same for me. She needed something from me, I couldn't give her and vice versa. We both agreed to break up. We were so devastated, we miss each other so much. It went from hundreds of daily texts, endless minutes of talking, to literally nothing. it went cold. For the next few months, we talked, texted, dated off and on but nothing exciting like how it used to be. I was so sad, upset, confused...We both started to slow down our communication and at times, we didn't communicate for months on in. I never initiate any communication whatsoever. She was always text to say how are you or hi or how've you been. I would never respond immediately but gave it some time before i responded cordially. I miss her so much during these times and hurts so much to hear from her. One day, I was so hurt from still loving her, missing her, and wanting to get back with her, i just told her stop texting me and that we aren't friends. All we have are memories and its over between us. She didn't respond to that. 2 months later after all the holidays, she texted me a long text saying she misses me so much and wish things had worked out and she talks to her mom everyday about me and she cries herself to sleep missing me. I met with her to catch up with no intention to get back with her. I have to admit, it was really nice seeing her, she is so beautiful. All of the memories flooded my heart and it felt like I fell in love all over again. The past few months, she had been dating a guy exclusively (she disclose this during our catch up talk) but she was always comparing me to him. She felt unsatisfied, sad, dull and lonely in this relationship. She broke up with him. I've been so tired of missing her and restraining my emotions trying not to text her and be needy. I want her to live her life, grow, heal, recover and be happy without me. But she always ends up checking in with me from time to time and it really hurts me not being able to be with her. It's Valentines day and I bought her favorite flowers (sunflowers) and left it on her porch with a long heartfelt message saying: "My love, Happy Valentines Day! You are my sunshine, my sweetheart. There has not been a passing day when I stopped thinking about you. You have no idea how much i want to spend the rest of my life with you, how much i want to protect you and to support you, how much i want us to be us again. I live every second missing you, wondering if you ever loved me and if you did, do you still? I wonder if you want me as much as I want you. I am so happy that you're living life and taking care of yourself. I look back at what we had and will cherish our time together, our irresistible love for each other. No one else brings sunshine into my life like you did. YOu made me the happiest man alive, I was so lucky to be apart of your life and to be loved by you. You are strong and wise. You are gorgeous, you have a loving heart and beautiful soul. You are perfect. I love you so so much..." I don't want to ever respond to her texts or calls anymore. That was my final message to her. I love her so much but I have to let her go so that she can be happy. I want to be happy again. Why does she keep coming back and wanting to keep me in her life. Please comment. Thank you all. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 (edited) 32 minutes ago, Kodahmang said: Why does she keep coming back and wanting to keep me in her life. Please comment. because you won't put her on block. If you keep the door open, she's going to keep coming in and out when it suits her. Shut it, lock it and nail it shut behind her. Be done with her so you can move on. Edited February 14, 2020 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
Silver_star Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 Hmm, Sending her those flowers and that note, and then saying I don't know why she wants to come back whenever she feels like it... It's because you are making yourself an option to her. You confessed all your feelings. She knows where you stand on her, but she can still date around and come back to get attention or whatever nostaligic pick me up she needs from you. She probably is not doing this intentionally to hurt you, but she is not thinking of your feelings when she does it. Only her own needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 Never turns out well when you make someone a priority and you are just an option to them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kodahmang Posted February 14, 2020 Author Share Posted February 14, 2020 Thanks for replying all. She texted me after waking waking up to the flowers and reading my note. She asked me how I was doing. She said, she loved the flowers and note. She said she still loves me. I haven't responded nor do I feel like giving her a response. I don't think she does this intentionally to hurt me. If she wanted to get back with me, it would have happened already. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 54 minutes ago, Kodahmang said: Thanks for replying all. She texted me after waking waking up to the flowers and reading my note. She asked me how I was doing. She said, she loved the flowers and note. She said she still loves me. I haven't responded nor do I feel like giving her a response. I don't think she does this intentionally to hurt me. If she wanted to get back with me, it would have happened already. Probably not but you don’t mean much to her. Not all relationships work out. Words are for the most part meaningless. Actions tell you more. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 15, 2020 Share Posted February 15, 2020 You have put your heart out there to her with the sunflowers and the note. Don't take it back and spoil it before finding out how she really feels about you. Seems to me she loves you and you love her... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kodahmang Posted February 15, 2020 Author Share Posted February 15, 2020 14 hours ago, elaine567 said: You have put your heart out there to her with the sunflowers and the note. Don't take it back and spoil it before finding out how she really feels about you. Seems to me she loves you and you love her... I do love her and she's knows it. Thank you commenting, I don't doubt she loves me. Update, after not responding to her yesterday, she called several times, and texted me several times asking if I was ok and that she's worried. I hate to ignore her but I really want her to move forward with her life without me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kodahmang Posted February 16, 2020 Author Share Posted February 16, 2020 update: My ex continues to text me since she received my Valentine's day flowers, she asked if I was doing ok or she's really worried not hearing from me. I finally texted her asking her to respect my one wish and that was to not to contact me anymore. I told her I meant everything on that valentines day note. She asked me what she did wrong. I told her nothing and that I'm moving on. She said ok, I understand and wished me the best and thanked me for everything. I didn't respond to any of that and just left it with her saying those last words. I feel awful for being to short with her. Although we were broken up, she decided to go exclusive with another guy and that hit me really hard when she told me. During those months she's been dating, I've thought about her every single day, missing her. She then comes back into my life when she decided things weren't working out with this new guy. TBH, I feel betrayed and it felt like she cheat on me although we weren't together anymore. More backstory I failed to mention, she's been going to therapy and she told me she talks to her therapist about me and that no one else compares to me. She fears, no one else will be better than me and she will never find the love she once had with me from anyone else. I feel flattered but that doesn't do anything for me as there has been no attempt on her behalf to physically spend time with me. I really want to tell her how I feel but in the end, if a person wants to spend time with you, they'll make time regardless the time of day. I know this for a fact because she and I did this for each other when we were together. On any given day, if we wanted to see each other, we'd make it happen even if it was 11 at night or 5 in the morning or if it was just for 2 mins. but I'll be the better person and just say, please don't contact me anymore as I am moving on with my life. I feel I gave her more opportunities to re-kindle things but I got nothing. Lesson learn...it's so hard to actually letting go and not to have hope anymore. Now, I'm trying to find ways to get her out of my head... Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 (edited) 11 hours ago, Kodahmang said: I told her nothing and that I'm moving on. I hate to ignore her but I really want her to move forward with her life without me. If this was true, you wouldn't have sent her flowers to inflate her hopes. You'd have kept taciturnly and truly moved on. It sounds more to me this was you punishing her and being vindictive. Edited February 17, 2020 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 11 hours ago, Kodahmang said: I feel awful for being to short with her. Although we were broken up, she decided to go exclusive with another guy and that hit me really hard when she told me. I really want to tell her how I feel but in the end, if a person wants to spend time with you, they'll make time regardless the time of day. I know this for a fact because she and I did this for each other when we were together. On any given day, if we wanted to see each other, we'd make it happen even if it was 11 at night or 5 in the morning or if it was just for 2 mins. but I'll be the better person and just say, please don't contact me anymore as I am moving on with my life. I feel I gave her more opportunities to re-kindle things but I got nothing. Lesson learn...it's so hard to actually letting go and not to have hope anymore. Now, I'm trying to find ways to get her out of my head... You’ve been shown what you need to know. At this time you are the only one keeping yourself in this. For what? Block and move on or linger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted February 17, 2020 Share Posted February 17, 2020 (edited) You are the one giving mixed messages here. Who tells their ex how much they love them and want to spend the rest of their life with them, missing them every day, and then turns around and cuts the person off when they respond??? On arguably the most romantic day of the year? That makes NO sense, whatsoever. It's cruel. Edited February 17, 2020 by healing light 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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