Mom knew my ex was cheating but started staying in touch with my cheating ex girlfriend and wants me to give her a second chance ?

[Whyisitme]

Me: 25

Girlfriend: 23

Mom: 51

My mom had a clue for about 6 months that my ex was cheating. My family especially my mother became close to my now cheating ex over the 4 years. We've been broken up for a year after I found out about her cheating for the last 8 months with some younger dude.

I didnt know till a year later that they started contacting each other again. My mom thinks everyone is redeemable and she and my ex have similar personality habits. She admitted to knowing about the cheating after I told her saying that

" I wanted her to tell you if it was true " and "I didn't know for sure" and my favorite was "You're 25 I didn't think I should get involved "

I told her it's annoying that she loaned her money not too long ago and some other stuff. My mom and I have always had a good relationship but it sucks that she likes both of us the same.

 

Any advice ?

[preraph]

Well if you're still living with her get out of the house and live on your own. and you're going to have to stop telling her your personal business or introducing her to people you're not going to marry. Because she's using you to make friends which is pathetic and disrespectful to you. 

[Fletch Lives]

Ouch, that's a tough one. You are done with your ex and trying to move on, but mom likes her and keeps bringing her up. I guess you could talk to mom and ask her to not mention the ex so you can move on. If she does not get it, you might have to stop talking to mom for awhile. Kinda harsh, I know.

[kendahke]

5 hours ago, Whyisitme said:

" I wanted her to tell you if it was true " and "I didn't know for sure" and my favorite was "You're 25 I didn't think I should get involved "

All 3 are valid points.

Quote

I told her it's annoying that she loaned her money not too long ago and some other stuff. My mom and I have always had a good relationship but it sucks that she likes both of us the same. Any advice ?

Understand that all 3 of you are grown and as adults, you are allowed to choose who you want in your lives.

My mother stayed very close to my cheating ex-sister in law, even though both them and my brother are saved.  My ex SIL is capable of wrapping people around her finger and til the day she died, my mother kept her friendship with her---the woman even spoke at mom's funeral, which I thought was a bit much for someone to who effed around on her son and caused her own children to develop emotional issues due to what they witnessed.

Edited February 14, 2020 by kendahke

[schlumpy]

You need to ask your mother what is in her past that is prompting her give your EX a free pass. This is not normal behavior for a parent. I've seen parents where their son has molested his own kids and yet they still have a relationship with him in prison. It's very difficult to deny your own child no matter what they have done, and as far as you related you are victim here. It should have been easy for her to support you.

[preraph]

No, it's not normal for a parent, but I hear things like this more and more with these later generations of parents who want to be friends with their kids and their friends instead of being a parent.  

 

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

On 2/14/2020 at 5:12 PM, Whyisitme said:

I told her it's annoying that she loaned her money not too long ago and some other stuff. My mom and I have always had a good relationship but it sucks that she likes both of us the same.

Say what? How long ago did Mom lend her money, and why?

As we get older, we sometimes realize that Mom doesn't always know best. Parents have experienced more life than their children, yes, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are always wiser. I have seen several parents behave in ways that boggles the mind, with regard to their own children.

Tell Mom you're not going to reunite with your ex, and will not discuss it any further with her. Ask her not to share any news about your ex to you. And if she continues to bring her up, end the conversation. Every time. 

[preraph]

^ Agreed.  Giving birth doesn't make a person wise (or a good parent), nor does getting older, though one would hope having some years on us would teach us something. 

Edited February 15, 2020 by preraph

[Caauug]

OP, I know how you feel. 

My mother did the same, even emailed a photo of her and her family, (husband and 2 kids), close to 10yrs after we split!!! WTF??? And my mother would of gone out of her way to meet up with them, the photo was also staged.... Anyway I went back and visited my mother nearly 20 yrs after I left there (6 months ago) and she still talks about my exwife..... WTF, it has been +25years, get over it!!!

 

On 2/16/2020 at 12:56 AM, preraph said:

I hear things like this more and more with these later generations of parents who want to be friends with their kids and their friends instead of being a parent.  

My mother is 90 years old and holds onto hope when the ex has remarried with now nearly grown kids, she lives in Canada and I live in Australia!!!! Some people just don't get it!!! Her mother lived to over 110, good thing I do not visit often...

[usa1ah]

Just tell your mom that it is never going to happen. That you will never put trust in someone that could do what your ex did. 

[smackie9]

IMO your mother should face the repercussions of how inappropriate this is. It's very selfish and thoughtless....and immature to boot. If it were me I would give her a piece of my mind, and tell her how ignorant she is being. I can't imagine either of my parents staying in touch with any of my exes.....there is something really weird about that. It's so wrong.

Edited February 18, 2020 by smackie9

[schlumpy]

A long time ago my wife had just arrived in the states from Germany and I was introducing her to family members. I introduced her to my mother and during the conversation my mother casually asked me if I had contacted my ex-fiancée. In that one critical moment she destroyed whatever relationship she would have had with my wife. 

[RedOlive]

When I was your age my mother gave me the same advice as yours. I took it and wasted 3 more years of my 20’s. Knowingly continuing a relationship with a cheater was not only the waste of time but also left a scar that echoes well into my 40’s. One of the biggest regrets in my life. 

Btw, my mother has never acknowledged her role in this and still makes light of the whole thing. 

Parents can be quite misguided out of good intentions. 

Edited February 18, 2020 by RedOlive

[preraph]

... or selfish intentions sometimes?

[Whyisitme]

Another thing I've noticed about these later day parents is 

 

1.  Becoming friends with their kid's bullies.

 

2.  Inviting their kid's exes to to events.

 

3.  Sleeping with their kid's friends/enemies.

 

4.  I even heard of a story of a kid who's mom slept with his bully.

 

5.  Staying in touch with people that did their kids dirty.

[crederer]

Youre25. Tell your mother firmly that you dont appreciate the relationship she has with your ex and that you dont want to hear about it anymore. If she doesn't stop then you have to react however you feel most comfortable. 

After one bad break up,I visited my mom a few months later and she had pics of my ex on the walls and mantle. I asked why the f*** are these pictures still up? I dont want to come over here and see this s***. She said "I thought that maybe you guys would get back together..." I left because i was pissed off. The next time I visited the pictures were gone. 

[sandylee1]

Perhaps your mum has cheating tendencies or did on her past.

If my mom didn't tell me my Ex was cheating our relationship would never be the same again. 

She needs to get a life and get her own friends.... not clinging on to your Ex.